Baltimore Ravens

The Ravens come into tonight’s game with a record of 10-3, which puts them in second place in the AFC behind the Texans (10-3), who are in first via a tiebreaker. They have the same record as the Steelers, but own first place in the AFC North because they defeated Pittsburgh in both of their meetings this season.

Baltimore is on a four game win streak, and in the last three they have not allowed more than ten points to either of the three teams. Given two of those teams were the Browns and the Colts, but the six points allowed to San Francisco was an impressive accomplishment.

The defense will have to step up to the occasion, as the Chargers have scored a combined 75 points in their last two games. Ray Lewis has practiced all week and is expected to play, after missing the last month due to a toe injury. The team has already won four in a row without him in on the field, so his return will only bolster the already strong Ravens defense.

On offense, the Ravens will have to focus on running the ball. The Chargers have the seventh ranked pass defense, and will certainly give Flacco and the receivers a tough time. It would be foolish not to base the offense off of Ray Rice and the run game, as Flacco seems to make mistakes when he is forced to pass the ball too often. Rice has 1,029 yards on the year with ten touchdowns, so he should be the focal point of the playcalling.

San Diego Chargers

The Chargers have won two straight games, over the Jaguars and the Bills, but it may be a little too late. After starting the season 4-1, the Chargers lost six games in a row, with the largest margin of victory being eleven points. They have had trouble closing out games, which was evident on the infamous Monday Night game on Halloween when Philip Rivers fumbled the snap which would have set up a chip-shot game winning field goal.

For the Chargers to even make the playoffs, they would have to win the rest of their games. This is no easy task, with their last three games being against the Ravens, Lions, and Raiders. On top of that, they would have to catch up to Denver, who is two games ahead of the Chargers with three games remaining. This will also be difficult as the Broncos have the Bills and the Chiefs in their last two games, after the showdown against the Pats’ today.

Ravens-Chargers Prediction

San Diego’s chances are slim, but since they are still alive, they have to play like it. This will be no easy task going up against Baltimore’s third ranked overall defense. They will have to take shots through air, and put trust in Philip Rivers, who has not thrown an interception in his last three games.

For the Chargers to even have a shot, they will have to take care of the ball. The Ravens have slipped up in games against Jacksonville and Seattle this year, but they will not let that happen again this late in the season.

Prediction: Baltimore 24 | San Diego 21

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Baltimore Ravens at San Diego Chargers

• Ravens-Chargers Date: Sunday, December 18th at 8:20 PM on NBC
• Ravens-Chargers Announcers: Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth
• Ravens-Chargers Point Spread: Ravens -1.5
• Ravens-Chargers Over-Under Odds: 44

I could start with raw wins and losses, and the lack of championships in regards to the Chargers, Padres, and the two NBA tenants that briefly inhabited the 6-1-9.

But even in the rare seasons in which a San Diego team accomplishes something, dark clouds always seem to obscure the triumph.

From the 1984 National League Champion Padres came Alan Wiggins, who battled drugs and later died of AIDS; pitcher Eric Show, who battled personal issues and died from drug abuse following his playing career; and fellow pitcher Dave Dravecky, who lost his pitching arm to cancer.

The 1998 NL Champs were led by Ken Caminiti, who had his demons with PED’s and other drugs. I remember watching him try to play third base towards the end of his career in 2000. The edginess, the fidgeting, he looked like a mess, like someone who just downed 20 cups of coffee. Seeing it up close, I knew something was wrong with the man. Caminiti died in 2004, five days after doing a four-week jail stint for violating his probation.

And then there was the 1994 San Diego Chargers, the only team in the history of the franchise to advance to the Super Bowl, where they lost 49-26 to the San Francisco 49ers.

This week, linebacker Lew Bush succumbed to a heart attack at age 42, becoming the seventh player from that team’s roster to pass of varied causes. Bush was still active in the Chargers organization, serving as a pre-game commentator on the team’s radio broadcasts.

Bush was preceded in dying prematurely by the following:

• Linebacker David Griggs died in a Florida car crash in 1995, less than five months after Super Bowl 29.
• Running back Rodney Culver and his wife were among the casualties in the 1996 ValuJet crash that plunged into the Everglades. The couple left behind two children and 110 in all died on the doomed flight.
• In a sad/twisted irony, linebacker Doug Miller died at 28 after being struck by lightning twice during a Colorado camping trip in 1998.
• Offensive lineman Curtis Whitney died a day after his 39^th birthday from a drug overdose.
• Defensive lineman Chris Mims died at age 39 in 2008 due to an enlarged heart.
• Defensive end Shawn Lee passed away earlier this year at age 44 due to heart problems/diabetes.

It is not breaking news that the life of being a professional football player often leads to health issues in later years. But still, this kind of death toll out of one team from just 17 years ago remains staggering. As then-coach Bobby Ross said from his home in Virginia, ‘It just seems like the list grows every year…’

Even if counting the practice squad and those who were on IR, that is still seven players out of a group of approximately 60-65, or about 11%, all before the age of 45. By comparison, 54 different quarterbacks have started in the Super Bowl, a list that includes the likes of Bart Starr/Joe Namath/Len Dawson, etc. who are getting pretty far up in years. Of that list, 51 of the QB’s are alive today (Unitas, Steve McNair, David Woodley the exceptions).

And this isn’t without even mentioning the most shocking tragedy to occur to a member of the 1994 organization.

That year, the team’s quarterback coach was a man named Dwain Painter. He was divorced from his wife who lived in the Pittsburgh area. In the hours following the Chargers upset win in Three Rivers Stadium to win the AFC Championship, Mrs. Painter started her car in the garage and died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

It gets worse.

The week after the Super Bowl, Dwain Painter’s 23-year old son and 32-year old daughter were to scatter their mother’s ashes from the top of a rocky ledge off the Northern California coast, because the family often visited the area. As the two were to scatter the ashes in the sundown ceremony, a freak 25-foot wave sent both to the rocks and water below. The son managed to survive the incident and was rescued, the daughter not as fortunate, the Coast Guard found her body a day later.

At some point, karma needs to cut the remaining members of that team and coaching staff some slack. No group of people deserves this amount of tragedy.

1. Kansas City took down the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field with an unbelievably high scoring game of 10-3.
2. The Colts scored 24 points against the Patriots!! Of course, they still lost.
3. The Dallas Cowboys lost in overtime to the Arizona Cardinals because of a “field goal/timeout/missed field goal” mishap.
4. The Giants played their hearts out against the undefeated Green Bay Packers. Who would have thought that game was going to be such a nail biter? Certainly not me or I wouldn’t have made such a foolish bet.

Anyways…Let’s take a look at your Monday Night entertainment!

Last week the Jacksonville Jaguars (3-8) decided to shake things up. Not only did they fire head coach Jack Del Rio, but owner Wayne Weaver announced the agreement to sell the team to businessman Shahid Khan.

Not to be left out, the San Diego Chargers (4-7) have not denied rumors of Norv Turner getting sacked at the end of the season.

Each team has had their struggles, but let’s find out who is most likely to fight through them!

The Chargers

The struggling Chargers have had their longest losing streak since the end of 2002 and beginning of 2003 seasons. San Diego sits at the bottom of the AFC West and are three games behind division rivals Denver Broncos and Oakland Raiders.

Philip Rivers just isn’t the Philip Rivers we expected to see. His inconsistency and developing inaccuracy have hurt the Chargers at crucial moments in games. Rivers has 17 interceptions after throwing only 13 last season.

Despite Rivers’ inefficiency, the team is ranked 6th in the league for total number of yards on offense (386), and wide receiver Malcom Floyd (out with a hip injury since October 31st) returns to the field, which should benefit the Chargers’ offensive game.

The Chargers’ defense has not contributed a lot the past six games. They only have 19 sacks this season, which is tied with the Colts and Buccaneers for second worst in the NFL. They have also allowed 131.9 rushing yards per game, ranking them 26th in league. The key to locking down the Jaguars unstable offense will be shutting down running back Maurice Jones-Drew, who has been responsible for the minimal amount of success Jacksonville has had.

The Jaguars

The Jaguars have had a lot happen in a short week, and refocusing their attention is going to be difficult.

After Del Rio was let go, the Jaguars named Mel Tucker interim coach. Tucker wasted no time taking over and fired receivers coach Johnny Cox, reassigned quarterbacks coach Mike Sheppard, and waived starting receiver Jason Hill. Jacksonville has also put three more players on injured reserve, giving them a league-high of 20 guys out for the season.

That’s a big dose of change for one week.

Jacksonville’s offense is ranked 31st for points scored per game (12.5) and gain a league low 250 total yards per game. Quarterback Blaine Gabbert has struggled to lead this offense. Gabbert has a completion percentage of 48.5, and while he has half the number of interceptions Rivers does, he also only has 6 touchdowns to brag about. In Gabbert’s defense, he has one player he can rely on, Maurice Jones-Drew, who has rushed for 1040 yards and scored 5 touchdowns.

The Jaguars defense has held their own despite the disappointing season. They are ranked 4th in the league for overall defense, only allowing 292.5 yards per game and a total of 23 sacks this season. Outside linebacker Daryl Smith has had 80 combined tackles and 2.5 sacks to assist the team.

However, the defense has gone through a lot of players. Backup cornerback Will Middleton will join fellow teammates Rashean Mathis and Derek Cox on IR. Jacksonville signed cornerback David Jones to help fill in the gap. Defensive end Math Roth is out with a concussion and Aaron Kampman is suffering from a hamstring injury. All in all, this Jaguars defense sounds a little black and blue.

My Chargers-Jaguars Prediction

When I started this post, I literally had no idea who I would pick to win. I kinda was thinking they’d both find a way to lose…were that possible.

I’d say it’s about time for the Chargers to step out of their funk, but I don’t think that’s going to happen for three reasons:

1. Rivers is consistently throwing interceptions, and that’s it.
2. Someone pressed the reboot button for the Jacksonville Jaguars. There is a new feeling amongst the team that will jolt them into action.
3. Someone pressed the chaos button for the San Diego Chargers. Jump starting rumors of the future of the team in the middle of the regular season doesn’t seem like the best idea for “team” focus.

Final Score prediction:

Jacksonville Jaguars: 20  | San Diego Chargers: 17

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San Diego Chargers at Jacksonville Jaguars

• Chargers-Jaguars Date: Monday December 5th
• Chargers-Jaguars Kickoff Time: 8:30 pm
• Chargers-Jaguars TV Network: ESPN
• Chargers-Jaguars Announcers: Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, and Ron Jaworski
• Chargers-Jaguars Point Spread: Chargers -3
• Chargers-Jaguars Over-Under: 39.5

Anyway, there isn’t much to say about Luck for this week in looking back; but we can look forward.

This Saturday, December 10th, the Heisman Trophy will be awarded. Later today, the finalists will be announced, and everyone rightly assumes that Luck will one of them. Other names likely to be included are Robert Griffin III, Trent Richardson, and hopefully Montee Ball of Wisconsin.

We will have a complete preview of this year’s Heisman later in the week, but I’ll say right now that I don’t think Luck will win.

He won’t win, in part, because there were so many other outstanding individual players – namely the aforementioned three – in college football this year.

Luck also won’t win because his play and overall numbers fell short of the outrageous expectations that were placed upon him before the season and throughout, especially as the concept of “Suck For Luck” was discussed and written about by idiot bloggers in their mothers’ basements.

And Luck also will not win because in his biggest game, against Oregon, he wasn’t transcendent; he was merely good, but he he needed to be great.

Still, Luck had an incredible season, and I look forward to seeing he and Stanford take on Oklahoma State in the Fiesta Bowl. It will be an up and down the field kind of game, and it should be a great final college showcase for Luck before the Indianapolis Colts make him the #1 pick in the 2012 NFL Draft.

With that in mind, let’s quickly count down the suckiest of the sucky in this week’s Suck For Luck Power Rankings.

NFL Suck For Luck Power Rankings: Week 14

1. St. Louis Rams (2-Suck)

That’s right, for this week the Rams are taking over the top spot. I’m sick of piling on the Colts, and you know what? Indy did beat the spread last week, so at least they won something. St. Louis, on the other hand, well, they couldn’t beat an egg with a bowl, a fork, and a counter. They are awful. (As was that egg thing…so it fits.)

Remember when the Rams beat New Orleans? How the hell did that happen?

St. Louis didn’t advance past the 49ers’ 45-yard line all day. Not once. Consequently, they scored zero points. They have also made me look like an absolute fool because I have continued ranking them better than their record dictated, thinking they’d turn it around in the second half of the season. Nope. They just keep sucking.

Maybe it’s karma for the Cardinals coming out of nowhere to win the World Series. Seriously. I wonder if some St. Louis sports fan (this guy perhaps?) made a deal with the devil late in August exchanging any semblance of competitiveness from the Rams for the Cardinals to make the unlikeliest of unlikely World Series runs.

Well, do you have a better explanation?

Oh, well maybe you do.

Or perhaps the explanation is that Rams’ supposed franchise QB (seen below sporting his Von Miller starter kit) hasn’t really developed yet into a franchise QB.

Nah. I’m not ready to give up on Bradford yet (though he should give up on those glasses.)

2. Indianapolis Colts (1-11)

Yes, yes, I know the Colts are officially 0-12, but I am giving them a mercy victory. They were 20-point underdogs to the Patriots and only by lost seven points after a 21-point 4th quarter closed the Patriots’ lead to 31-24.

Occasions when nice things can be said about the Colts have been rare this year, so I’m taking this one.

Now, here is a picture of Jim Caldwell receiving electroshock therapy.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-8)

This team is in utter collapse mode, and I don’t see any way Raheem Morris gets another year. It will be interesting to see how they bounce back next year. There is talent on the roster, but are there enough leaders to form it into a cohesive team?

Maybe Joe Maddon wants to coach football?

4. Minnesota Vikings (2-10)

There is no great shame in losing to Tim Tebow and the Broncos, but you are what your record says you are, and 2-10 is 2-10. Plus, that defense is utterly atrocious. When did the Vikings just completely forget how to cover in the secondary?

Also, here is an important question to consider after Tim Tebow faced off against Christian Ponder:

Image source: Reddit

5. Chargers/Jaguars Loser

6. Chargers/Jaguars Winner

Real barn-burner you’ve got tonight ESPN!

7. Philadelphia Eagles (4-8)

Do you realize the NFC West may just be better than the NFC East this year?

The 49ers are clearly the best of the 8 teams, while the Rams are the worst. But the Cowboys have now been beaten by Arizona and Seattle took care of the Giants. Perhaps the NFC East is still slightly better, but it’s close. And who would have thought that coming into the season?

8. Cleveland Browns (4-8)

They should probably be higher, because they are really, really, really, ridiculously bad – maybe the worst 4-win team in NFL history – but many of my friends are Browns fans. So consider this a mercy ranking.

9. Carolina Panthers (4-8)

They have certainly looked better the last two weeks, but they’ve also played Indy and Tampa Bay, so let’s not get too carried away.

Also, if you missed it, make sure you watch this.

10. Buffalo Bills (5-7)

Another week, another loss for the franchise that will probably go down as the worst team to ever start a season 5-2. Remember that?

Others receiving votes: Washington, Kansas City, Oakland, and Dallas – the last two because, well, those were a couple of awful losses last week.

I’ll give Miami, Seattle, and Arizona a reprieve this week after all scored nice victories in Week 13.

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Please submit your gripes below. They are always welcome.

Unfortunately, at this point in the season there aren’t too many gems left out on the waiver wire with the exception of those who gain value because of injury.

Still, there are a handful of players out there who just might put you over the top based on their recent play, favorable matchups, or both.

As always, players listed here are owned in fewer than 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues.

Fantasy Football Week 13 Waiver Wire Pickups: QB

Matt Moore (13%), Miami

Moore has four touchdowns and no interceptions in the last two weeks and has tossed seven TDs over the last month for the resurgent Dolphins.

The biggest reason to like Moore is this week’s matchup with Oakland, who has allowed at least two touchdown passes in each of the past four games and nine of the last ten. If your starter is banged up, he is definitely a strong play based solely on the matchup.

Rex Grossman (9%), Washington

With five total TDs and 606 passing yards over the last two weeks, Grossman is again putting up solid fantasy numbers. I’m not quite crazy enough to recommend starting him against the Jets next week, but matchups with the Patriots in Week 14 and the Vikings in Week 16 give him high upside as a backup and potential spot starter.

Fantasy Football Week 13 Waiver Wire Pickups: RB

Roy Helu (45%), Washington

After running for 108 yards and a TD to go with seven receptions for 54 yards, even Mike Shanahan couldn’t dream up a reason not to use Helu as his workhorse going forward, right?

Obviously there is inherent risk in trusting Shanahan to do the rational thing, but Helu is absolutely worth adding to your roster if he’s available. He’s particularly solid in PPR leagues, and he’ll need to stay involved in the passing game with the Jets’ stout run defense up next on the schedule. Outside of that, his remaining matchups are better than average.

Maurice Morris (36%), Detroit

Depending on which reports you believe, Kevin Smith will either be back next week or will never walk again.  However, the Lions finally placed Jahvid Best on IR, so those holding out hope for a return can finally move on.

If Smith misses any time, Morris is a decent PPR league option and has solid upcoming matchups against the Saints, Vikings, Raiders, and Chargers, all of whom are among the bottom half of the league in points against fantasy running backs.

Toby Gerhart (33%), Minnesota

A short TD run against the tough Atlanta run defense salvaged an otherwise ugly fantasy day for Gerhart.  Adrian Peterson’s status for Week 13 is unclear, and the Vikings face a Denver defense that just got shredded by Ryan Mathews (again), making Gerhart worthy of a roster spot while you wait out AP’s availability.

Marion Barber (24%), Chicago

In standard scoring leagues, Barber has scored at least six fantasy points in five of the last six weeks. While that won’t blow you away, it’s also probably more consistent than other guys you have on your bench. And based on what Caleb Hanie showed on Sunday, the Bears would be well served to rely on the running game against Kansas City and Denver the next two weeks, both of which are decent matchups for the Barbarian.

Donald Brown (12%), Indianapolis

Even with Joseph Addai back in the lineup, Brown was the most productive Indy running back with 97 total yards and a score. Expect him to continue to get the bulk of the touches for the Colts, which makes him a potential flex play against the Patriots next week and the Titans in Week 15.

Fantasy Football Week 13 Waiver Wire Pickups: WR

Johnny Knox (30%), Chicago

While Caleb Hanie was rather erratic in his first game replacing the immortal Jay Cutler, it’s worth noting that he targeted Knox 10 times, which resulted in four receptions, 145 yards, and a TD.  The big-play ability is there, but even with some decent matchups left on the schedule, I want to see Knox do it again before I consider starting him. Still, there’s upside here.

Damian Williams (23%), Tennessee

With the exception of 107 yards in Week 10 against Carolina, Williams hasn’t posted gaudy yardage totals, but he does have three scores in the past four weeks and has established himself at Matt Hasselbeck’s favorite red zone target.

The Titans face a Buffalo secondary that made Mark Sanchez look like a viable NFL quarterback next week, and they also play the Colts in Week 15, both of which make Williams worth a roster spot.  Ok, maybe viable is too strong a word for Sanchez, but the Bills did let him throw for four TDs.

Greg Little (16%), Cleveland

If your leagues are like mine, Little has been picked up and subsequently dropped by about half of the teams.  On Sunday, he caught his first NFL touchdown against the Bengals and posted at least five receptions and 50 yards for the third straight week.  Little did have a few ugly drops, but he continues to get consistent targets.

With the exception of a Week 15 game against Arizona, the matchups aren’t exactly inviting (two games each against Baltimore and Pittsburgh), but Little is still worth a look in PPR leagues.

Jason Avant (9%), Philadelphia

With Jeremy Maclin banged up, DeSean Jackson getting benched late in Sunday’s game, and Philly’s season pretty much over, Avant caught eight passes for 110 yards and a TD.  Some of that production came in garbage time, but someone has to catch passes for the Eagles, and on Sunday, the sure-handed Avant did just that.

His value is highest in PPR leagues, and while I find it hard to envision a scenario where you’d start him this week, his performance and the potential for future production are worth noting.

Fantasy Football Week 13 Waiver Wire Pickups: TE

Jermaine Gresham (38%), Cincinnati

Gresham had one of his better games of the season with five catches, 68 yards, and a TD against the Browns.  Had it not been for a questionable call against the Ravens last week, he would have TDs in three straight games heading into next week’s matchup with Pittsburgh, against whom he caught a TD in Week 10.

Gresham is a tremendous talent who is starting to develop a strong rapport with rookie QB Andy Dalton. He’s a high-end TE2 at worst from here on out.

Brent Celek (36%), Philadelphia

Over the last six games, Celek is averaging 5.5 receptions and 64 yards with two touchdowns, so maybe there is something salvageable from Philly’s season after all.  The team’s next two opponents, Seattle and Miami, have both struggled to cover opposing tight ends, and a Week 16 matchup against Dallas is favorable as well.

Marcedes Lewis (17%), Jacksonville

This one is obviously a tough sell for anyone who watched Lewis drop one of easiest touchdown grabs he’ll ever have, but he does have 11 catches for 111 yards in the last two games.  He also has favorable matchups against Tampa Bay in Week 14 and Tennessee in Week 16, so file that away if you are thin at tight end.

Streaming Defense(s) of the Week

Denver (13%) at Minnesota

The Broncos have held their last three opponents to 13 points or less, and the Vikings are averaging just 14 points over the same span.  I like some of what Christian Ponder has shown, but that offense simply isn’t scary without Adrian Peterson (at least not scary in a good way).  Add to that the fact that Denver’s offense minimizes possessions for the opponent, and the Broncos are an interesting sleeper defense.

San Diego (37%) at Jacksonville

Perhaps ESPN is paying me under the table to get people interested in this God awful Monday night game, but the Jags have scored more than 14 points twice in their last 10 games and have yet to score more than 20 points this season.  The Chargers have been anything but impressive this year, so proceed with caution.  But even the level of apathy/ineptitude they’ve shown may not be enough to allow Jacksonville to do anything on offense.

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Have any questions or feedback?  Leave them in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter (@andybottoms).

But today, the phrase “suck for Luck” has nothing to do with a certain NFL team losing game after game and positioning themselves for the #1 pick. Rather, it has to do with the Nike Pro Combat unis that Stanford wore Saturday night.

Which sucked.

Photo credit: AP Photo/Paul Sakuma via ESPN.com

I’ve seen some bad version of the Nike Pro Combat unis (Georgia’s immediately come to mind), but these may the worst. Black helmets? Black numbers? For Stanford? I suppose the jersey itself isn’t bad, but nothing about it says Stanford. And, um, isn’t that what jerseys are supposed to do?

I have a solution.

We need to get this guy on the case:

Seriously, can you imagine the indignation if this bro had seen that Stanford-Notre Dame game? He’d have downed the entire bottle of 1800 by halftime because of those uniforms.

Whatever happened to men, Michael Imperibroli? Nike. And it’s Pro Combat Uniforms. That’s what.

Now drink up while I break down the NFL’s top/bottom 10 in the race to draft Matt Barkley or Robert Griffin (if they go pro) since the race to draft Luck is pretty much done.

NFL Suck For Luck Power Rankings: Week 13

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1. Indianapolis Colts (0-11)

Breaking news: the Colts lost again.

Here is their remaining schedule. You tell me where a win might come from: at New England, at Baltimore, vs Tennessee, vs Houston, at Jacksonville.

• They sure as hell aren’t beating New England or Baltimore. In fact, they might lose by a combined 100 points.
• I suppose they could beat Tennessee, but the Titans should still be alive in AFC South race then.
• Houston at home is a possibility depending on their QB situation, and if they have the AFC South clinched, but I think the Texans could win just direct snapping it to Arian Foster.
• Week 17 at Jacksonville is a possibility because any team quarterbacked by Blaine Gabbert could lose to any team quarterbacked by anyone else – even you, dear reader.

So, with nothing else really to say about this sorry sack of a Manning-less team, here is a picture of Curtis Painter doing one of the few things he does better than Peyton Manning: carrying laundry.

Photo credit: USA Today

2. St. Louis Rams (2-9)

That’s it. I’m done with the Rams. And they still have to play San Francisco twice! If you own Steven Jackson in fantasy, trade him. Trade him now.

3. San Diego Chargers (4-7)

A bunch of the other craptastic teams won this weekend, so we’ll bump the sorry Chargers all the way up to #3. When you start out 4-1 then lose six straight games, each in excruciating fashion, you get rewards like this.

It’s safe to say that the Norv Turner Era will soon be ending in San Diego, and all 16 of their die-hard fans must be thrilled with that news.

In honor of the Chargers’ rapid ascent up these Suck For Luck Power Rankings, here is the most disturbing image of Philip Rivers on the first page of a Google Image search for his name:

Image source: Pyromaniac

Ah, what the hell. Here’s another one:

Image source: Pyromaniac

My apologies in advance for any nightmares you have tonight.

4. Carolina Panthers (3-8)

Let’s not carried away with excitement here. You beat Indianapolis, and you allowed them to score 19 points. And congrats on running all over them, but everyone does that.

5. Cleveland Browns (4-7)

The Browns jumped out to an early lead over the Bengals, only to give it away to the clear #1 football team in the state of Ohio (since Ohio State is down this year).

But hey, at least Peyton Hillis was back! Maybe now he can start to recapture the magic of 2010. Assuming, of course, that he doesn’t get anymore sore throats or have any more shotgun weddings.

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-7)

The Bucs have now lost five in a row, and they actually make the Colts looks suffocating against the run. Chris Johnson hasn’t been able to juke a brown paper sack this year, yet he racked up 190 yards against the Bucs on Sunday.

The only question for this team now, with the playoffs clearly out of the question, is does Raheem Morris make it to next year? If the Bucs want to have any hope of not squandering the talent they’ve accumulated, I say the answer is no. We’ll see.

7. Philadelphia Eagles (4-7)

Yes, I think the Vikings and Dolphins, among others, would beat the Eagles right now. That is how bad this team is playing. Their coaches are yelling at eachother on the sidelines, Desean Jackson isn’t blatantly short-arming catch attempts, and good players are getting injured one right after another.

Side note: when Andy Reid gets his walking papers at the end of the year, and it’s becoming likely that he will, some team looking for a head coach (hello Dolphins!) better snatch him up quickly. I’ll agree that perhaps it’s time for a parting of the ways in Philly. Sometimes that happens, even to good coaches. Sometimes change is needed. But it doesn’t mean Reid is no longer a good, perhaps even great, NFL coach. I don’t think he’d stay unemployed for long.

Now, apropos of absolutely nothing, here is a video of a hippo releasing a little pressure after a second helping of Thanksgiving dinner.

8. Minnesota Vikings (2-9)

Yes, the Vikings have now replaced the Rams as the team I irrationally support despite their record. But seriously, the Vikings have played decent football in hanging tough at Atlanta without Adrian Peterson and almost coming back to beat Oakland. Can you honestly tell me you don’t think Minnesota could beat the seven teams above them on this list?

9. Seattle Seahawks (4-7)

You lose at home to Rex Grossman and the Redskins, you make this list. It’s as simple as that.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-8)

Frankly, I kind of forgot about the Jaguars. Had I remembered them, I probably would have placed them in the 4-6 range because Blaine Gabbert sucks so much. But out of deference to the great Maurice Jones-Drew, who continues to play hard and churn out tons of yards in losing efforts, I’m going to keep the Jags here.

Seriously though, watch Gabbert in the pocket anytime anyone gets near him. He freezes up and braces for contact instead of standing in there like a man and delivering a throw (which I obviously would do if I were a professional football player). I wonder what Michael Imperioli would have to say about that after a few shots of 1800 tequila.

Honorable mention: Kansas City Chiefs (4-7), Washington Redskins (4-7), Arizona Cardinals (4-7), Buffalo Bills (5-6).

Honestly, all four of those teams deserved mention. There is a pretty clear line between the top 18 teams in the NFL and the bottom 14. So congrats to everyone who made this list! You officially suck.

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Combine Stanford’s loss to Oregon two weekend ago with Luck’s pedestrian numbers against Cal on Saturday (20-30, 257 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT in a 31-28 win), and then mix in superlative performances by Baylor’s Robert Griffin III and USC’s Matt Barkley this past Saturday, and Luck doesn’t seem luck such a clear-cut #1 prospect any more, now does he?

Don’t get me wrong, Luck’s still the guy. If the NFL draft were held today, the Indianapolis Colts would snatch Luck up quicker than you can say “Peyton” and then deal with the ramifications later. Plus, we don’t even know if RG3 or Barkley are going to turn pro after this year.

Griffin surely won’t get the respect his performances and athletic ability deserve once NFL scouts start picking apart the simplicity of the offense he operates in, so he is unlikely to be a surefire top 10 pick. That, plus a desire to to win the Heisman (if he doesn’t this year) and take Baylor to even greater heights may compel him to stay in school.

As for Barkley, he has persevered through so much at USC while the school serves its punishment for crimes that happened before he got there. The Trojans have loads of talent and will be bowl eligible again next year. It seems reasonable to think he may want to stay for his senior year and finish what he started, though he’ll likely be projected as a higher pick than Griffin, making such a decision that much harder.

(Side note: remember when Landry Jones was discussed in the same sentence with these three guys? About that…)

Back to Luck.

Even with Griffin and Barkley seemingly closing the gap this weekend, Luck is still the guy I’d want my team taking if they had the chance. It’s become clear as the season has gone along that Luck simply doesn’t have great weapons to work with on offense, and that is depressing his still great numbers. For the season, Luck is still completing over 70% of his passes and has thrown 31 TDs against only 8 INTs.

So though some fans may be tempted to implore their teams to “stiffen for Griffin” or “keep missing the mark(ley) to get Barkley” (wow, that one sucks), Colts fans should still be hopeful that their team will maintain its “suck for Luck” trajectory. He still has franchise QB written all over him.

And now onto this week’s Suck for Luck Power Rankings, where not being #1 no longer looks quite so awful.

NFL Suck For Luck Power Rankings: Week 12

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1. Indianapolis Colts (0-10)

This is the first Monday that the Colts haven’t had to lament a loss all season. Score!

In celebration of the Colts not losing, here is a picture of Colts Jim Irsay and his smiling daughter Casey.

Image credit: Charlie Nye via The Indianapolis Star

2. St. Louis Rams (2-8)

That’s it. I’m done with the Rams.

I’ve supported this team all year, always ranking them lower in these rankings than their record or performance suggested. Why? I don’t know why. I guess because I foolishly keeping believing that Sam Bradford and Josh McDaniels will get this crappy offense going.

Well, when you get trounced at home by Tarvaris Jackson, Pete Carrol, and the Seahawks, you lose my support.

Sam Bradford “can’t believe how bad this season has been“? Join the club.

3. Carolina Panthers (2-8)

Here is another team that I’ve lost faith in. The Panthers were really playing well despite their 2-6 record before their bye came. Since then, they’ve gotten trounced by the Titans, and yesterday they gave up 49 points to Detroit in the process of blowing a big early lead.

Cam Newton is outstanding, and he continues to make the Panthers’ offense fun to watch, but you have to stop someone every now and again to win games. Considering new head coach Ron Rivera is a defensive-minded guy, hopefully he can get their defensive woes turned around. Maybe a high draft pick will help?

4. Washington Redskins (3-7)

The Redskins actually turned in an inspired performance yesterday in taking the Cowboys to overtime. They even had a chance to win, but Graham Gano’s field goal sailed wide and the Redskins once again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

The Redskins’ loss also included this bizarre play call from one of Mike Shanahan’s henchman…which really is a perfect visual representation for what Redskins football has become: inexplicable.

 GIF source: Imgur via Reddit

5. Arizona Cardinals (3-7)

I am ranking Arizona below the Rams, Panthers, and Redskins out of respect for Larry Fitzgerald, because he continues to be amazing. But my goodness is their QB situation awful. I know the 49ers have the best defense in the NFL, but that performance yesterday by John Skelton made Derek Anderson look like a Pro Bowler (again…remember when that happened?).

It’s not good when you’re longing for Kevin Kolb to be under center, but that’s what it has come to for Arizona.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-7)

Congratulations, you lost to the Cleveland Browns. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

On the bright side, Blaine Gabbert threw for more than 100 yards! He actually tossed for 210 yards. But once again he did not throw a TD, and his yards per attempt was an anemic 5.1.

Is there anyone who wouldn’t take Luck, Barkley, or Griffin (hell, even Landry Jones) over Gabbert? I don’t think so. The Jags are going to regret this pick for a long time.

7. Cleveland Browns (4-6)

Has a team ever had an emptier four wins than Cleveland? They’ve beaten Indy, Miami back when the Dolphins were just giving games away, Seattle in a 6-3 barnburner, and the woeful Jags last week.

Bill Parcells famously said “you are what your record says you are” and I usually believe it. But come on. The Browns being “a 4-win team” is terribly false advertising. Yes, it’s technically true, but it implies some level of football competence. And those two words really never should be next to eachother when the subject is the Browns.

8. Minnesota Vikings (2-8)

Yeah, I probably have the Vikings too high, but consider this a continued show of respect for Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen. I think yesterday’s game against Oakland goes much differently if Peterson played the whole game, and I think the Vikings have actually found a QB they can build around, unlike everyone on this list except for Carolina (and maybe the Rams…maybe).

Also, I didn’t want to put the Vikings any higher on this list and make Drew Lange cry like a little girl. That would have been tragic.

9. San Diego Chargers (4-6)

As I perused the rest of the 4-6 teams, the Chargers stood out as the team playing the worst. They’ve dropped five straight and Philip Rivers is playing like absolute horsecrap. It’s shocking that a team that seemingly has so much talent could be so bad, but we’ve seen it from these Chargers year after year, with this recent five-game skid perhaps being the nadir.

A 14-2 season from Marty Schottenheimer doesn’t look so bad anymore, now does it?

In honor of one of the most unnecessarily disrespected good coaches in NFL history, here is Marty taking a Gatorade bath like an absolute boss.

10. Buffalo Bills (5-5)

I know that the Bills have a better record than Miami, Seattle, Tampa Bay, Kansas City, and Philadelphia, and that they’re even with Tennessee, the Jets, and Denver, but when you lose three straight games by a combined score of 106-26, and you’re having buyer’s remorse just a few weeks after signing your QB to a long-term contract extension, you get included in the Suck For Luck Rankings.

As for the honorable mentions, which I just mentioned, Kansas City better not get too comfortable. I’m keeping my eye on them, especially with Matt Cassel out and Tyler Palko not in. They face New England tonight on Monday Night Football, which very well could turn into a massacre. But hey, at least for this week, they’re better than the Bills!

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Got any gripes? That’s what the comment section is for. Have at it.

That’s probably how a lot of you felt after last week’s fantasy results. If you had a bad week, join the crowd.

It appears that certain defenses (the Cowboys, Titans, and others) may have finally caught up with certain offenses (Bills, Panthers, and others) after the long offseason, which led to some surprising and disappointing performances in Week 10.

But not for Aaron Rodgers owners. Never for Aaron Rodgers owners.

No worries.  If you have a bad week, it’s not your fault; it was just one of those weeks.  Good grief, the Chicago Bears’ DEFENSE was the number one fantasy player last week.  Let’s just write it off as an off week and get back on the horse, ready for Week 11.

Last Week’s Picks: 9 for 18 (50 %)

• Hits: Philip Rivers, Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Andy Dalton, KC/Denver Running Backs, Michael Turner, Knowshon Moreno, NE Running Backs
• Misses: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Mark Sanchez, Eli Manning, DeAngelo Williams, Steve Breaston, Pierre Garcon, Josh Cribbs, Deion Branch, Jake Ballard

Once again, “Start Em” guys are QBs/TEs outside of the Top 12 and RBs/WRs outside of the Top 25. “Sit Em Guys” include QBs/TEs that are in the Top 12 and RBs/WRs that are in the Top 25.

Just a reminder, the following teams are on bye this week…so make sure to rest any players on these teams:

• Indianapolis
• New Orleans
• Pittsburgh
• Houston

Fantasy Football Start Em, Sit Em Picks for Week 11: QB

Start Em QB: Tim Tebow

I understand I will probably be the ONLY fantasy “Expert” this week who will predict success for Tim Tebow against the Jets in Week 11.  Just hear me out.

After starting only FOUR games out of ten, Tebow is already the 23rd ranked QB in all of Fantasy.  Not the 23rd best QB since he became a starter…the 23rd best QB for the entire year.

Now I know Tebow looked bad against a Detroit defense that put a lot of pressure on him – something that the Jets will definitely try to emulate; but the Jets’ passing defense isn’t exactly elite.  They rank 8th overall, which isn’t too shabby, but they aren’t untouchable through the air (Detroit is ranked 2nd by the way).  And oh, by the way, he still finished with 12 fantasy points against Detroit, which would have been good for 14th best this past week…again, not awesome by any means, but still a starter in deep leagues.

And just think about the matchups.  Darrelle Revis will take away…who?  Does it really matter?  It’s not like the Broncos’ passing attack will REALLY miss Eric Decker, or Demariyus Thomas, or whoever Revis will be guarding.

Remember, you don’t need Tebow to be PRETTY to be effective in fantasy.

Tim Tebow fantasy football Week 11 projection: 120 passing yards, 1 TD and 1 INT; 50 rushing yards, 1 TD (this would be good for 20 points…definitely a a top ten Fantasy QB in almost any given week).

Other start ‘em QBs for Week Eleven:

• Matt Moore – Buffalo’s pass defense is absolutely atrocious.
• Matt Stafford – Bounce back game against a terrible Carolina team.

Sit Em QB: Cam Newton

Is anybody else scared that the league has started to figure him out a little bit?  What Tennessee did last week against the great Cam Newton was interesting – they played him like he was a quarterback.  The Titans basically decided that Newton would probably beat them on the ground a few times a game, as those plays are unstoppable even if you plan for them.  But if they could confuse him in the pocket, they could have success against him.  And they did.

The Lions’ pass defense is, once again, the second best unit in the league.  Be careful starting the wunderkind in Week 11.

Cam Newton fantasy football Week 11 projection: 200 yards, 2 INTs.  40 rushing yards.

Other sit ‘em QBs for Week Eleven:

• Mark Sanchez – I think the Jets will definitely try to rebound well after the disaster against New England, but with a short week in store I think they rebound on the ground…not with the Sanchize’s arm.
• Joe Flacco – Just…say…no.

Jerod’s thoughts:

I have emphatically said no to Tebow every week since his first as the starter. My reluctance to trust him has had less to do with my faith in his ability – I’m on record numerous times on this site saying I think he can be a winning QB in the right system – and far more to do with my lack of faith in John Fox’s faith in Tebow. I’ve thought that there was at least a decent chance of Tebow being pulled in the last couple of games if things got out of hand, and I wasn’t willing to risk a QB slot on a chance like that. But now, with Tebow grabbing a more firm grip on the starting job, it’s okay to deploy him with some confidence. I wouldn’t particularly want him as my QB this week against an angry Jets team, but I can seem him squeezing out 10-12 points.

As for Cam, the entire time struggled last week. I’m not ready to write him off, but being cautious with rookie QBs is always smart, especially later in the season as their bodies and focus start to hit a wall.

I bet Flacco rebounds and has a better week that you think. It’s his, and the Ravens, M.O.

Fantasy Football Start Em, Sit Em Picks for Week 11: RBs

Start Em RB: Marshawn Lynch

I’m not really a huge fan of Lynch in general, but he’s actually had a surprisingly solid season so far from a fantasy perspective.  This week, his Seahawks will travel on the road and face a tough division rival on the road.

Lol.

I know.  It’s just the NFC West.  But they WILL be playing the St. Louis Rams…a team who is second to last in the league against the run.  Start Lynch with confidence this week.

Surely Ray Lewis would.

And Tracy Porter…

Marshawn Lynch fantasy football Week 11 projection: 150 total yards, 1 TD

Other start ‘em RBs for Week Eleven:

• Reggie Bush – He’s been hot lately, and he should have a hey-day against the Bills.
• Kendall Hunter – I expect the 49ers to run away and hide from the Cardinals this week…and Hunter will be a beneficiary.

Sit Em RB: Beanie Wells

I’ve been very wrong about him this year.  Right now, he’s in the top 12 of all Running Backs.  However, he’s not doing ANYTHING this week against the best defense in the National Football League.  (Scroll down for Jerod’s obligatory love session with the 49ers).

Beanie Wells fantasy football Week 11 projection: 45 total yards

Other sit ‘em RBs for Week Eleven:

• Michael Bush – Minnesota is still VERY good against the run…expect them to make Carson Palmer beat them.
• Kansas City Running Backs – A lot of things going against them this week…the Pats should have a big lead, the Pats are pretty good against the run, and the lack of Matt Cassel will allow the Pats to to focus on the run even MORE.

Jerod’s thoughts:

I think it’s safe to start treating the 49ers’ D like we treat the Steelers’ and Ravens’ defenses in their heyday: you simply don’t start opposing running backs against them. The 49ers give up 73.2 yards rushing a game, and the next rushing touchdown they give up will be their first this season.

As for Lynch, agreed. I’ve been slow to jump on his bandwagon as well, but he’s earned it. And the matchup is very, very tasty this week.

I would caution folks against sitting Michael Bush though. Minnesota’s run D is good, but it’s not great; and Bush has proven that he can put up numbers when Run DMC is hurt (and he still has not practiced). Palmer may well throw early and often, but the Raiders’ are a run-first team, and Bush is good enough to start against a defense (except, of course, the 49ers).

Fantasy Football Start em, Sit em Picks for Week 11: WRs

Start Em WR: Mario Manningham

The Giants and Eli Manning will have something to prove against the Eagles on Sunday Night, and Philadelphia won’t be able to do much about it.  Asomugha will probably match up against Nicks, and Victor Cruz will garner more attention as he’s been targeted a lot in recent weeks.  Look for the speedster from Michigan to have a big night.

Mario Manningham fantasy football Week 11 projection: 7 receptions, 120 yards, 1 TD

Other start ‘em WRs for Week Eleven:

• Laurent Robinson – It seems like Romo picks a new random dude every year to become his go-to guy halfway through the season. As long as Miles Austin is out, expect Robinson to put up some good numbers.
• Mike Williams – Green Bay is pretty bad against the pass…I like Tampa Bay’s potential against them in the air.

Sit Em WR: Eric Decker

Revis Island.  I think Decker will actually beat him deep once…but not for a TD.

Eric Decker fantasy football Week 11 projection: 2 catches for 45 yards

Other Sit ‘em WRs for Week Eleven:

• Dwyane Bowe – Rough day for the Chiefs…Matt Cassell’s injury will hurt them all.

Jerod’s thoughts:

I feel like we may need to institute some rules in this column to challenge you Jon. The first rule would be this: you are not allowed to pick a wide receiver going up against the best cover corner since Deion whose QB just completed two passes in a win. I mean come on. Could it get any more obvious?

However, to show you that I still love you anyway Jon, I will implore readers to check out your terrific analysis of the differences between college basketball and the NBA, and why you are so much more a fan of the latter.

Now, you’re Dwayne Bowe pick is excellent. At least let him show that he and Tyler Palko have come chemistry before you trust him this late in the season.

I agree with all of your start picks, especially Mike Williams. No really, this is the week he finally breaks out and gets into the end zone. I PROMISE!

Fantasy Football Start em, Sit em Picks for Week 11: TEs

Start Em TE: Greg Olsen

I think Cam will have to check down an awful lot as Detroit puts a lot of pressure on him and shows him some more elaborate coverages.  Olsen should rise to the occasion and have a pretty nice game in the process.

 Greg Olsen fantasy football Week 10 projection: 7 receptions, 80 yards

Sit Em TE: Jermichael Finley

I know he’s a top five fantasy Tight End in terms of talent…but he’s just WAY too inconsistent for my liking.  Be careful of starting him against the Buccaneers.

Jermichael Finley fantasy football Week 10 projection: 1 reception, 10 yards, 0 TD

Jerod’s Thoughts:

I actually have to disagree with both of these picks. While I appreciate your logic in taking Olsen, also consider that the Lions are giving up just 5.9 fantasy points per game to opposing tight ends this year. The Bucs, on the other hand, are one of the more generous teams to opposing tight ends, giving up 8.0 points. I share your frustration with Finley’s inconsistency, but it looks like he is starting to become a more integral part of the offense after his very slow Week 6 and 7 performances.

Another guy to get back in your lineups is Vernon Davis. He finally broke out last week, and I look for a lot more of that in the future, especially as the 49ers continue to trust Alex Smith more and more.

Fantasy Football Start em, Sit em Picks for Week 11: D/ST

Start Em Defense: Jacksonville and Cleveland

Let me just warn you…this should absolutely NOT be a game that you watch even one second of.  However, both fantasy defenses should have a field day in a game that just might finish 6-5.

Sit Em Defense: San Diego

Chicago has really shown me something the last few weeks.  Even if Jay Cutler hasn’t been consistently lighting it up, they have been scoring a lot of points regardless.  Plus, is there more of a slam dunk than Devin Hester against the horrendous Chargers’ special teams units?  Expect Chicago to be playing with a lot of short fields, and put up a lot of points in a game that ends up being a surprising shootout.

Jerod’s Thoughts:

The Jacksonville and Cleveland choices are solid, but question: did you ask Andy Bottoms if it was okay to reference his thoughts from this week’s waiver wire column without attribution?

It’s tough to trust anything going on in San Diego right now, so I can definitely get on board with that pick.

As for an under-the-radar defense to consider, how about the Dolphins? I know they’re competition hasn’t been great lately, but they’ve still shut down to two NFL teams in back to back weeks (Chiefs, Redskins) and they take on the struggling Bills this week. Ryan Fitzpatrick throws a lot of picks.

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The Week 11 Start/Sit picks are in the books. But of course, this is only the beginning. Now the real fun begins in the comment section, so load it up with lineup-specific questions and we’ll get to them throughout the week, culminating with our marathon Sunday morning start/sit live chat, which will go off at 11:00 ET and run all the way up until kickoff.

And don’t forget to stop by and say hello to our friends at Daily Joust. It’s one of the only sites on the web where you can play weekly fantasy NFL, college football, college basketball, NHL, and NBA games…well, scratch that last one, for now…and you’re also helping to support MSF when you sign up.

Good luck in Week 11 everybody! We’ll see you in the comments.

Six team byes have been scaled back down to four this week, so fewer players will be sitting out of your matchups, but it will still likely necessitate at least one or two touch decisions; decisions you shouldn’t take lightly, because while this may be the middle of the season for the players, our playoffs are right around the corner and crunch time is upon us.

Before I get to this week’s stock picks, I invite anyone to comment on this question because the answer eludes me: will Joe Flacco ever become an elite quarterback in the NFL?

His polarizing play has people worried, especially me, so let me know in the comments section.

Now we will let you know what is good in this week’s stock report.

Fantasy Football Week 9 Stock Report: Stocks Up

Matt Cassel

Lol isn’t usually a term acceptable for sports blogging, but that is the only word someone can come up with when trying to describe the Dolphins’ pass defense.  Even losing Jamaal Charles for the season, Cassel’s production hasn’t skyrocketed nor plummeted, and he puts up good enough numbers to fill in for Stafford if you need him.

Philip Rivers

I promise that Rivers will have high stock until, well, who knows.  There is no way that he can continue to play this poorly for the rest of the year.  He threw for over 350 yards last week even though some unlucky interceptions came forth, but one of these days he is going to impress…hopefully.

Beanie Wells

The only thing that seems to be stopping Wells from becoming a top flight fantasy running back are his injuries.  During games that the Cardinals are competitive in, he can score you 14 to 20+ points.  The only problem with playing Wells is that the 1-6 Cardinals are out of games so fast that the running game gets put on the back burner and his abilities can get lost in the fold.

Michael Bush

This is somewhat of an obvious decision with the loss of Darren McFadden for the week, but Bush has always been a decent play.  His size allows him to be a goal line threat any time the Raiders are inside the red zone.  Playing against Tim Tebow should allow for many opportunities in Oakland.

Brandon Jacobs

Who knows why Tom Coughlin doesn’t give his 6-3 250 running back the ball more often, but this week should show some change with Ahmad Bradshaw out.  Jacobs has only carried the ball 10 times in a game once this year, but this is the week his production should benefit and score you around 10 points. He’s a solid fill-in for owners stuck without All Day or MJD this week.

Julio Jones

Has Julio lived up to the hype that was created when the Falcons threw the kitchen sink at the Browns to snag the rookie this past April?  The jury is still out on that one, but this could be the week that we see the young man have a breakout game against a Colts team that is so bad that almost nobody can watch.

Antonio Brown

The proof is in the pudding and this man has been performing week in and week out.  Keep things clear with simple logic this week: the Ravens probably won’t be able to go into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers on the road, and if Baltimore is going to shut someone down, it seems like Mike Wallace would be that guy.

Kellen Winslow

That first touchdown of the year can be tricky for tight ends but K2 got the job done.  The Bucs are going to have to keep up with the Saints if they want any success this week so plenty of targets could go to the veteran tight end.

Cardinals D/ST

30 point games have been the norm for Arizona, but playing against the Rams could be the perfect remedy.  Don’t think that the Rams can repeat their surprising Week 8 performance this week, so play the Cardinals’ defense with confidence.

Fantasy Football Week 9 Stock Report: Stocks Down

Matt Schaub

This week will tilt in the favor of Arian Foster when going against the Browns weak front seven.  Superstar in the making Joe Haden blanketing Kevin Walter or Jacoby Jones (filling in for a still-sore Andre Johnson) won’t bode well for the passing game, so pedestrian numbers are most likely to come for Schaub.

Joe Flacco

As much as I love FLACCO, his stock has to be down.  Two subpar games against poor defenses makes this game against the Steelers look like the matchup from hell.  Although it doesn’t look as if he is going to throw 3 interceptions with a few fumbles again, this game still just has problems written all over it.

Matt Hasselbeck

Most of his games have been productive this year, but it looks as if he might have hit the permanent wall.  Depending on the state of the Titans after this game, whether they win or lose we could see the end of Hasselbeck’s starting career and the beginning of the Jake Locker era.  The Cincinnati Bengals defense doesn’t play around with opposing quarterbacks so this could get ugly.

LeGarrette Blount

Blount has a low stock this week strictly because of circumstance.  The New Orleans Saints blitz the scoreboard no matter who they play against, so if the Bucs want to win, keeping up is the only option.  Blount doesn’t contribute much in the way of the passing game so don’t be surprised when he posts pedestrian numbers.

Ray Rice

We all know about the Pittsburgh run defense, so this matchup looks fairly predictable.  Actually the whole Ravens offense looks like they are in trouble this week.  Now we may get proven wrong, but until this unit as a whole steps up, the guys on defense are going to be the ones who win this team the majority of its games.

Brandon Marshall

Miami is hard to watch.  Regardless of the fact that Marshall is the best player on the field, he can’t like where this team is going.  Too many losses late can put a team’s focus in the dumps, and as history has shown, when Brandon Marshall doesn’t like the situation chances are he is going to do what it takes to get out of it.

Jordy Nelson

Aside from the big game every other week, Nelson just doesn’t seem to get enough looks on the offense.  2 catches for 104 yards and a touchdown is a productive week yes, but what happens when those 2 catches equal out to just 30 yards?  It’s big risk, big reward for Jordy owners, and this week’s matchup with the Chargers doesn’t grade out well.

San Diego D/ST

This is pretty much a no brainer here.  Look at the obvious reasons.  Aaron Rodgers is on the other side of the field and Phillip Rivers has had many recent struggles that give the opposing team a lot of opportunities to score. Play someone else.

As if Marty Schottenheimer showing up in the Kansas City owner’s box – in a Chiefs blazer that Hank Stram would had been proud of – wasn’t enough of a knife twisted in the backside, Philip Rivers’ Joe Pisarcik impersonation at the regulation could end up ultimately spelling doom for San Diego’s season.

Incidentally, Marty finally got his ring leading a team to a championship a couple weeks back.

Now with a season trending, or even spiraling downward, the Chargers face two crucial home games in a five day period. Unfortunately the only local excitement in recent days has been ticket holders turning a profit on Craigslist.

At least solace can be taken that the Green Bay version of ‘Occupy San Diego’ will at least be somewhat more tolerable than when Raider Nation descends the following Thursday night.

So what exactly has gone wrong in Charger-land over the first half of the season? (Well, besides the usual Norv Turner…) There is an entire laundry list of items…

Philip Rivers

Listening to various fantasy football shows and regular sportstalk radio, the headline question is the same: how has Rivers’ production fallen so drastically?

Two years ago I was comparing Rivers with Sunday opponent Aaron Rodgers, discussing their similar talent level. In fact, during that ’09 season Rivers actually had a slightly higher QB rating (104.4 to 103.2) than Rodgers, and in the period covering ’09 and ’10, Rivers threw 58 TD’s against only 22 INT’s.

But Rodgers and Rivers have now taken different paths.

Rodgers (ridiculous 125.7 rating) has promoted himself into a league of his own while Rivers (80.7) along with Tony Romo, have fallen into the ‘relegation zone’ of elite QB’s, soon to be replaced by Matthew Stafford and Cam Newton.

Everyone is chiming in on the issue, including LaDainian Tomlinson this week who suggested that Rivers might be having ‘distractions’. The stats do not lie about 11 INT’s in seven games, and there is speculation on possible upper-body (and/or finger) injuries, although Rivers has not been appearing on recent injury reports.

Running Game

Green Bay is an example of a team that can survive quite nicely without a stellar run game. The Packers ‘run game’ in essence is often Rodgers dump-offs to the backs or a short pattern to a receiver, or just Rodgers taking off himself.

The Chargers do not have such a luxury, and have now been waiting a season and a half for Ryan Matthews to develop into a LaDainian Tomlinson-like role, only to be frustrated by Matthews’ inability to stay healthy. Mike Tolbert has been the fallback for the heavy lifting, but he has been slowed by a hamstring. Unhearlded Curtis Brinkley (10 carries, 43 yards, TD) bad a breakthrough game in KC but suffered a concussion late in that contest.

Tolbert looks to be on target to return to the lineup this week, while Matthews looks somewhere between questionable and doubtful. Obviously the Chargers need at least one of the three backs to be ready or they may have to resort to getting Jacob Hester actual carries. Hester was actually decent his senior season at LSU, but college results don’t always translate into the next level (see a certain QB in Denver).

Receivers

At age 31, a variety of injuries have dropped Antonio Gates from the elite tier of NFL tight ends, a position that the San Diego organization must address in the 2012 NFL Draft. Although he still draws double-teams, Gates simply no longer creates the separation of years past. Vincent Jackson is billed as a top receiver, but he only has ten catches in his last four games. Malcolm Floyd is spotty, but is coming off his best outing (five catches/107 yards) of the season.

So it’s those three against Jennings/James Jones/Jordy Nelson/Donald Driver/Randall Cobb/Jermichael Finley on the Green Bay side. The Packers are on all cylinders compared to the Chargers sputtering attack.

O-Line

Think Tamba Hali got into Marcus McNeill’s head? McNeill ended up committing four false starts and six penalties overall while allowing one sack, a totally unacceptable performance.

The Chargers front line is also suffering from the loss of Pro-Bowler Kris Dielman (who does know one way of stopping Hali), who was last seen on the field trying to wobble around with a concussion in the Bolts’ loss to the New York Jets two weeks ago; he then later suffered a seizure on the team’s flight back home.

Both the Chargers medical staff and the NFL have taken heat in the aftermath, with the blame deserving on both fronts. Dielman was seen clearly staggering (now shown ad nauseum on ESPN) with officials watching. In boxing when a referee sees a participant in that kind of shape the fight gets stopped. But there also appeared to be a failure of the team’s medical staff in not following up and monitoring Dielman’s condition before the six hour flight home. The news surrounding the incident has been a distraction in a situation that could had easily turned tragic.

The Packers have also had to do some O-line shuffling this year, where the main job description is to keep Aaron Rodgers upright. Rodgers has only been sacked 16 times on the year, but the team can’t afford much more attrition up front considering two meetings with Ndamukong Suh and the Detroit Lions upcoming.

Defense

Think the secondary ain’t an issue with the Bolts?

First Antoine Cason gets benched after allowing three touchdowns to the thought-to-be washed up Plaxico Burress. Marcus Gilchrist didn’t fare much better in getting abused by the likes of Matt Cassel to Jonathan Baldwin.

The thought of the numbers Rodgers and his full arsenal might put up against the Chargers secondary are mind-numbing. Rodgers will have to be leery of going deep too often though with free safety Eric Weddle (five INT’s) lurking. He has been the Bolts defensive MVP.

The Chargers front-seven is another mess however, and the organization spent the week finding whatever goods they could find on the open free-agent market.

As for the Pack, Clay Matthews and Charles Woodson continue to do their things, though the loss of Nick Collins has allowed the opposition some passing yards, which is of some concern.

Coaching

Norv v. Mike McCarthy, can you say mismatch??

Packers-Chargers Prediction

One veteran writer in the 6-1-9 is already on record as saying ‘there isn’t an opportunity, there isn’t a chance‘, and summed up the Kansas City game by saying ‘lousy game, lousy outcome, lousy team, and lousy night’, then suggested that it might be a good ideal for the Chargers to forfeit the game to the Packers.

What will keep the Chargers in the hunt, and with the chance to right things with their usual December run, is the good fortune of being in a division with three other equally dysfunctional operations. The Raiders just burned first and second round draft picks for Carson Palmer (might as well been whatever was behind Door #3), while the Denver organization is torn with the thousand-pound Tim Tebow elephant in the room and the impending PR nightmare if the team ultimately decides to part ways. The Chiefs might actually be the least flawed of the AFC West teams, but at last check was still being coached by Todd Haley.

Meanwhile Wisconsin writers have mused about the possibility of the Pack getting through the regular season unscathed since the team was a mere 3-0. Green Bay has now won 13 straight dating back to last year and have not gone this far into a season with an unblemished record since 1962, when GB’s lone loss was an infamous ass-kicking at the hands of Detroit on Thanksgiving.

Green Bay will likely fall short in one game before the playoffs, but it won’t be this week. Much more formidable hurdles will remain in the second half such as Tampa, the Giants on the road, the two Lions games, or maybe even Christian Ponder and the suddenly much more respectable Vikings next Monday night.

But until then, look for the Pack’s stay in San Diego to be a breeze:

Packers 48 | Chargers 21

**********

Green Bay Packers at San Diego Chargers Game Info

• Packers-Chargers Date, Time, and TV: Sunday, November 6th at 4:15 ET on FOX
• Packers-Chargers Announcers: Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick
• Packers-Chargers Point Spread: Packers -5.5
• Packers-Chargers Over-Under Odds: 50.5

Without question, the story of the first half of the season (other than this) has been the ascent of the Detroit Lions.

They went 0-16 three years ago, then 2-14 in Jim Schwartz’s first year, then 6-10 last year; and now halfway through their 2011 slate Detroit, sitting at 6-2, is a bona fide contender in the NFC. And the Lions aren’t just an empty record either. They have the skill, attitude, reputation, and right now the health (knock on wood) to suggest that they aren’t going away.

So in honor of the Motor City Mufasas, and their roaring wreakers of wreckage Ndamukong Suh and Calvin Johnson, I give to you my Midseason NFL Power Rankings, with each team presented alongside a Motown classic that sums up the first half of its season.

The great Berry Gordy and Ndamukong Suh

1. Green Bay Packers (7-0) – “Higher Ground” by Stevie Wonder

After an uneven regular season in 2010, the Packers caught fire all the way to the Super Bowl. Along the way, Aaron Rodgers nudged his way into the Manning-Brady-Brees stratosphere of NFL quarterbacks.

Through seven games in 2011, the Packers haven’t missed a beat, and Rodgers has catapulted himself into the rarest of air: the undisputed #1 quarterback in football, and he’s on pace to complete the most efficient statistical season a quarterback has ever had.

As Stevie sings:

Lovers keep on lovin’
Believers keep on believin’
Sleepers just stop sleepin’

…

Gonna keep on tryin’
Till I reach my highest ground

Indeed, the Packers/Rodgers lovers and believers need to keep doing what they’re doing, and any remaining sleepers need to wake up to the reality that Rodgers is the best player in football.

If he hasn’t already reached the highest ground, it’s going to be amazing to see just how deadly the Packers’ offense is once he’s there.

2. San Francisco 49ers (6-1) – “Reach Out, I’ll Be There” by The Four Tops

Know this about the resurgent 49ers and their badass first year head coach Jim Harbaugh: at the end of the game, reach out and he’ll be the there…ready to shake your head after kicking your team’s butt. (Just try not to take it personally.)

And in case you needed any more reason why this is the perfect song choice for the 2011 take-no-prisoners 49ers, pay attention to the lyrics. Replace “girl” and “darling” with “Alex” (for Alex Smith), “I’ll” with “We’ll”, plus a few other subtle changes, and it might as well be a pregame Harbaugh speech to his much-maligned but improving QB.

Now if you feel that you can’t go on,
Because all of your hope is gone,
And your life is filled with much confusion,
Until happiness is just an illusion,
And your world around is crumbling down, Alex,
(Reach out) Come on Alex reach on out for me,
(Reach out) Reach out for me,
We’ll be there with a running game that will shelter you,
We’ll be there with a defense that will see you through,

See what I mean?

3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) – “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

I’m not sure what that was from Pittsburgh in Week 1, but it was most certainly not the real Steelers that we’ve come to know and appreciate.

Over the Steelers’ last four games though, we’ve started to see the real Steelers emerge again, just with a little more passing than running, and it’s been a good reminder that in the NFL there ain’t nothing like the real thing; and it doesn’t get much more real in professional football than the Steelers.

4. Detroit Lions (6-2) – “Just My Imagination” by The Temptations

For years, decades really, Lions fans have had to watch the success of other franchises and pretend it was their own. Losing season after losing season, all the Lions had was their imagination if they wanted to cheer for a winner.

Not anymore.

Now all Lions fans need to do is use their imaginations to conjure up a future in which Matthew Stafford plays 16 games, because if he does, this team is ready to make its long-awaited return to the postseason. And they won’t be an easy out.

5. Baltimore Ravens (5-2) – “I Second That Emotion” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles

After the Ravens’ offense sputtered against the Jags, Terrell Suggs publicly questioned the offensive gameplan. Surprisingly, Ravens coach John Harbaugh seconded Suggs’ emotion, agreeing that Ray Rice and Anquan Boldin needed to get the ball more.

One week later Cam Cameron and Joe Flacco got the notion, and the Ravens are back to their winning ways after Rice scored three TDs and Boldin topped 100 yards receiving.

6. New England Patriots (5-2) – “It’s The Same Old Song” by The Four Tops

An offense built around their statuesque quarterback who throws 40+ times every game, without much of a running game to speak of? Check.

A defense that gives up tons of yards, hopes to be “bend but don’t break” as a best case scenario, and is undeniably poor in the secondary and at rushing the passer? Check.

Sound familiar? That’s pretty much what the Patriots have been for the last three seasons, and for the last three seasons they’ve underwhelmed fans and pundits alike once January has rolled around. I’m struggling to find any reason to think this season will end any differently.

7. New Orleans Saints (5-3) – “What’s Going On” by Marvin Gaye

I don’t really feel like New Orleans deserves to be ranked this high, especially after what we witnessed from them last week and in their recent loss to Tampa Bay. Sandwiched in between those two defeats, however, was a thorough ass-kicking of the Indianapolis Colts; and anytime you beat another NFL team 62-7 it means, well, something.

The Saints still have Drew Brees, they still have weapons galore on offense, and they still have Sean Payton calling the shots. This outfit won a Super Bowl not too long ago, and they deserve the benefit of the doubt…for now. But they need to figure out what’s going on before far too many mothers, brothers, and fathers in The Bayou are left crying from another debacle like that loss to the Rams.

8. New York Giants (5-2) – “Ball of Confusion” by The Temptations

Is any good team more of a ball of confusion from year to year, week to week, and even quarter to quarter than the New York Giants? No.

Yet despite the ups and downs, here are the Giants sitting atop the NFC East with Eli Manning playing the best football of his career. Go figure.

9. Houston Texas (5-3) – “It Takes Two” by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston

The song choice for the Texans is obvious from the first two lines:

One can have a dream, baby
Two can make that dream so real

For a while now, the Texans and their fans have had dreams of going to the playoffs, but unfortunately they only had one side of the ball that functioned competently. Not anymore. Wade Phillips has taken a defense that was an embarrassment last year and made it respectable, even weathering the loss of Mario Williams.

It does indeed take two – an offense and a defense – to make playoff dreams real. Could this be the season it finally happens in Houston?

10. Buffalo Bills (5-2) – “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” by The Temptations

The “papa” of these young Bills is head coach Chan Gailey, and he has indeed been a rolling stone during his coaching career. Buffalo is the 19th different coaching job Gailey has had since 1974. I know how transient of a profession coaching can be, but that is a lot of moving around.

Regardless, he has these Bills on the right track, sitting atop the AFC East.

11. New York Jets (4-3) – “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch” by The Four Tops

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not sure the Jets have earned this high a spot in the rankings. They are on a two game winning streak, but beating the Dolphins and the apparently hapless Chargers isn’t all that impressive. Still, the Jets and their bombastic head coach cannot seem to help themselves: they always talk, they always struggle for parts of seasons, yet they always get it going when the weather gets cold. They’ve made two straight AFC Championship Games, so we can’t count them out yet.

(Note: there are also plenty of jokes that could be made in reference to Rex Ryan enjoying slices of sugar pie and handfuls of honey bunch, but I’ll refrain. Who do I look like…Joe Namath?)

12. Philadelphia Eagles (3-4) – “Uptight (Everything’s Alright)” by Steve Wonder

I know that fans in Cincinnati and all over the AFC West and NFC South are going to be apoplectic at the under-.500 Eagles being 12th above their favorite teams, but what can I say? This team is loaded with talent, and I think they’d beat all of the teams below them (including more than a few above them) if they played right now.

So, Philly fans, what are you so uptight about? As long as you’ve got Andy Reid, everything is all right. Until the playoffs at least…

13. Atlanta Falcons (4-3) – “Shotgun” by Jr. Walker and the All Stars

I predicted that the Falcons would miss the playoffs before the season started, and I’m not backing off that prediction at all, though I have been impressed by their last two victories.

During the offseason, the Falcons tried to remake their offense from a tank into a shotgun with the hyperathletic Julio Jones added to the team at a high cost. It appeared early on that Ryan and the Falcons were trying to justify the cost while forgetting about their bread and butter: Michael Turner.

Things have changed.

Turner is back leading the offense and the Falcons are winning. The question is how long can Turner withstand another season of pounding. We’ll see.

14. Cincinnati Bengals (5-2) – “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

The Bengals had to deal with QB turmoil all offseason, limped into the regular season with rookies leading them at QB and WR, have had to deal with Cedric Benson’s continued legal troubles, and they lost corner Jonathan Joseph in the offseason. Also, certain Midwestern sports bloggers predicted the Bengals would finish with the worst record in the league. Yet all Marvin Lewis and the Bengals have shown is that there ain’t no football mountain high enough to keep this underrated team down this season.

At least so far.

Cincy’s wins are against Cleveland, Jacksonville, Buffalo, Seattle, and Indianapolis, and they still have four games coming up against Pittsburgh and Baltimore. This is why I’m not sold on the Bengals and have them at 14th. But if they can keep climbing mountains, this could be the most unlikely playoff team of 2011.

15. Kansas City Chiefs (4-3) – “Since I Lost My Baby” by The Temptations

The Chiefs have reeled off four straight wins since I ranked them #1 in my inaugural Suck 4 Luck Power Rankings, a winning streak that has moved them all the way into a first place tie in the AFC West. This has Chiefs fans seeing sun shining (yes, plenty of light), a new day dawning (so sunny and bright), and even birds signing and children playing.

But the reality is that without young stars Jamaal Charles, Eric Berry, and Tony Moeaki, all of whom the Chiefs lost early in the year to season-ending injuries, the Chiefs’ chances of going any further than they did last year – a first round playoff blowout – are slim to none.

16. San Diego Chargers (4-3) – “Hello” by Lionel Richie

It’s fitting that the Chargers are one spot behind the Chiefs, because they were one successful QB-center exchange away from beating them last night.

If I had time, I would create a YouTube video with the ball Rivers’ fumbled away singing this Lionel Richie ballad to him. It’s the kind of thing the Internet was invented for. Can’t you just see the ball rolling around on the ground plaintively singing these words to Rivers while the QB laments his “worst day ever“:

Hello!
Is it me you’re looking for?
’cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?

17. Oakland Raiders (4-3) – “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” by The Temptations

The Raiders are a hard team to figure out right now since we have no idea a) what they will get from Carson Palmer and b) if their offensive workhorse Darren McFadden can stay healthy enough all year to keep the pressure off of Palmer.

But we do know one thing: the Raiders were not begging nor pleading for anyone’s sympathy once Jason Campbell went down. They slept on Mike Brown’s doorstep and even let everyone laugh, because they wanted Carson Palmer any way they could get him. Now they have him, and we’ll see if they can just keep winning, baby.

18. Dallas Cowboys (3-4) – “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye

Did the Cowboys even have a Week 8 game? They did? Really? Because the only time I saw a Cowboy show up last week is Tony Romo when he announced that he and his new wife are expecting.

So since I have nothing constructive to say about Dallas’ no show on Sunday night, let’s honor the soon-to-be parents. Take it away Marvin.

19. Chicago Bears (4-3) – “You Keep Me Hanging On” by The Supremes

I tend not to trust teams that have severe offensive line issues, which is why the Bears fall towards the back of the teams bunched at 3-4 wins.

I also wouldn’t trust the Bears if I were Matt Forte, who I think is much closer to Adrian Peterson than Chris Johnson in terms of being deserving of a new contract. Can anyone blame Forte for feeling like the Bears are just keeping him hanging on? I mean really Jerry Angelo. If you’re not going to #paytheman, set him free why don’t ya?

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-3) – “Brick House” by The Commodores

Tampa Bay was another supposedly up-and-coming team that I didn’t trust heading into the season. They’ve scratched together four wins, but they have looked pretty bad along the way at times.

So in honor of the bricks they’ve thrown up against San Francisco and the first half of the Chicago game in London, not to mention Josh Freeman’s 10 interceptions, here are The Commodores singing about bricks in a much different context.

21. Minnesota Vikings (2-6) – “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie

You know that Adrian Peterson is called “AD” because he can run all day long. Now that Minnesota has handed the reins of its offense over to rookie Christian Ponder, Peterson may have to run all day and all night long to help ease the rook’s transition.

Peterson is more than capable, and the Vikings – who have played better than their record – are more than capable of winning 4-5 of their remaining games if Ponder can just provide adequate play under center.

22. St. Louis Rams (1-6) – “You Can’t Hurry Love” by The Supremes

No, I’m not insane. I’m well aware that before last weekend’s trouncing of the Saints, the Rams hadn’t beaten anyone and hadn’t even really come close. Just consider me to be buying low on the Rams, and when they finish with 5-6 wins, remember that you heard it here first.

You can’t hurry a connection between a new offensive coordinator, an offensive line, and a young QB, but Sam Bradford and Josh McDaniels will get everyone on the same page. Having Brandon Lloyd will help, and having a leader like Steven Jackson to make sure no one mails it in will also keep these Rams on a forward trajectory all season.

23. Carolina Panthers (2-6) – “ABC” by The Jackson 5

Am I drinking the Cam Newton Kool-Aid after 8 games? You’re dadgum right I am, so much so that I came up with 20 teams who, hypothetically speaking of course, should trade their QB for right now for Newton.

I did not think Newton would have an easy transition to the NFL, but he’s made playing quarterback look as easy as A-B-C, 1-2-3. What he has not found so easy to do yet is win, but that will come. He needs more experience and a better team around him, but the Panthers are a team on the rise that no one will want to face in the second half of the season.

24. Tennessee Titans (4-3) – “Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours” by Stevie Wonder

In case you were wondering, no, I’m not sold on the Titans.

A win over the Colts does not impress me, nor did the Titans’ previous two non-competitive games against Pittsburgh and Houston. This team was looking good when Kenny Britt was around and emerging as a top receiver, but they seem lost without him.

But hey, at least Chris Johnson is signed, sealed, delivered, and yours, right Tennessee? Or not…

25. Cleveland Browns (3-4) – “Money (That’s What I Want)” by Barrett Strong

In case you hadn’t heard, money is what Peyton Hillis wants. He is not, however, willing to play through strep throat or maintain community commitments in his quest to leverage one partial good season into, apparently, $10 million per yer.

I probably shouldn’t be so hard on the guy. If I were a running back for the Browns, against whom defenses can load up eight men in the box on every play, I might not be so motivated to play either.

26. Washington Redskins (3-4) – “Mercy, Mercy Me” by Marvin Gaye

When your only quarterback choices are Rex Grossman or John Beck, how can Redskins fans or even Mike Shanahan himself say anything other than mercy, mercy me?

The Redskins got off to a fast start this season, but things ain’t what they used to be. With such putrid play under center and so many injuries on offense, a turnaround doesn’t appear to be coming. Redskins fans will just have to keep wondering where did all the blue skies go?

27. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) – “Shop Around” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles

So the Jaguars beat a disinterested Baltimore team in a defensive slopfest a few weeks back. So what?

This team is still going nowhere fast, and even the one positive Jags fans might have been able to take from this season – that the team had finally found a franchise QB – doesn’t seem to be coming to fruition. Based on what I’ve seen from Blaine Gabbert so far this year, I’d say to the Jags that they’d better shop around.

28. Seattle Seahawks (2-5) – “I Want You Back” by The Jackson 5

In Pete Carroll’s first season, the Seahawks made an improbable run to the second round of the NFC Playoffs thanks to playing the in the terrible NFC West. No one in the NFC West seemingly did much to improve themselves in the offseason (who saw the 49ers run coming?), so what does Seattle do to keep the forward momentum going? They get rid of Matt Hasselbeck to turn their most important position on the field over to Charvaris Jackhurst.

Think they might want Hasselbeck and his 89.2 QB rating back now?

29. Arizona Cardinals (1-6) – “What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted” by Jimmy Ruffin

In Super Bowl 43, the Arizona Cardinals indeed became the brokenhearted when Ben Roethlisberger’s pass connected with Santonio Holmes in the corner of the end zone. So what becomes of the brokenhearted in football, who had a good QB who’s now departed? Everything goes to hell and a handbasket, apparently.

After your borderline Hall of Fame quarterback retires and you suffer through an awful season with basically no QB, you know you’ve got to find some kind of peace of mind for your All-World wide receiver. So you overpay for a guy who hasn’t proven he can be a competent starter, he doesn’t get any better, and all the while your defense gets worse and worse.

So, again, what becomes of the brokenhearted? In the case of Cardinals fans, you just go back to how things were before.

30. Denver Broncos (2-5) – “Dancing In The Streets” by Martha and the Vandellas

No matter what happens at the end of the Tim Tebow experience, they’ll be dancing in Dennnnnnver…and there will still surely be opinions everywhere.

Either fans of Tim Tebow will be dancing because he’s proven his worth as a starting QB in the NFL, or the Johns Fox and Elway will be dancing because they can jettison Tebow and get a QB who fits their ideal.

But either way, dancing.

31. Miami Dolphins (0-7) – “Stop! In The Name Of Luck!” by The Supremes

Do you see what I did with the title there?

This is what every Dolphins fan is imploring their team to do every time they have a promising drive or a second half lead. So far, the Dolphins have proven to be epic failures in the 4th quarters of games, which may just be the best thing for the franchise’s future.

Though the players and coaches don’t want to hear it, nor should they, Dolfans and owner Stephen Ross would like the team to stop coming so damn close to winning, and they certainly would like the Colts to stop losing…all in the name of Luck.

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-8) – “Where Did Our Love Go?” by The Supremes

Yep, two straight songs by The Supremes to end it. And why not? At this point I’m not convinced that on the football field Diana Ross and The Supremes would do any worse that Curtis Painter and The Colts or Matt Moore and the Dolphins.

So many lyrics snippets from this song could very well be things that Colts players have uttered verbatim during one of their eight horrific losses this season, with the their plaintive utterances directed at either Peyton Manning or their fans, who abandon them more and more with each demoralizing loss.

Baby, baby
Baby don’t leave me
Ooh, please don’t leave me
All by myself

…

Now that I surrender
So helplessly

…

Where did our love go
And all your promisses
Of a love forever more

You get the idea.

But if all Colts fans have to endure in between decades of success with franchise QBs is one terrible season, I and many others will resent them more than we already do.

###

There are my rankings, and each team’s corresponding Motown classic.

As always, I encourage your agreement, disagreement, and constructive criticisms below, both for the rankings and the song choices.

And now, because it’s one of my all-time favorite Motown songs but I couldn’t find a great team to assign it too, I’ll send you off into the comment section with one more classic tune from the great Marvin Gaye.

This is a question I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past several weeks, as I continue to be more and more impressed (and surprised) by how well Cam Newton is transitioning to the NFL in his first season.

Cam Newton’s Impressive Start

Frankly, I did not think that Newton was going to become a good NFL quarterback. I certainly did not think it would happen this quickly. But this is why I blog about the NFL in my underpants while typing with Cheetos-stained fingers and other people get paid to scout and draft players*.

* – Of course, plenty of people who do not blog about the NFL in their underpants with Cheetos-stained fingers, and who get paid to scout players, agreed with my assessment about Newton. This just goes to show how inexact a science scouting quarterbacks can be. Except for this guy.

As good as he’s been,nobody is ready to put Cam Newton into Canton yet. It takes more than 8 statistically strong games to classify someone as an elite QB, especially when six of those games have resulted in losses.

In fact, we’re going to learn a lot about Newton over these final 8 weeks while the Panthers essentially “play out the string” and Newton is forced to endure the first losing season of his football career. Leading your team in spite of adversity is one of the most important attributes for a successful NFL QB. We’ll see if Newton has that ability. So far he’s given us no reason to doubt him.

Certainly there is no reason to doubt Newton’s physical skills. He is passing for nearly 300 yards per game (299.1), completing 60.6% of his passes, and has thrown 11 touchdown passes against 9 interceptions. Those are solid numbers for any quarterback, let alone a rookie, and they are made even more impressive when his superlative running stats added to the discussion: 5.1 yards per carry and 7 rushing touchdowns.

And the numbers don’t tell the whole story.

Whereas Tim Tebow’s numbers are not nearly as poor as you might think, and in fact compare favorably to several Hall of Famers’ stats through five starts, Tebow hasn’t looked at all like an NFL QB. Cam Newton, on the other hand, has. He’s played with poise throughout games, including late, and he’s shown that he can make all the throws. He also has shown the ability to hit guys for big plays down the field when they are a open, which is an absolute requisite skill for a quarterback in the NFL. When a QB has a chance to make a big play, it must be made more often than not; simple as that.

Newton has been far from perfect, and he has plenty of growing to do, but I don’t think anyone is anything but highly impressed with his first eight games as an NFL quarterback. Many may not have been as low on Newton as I was before the season, but I doubt anyone other than Cam himself expected this kind of success out of the gate.

And all of this leads me back to my original question: how many NFL teams would trade their QB right now for Cam Newton?

Hypothetically Speaking…

For our purposes, assume that everything is how it is (team records, contracts, rosters, coaches, etc) and that every NFL team is given the option of swapping its current QB right now for Newton. I admit that is 100% ridiculous because Carolina wouldn’t trade Cam Newton for anyone (except maybe Aaron Rodgers…), but humor me for the sake of discussion. The result of this hypothetical transaction would be Newton quarterbacking the team for the rest of this season, in place of their current QB, and then being their QB through the rest of his rookie contract.

There are a number of easy answers on both sides, teams that wouldn’t even think twice about saying yes or no:

• Automatic No: New England, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New Orleans, New York Giants
• Automatic Yes: Miami, Cleveland, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland, Kansas City, Denver, Washington, Seattle

I shouldn’t have to defend any of the automatic “no” choices. Each team has a Super Bowl-winning QB, and each team feels it is a contender this season. As tantalized as they may be by Newton, none of these teams would trade their guy for him. (And anyone who doesn’t think Eli deserves this kind of respect is, in my opinion, crazy.)

As for the automatic yeses, I can maybe-possibly see some saying that Tennessee and Jacksonville have “QBs of the future” in Jake Locker and Blaine Gabbert, but both teams would have rather had Newton in the draft and surely would rather have him now. These and the others are absolute no-brainers to me.

Now let’s go one-by-one through the remaining teams and figure out a) if they would trade their current QB for Cam Newton, and b) if they should trade their current QB for Cam Newton, because I bet the answers won’t often be the same. Of course these are all just my opinions based on how I see each team’s situation.

As always, I encourage disagreement, discussion, and even constructive criticism. That’s what comment sections are for. And there is a poll at the end of this post so we can crowdsource some kind of consensus for the non-obvious teams.

Here goes…

Buffalo Bills – Ryan Fitzpatrick (current record: 5-2)

The Bills just locked Fitzpatrick up to a long-term contract that will pay him $24 million and keep him as the signal caller in Buffalo for at least the next 2-3 years. Considering the deal Arizona signed Kevin Kolb to in the offseason, Fitzpatrick certainly deserves this contract. He has passed for 1,739 yards this year and twice as many touchdowns as interceptions, and he’s led Buffalo to first place in the AFC East. There is perhaps concern that Fitzpatrick is playing over his head, as his current completion rate is 8 points higher than his career average, and his QB rating is 20 points higher than his career average, but Fitzpatrick also could just be showing the normal progression that a good young NFL quarterback will make.

Personally, I’m not sold on Fitzpatrick as a top-tier option for the future who can compete against the likes of Brady, Roethlisberger, and Peyton Manning If He Plays Again (his new name). Fitzpatrick is a solid guy who can transition you from one franchise QB to the next, but I don’t think he is the type of QB who will make you a winner year in, year out. Cam Newton may be. But with the Bills sitting in first place in the AFC East, and the good feelings of the contract still fresh, I don’t think they’d make the move even though I would.

• Would they? No
• Should they? Yes

New York Jets – Mark Sanchez (4-3)

This is one of the more intriguing ones.

Even though Mark Sanchez has really done nothing to show that he can or will become a top-tier NFL quarterback (54.7% completions, 41 TD:39 INT for career), he has ridden the coattails of a great defense and an above-average running game to two straight AFC title games. His coach continues to profess confidence in him, and I think would rather win with “his guy” Sanchez, or die trying, than admit he was wrong and bring in another QB…at least right now.

Simply put: I think most objective people would make this trade in a heartbeat, and maybe the Jets front office would force it to happen; but I think Rex Ryan is so dug in with Sanchez that he’d do everything to veto it and give Sanchez another chance to finish the job this year. (I’ll be curious to hear from Jets fans on this one…)

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? Yes

Cincinnati Bengals – Andy Dalton (5-2)

Here is another one where short-term success might lead to myopic thinking.

The Bengals are, shockingly, sitting at 5-2 with their red-haired rookie QB and glue-handed rookie WR leading the offense. The Bengals’ defense has been great so far this season, but Dalton has been far from just a caretaker. He’s thrown 9 TDs and is completing 62.4% of his passes. Dalton’s sprint out of the gate has been nothing short of shocking.

But here is where I throw a little cold water on the fire: Cincinnati has beaten Cleveland, Buffalo, Jacksonville, Indianapolis, and Seattle. Buffalo is good, the other four teams are not. So do we really know how good Dalton is? I don’t think so. In his one start against a god defense this year, Week 3 versus San Francisco, he was putrid. We’ll know a lot more about Dalton after his four games against Baltimore and Pittsburgh.

Like many teams, Cincy would have jumped at the chance to draft Cam Newton, but their first place positioning in the AFC North, and the fans’ growing attachment to Dalton, plus their history of personnel ineptitude, lead me to believe that the Bengals would forgo the chance to get Newton to hang onto Dalton. It would be a mistake.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? Yes

As you can see, I have little faith in Ryan Fitzpatrick, Mark Sanchez, or Andy Dalton, at least in relation to Cam Newton; but I also have little faith that any of their teams would trade them for Newton.

This next one though might be the most intriguing of all.

Baltimore Ravens – Joe Flacco (5-2)

Ever since Joe Flacco has taken over as QB in Baltimore, the Ravens’ offense has been as up-and-down as any offense in the NFL. Flacco has seven games in which he has tossed three or more touchdowns. He also 24 games in which he’s thrown zero touchdowns, including four playoff games (though he often gets credited with being a “winning” playoff QB). All the while, Baltimore has had a good-to-great defense and a solid running game.

Now in his fourth year, and with just one TD pass in his last four games, can the Ravens and team leaders like Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs really still have that much confidence in Flacco? I know they call him “Joe Cool” because he never seems rattled, but that’s mostly because he barely looks like he has a pulse at times. Cam Newton also never gets rattled, but he plays with an energy and smile that are both infectious. Yes, I’m one of those who believes that how you “look” and what your body language says means something when you’re the QB. Whatever Flacco may have over Newton in experience is negated by his comatose on-field appearance.

All of this is to say that I would, in a heartbeat, trade Flacco for Newton if I was the Ravens. After the last four games, and with Lewis especially running out of time, I think the Ravens would too.

• Would they? Yes
  
• Should they? Yes

Indianapolis Colts – Peyton Manning (0-8)

Of course the Colts would trade Curtis Painter straight up for Cam Newton. Duh. But what’s the fun in that? The real juicy question would be, right this very moment, would the Colts trade Peyton Manning If He Plays Again for Newton? And the answer is that none of us have enough information to answer. It would all come down to Manning’s health.

If there is even an iota of a chance that he can come back and play at 80-85% of his previous effectiveness, Indy would hold onto Peyton. But if they doubt he ever plays again, even if he wants to and is working like the dickens to get back, wouldn’t Indy have to trade for Cam as opposed to waiting around to see if they suck enough for Luck?

Ultimately, I think the uncertainty would tip the scales in favor of keeping Manning, and that’s the right call. It feels like there is something unfinished about Manning’s tenure in Indianapolis, and though I logically know that neck injuries can end careers, I’d still be shocked if Manning never suits up for Indy again. So I can’t see Indy pulling the trigger on this move. And with the team possibly positioning itself to draft Andrew Luck anyway, there would be no reason to trade Manning before they know as much as possible about his potential comeback.

I anticipate a lot of debate and perhaps disagreement about this one. In fact, I’m already starting to disagree with myself. I better just move along.

• Would they? No
• Should they? No

Houston Texans – Matt Schaub (5-3)

I don’t think for a second that Houston would even entertain this thought, not with Schaub and Kubiak finally on the cusp of making it to the playoffs. As good/bland as Schaub may be, good/bland isn’t necessarily an awful thing for a QB to be on a team that has a great running game, an elite WR, and a strong defense. This is the first time Houston has had all three working in the same season, and Schaub is the right guy to lead them. I wouldn’t mess with what they have going right now, not with the AFC South up for grabs this year and into the future, and I don’t think they would either.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? No

San Diego Chargers – Philip Rivers (4-2)

Coming into this season it would have seemed laughable for Philip Rivers to be on this list, and perhaps it still is, but Rivers has thrown 7 TDs against 9 INTs this year, and it’s not like he has a Super Bowl title or many playoff skins on the wall to grant him immunity from at least entering this discussion.

Still, I doubt there is a chance the Chargers would seriously consider it. Rivers has a strong regular season track record over multiple seasons, and he has undoubtedly been hurt by Antonio Gates’ absence early this season. Just like I don’t think teams should overreact to a fast early season start and overrate their players (as may be the case right now in Buffalo and Cincy), I don’t think teams should underrate their players because of a slow start.

The irony of ironies, of course, is that the slow-starting Chargers are off to a fast 4-2 start during the season when their QB has more or less stunk. Go figure.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? No

Philadelphia Eagles – Michael Vick (3-4)

Another one that is fascinating to think about. The Eagles went all-in on this season and are just now starting to dig themselves out of their early season hole. As tempting as it might be to get Newton, who is similar to Vick but with 6-7 years less mileage, I can’t see Andy Reid doing it. Vick is the better choice for this season and the Eagles are in it to win it in 2011.

That said, I think Newton is showing the ability to do a lot of the things Vick couldn’t or wouldn’t do early in his career. I’d love to see what Reid could do with a guy like Newton, who is not quite the runner Vick is but who is light years ahead of where Vick was as a passer in his rookie season. Just because the Eagles picked this year as the year to go for it all doesn’t mean they should necessarily mortgage a chance to improve themselves for the long term. And is Vick really playing so well that Newton couldn’t come close to replicating him, thus keeping the Eagles in contention this year? I don’t think so.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? Yes
  

Dallas Cowboys – Tony Romo (3-4)

Whatever my answer is here it is sure to stir up some controversy, just because that’s how any discussions about Tony Romo are sure to go.

I’ve always been a Romo supporter, thinking that his critics didn’t give him enough credit for being one of the top 10 QBs in the league. While I still think Romo is an above average QB, I’m not as sold on him anymore as a potential champion. Sure, with the right supporting cast he could win a Super Bowl – hell, Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl – but I’m no longer sure that Romo can lead a franchise to a Super Bowl, and there is a big difference.

I don’t know if Cam Newton can lead a team to a Super Bowl either. It’s way to early to even consider such questions. But we did just see him lead his college team to a championship in the toughest conference in all of college football, all while rumors and innuendo and investigations were swirling around him constantly. Newton’s got it, whatever it is, and Tony Romo hasn’t proven that he does. So wouldn’t it be worth taking a chance on Newton if you’re convinced Romo probably can’t be the guy to lead a champion?

The answer to this one comes down to your belief in Romo. I no longer believe. Give me Cam. Unfortunately for Cowboys fans, Jerry Jones probably still believes in Romo. At the least, he believes in his own ego and won’t want to admit Romo can’t get it done. Hell, he wouldn’t even trade Martellus Bennett to Cincinnati for a second round pick. Why would he trade Romo for Newton?

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? Yes
  

Detroit Lions – Matthew Stafford (6-2)

I considered putting the Lions in the automatic no category, but Mr. Glass didn’t deserve to be considered on par with Brady, Ben, Aaron Rogers, and Drew Brees. He hasn’t played a full season yet, and he hasn’t been so transcendent when he has played that Detroit wouldn’t at least consider the move.

I don’t think they’d do it though. Even with Stafford making way more money than Cam, he is the guy they have built around, and I don’t think the Lions would shake up the franchise that drastically when it is finally experiencing a true ascension.

As for me, I’d do it. Cam is showing that he knows how to utilize a top-fight receiver, and he he does not carry the same injury-prone reputation of Stafford. Add in the cost savings of Newton’s contract over Stafford’s, and I’d much rather have the rookie over the third year guy, even for the rest of the this year and certainly beyond.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? Yes
  

Chicago Bears – Jay Cutler (4-3)

See the entry above about Joe Flacco, replace his name with “Jay Cutler” and replace “Ray Lewis” with “Brian Urlacher”. There is no reason for me to repeat myself.

• Would they? Yes
  
• Should they? Yes

Minnesota Vikings – Christian Ponder (2-6)

Ponder and the Vikings beat Newton and the Panthers this past weekend, with Ponder having his second straight impressive start. And while Vikings fans are slowly talking themselves into the Ponder Era, the reality is that the Vikings would have traded St. Paul to draft Newton last year, and as polished as Ponder seems to be both on and off the field, he doesn’t have 1/10th the physical potential of Newton. Minnesota probably should have been an automatic.

• Would they? Yes
  
• Should they? Yes
  

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Josh Freeman (4-3)

Freeman was the up-and-coming superstar young quarterback coming into this season, but he has fallen back down to earth a bit through the first half of the year. His interceptions are way up, and he just doesn’t seem as comfortable or confident as he was last year, when he and rookie Mike Williams were as explosive as just about any QB-WR combo in the league.

Still, despite his struggles, I think Tampa Bay is committed to Freeman as the future of its franchise, and I know that Raheem Morris (who coached Freeman in college) believes in his young QB. Freeman is another guy who surprised me by having a smoother transition to the NFL than I thought he would. He has all of the physical tools to bust out of his current slump and still become a top-10 QB. I’d hold tight, and I think Tampa Bay would too.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? No
  

Atlanta Falcons – Matt Ryan (4-3)

Like the Lions with Stafford, I don’t think Atlanta would consider making this move for more than a few seconds, but Ryan is not quite the slam dunk franchise QB that some make him out to be. He has not risen to the occasion in the Falcons’ biggest games, and he does not possess the accuracy that the top flight quarterbacks all have. He does “look” the part, he’s tough, and he’s a strong leader, which is why Atlanta is surely satisfied with Ryan and not looking to move on, nor should they be. As many questions as I have about Ryan, he’s shown enough to make me think that, unlike Romo, he could lead a franchise to a Super Bowl. With the investment Atlanta has already made in him, they’d hold tight, and I agree.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? No
  

San Francisco 49ers – Alex Smith (6-1)

Another very, very intriguing one simply because of how this season has started. This one falls right in line with the Bills and Bengals, two teams doing far better than anyone expected thanks to solid play from their QB. Smith has not been asked to win games for the 49ers this year, he’s just been asked not to lose them with a great defense and solid running game by his side. And he hasn’t.

Still, this is Alex Smith. He has not done anything spectacular this year that Cam Newton couldn’t have done, even as a rookie. The issue would be whether Newton would have made mistakes that Smith wouldn’t have made to sabotage the 49ers in a game or two. That I don’t know. But I do know that, again, this is Alex Smith. As solid as he’s been, and as much of an impact as Jim Harbaugh has made on him, the difference in talent and swagger between he and Newton is obvious.

To me, the 6-1 record of the 49ers, and their incredible four game lead this early in this season, would make the team more likely to do such a deal. They’d have some cushion if Newton struggled to adapt to his new surroundings; though one thing we have learned about Newton is that he rarely if ever struggles to adapt. It may be his greatest strength of all.

• Would they? Yes (Well…maybe…probably)
  
• Should they? Yes
  

St. Louis Rams – Sam Bradford (1-6)

Following right along with my thoughts on Stafford and Ryan, I don’t think there is much of a chance that St. Louis would pull the plug on the Bradford Era already, especially considering Bradford was the NFL’s Rookie of the Year last year and just needs protection and a few good targets to showcase his pinpoint accuracy. But like Stafford and Ryan, Bradford hasn’t earned Automatic No status. So the Rams might think about it, especially considering the money, but I think they’d stick with Bradford, and I wouldn’t blame them. I still think he’s going to be a star.

• Would they? No
  
• Should they? No
  

Arizona Cardinals – Kevin Kolb (1-6)

I thought long and hard about putting Arizona in Automatic Yes territory, but would they really cut the cord on Kolb so soon after giving him a long-term deal? Of course they should, but we know how egos sometimes get in the way of sound decision making, so I just wonder if they would.

Ultimately, I think so. Larry Fitzgerald has to be watching Cam Newton resuscitate Steve Smith’s career and get horribly jealous. That’s what Kolb was supposed to do for Fitzy, but obviously he hasn’t come close. Not that Arizona should be surprised by this mind you, because Kolb is basically just doing exactly what he did in Philadelphia. What, should he have turned down the money?

I don’t think it would take Arizona very long to say yes here.

• Would they? Yes
  
• Should they? Yes

###

So, how many teams would trade their current QB for Cam Newton right now?

Okay, let’s tally up the “would they” column, as decided by me:

• No: Buffalo, New York Jets, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Houston, San Diego, Philadelphia, Dallas, Detroit, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, St. Louis
• Yes: Baltimore, Chicago, Minnesota, San Francisco, Arizona

Combined with the automatics from up above, that means I think 14 teams would trade their current starting quarterback straight up for Cam Newton. That seems very low to me; and of course it would seem low to me because I personally project a lot of disconnect between what teams should do and what they would do were this a real rather than hypothetical situation.

If I tally it up in terms of my “should they” answers, it would look much different:

• No: Indianapolis, Houston, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, St. Louis
• Yes: Buffalo, New York Jets, Baltimore, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Dallas, Chicago, Detroit, Minnesota, San Francisco, Arizona

Based on what I would do in each team’s case, I think 20 teams’ QB situations would be improved immediately with Cam Newton. Maybe for a few there would be a short-term step back, but it would be worth it for the projected long-term steps forward.

But what I am really interested in here is your opinion.

Below is a poll that lists all of the teams I think are not obvious. Vote for all of the ones who you think should (not necessarily would) trade their current QB straight up for Cam Newton in our hypothetical fantasy. Then take to the comment section to state your peace or to agree/disagree with any of my assessments.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

I invite your thoughts below.

Leading the AFC West, the San Diego Chargers (4-2) will travel to Kansas City to take on the Chiefs (3-3). Kansas City looked buried at 0-3, but they have a huge opportunity tonight to get right back into the thick of the AFC West race.

Let’s take a look at the teams.

San Diego Chargers

San Diego is coming off a loss to the New York Jets in week 7. Quarterback Philip Rivers needs to step up his game. He’s been easily flustered this year and has been more hesitant when the play doesn’t come through immediately. With only seven touchdowns and nine interceptions this season, Rivers needs to pull himself together. Kansas City is not a team against whom you want to make mistakes, as the Oakland Raiders learned last week.

Key for Rivers is to relax and let the plays come together instead of trying to force the play and making unnecessary mistakes. Having Antonio Gates back healthy should help in that regard. The Chargers offense is 8th in the league with total number of yards, but they are only 15th in number of points per game. The offense for this team is decent, but it could definitely be better, and has been in the not so recent past.

The Chargers are ranked 7th in the league for passing yards per game with 273.2. Running back Mike Tolbert has been listed questionable for the game due to a hand injury. Leading the team in receptions and second in rushing, this put pressure on other offensive players Ryan Matthews (running back) and Vincent Jackson (wide receiver). Jackson has dealt with nagging injuries all season, but practiced for his first full week. He was shut down last week against the Jets, but the matchup against the Chiefs should allow him to make some plays.

San Diego’s defense has suffered a multitude of injuries and is thinning out. Safety Bob Sanders and outside linebacker Larry English are both out for the season, while defensive end Luis Castillo remains out for an extended period of time, and outside linebacker Shaun Phillips is out for at least Monday’s game. Inside linebacker Donald Butler mentioned that the defense is still trying to build the chemistry needed to hold strong offenses.

Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs offense has struggled this season. Quarterback Matt Cassel has had eight touchdowns and a completion percentage of 63.5, but he has hurt the team with seven interceptions. Cassel has struggled when facing the Chargers and has only thrown for 200 yards once in the last five starts against San Diego. Luckily, Cassel will be playing at home and will have the home crowd to help him focus on the game.

The Chiefs are ranked 7th in league in rushing yards with 129.3. However, they are ranked a lowly 30th for their receiving yards. Running back Jackie Battle has led the Chiefs in rushing yards with 232 in 45 carries. Battle along with Thomas Jones will be the rushing players to watch. Jones and Battle have not been stopped when up against weak defenses KC has played lately. With the Chargers feeling some hurt on the defensive side of the ball, this will be a great opportunity for the Chiefs top ranked rushing tandem to shine.

Wide Receiver Dwayne Bowe has helped the offense by leading in receiving yards with 496 yards and four touchdowns. When facing the Chargers in week three, Bowe had 67 yard receiving and one touchdown. Steve Breaston should also play a big part in the game for the Chiefs on Monday. With all eyes focused on Bowe, the Chiefs are sure to make some big plays to Breaston to try to beat out rival Chargers.

Chiefs-Chargers Prediction

While the Chiefs have the home field advantage, I believe the Chargers will pull through and defeat Kansas City for the second time this season. I believe it will be a close game that will be dictated by the offenses, as both defenses have been plagued by injuries.

Overall, the Chargers offense will outplay the Chiefs, with Philip Rivers having the chance to pull it together against the average Chiefs defense, and the Chargers will pull farther ahead in the AFC West.

San Diego Chargers 28 | Kansas City Chiefs 21

**********

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs Game Info

• Chargers-Chiefs Date, Time, and TV: Monday, October 31st at 8:30 ET on ESPN
• Chargers-Chiefs Announcers: Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, and Ron Jaworski
• Chargers-Chiefs Point Spread: Chargers -3.5
• Chargers-Chiefs Over-Under Odds: 44

30 years from now when the next generation of kids are watching highlights from the 2011 season, they will randomly see players wearing pink, and unless the NFL continues this practice forever, they won’t know why. The great thing about highlights from the 60s and 70s is that teams always looked the same. They were the definition of uniform.

Nowadays each team has at least one throwback or alternate uniform that they wear periodically throughout the season. And while they look great, it messes with continuity. I realize that the extra uniforms bring in racks on racks on racks of extra money each season, but they need to do away with it. Teams should be forced to pick one uniform design – one home, one away – and stick with it. If the throwback uniforms are such a hit and look better than the default uniforms, then switch back.

On to the Week 5 Power Rankings.

1. Green Bay Packers 4-0

As a courtesy to both myself and the readers of MSF, I am going to stop writing about the Packers each week until they lose. For now, our resident cheesehead, Amanda Lawson, will be filling this spot. Take it away Amanda.

MSF's own Amanda Lawson, in a picture lifted from her Facebook account without permission, sporting her favorite head gear

“Ahhh the Packers. The Green and Gold offense is on fire, and it doesn’t look like they are about to cool down any time soon. All the Aaron Rodgers haters are at a loss for words after his stellar performance on Sunday. The momentum is building and this powerhouse in clearing a path of excellence. I was once told that winning is boring. Losing is so much worse.”

(Note: I was the one who said winning is boring. It’s true. Watching your rival team win all the time is the most boring thing in the world. Thanks Amanda.)

2. Baltimore Ravens 3-1

Can we change Joe “Footsteps” Flacco’s last name to Falco? The way he played on Sunday night is how I imagined Keanu Reeves’ character played in the 1996 Sugar Bowl for Ohio State in The Replacements. I’m also curious to see how well Joe Flacco can throw a metal ball under water.

I can’t believe it has already been 11 years since that movie came out. It was the first movie I bought on DVD. Did you know the players wore Under Armour in the movie and that Roy Anderson played the deaf tight end? Crazy.

3. New Orleans Saints 3-1

The Saints have a legitimate chance at being 15-1 this season, or at least 13-3. They have a solid history against the teams in their own division over the past few years, and their toughest non-division game lies at home against Detroit in Week 13, and who knows what kind of shape Matt Stafford will be in by then. Do I think they are going to go 15-1? No. But their schedule says they could.

4. Detroit Lions 4-0

Too bad the Lions don’t have any real fans who could provide actual content and opinions about them on this site. HAH! TAKE THAT DETROIT!

I hate Detroit sports, but I love their music.

5. New England Patriots 3-1

What would be the football equivalent of the 2011 Red Sox collapse you ask? How could it happen to the 2011 Patriots? I actually know the answer to this: the 2003 Minnesota Vikings.

That team started the season 6-0, went 3-7 to finish the year, and got knocked out of the playoffs on a last second, fourth down touchdown by Nate Poole of the Arizona Cardinals.

Make it happen sports gods.

6. Houston Texans 3-1

A win over the Steelers is an important win for a team looking to prove to everyone that they should be mentioned among the leagues best, but realistically they should have won by about four touchdowns. At least Arian Foster looks like he’s healthy again. Good for the Texans, bad for the AFC South.

7. San Diego Chargers 3-1

This is the most frustrating team ever. Number one overall offense and defense last year and didn’t make the playoffs. Have all of this talent and such a “high powered offense”, and yet they can’t seem to pull away from bad teams like Minnesota, Kansas City and Miami. Even though they are sitting at seven this week, I am down on this team.

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-1

What is that? Vikings fan? Me? Who told you that? No no no no no. When I was a kid I owned a Warrick Dunn jersey and had one of those Tampa Bay Buccaneers pullover Starter jackets. When I played football, I pretended I was John Lynch. Mike Alstott ranks only behind Leroy Hoard as the NFL’s greatest fullback ever. Hell, I even wrote about Josh Freeman being league MVP. I even mentioned it last week too. I’m a Buccaneers fan dammit! HAIL BUCCANEERS!!!

My “analytic take” on the Buccaneers after Week 4: they are going to have an ugly October. Mixing pink with their team colors? Gross. It just doesn’t work. Down right ugly if you ask me.

9. Buffalo Bills 3-1

Was the last second loss to the Bengals a product of fatigue following two emotional, late game wins against Oakland and New England or a sign of what they really are – a run-of-the-mill overachieving team coming back down to Earth?

10. New York Giants 3-1

How crazy is this Victor Cruz story line?

Last year the guy catches three spectacular touchdowns in one preseason game and is all anyone can talk about for two weeks, then he contributes zero production to the Giants last year. Now all of a sudden he reappears last week when he made two Eagle defenders smash into each other en route to a long touchdown, and then this week he somehow gets away with blatantly fumbling the ball and allows the Giants to win another close game. I can’t wait to see what comes next with this guy.

11. Washington Redskins 3-1

I didn’t watch the Redskins game this weekend because I like to watch good football (Vikings games don’t count, I have to watch those), but I can’t imagine that they look good wearing pink either. I love the gold pants though, those things are classic.

That win helped mask the fact that Rex Grossman looked like Rex Grossman again. Sorry Redskins fans.

12. Chicago Bears 2-2

The Bears and Lions play each other on Monday Night Football this week. To celebrate, I would just like to remind you all that instead of Tyler Juranovich gushing about how much Jay Cutler dominates on a weekly basis, we’ll also get Jon Gruden obsessively talking about how “gritty” and “gutty” and “drunk looking” he is for three hours. I’m so glad I watch MNF on mute.

13. Tennessee Titans 3-1

Chris Johnson finally rushed for over 100 yards in a game and the Titans are surprisingly tied for first place in the AFC South. Unfortunately they have played teams that would probably struggle against Big Ten teams this year, excluding the Ravens of course. Not sure how that one happened. Actually, I do. “Footsteps” Flacco happened. Expect them to slip once they play some legitimate teams.

14. San Francisco 49ers 3-1

Maybe this actually is a good team? Or is Philadelphia really just struggling that much? Alex Smith is looking kind of good so far. By that I mean for Alex Smith’s standards, which is basically slightly above average. At least he’s a better option right now than Donovan McNabb.

15. Oakland Raiders 2-2

Before this past weekend I thought the Raiders would be able to beat the Patriots at home and make a legitimate run to win the AFC West. Even with the loss, and boy was it ugly, I still think they can win the division. The NFL is just better when the Raiders are winning.

16. New York Jets 2-2

I know you are all expecting some sort of Rex Ryan or Mark Sanchez joke, but I’ve got nothing. I’ve got Antonio Cromartie jokes, but that is for next week.

17. Atlanta Falcons 2-2

The best part of the Falcons being a middle of the pack team this year? Room for my Buccaneers to make the playoffs!

18. Pittsburgh Steelers 2-2

The best part of the Steelers being a middle of the pack team this year? Potential room for the Bills to make the playoffs!

19. Dallas Cowboys 2-2

For as much as I am sick of hearing about Tony Romo and his ability to not win a close game, I will never get sick of watching him blow a late lead. It’s a real Catch 22. I hate the Cowboys but love when they lose and cause pain to their “fans”. I realize that is mean to say, and I have a few friends who are Cowboys fans, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

20. Philadelphia Eagles 1-3

For all you college football experts, is Robert Griffin III a better version of Vince Young? Maybe he IS Vince Young, because seriously, has anyone seen him? At all? Where the hell did he go?

21. Cincinnati Bengals 2-2

Dalton to Green has produced 312 yards and three touchdowns already in four weeks and the Bengals are .500. Who said rookies can’t produce?

On a completely unrelated note, 21 years into my life and I still can’t spell Cincinnati correctly on the first try. I don’t think I’ll ever learn. I also can’t say “polish sausage” correctly. Is that just me, or is the “sh” suffix impossible to say when it precedes a word that starts with an “s”? Might just be one of those mental block things.

22. Cleveland Browns 2-2

They got an absolute butt kicking at home against the Titans on Sunday, but maybe that’s what they need. Young teams need to get the shit beat out of them every once and a while. Too much of a good thing can lead to destruction under pressure. Then again, too much of a bad thing, in this case ass kickings at home, can be discouraging to a young team. You want young teams to learn tough lessons and build on them, not learn tough lessons and get used to them.

Regardless, they still have one of the best jerseys in the league. Alas, they join Washington and Tampa Bay in the “not looking good in pink” category. You ever see someone walk around wearing brown, orange and pink? No. There’s a reason for that.

23. Arizona Cardinals 1-3

While not really in the running to be a sleeper team in 2011 anymore, they still have a chance to be a playoff team thanks to their shitty division. Who would have thunk it right? (Hint: me)

24. Carolina Panthers 1-3

Am I the only one who is glad we don’t have to talk about Cam Newton anymore? Is he doing a great job in Carolina? Absolutely. I love that he has resurrected Steve Smith’s career, but I want to see him win more than one game before he takes up half of my sports talk radio segments. Wins > passing yards.

25. Seattle Seahawks 1-3

Never again do I want to see that Tarvaris Jackson has over 300 yards passing and three touchdowns and instantly wish that my football team had him at the helm. It’s a terrible feeling. I wish it upon no one.

26. Kansas City Chiefs 1-3

The Chiefs got knocked around pretty hard in the first two weeks of the season, but I’ll give them credit. They have played a pretty solid last six quarters. I think what we’ve learned from Kansas City this year is what positions in the NFL are the most important. Obviously a competent quarterback and above average/Pro Bowl wide receiver are higher on the priority list than running back. And are 4-3 defensive ends/3-4 outside linebackers more important than an all-pro safety? Discuss.

27. St. Louis Rams 0-4

Ugh. I thought this team was supposed to be fun to watch this year. Even I could get past the Rams offensive line right now, and I have asthma and an ingrown toenail. And yes, that is the lamest excuse you will hear from anyone as to why they are out of shape, but hey, I don’t care. It is what it is.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars 1-3

How did Jacksonville get two Monday Night Football games this year? Were they good last year and I just missed it? And speaking of Jacksonville, why is the abbreviation JAX? There is no “x” in Jacksonville. It never fails to confuse me when I have to spell out Jacksonville. I propose a vote to change it to JAC.

29. Denver Broncos 1-3

Roger Goodell should implement a rule that if the Broncos are going to draft Andrew Luck in the 2012 draft, they have to go back to the Orange Crush jerseys and logo. He should also probably check Knowshon Moreno’s water bottle.

30. Minnesota Vikings 0-4

The Minnesota Vikings spot in these rankings will be reserved for non-Vikings thoughts for the rest of the year because I have nothing left to say about this team. This week: drunk girls alone at the bar.

On Friday night a group of my friends went out to the bar and saw a relatively attractive girl (so it seemed at the time, turned out she really wasn’t) drinking by herself at the bar. It was 7pm so we figured she had just got there and was waiting for her friends. Then it got to be 8pm and she was still alone. We were a little drunk at by then ($.30 beers go down so smooth, you guys) and we figured it would be a good time to go learn this girl’s story. Just as we were about to approach her, she reached out, grabbed a random dude’s ass, then stood up to walk and almost fell over taking a right hand turn. I’ve never sat back down in my seat so fast.

Drunk girl then went out to the dance floor and proceeded to get jiggy with it. By herself. At 8:30pm. I am not exaggerating when I say that the entire bar stopped what they were doing, stood up, and watched her dance. The bar full of attention only added fuel to the fire. Bravo lonely drunk lady, you had us all at your fingertips. She was loving it, and so were we, but for a completely different reason.

Lesson learned. Lonely drunk girls are probably drunk and alone for a reason.

31. Miami Dolphins 0-4

Serious question. What kind of pizza would it take for Miami to trade Reggie Bush away in real life? My guess is either Hawaiian or Meat Lovers. Though if it gets too close to the trade deadline, I’m sure they would settle for pepperoni. Everyone loves pepperoni pizza.

32. Indianapolis Colts 0-4

I want to see Peyton Manning on my TV for only two reasons: playing football and doing funny things on SNL. Not cheering in a press box while Curtis Painter is playing quarterback.

Oh, and then there is this from last night in case you all missed it. Ow. Get well soon.

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[Editor's note: If you can't get enough of Power Rankings, don't forget to check out this week's "Suck 4 Luck" Power Rankings, which handicaps the NFL's race to the bottom in 2011.]

Even though it is a small sample size, almost literally the smallest you could get, we can all expect Peterson will run for over 300 yards on Sunday afternoon right? Probably not, considering when Peterson set the record in 2007 his quarterback was Brooks Bollinger. I will never say anything bad about Brooks Bollinger (North Dakota native), but I think we can all agree that Donovan McNabb is a bit of an upgrade.

That being said, I don’t think there will be a need for Peterson to run the ball 30 times, especially in the first game of the season.

Vikings-Chargers Preview

San Diego comes into this game as the favorite to win the AFC West and be a Super Bowl contender for about the seventh year in a row. Same routine as always – Philip Rivers and the high powered offense, steady and balanced defense, weak division. Year after year we have heard this about the Chargers, and year after year the “experts” have picked them to be among the league’s best, and year after year it hasn’t happened.

If the Chargers want to be the team everyone expects them to be this year, they need to start off with a win at home against Minnesota. If they can’t, a trip to New England and an early divisional game against the Chiefs could send them into Week 4 at 0-3. And if any of us have been paying attention, the Chargers’ slow starts have become the most common and regular annual occurrence in the NFL.

A quick start out of the gate is key to San Diego’s playoff hopes this year. They have an early bye in Week 6 then have to travel to face the Jets and Chiefs before coming back home to play the Packers. An 0-3 or 1-2 start is not acceptable. This is about as close to a must win for the Chargers as a Week 1 game can be.

As for the Vikings, they don’t really have any high expectations outside of their own locker room. They went 6-10 last year after falling short of Super Bowl XLI in 2009. Brett Favre is out, McNabb is in. Brad Childress has officially been replaced by Leslie Frazier. Sidney Rice is gone, replaced by Devin Aromashodu and Michael Jenkins.

Realistically, the Vikings are probably an 8-8 team this year. Last year they suffered through the worst record in the NFC North with a quarterback corps which consisted of Favre, Tarvaris Jackson and Joe Webb. Luckily that 6-10 record means they get to play (the potentially sneaky) Arizona Cardinals and McNabb’s former squad, the Washington Redskins. Sounds a lot easier than traveling to New England and New York like they did last year.

Head Coach Leslie Frazier has stated his team will get back to the basics of football fundamentals – run the ball, play solid defense, limit mistakes. This Vikings team can do that. They have the best running back in the league in Adrian Peterson, who will be running in a more simplified, straight forward blocking scheme this year under Bill Musgrave. This is also where Jenkins will hopefully make an impact, as he played under Musgrave in Atlanta.

Vikings-Chargers Prediction

So we have the Super Bowl contending Chargers against the middle of the road Minnesota Vikings. Chargers win right? Not exactly.

San Diego will obviously throw the ball a lot. Philip Rivers is one of the best pure passers in the league, and the Vikings have a secondary with a lot of questions to open the season, as well as an uncertain OLB position, which could become a problem considering the Chargers have a future HOF tight end in Antonio Gates.

Because of this, look for Minnesota and Frazier to do a lot of blitzing, not unlike what they did in Week 16 last year when they took down the Eagles. And remember that thing about Frazier wanting to run the ball? If Minnesota can control the ball, get some 12-play, eight minute drives, keep the Chargers off the field and have McNabb make a few big plays, the Vikings have a realistic chance at winning the game.

Best case scenario: Peterson has 120 yards on 25 carries, Visanthe Shiancoe and Kyle Rudolph dominate in the flats, Percy Harvin scores on an 80 yard touchdown, and the Chargers only have the ball for 22 minutes. Vikings win 31-23.

Worst case scenario: Philip Rivers only needs 22 minutes to throw for 400 yards and four touchdowns, the Vikings struggle to keep a drive going past the 40 yard line, Ryan Longwell attempts three 40+ yard field goals, Minnesota finds the redzone only once and Percy Harvin’s migraine problems come back. Chargers win 38-10.

Official Prediction: The Chargers are bringing back most of their team from last year. The Vikings have some big changes at important positions. With the shortened offseason, this tends to favor the more consistent team, which in this case are the Chargers.

The Vikings will be able to establish a running game, but will fail to keep a consistent drive throughout the game, giving the Chargers too many opportunities to put points on the board. Lucky for them, San Diego will get the season off on the right foot.

Take the over and the points, Chargers win 33-21.

• Vikings-Chargers Prediction: Chargers 33-21
• Vikings-Chargers Spread Pick: Chargers -8.5
• Vikings-Chargers Over-Under: Over

Minnesota Vikings at San Diego Chargers Game Info

• Vikings-Chargers Date, Time, and TV: Sunday, September 11th at 4:15 ET on FOX
• Vikings-Chargers Point Spread: Chargers -9
• Vikings-Chargers Over-Under Odds: 41
• Vikings-Chargers Announcers: Ron Pitts and Jim Mora Jr.