by Jerod Morris
As Lynyrd Skynyrd once sang, â€œOooh, that smell. Can you smell that smell?â€ I know what I can smell, and for once it isnâ€™t the stench of Grady Sizemoreâ€™s female parts since the Cleveland Indians are so waaaaaay far behind the White Sox in the AL Central Standings.
No, that smell is the first wiff of Fall. And Fall means one thing, and one thing only: Football. I could write an entire post about all of the many images, memories, feelings, and pangs of sublime anticipation that rush through every fiber of my being when this glorious time of year rolls around. However, I might crash the server due to the length of the post.
So instead, I will go a different route and highlight one of the few things about football season that I absolutely abhor. There arenâ€™t many, and most of them are so meaningless that they are essentially infinitesimal. But there is one steaming pile of arrogant and monotone nepotism that hangs over the Fall like an unexpected early morning dingleberry carwash. And unfortunately, it hangs over October baseball as well. You all know who Iâ€™m talking about:
I donâ€™t really want to waste time explaining all of the many reasons why Joe Buck is a tool. We all know them. And everyone has wondered at least once while listening to a Joe Buck broadcast whether he was trying to decide if heâ€™d be having more fun smashing his nuts in a vice or being at the game he was announcing. Joe Buck treats announcing like Joe Sixpack treats his 9-5 warehouse job. Get in, work, get paid, and get out. â€œJoylessâ€ is probably the most apt word to describe Joe Buckâ€™s announcing style.
Donâ€™t believe me? Listen to Joe Buckâ€™s comments on Colin Cowherdâ€™s radio show. These two megalomaniacal chode ticklers deserve eachother. Awful Announcing (a great blog that is getting added to the Blogroll ASAP) has a great take on this as well.
Case in point, his call of David Tyreeâ€™s incredible catch in last yearâ€™s Super Bowl. Courtesy of a quick YouTube search, I have the video here for your auditory displeasure:
I mean seriouslyâ€¦was that someone announcing the Super Bowl or reading a phone book? And Troy Aikman isnâ€™t much better. Maybe itâ€™s just because I grew up on Hawk Harrelson homerun calls and Don Fischer going apeshit every time Indiana scored a touchdown or made a key basket, but I like a little emotion from my announcers. They donâ€™t have to be obvious homers like Hawk and Fisch, but for goodness sakes youâ€™re at a football game! Weâ€™re not reciting Psalms in church here. Give me some emotion!
To provide some perspective, check out another video I found on YouTube when searching for calls of the Patriots-Giants Super Bowl. I donâ€™t know who the hell these guys areâ€¦and obviously it was not a real broadcast. But damn, at least they have some emotion!
Iâ€™m glad I ended this post on a positive, upbeat note. Remembering that I am going to be force-fed a consistent gag-inducing diet of Joe Buck for the rest of this year was starting to make me a little nauseous.
But enough about Joe Buck the massive tool.
Bring on football! And an announcer who actually seems to be enjoying himself a little bitâ€¦
KVBâ€¦where did all of the YouTube videos go of Gus Johnson announcing NFL games???