As we all know by now, the 2012 Summer Olympics are being held in London currently.
As we also know, the United States and London aren’t exactly in the same time zone – London is six hours ahead if you are in the Central Time zone (as you should be).
Because of the difference in time, NBC has decided to save certain events until primetime hours, thus showing them on a delay. This has caused a lot of problems with people on the Internet calling each other out for “spoiling” the results of Olympic events before they are shown on TV.
This is a special message to all of you who feel it necessary to complain about people ruining the Olympics for you.
I cannot believe this has to be done, but after seven days, it does.
Stay Off The Web
First of all, stay away from anything that has potential of giving you news updates.
I feel like telling people “Avoid the news if you don’t want to learn about something” is like telling teenagers to not send pictures of their junk to each other. It should just be common sense.
If you don’t want your penis spread around the high school, don’t do it. If you don’t want to know something, then don’t do it.
You know how Twilight is a big thing in America, right? I don’t care about any of that.
You think I sit around and complain that all I hear about is Twilight? No.
I avoid anyone and anything that would discuss Twilight and am able to carry on living my life like a normal, healthy-minded human being.
If you want to watch the Olympics in primetime without knowing the results, yet are a person who sits on Twitter and/or Facebook all day, then don’t do it. Don’t sit on Twitter and Facebook all day.
Do you know how easy it is to just not use the Internet for one day? Extremely, ridiculously easy. People literally did it for hundreds of thousands of years.
Will you miss a link to a corgi dressed as Harry Potter? Yes. But that is what Reddit is for. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to accomplish it.
Do Your Damn Job (Or Act Crazy)
Just turn off your damn cell phone and actually do your job all day.
I once had a friend who would call me every time “We Are Young” was playing. Know what I did? I didn’t answer the fucking phone.
Bored at work? Play solitaire or read a book or something. Or get a better job that doesn’t make you bored all day.
But what about the people in the office who will be talking about it? STAY AWAY FROM THEM!
Just don’t talk to anyone. At all.
Tell them you have throat cancer or something and that it is contagious and they need to stay away or the world will end. Just act crazy. They will definitely leave you alone. No one likes talking to the crazy person at work, especially if they are passing around throat cancer.
So let’s say that some sort of magic happened and you made it through work without anyone “spoiling” anything for you. Now what? This too is easy. Don’t listen to the radio.
Dig out that Destiny’s Child album from under your front seat and jam out to that on the way home.
When you get home, continue avoiding the news. Don’t even watch Entertainment Weekly. Trust me, you will survive without knowing that today was Tom Brady or Martha Stewart’s birthday.
Again, and I know this sounds crazy, but read a book for an hour. Finish reading 50 Shades of Grey for all I care. If anything it will make the swimming events even better when you pretend that Ryan Lochte has a pair of handcuffs in the pocket of his warm-up gear.
Blaming others for being excited about America’s triumphs is silly. It’s easy to avoid the internet.
Facebook and Twitter are to be used in whatever way each individual sees fit, whether that’s talking about Olympic results as soon as they happen, talking about what they ate, or gushing over Olympic athletes.
If you want to avoid “spoilers”, then stay away from those websites. Don’t expect everyone on those websites to bend to your will.
Find your inner strength and spend a day off of the Internet.
Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something.