It’s Monday, so you know what that means:
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL DRINKING GAME!
Thanks for joining us again for the most ridiculous game in sports. Let’s take a quick look at last week’s drinking action.
Week 2 Recap
During the first half of last week’s game, I thought I had overdone it a little. We were trending toward an all-time blackout drunken debacle, thanks to Peyton Manning throwing lots of passes to white guys, teams committing turnovers, mentions of Tim Tebow, and Roddy White going off.
Also forcing drinks down throats were criticisms of the NFL’s replacement referees.
Side note: get used to this one, because it’s too much fun to hear Jon Gruden say stuff like “I just don’t see how that’s a penalty” and Mike Tirico say, incredulously, “I’m not sure what they saw there, Jon.” I’m actively rooting for officiating disasters at this point.
There were also a couple John Elway sightings and Eli Manning mentions and, as always, the phrase “National Football League” was bandied about.
Somewhat mercifully, the second half slowed to an agonizing crawl. Upon watching the game a second time while not drinking, our final total for drinks came to 71, which for me translated to just shy of 9 full beers.
That’s not a bad haul over the course of 3-plus hours, even if it was heavily weighted toward the first half. That’s actually ideal for the working drinkers out there, as it allowed for some recuperation after initially getting hammered from all of Peyton’s follies.
As always, here are some tips for preparing for the MNF Drinking Game:
To prepare, you’ll need to do the following things:
Find a fun environment to watch the games.
A house with a great TV setup and ample seating for guests is ideal, but a local bar with a fun atmosphere will work too (just remember to have a designated driver).
Secure plenty of beverages of your choice.
I always opt for really trashy beers of the sort you’ll see advertised during the game, but feel free to get creative. Just make sure that you have enough. You don’t want to have to make a drink run during a crucial part of the game.
Stock up on snacks.
You can also have guests bring along snacks to help make a diverse spread. As the drinks flow, you and your guests are sure to need to balance things out with some quality food.
Invite people who want to have fun.
This is the most important part. If you don’t have good company to share the evening with, what fun is a drinking game?
Make the necessary arrangements with work.
If you intend to get really wild on Monday night, it is wise to not let it interfere with your job. For the truly committed NFL partiers, see if you can arrive a little later. You don’t want to be miserable for an entire work day just because some of my absurd drinking game rules came through.
Have plenty of headache medicine, water or Gatorade, and energy drinks available for the morning.
This is standard protocol for hangover defense.
Again, respect your limitations.
It is great to get wild and party hard, but make sure you don’t overdo it. I can’t stress this enough.
[Disclaimer: The suggestions and drinking game in this post are meant to be fun and liven up your football viewing experience. It is extremely important, however, that you drink responsibly. Know your personal limits, don’t drive after drinking, and of course, only imbibe if you are of legal drinking age. Take care of yourselves and enjoy.]
With that out of the way, let’s move on to the Week 3 drinking game rules!
Monday Night Football Drinking Game: Packers vs. Seahawks
Take one drink each time one of the following things happen:
- The announcers criticize the NFL’s replacement referees
- The NFL is referred to as “The National Football League”
- Seattle’s home crowd/home field advantage is talked about
- Marshawn Lynch’s off-field problems/arrests are talked about
- John Kuhn records a carry or reception
- Either team records a sack
- A Packers receiver drops a pass
- Matt Flynn is shown on screen
- Randall Cobb catches a pass
- Brett Favre is shown or mentioned
- A kickoff or punt results in a touchback
- Clay Matthews removes a Seahawks player’s arm and flogs them with it
- Either team commits a turnover
- Terrell Owens’ name is said during the broadcast
- Cedric Benson gains more than 4 yards on a carry
- Marshawn Lynch’s “Beast Mode” run vs. the Saints is shown
- Any field goal of 40+ yards is made
- ESPN has the weird sounding ex-official guy explain a call without showing weird sounding ex-official guy on camera
- Tony Romo or Jay Cutler are mentioned (pay attention to the MNF promos for next week)
- The Packers gain 20 or more yards on a pass play
- The Seahawks gain more than 10 yards on a running play
- One of Aaron Rodgers’ “Discount Double Check” commercials are run (treat this as optional, as commercials are excruciating to pay attention to)
- A personal foul penalty is called
- Russell Wilson has a pass batted down at the line of scrimmage
I predict this week will yield slightly more drinks than last week, but I think it will be more balanced between the halves. If the referees are awful, however, this thing could escalate quickly.
As always, if the drinking game is lagging, just drink every time Chris Berman does something really annoying during the halftime show. I promise you’ll be wasted by the time the 3rd quarter kicks off.
Postgame Breathalyzer Prediction: .17 (so for goodness sakes use a D.D. or crash on your buddy’s couch.)
Check back next week for the recap of this game and the Bears vs. Cowboys Week 4 drinking game!