Wow, a lot has changed since we last played this game.
Last week I wrote: “…it’s too much fun to hear Jon Gruden say stuff like ‘I just don’t see how that’s a penalty’ and Mike Tirico say, incredulously, ‘I’m not sure what they saw there, Jon.’ I’m actively rooting for officiating disasters at this point.”
Boy, did I get my wish.
Thanks to to ridiculous replacement referee debacle (and not just the final play, the entire game was a comedy of officiating errors), watching Monday Night Football started to look more like move-in night at a Real World house.
This week, the regular refs are back (not that they really helped the Packers much), so we’ll have to get creative to make sure everyone is able to party as hard as the first three weeks.
Week 3 Recap
In the first half Seattle sacked Aaron Rodgers 8 times, or roughly one beer, depending on the size of your gulps. We also had a lot of talk about Seattle’s home field advantage (which turned out to be very, very real) and quite a few touchbacks. John Kuhn also caught some passes.
The second half featured a bunch of Cedric Benson runs longer than 4 yards, several personal fouls, and of course, copious amounts of ref criticism from Gruden and Tirico.
We also got to hear from that retired ref guy that ESPN never shows on screen a bunch of times. Based on how ESPN just pipes the guy’s voice in during broadcasts, you’d think he was horribly disfigured or something. They finally did show him after the game was over, and he looked like a pretty normal old guy to me. ESPN is weird.
Sadly, Clay Matthews didn’t rip anyone’s arms off, and there were precious few long plays for either team that would have qualified. Hey, they can’t all be winners.
The total for the entire game was 85 drinks. For me, that equates to about 11 beers. Not bad at all.
As always, here’s your prep work for Week 4.
To prepare, you’ll need to do the following things:
Find a fun environment to watch the games.
A house with a great TV setup and ample seating for guests is ideal, but a local bar with a fun atmosphere will work too (just remember to have a designated driver).
Secure plenty of beverages of your choice.
I always opt for really trashy beers of the sort you’ll see advertised during the game, but feel free to get creative. Just make sure that you have enough. You don’t want to have to make a drink run during a crucial part of the game.
Stock up on snacks.
You can also have guests bring along snacks to help make a diverse spread. As the drinks flow, you and your guests are sure to need to balance things out with some quality food.
Invite people who want to have fun.
This is the most important part. If you don’t have good company to share the evening with, what fun is a drinking game?
Make the necessary arrangements with work.
If you intend to get really wild on Monday night, it is wise to not let it interfere with your job. For the truly committed NFL partiers, see if you can arrive a little later. You don’t want to be miserable for an entire work day just because some of my absurd drinking game rules came through.
Have plenty of headache medicine, water or Gatorade, and energy drinks available for the morning.
This is standard protocol for hangover defense.
Again, respect your limitations.
It is great to get wild and party hard, but make sure you don’t overdo it. I can’t stress this enough.
[Disclaimer: The suggestions and drinking game in this post are meant to be fun and liven up your football viewing experience. It is extremely important, however, that you drink responsibly. Know your personal limits, don’t drive after drinking, and of course, only imbibe if you are of legal drinking age. Take care of yourselves and enjoy.]
With that out of the way, let’s move on to the Week 4 drinking game rules!
Monday Night Football Drinking Game: Bears vs. Cowboys
Take one drink each time one of the following things happen:
- We gotta work in the ref saga somehow, right? Take a drink every time the reinstatement of the regular officials is mentioned.
- Jay Cutler bitches out one of his teammates.
- Either team commits a turnover.
- Any NFC East quarterback besides Tony Romo is mentioned (h/t Zach Gropper).
- Jerry Jones is shown on screen.
- We hear the voice of Gerry Austin, the old ref guy who ESPN never shows.
- Kristin Cavallari is shown or mentioned (h/t Drew Lange). Take 37 drinks if Heidi Montag is shown, because she is gross and there is no earthly reason she should ever be shown or mentioned on television.
- A kickoff or punt results in a touchback.
- Either team records a sack.
- Jason Witten catches a pass.
- The word “elite” is used in a conversation about either quarterback.
- Any Bears wide receiver besides Brandon Marshall catches a pass.
- A personal foul penalty is called.
- Rob Ryan is shown. There’s a decent chance he will drink along with you.
- An offensive holding penalty is called.
- Dez Bryant’s off-field issues are discussed.
- Devin Hester’s history of return touchdowns is discussed.
- Any offensive play goes for more than 20 yards.
- The trailer for Taken 2 is shown. This is more to celebrate the awesomeness that is Liam Neeson than anything.
- A player does the first down arm point after making a first down.
- Tim Tebow is mentioned despite not playing for either team in this game. Pay close attention to next week’s MNF promos.
It’s going to be tough to match last week’s drink total because of the utter absurdity of last week’s officiating disaster. I think we’ll still get pretty hammered this week, though, so don’t worry.
Postgame Breathalyzer Prediction: .18 (so for goodness sakes use a D.D. or crash on your buddy’s couch.)
Check back next week for the recap of this game and the Texans vs. Jets Week 5 drinking game!