Egregious has always been one of my favorite words. According to Dictionary.com it means “extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant.” The first definition Google provides in search results is “outstandingly bad; shocking.”
I tell you this because when I show you the pictures I’m about to show you, pictures that capture what is – in my completely subjective and biased opinion – without question the worst haircut in the history of mankind, I want you to know exactly what I mean when I describe said haircut as egregious.
And while I’d love to be posting pictures of some famous athlete or coach or other celebrity for us all to point and laugh at, I am deeply saddened by the fact that I am not.
No, unfortunately I am about to show you a picture of myself, now 3+ days after a well-meaning but terribly incompetent woman gave me a haircut that I can only describe as outstandingly bad, shocking, and extraordinary in a bad, glaring, and flagrant way.
So enjoy, as I turn the tables to call out and mock myself before I go hide in shame until I either a) just shave my head and start over or b) my hair grows out enough that I can get it re-cut in some reasonable way.
By the way, this is me actually trying to smile. However, with my hair in plain sight, this pathetic look is all I could muster.
And yes, I came to work today in a cheap fleece and without grooming my nappy facial hair. Why bother? It’s hopeless and pointless so long as that jagged dishrag of hair is sitting atop my head blinding any who dare to look at me.
Here are a few more closeups of the carnage:
It’s beyond pathetic.
I don’t want to publicly call out the individual who cut my hair, or the establishment. I’ve gotten a good haircut there before (which is why I went back) and the new lady who cut my hair this time really was very nice and friendly. Since I live in Dallas, we’ll just call her Fade Willips in honor of her similarities with the Cowboys coach: nice, friendly, jovial, and completely incompetent.
Feel free to share any pictures of haircuts that you think may rival this epic disaster. I fully acknowledge that I do not have an objective view of this, since it is after all mocking me atop my own head right now as I type this.
But you gotta admit, that’s pretty bad, no?
Update: A brutally honest Reddit commenter just left this comment. It made me laugh hysterically (but good lord I hope he’s wrong!)
I’d say it’s virtually a given that you will be bald. Your head also appears to be badly misshaped so you’re actually going to look even worse. My advice would be to cherish this terrible, terrible haircut while you can, as it only gets worse from here. Look at the bright side though, maybe you can get a job with a circus or a travelling carnival, cause seriously man, you look like a sideshow freak.