[Editor's note: This was originally posted back in January, but it got lost in the Super Bowl shuffle. Keith did a great job on it though, so we're cycling it back to the front of the site for those of you who missed it.]

You know how sometimes when you hear a one-hit wonder song on the radio or on the jukebox at a bar, it makes you think of a certain time in your life and all of the memories of that time come flooding back?

For some reason, those songs resonate.  They are the songs that everyone knows the words to, even if they are embarrassed to admit it.  The best one-hit wonders activate that mental and emotional time machine in a person.

Sports do the same thing for me.  I tie events in my life to notable sports players and seasons.

I distinctly remember my first two years of middle school being “Fab Five” years.  I wore a Jalen Rose #5 maize jersey, matching shorts, black socks and black Nikes to school at least once a week. By 8^th grade, I had orange and turquoise hair, but not because of Greenday or the Offspring, but because of Dennis Rodman.  I also wished that I could grow a mustache at 13 years old to be more like L.A. Raiders quarterback Jeff Hostetler, whose jersey I also proudly donned.

Ill-conceived fashion choices aside, the feelings and memories generated by sports and music endure as much as any.  Years from now, when I look back at this NFL season, I will remember plenty, but among the most amusing things to reminisce about will be the guys who came out of nowhere to have a great year and then disappeared.  Guys like Victor Cruz or (gasp!) Tim Tebow could qualify if they are unable to replicate their 2011 successes.

In that spirit, here are some of the greatest single-season performances by players who were never able to reach that level of success again in NFL history and a one-hit wonder tune to go along with each.  Nonsensical?  Probably.  Fun?  Absolutely.

Steve Beuerlein – 1999 / Chumbawamba – “Tubthumping”

Stats: 60.1 Comp %, 4,436 Yards, 36 TD, 15 INT, 94.6 rating, 50 sacks

Beuerlein was primarily a backup quarterback until 1998, when he took over for Carolina Panthers quarterback Kerry Collins, who was battling personal problems and ineffectiveness on the field.

Beuerlein finished the 1998 season strong and staked his claim to the starting job in 1999.  That season, he demolished all expectations, helping the Panthers double their win total from the previous season and setting franchise records for passing yards, touchdowns and rating that still stand today.

He was reasonably successful the following year (3730 yards, 19 TD, 18 INT, 79.7 rating), but nowhere near the same as in 1999.

You certainly did get knocked down, Steve.

Why “Tubthumping” for Beuerlein?  Well, he was sacked 50 times in 1999.  So he literally got knocked down and got up again, and no team was able to keep him down, at least that season.

In fact, in the 44 games he started from 1998-2000, he was sacked 156 times.  That’s an average of over 3.5 times per game.  Hey Jay Cutler, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I would call Steve Beuerlein.  He feels your pain.

DeAngelo Williams – 2008 / Aldo Nova – “Fantasy”

Stats: 273 carries, 1,515 rushing yards, 20 total TD

I understand that DeAngelo might have a couple of good years ahead of him.  Carolina certainly hopes so, as they signed him to a 5-year, $43 million contract this past year.  But given the new direction of the offense with Cam Newton at the helm and the time share between Williams and Jonathan Stewart in the backfield, I just don’t see Williams ever having the kind of impact he did in 2008.

"Fantasy" kryponite has a name, and it is DeAngelo Williams.

I chose Canadian rocker Aldo Nova and his 1981 hit “Fantasy” because in that magical 2008 season Williams was the #1 ranked fantasy player in the NFL.  And also because I think “Fantasy” and it’s wicked synth/guitar riff is quite awesome.

Before Rob Dyrdek used a cover of it for his Fantasy Factory show, the song was relegated only to occasional airplay on classic rock stations and my iPod.  Now, we can all sing “life is just a fantasyyy” every time Williams comes off the board in a draft and laugh at the guy who thinks he will sniff his 2008 numbers again (note: I was that guy in 2009 and 2010).

Derek Anderson & Braylon Edwards – 2007 / Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock – “It Takes Two”

Stats:

• Anderson – 3,787 yards, 29 passing TDs, 3 rushing TD, 19 INT, 82.5 rating
  
• Edwards – 80 receptions, 1,289 yards, 16 TD
  

This is it for Carolina Panthers players, I promise, even though Anderson was in Cleveland during his lone great season.  Both of these guys have bounced around after their fantastic (especially by Cleveland Browns standards) 2007 season.  Edwards was recently cut by the 49ers thanks to nagging injuries and inconsistency, and Anderson is toiling away as a backup in Carolina.

That 2007 Browns team overachieved its way to 10 wins, and this QB-WR duo is a big reason why.

Rob Base and D.J. E-Z Rock scored a hit in 1988 with “It Takes Two,” and I attached this to the Anderson-Edwards tandem because I have to believe that without one another they wouldn’t have been able to chalk up numbers like they did in 2007.

I still find it hard to believe that, with all his gifts, Edwards has disappointed so spectacularly in the NFL.  I find it similarly strange that Rob Base and D.J. E-Z Rock never put together another infectious hip-hop club anthem, as “It Takes Two” was undeniably catchy, and in the right venue can still incite a late-80′s dance party.

Otis Armstrong – 1974 / Carl Douglas – “Kung Fu Fighting” 

Stats: 263 carries, 1,407 yards, 9 TD, 405 receiving yards, 3 TD in a 14-game season

Long before the Denver Broncos could just plug and play guys in the backfield and expect 1,000-yard seasons, Armstrong had an amazing season.  In 1974 the season was only 14 games long, meaning Armstrong averaged over 100 yards rushing per game.  Applying his averages to today’s 16 game schedule, Armstrong could have totaled over 2,000 total yards and 14 or 15  TD.

Unfortunately, he had only one other decent year (1976) and it didn’t compare to his 1974 first team all-pro campaign.

I’m going to be honest here; I chose “Kung Fu Fighting” because it is hilarious, and the only tie it has to Otis Armstrong is that both were wreaking havoc on the United States in 1974.  Douglas’ goofy song is one of the top 25 selling singles of all time, which is patently ludicrous, yet funny.

Apologies to Broncos fans and Armstrong aficionados.  I just had to include this somewhere.

David Boston – 2001 / Inner Circle – “Bad Boys”

Stats: 98 receptions, 1,598 yards, 8 TD

David Boston’s career never really took off the way it seemed it would, due to PED use and knee problems.  He was a record-setter at Ohio State, and he seemed to be a rising star at receiver for the Cardinals by the 2001 season.

Of course, looking at his physique it wasn’t surprising when he was suspended for four games for violating the NFL’s steroids policy.

One could argue that his 2000 season was good enough to exclude him from being a one season wonder, but the list of receivers with 1,100-1,200 yard seasons is a very, very long one, while only 14 other receiving seasons have ranked higher than the 1,598 yards Boston posted in 2001.

Inner Circle’s “Bad Boys” has become synonymous with the show Cops, and Boston has had a few run-ins with the bad boys himself.  In addition to the steroid suspension (which was merely an NFL suspension – no charges were filed), Boston has had legal trouble in 2007 with a DUI arrest and in 2011 was accused of beating a woman to the point that she needed stitches.

Meanwhile, his 1997 sparring partner Charles Woodson has been busy being the veteran leader of the 15-1 Green Bay Packers’ defense.

Ickey Woods – 1988 / Toni Basil – “Hey Mickey Ickey”

Stats: 1,265 total yards, 15 touchdowns, 5.3 yards per carry

Ickey Woods was about as famous in southwest Ohio in 1988 as Bo Jackson, Michael Jordan, and Wayne Gretzky (ProStars!) combined.  The man created what might be the worst on-field celebration (although Merton Hanks is close) in history – the “Ickey Shuffle” – and it was celebrated as groundbreaking for the time.

The 6-2, 231 lb. Woods was a force running the ball that year, rolling through defenders and helping lead the Bengals to the Super Bowl as a rookie.  Sadly, the shuffles mostly ended after that, as injuries claimed Ickey’s career after only four seasons (26 total games, including 1988).

For this post, we’re changing Toni Basil’s song to “Hey Ickey,” for obvious reasons.  Plus, the video is a bunch of cheerleaders, which is perfectly fitting an NFL post.

There’s probably not a lot I can say about the video for the song that hasn’t already been said on a VH-1 special or three, but I will say that Toni Basil’s eyes are downright frightening.

Scott Mitchell – 1995 / Timbuk 3 – “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades”

Stats: 4,338 passing yards, 32 TD, 12 INT, 92.3 rating, 4 rushing TD

when you’ve got Barry Sanders on your team, you wouldn’t think putting up big passing numbers would be a likely occurrence, but in 1995 Scott Mitchell put up some massive stats while leading the Detroit Lions to a playoff berth.

Mitchell’s 1995 season set franchise records in touchdown passes and yards (both broken by Matthew Stafford this year), and he was able to get both Herman Moore and Brett Perriman over 100 catches apiece.  The lanky lefty seemed to have the Lions headed to the top of the NFC.

With Mitchell, Sanders, and Moore all 27 or younger, one would have thought the Lions would have the makings of a contender for at least a few years to come.  Unfortunately for them, the stars never aligned, as Mitchell regressed badly and Sanders retired at age 30.

Timbuk 3′s hit is fitting here, because almost everyone thought the Lions were a few defensive pieces away from a Lombardi trophy.  And like the Lions, Timbuk 3 wasn’t able to strike another hit on par with “The Future’s So Bright…”

Mark Carrier – 1989 / OMC – “How Bizarre”

Stats: 86 receptions, 1,422 yards, 9 TD

Mark Carrier was the only real offensive bright spot for the 1989 Bucs, as Vinny Testaverde threw more INTs (22) than TDs (20) and their leading rusher, Lars Tate, had just 589 yards.  Carrier never had more than 66 catches in a season after that, and he only gained 1,000 yards once more (1,002 in 1995).

I certainly didn’t watch many Bucs games in 1989 (I was a kid and they were 5-11 – not exactly priority viewing in Ohio), but I can’t find any answers as to why Carrier was able to put together such a strong season on such a bad offense.

“Bizarre” is exactly the word I would use to describe Carrier’s huge 1989 season.  OMC are from New Zealand, and the tropical setting of their video meshes well with the tropical setting of Tampa, where Carrier rescued Testaverde from what could have been an even worse season.

Sadly, OMC frontman Pauly Fuemana died two years ago, but OMC’s lone hit will live on, reminding me that sports too can be bizarre.

Barry Foster – 1992 / The Verve – “Bittersweet Symphony”

Stats: 390 carries (!), 1,690 rushing yards, 11 TD, 344 receiving yards

Even with Big Ben throwing more, when we think of the Pittsburgh Steelers today most of us still think of smash-mouth football with a nasty streak on the defensive side.  In the early ’90′s, it was much the same, but there was more balance on the offense than most people remember.

Except for 1992, that is.

Barry Foster became a one man wrecking crew that year, running the ball almost 10 times as much as the next back on the roster (Merril Hoge) and accounting for about 43% of the total offensive touches for the team.

It comes as no surprise then that Foster struggled to stay healthy for the rest of his short career and was never able to reach those heights again.  Injuries forced him out of football in 1994, in what was truly a “bittersweet” parting for Steelers fans.  His 1,690 yards still rank first all time in Steelers history.

Christian Okoye – 1989 / EMF – “Unbelievable”

Stats: 370 carries, 1,480 yards, 12 TD

The “Nigerian Nightmare” was a legendary figure amongst kids my age in 1989.

If you had asked me then how many good seasons he had completed I would have guessed somewhere around 19.  I was that enamored by the 253-lb. bruiser.  Of course, as a young Raiders fan, I would have fought to the death over any argument about who was more badass between Okoye and Bo Jackson.

One question I have about Okoye’s 1989 season is how in the hell did he only catch 2 passes all year while carrying 370 times?  That has to be among the strangest football statistics ever.

Okoye fell victim to the same ailment that afflicted Foster – a relentless workload.  He couldn’t really keep his knee healthy and was out of the league just three uneventful seasons after his transcendent 1989 year.

“Unbelievable” is about as iconic a song as Okoye was a football player.  I chose it primarily because of Okoye’s exploits on Nintendo’s Tecmo Super Bowl.  The guy was nearly unstoppable on that game, and I sometimes had to forgo my silver and black allegiances to experience the awesomeness firsthand.

And now, in honor of the Super Bowl coming up, I will list a couple of the most noteworthy Super Bowl performances from guys who have otherwise failed to live up to their big stage moments.

Timmy Smith – Super Bowl XXII / Afro Man – “Because I Got High”

Super Bowl Stats: 22 carries, 204 yards, 2 TD

Rookie Timmy Smith was an unknown back who stepped in for injured starter George Rogers and started the Super Bowl.  He had the good fortune of running behind the “Hogs,” Washington’s dominant offensive line, and as a result he was able to set a Super Bowl record with 204 yards rushing.  For his entire regular season career he only totaled 602 yards, 3 TD and a 3.2 yards per carry average.

Rumors of cocaine abuse surrounded Smith the following year, and after he took an entire season off in 1989, he failed to make an impact in the NFL again, rushing just six times in a single game for Dallas in 1990 before being released.  Smith denied the drug abuse rumors but has certainly had ties to drugs since, as he was convicted on charges of selling cocaine in 2005.  He served two and a half years in prison and was released in 2008.

Afro Man’s hilarious rap “Because I Got High” is probably a little light-hearted for a man who has undergone such personal strife, but it just goes to show what the effects of drugs can be on someone with a promising future.

David Tyree – Super Bowl XLII – Eiffel 65 – “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”

Super Bowl Stats: 3 receptions, 43 yards, 1 TD, 1 miraculous helmet catch

In honor of this year’s Super Bowl rematch, I can’t leave out one of the most notorious Super Bowl plays of all time.

Tyree caught a 5-yard touchdown early in the 4th quarter, but it was his miracle “helmet catch” on 3rd-and-11 that kept the Giants’ game winning drive alive.  The win broke New England’s 18-game winning streak and brought the Giants their first Super Bowl win since 1990.

Tyree had only made four catches for 35 yards all season, but he turned in a performance for the ages in the decisive quarter of Super Bowl XLII.

What players will have their brightest moment in the rematch?

Eiffel 65′s “Blue” is the choice here because the Giants are known for, among other things, their blue uniforms.  Plus, I would imagine most people in the New England area really hated that song, and I know they hated the helmet catch, so why not throw the two together?

That’s it for my list.  What single season wonders did I miss?  And what songs would you put with them?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Follow me on Twitter @keithmullett

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 Image Credits: golf912.org, nfl.com, espn.com, sportsworldcards.com, sfgate.com, sbnation.com, nola.com, pittsfinest.tumblr.com, chiefscrowd.com, sportsillustrated.cnn.com, wfplaw.com

Audi isn’t known for their commercials, but I have a feeling this one will get some run over the next few weeks.

Here’s the clip:

The vampire craze is probably a year or two past its height, so I have to deduct a few points for that.  If this were run last year Audi could have really cashed in on the Twilight, Trueblood and Vampire Diaries mania that took over the country.

Alas, they did not, so we’re left to review the ad this year.  In the ad, a guy is driving to a party at night, and he flashes his fangs to let us know he’s a vampire.  When we see shots of the party, we understand that it is entirely populated by vampires as well.

Problems ensue when the Audi driving vampire (who happens to turns his LED headlights toward ) burns up everyone at the party.  What could have been a decadent shindig turned into a broken acoustic guitar and a sad vampire with a whole case O+ all to himself.

Overall, it wasn’t a bad ad, just a little trite.  I especially like dEcho & the Bunnymen’s “The Killing Time” being used for the ad’s soundtrack, so I’m bumping up the grade a little for that.

Commercial Grade: C+

Pittsburgh native Curtis Martin, the NFL’s fourth all-time leading rusher, got the nod in his second year of eligibility.

Joining him are Seahawks defensive tackle Cortez Kennedy, Steelers center Dermontti Dawson, offensive tackle Willie Roaf (Saints and Chiefs), and defensive end and linebacker Chris Doleman (Vikings, Falcons, and 49ers). The senior committee elected Steelers defensive back Jack Butler.

Learn more about each of these players’ many accomplishments below. But first, a few words and a poll about some notable snubs.

Cris Carter, at one of his 8 Pro Bowls. (Wikipedia)

Notable Hall of Fame Snubs

Vikings great Cris Carter, who ended his career second all-time in receptions and receiving touchdowns, will have to wait, again. This is the fifth year that Carter has been a finalist but has not been elected.

Others notable omissions include:

• Receiver Tim Brown, who is fourth all-time in receiving yards;
• Buffalo Bills receiver Andre Reed, eligible since 2006, who will have to wait to join teammates Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, and Bruce Smith in Canton;
• Running back Jerome Bettis, who is sixth all-time in rushing yards;
• Defensive end Charles Haley, who was a key part of five Super Bowl champions and an NFL Defensive Player of the Year;
• Coach (and Wichita State alum) Bill Parcells, who won two Super Bowls with the New York Giants, went to a third with the New England Patriots, and took his teams to the Playoffs more often than not.

What do you think about the snubs? Chime in below:

2012 Hall of Fame Inductees

Jack Butler

• cornerback, Pittsburgh Steelers (1951-59)
• 4 Pro Bowls
• 52 career interceptions for 827 yards and 4 touchdowns
• elected by the senior committee

Jack Butler has waited more than 50 years. He won't have to wait any longer.

Dermontti Dawson

• center, Pittsburgh Steelers (1988-2000)
• 7 Pro Bowls, 6 AP All-Pro selections
• eligible since 2006

Chris Doleman

• defensive end and linebacker, Vikings (1985-93, 99), Falcons (1994-95), 49ers (1996-98)
• 8 Pro Bowls, 3 First-Team and 2 Second-Team All-Pro selections
• 150 1/3 career sacks
• eligible since 2004

Cortez Kennedy

• defensive tackle, Seahawks (1990-2000)
• 8 Pro Bowls, 2 First-Team and 1 Second-Team All-Pro selections
• 58 career sacks from the defensive tackle position
• eligible since 2006

Curtis Martin

• running back, Patriots (1995-97), Jets (1998-2005)
• 5 Pro Bowls, 5 AP All-Pro selections
• 14,101 career rushing yards (4th all-time)
• 17,430 yards from scrimmage (7th all-time)
• 90 rushing touchdowns (12th all-time)
• eligible since 2011

Willie Roaf

• tackle, Saints (1993-01), Chiefs (2002-05)
• 11 Pro Bowls, 6 First-Team and 3 Second-Team All-Pro selections
• eligible since 2011

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This is the fourth post in Kurt’s epic quest to identify the NFL’s Ultimate Franchise Player. For an explanation of his methodology for choosing each franchise’s ultimate franchise player, and then how you and he will choose the NFL’s Ultimate Franchise Player from that list, click here.

To see all the category page for this series, of which there will be one for every franchise, click here.

Previous selections: ARI | ATL | BAL

We had gone to the birds in our first three installments of MSF’s Ultimate Franchise Player series, first anointing Mr. Cardinal, then Mr. Falcon and finally Mr. Raven.

Today, Midwest Sports Fans turns it up a few notches and proudly proclaims…

Mr. Bill

Mr. Bill

Buffalo Bills History and Honorable Mention

The Buffalo Bills mark the first of the Original Eight American Football League franchises, which began play in often empty stadiums in 1960, with the Bills playing in a muddy minor league baseball venue until their current facility opened in 1973.

The Bills are a proud franchise that has had its moments, mainly the earlier days of the AFL and the Marv Levy era of the late-1980’s/early 1990’s. But there have been many lean times as well, especially recently. The Bills remain the only NFL team not to have earned a playoff berth since the year 2000, unless you count the playoff game played on January 7, 2000, following the 1999 season.

Just how much can one stinky, polluted, border town can possibly take? And let’s not get into how absolutely awful the hotels are allegedly up there.

In determining the Bills’ Ultimate Franchise Player, there is an interesting list of suspects to choose from, one in particular in more ways than one…

Shane Conlan (ILB 1987-92)

Conlan was the eighth overall pick of the 1987 Draft after intercepting two passes in Penn State’s National Championship Game win over the University of Miami. He was named NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year in 1987 and then named to the Pro Bowl in each of the following three seasons.

Finished his career playing three years for the LA/St. Louis Rams.

Billy Shaw (OG 1962-1969)

The only member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame who never physically played a game in the NFL.

Unlike other teams in the old AFL, the Bills made their living much more on the run than other teams, and Shaw was an important part of it. He made both the pro football All-Decade team for the 1960’s as well as the AFL’s all-decade team.

In all, he played in the AFL All-Star game eight times and was a mainstay on the Bills 1964-65 championship teams.

Ruben Brown (OG 1995-2003)

Brown started all 136 games he appeared in for Buffalo, before allegedly begging out of the final game of the ’03 season, leading to his departure from Buffalo. After his rookie season, Ruben made eight consecutive Pro Bowls for the Bills and made a ninth Pro Bowl appearance as a member of the Chicago Bears in 2006.

Jack Kemp (QB 1962-69)

One of the stars of the American Football League, Kemp played in all ten years of the league’s existence and led the Bills to league titles in the 1964 and 1965 seasons. He was an AFL All-Star seven times and the league’s MVP following the ’65 season.

He became a politician post-football and was a Republican presidential candidate. Kemp passed away in 2009, but he could probably still throw his hat in the ring and claim the 2012 GOP nomination. (Or maybe the next #15 to make a Presidential run is still a few years off…)

Kent Hull (C 1986-1996)

The state of Mississippi has been good at providing the Bills franchise with stellar offensive lineman, as Billy Shaw also hailed from that state a generation earlier.

After playing three years in the USFL, Hull became a mainstay for Jim Kelly’s K-Gun offense in the team’s four Super Bowl appearances. Sadly, Hull passed away at age 50 in 2011.

James Lofton (WR 1989-92)

Lofton spent the majority of his 16-year career with the Green Bay Packers, but the former college track standout still had plenty to offer as the Bills’ #2 receiver in their Super Bowl years, averaging 20.3 yards per catch during the 1990 season and being named to the Pro Bowl following the ’91 season.

A member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Lofton is ranked #59 on Pro Football Reference’s EloRater.

Joe Cribbs (RB 1980-83, 1985)

Cribbs produced 1,600+ combined yards in 1980, 1981, and 1983 (1982 was the strike season) before returning to his home state of Alabama for a brief stint with the USFL’s Birmingham Stallions. He returned to the Bills for the 1985 season before closing out his career with the San Francisco 49ers.

Joe is an uncle of current Cleveland Browns player Joshua Cribbs.

Steve Tasker (ST 1986-97)

No discussion of the Bills’ Super Bowl teams would be complete without mention of one of the greatest special teams players of all-time.

At 5’9” 183 lbs, Tasker played much bigger as a ferocious hitter on punt coverage, and many believe he deserves Hall of Fame consideration. His career ended ingloriously when he was ejected from the Bills’ 1997 season finale at Lambeau Field after bumping into an official during an argument.

In all, Tasker played in seven Pro Bowls and was MVP of the 1993 game – wouldn’t be a surprise at all if he cared about that game more than most.

Joe DeLamielleure (OG 1973-79, 1985)

You have by now noticed the trend of the Bills producing outstanding offensive linemen over the years.

As a rookie in 1973, DeLamielleure helped paved the way during O.J. Simpson’s 2,000 yard rushing season and wound up as a Pro Bowler in his final five seasons with the team. Joe D’s battles with Mean Joe Greene wound up being legendary, as the two opposed each other eight times. He returned to the Bills for one final season after a stint with the Cleveland Browns.

DeLamielleure was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Brian Moorman (P 2001-present)

The by-laws of Ultimate Franchise Players stipulates that at least one Pittsburg State Gorilla be mentioned as a candidate, and we have officially now met that criteria.

Moorman is actually one of the better athletes ever to be employed as a punter. He won three straight Division 2 championships in the 400-meter hurdles.

For his 13-year career, Moorman has a punting average of 43.9 yards, which ranks among the best ever at the position.

Joe Ferguson (QB 1973-85)

His career in the NFL lasted 16 years in all, the first 13 in Buffalo, leading the Bills to playoff appearances three times and starting 107 consecutive games. A relatively low career completion % of 52.4 keeps him off my final list of candidates.

But Ferguson was known for longevity, and he even made a comeback in 1995 at age 45 with a short-lived Canadian Football League franchise in San Antonio.

He was seriously ill with cancer in the mid-2000’s but has since reportedly recovered.

Bob Kalsu (OG 1968)

Our inductee as the Bills ‘courage’ candidate for UFP player.

The one-time Oklahoma All-American was the team’s Rookie of the Year in 1968 before serving in Vietnam as part of his ROTC obligation. Kalsu was killed in action on July 21, 1970, and he is the only professional athlete who lost his life in the military during the Vietnam War.

Darryl Talley (OLB 1984-95)

Another mainstay of the Super Bowl era, Darryl ‘U-Haul’ Talley played 12 of his 14 seasons in Buffalo and is the franchise’s all-time leading tackler.

The U-Haul nickname comes from a supposed incident during his regular-season finale with the Atlanta Falcons in 1996, when he allegedly already had his moving van ready to roll in the stadium parking lot.

Phil Hansen (DE 1991-2001)

My esteemed colleague Drew Lange would be all over me if I did not include the North Dakota State alum on this list. Hansen spent his entire 11-year career with the Bills, recoding 61.5 sacks in his career. Hansen was also on two Division 2 championship teams at NDSU.

Cornelius Bennett (OLB 1987-95)

Another anchor of the Bills’ Super Bowl defenses, Bennett was the second overall pick by the Indianapolis Colts in 1987, but eventually settled in Buffalo after a protracted holdout/trade. He recorded 71 sacks in a 14-year career along with 27 fumble recoveries, third on the NFL’s all-time list.

Bennett would later play for the Atlanta Falcons, where he appeared in a fifth Super Bowl.

Frank Reich (QB 1985-1994)

So he was a backup. But one game gets him on the list: The Comeback.

THE FINAL TABLE

Jim Kelly (QB 1986-96)

Perhaps the franchise’s most iconic player, Jim Kelly arrived in Buffalo in 1986 after a two-year USFL stint and would lead the Bills to a 101-59 record in games he started during his career. He completed just over 60 percent of his passes, but surprisingly never had a 4,000 yard season.

The Bills’ ‘K-Gun’ offense became a predecessor to what Peyton Manning would later run in Indianapolis.

To this day Kelly remains heavily involved with the Bills franchise and is interested in becoming part of an ownership group.

Thurman Thomas (RB 1988-98)

Thurman frantically trying to find his helmet before the first offensive play of Super Bowl 26 had to be very much like yours truly trying to find the car keys every morning.

A predecessor to Barry Sanders at Oklahoma State, Thomas would account for over 16,000 combined yards in his Bills career – and in 1991 and 1992 Thomas went over 2,000 yards combined. Thurman was inducted into the Hall of Fame on his second try in 2007. He is ranked #82 on Pro Football Reference’s EloRater.

Andre Reed (WR 1985-1999)

In all, Andre’s career spanned 16 years, with all but 10 of his 951 career catches coming as a member of the Bills. As of this writing, Reed is a finalist in his sixth attempt at election for the Hall of Fame.

One factor that has kept Reed out of Canton to this point is that while he had a long and solid career, there was never one point where he was the absolute best receiver in football.

O.J. Simpson (RB 1969-77)

In real time, in 1973, Simpson’s 2,000 yard rushing season was simply electric. To this day, Juice remains the only NFL player to reach the 2,000 yard benchmark in just 14 games.

Simpson opened the 1973 season with a then-record 250 yard game v. the New England Patriots, and broke Jim Brown’s single-season mark with consecutive 200-yard games to close out the season. Simpson then accounted for 23 touchdowns in the 1975 campaign, and then broke his own single-game record with 273 yards v. the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day 1976.

Like him or not, Simpson was one of the NFL’s signature backs of the 1970’s.

Bruce Smith (DE 1985-99)

The first overall pick of the 1985 Draft, Bruce Smith recorded exactly 200 sacks over a 19-year career, 171 of those during his time with the Bills. Smith recorded double-digit sacks every year between 1986 and 1998 with one exception of an injury-marred 1991 campaign.

While sitting out the first several games of that season, a local writer asked then-coach Marv Levy about a report on Smith’s absence being in actuality a ‘disguised’ drug suspension – Levy nearly killed the writer on the spot.

The NFL’s all-time career sack leader, Smith was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility in 2009. He is ranked #24 on the Pro Football Reference EloRater.

AND THE ‘VERDICT’…

Not surprisingly, the Final Five is dominated by those who played in the Marv Levy era.

Andre Reed is probably the first one to be eliminated. He had a long career but was never spectacular, and his Super Bowl outings (0 TD’s in four games) were underwhelming.

Jim Kelly was an omission from the NFL Network’s Top 100 All-Time list and ranks just outside the top 100 on Pro Football Reference as well.

The entire body of work regarding Thurman Thomas’ career is also impressive, but falls just short here.

That leaves Bruce Smith and O.J. Simpson. On the NFL countdown list Smith is #31 while Simpson is #40. In the NFL’s fan balloting Bruce is #33, Simpson is #44.

There will be no debate from me however.

I’m conducting the UFP Tournament in the same spirit as the NCAA selection committee, and I have declared O.J. Simpson ineligible, either as the Bills UFP or as an at-large bid into the 64-player field. True, in my last installment I named Ray Lewis as the Ravens UFP despite his rap from a decade ago. But this is different in regards to Simpson’s well documented saga and the enormous avalanche of evidence against him in the court of public opinion.

The glove does not fit as far as Simpson getting my nomination goes.

And even without the legal stuff, he’s only the second best player here anyways.

That said, the Buffalo Bills Ultimate Franchise Player is…

BRUCE SMITH

Amidst the greatness of the MLB playoffs, the ending of the NBA lockout, the NFL season, college basketball and now the Super Bowl, the NHL has been wrongly overlooked this season, a season that is, arguably, one of the best since the lockout year in 2004.

While the NFL had what I thought was a very below-average season, the NHL has been the complete opposite. Of course teams like Detroit, Vancouver, Boston, Pittsburgh, and Philadelphia are all playing well, but teams, such as Nashville, St. Louis, Ottawa, New Jersey, and even Winnipeg, are becoming more and more competitive, creating a sense of insecurity among many of the top teams.

Chicago Blackhawks' Patrick Kane stole the All-Star skills contest with his "SuperKane" costume.

Take the Central Division in the Western Conference as an example. Four of the five teams in the division are in the top six places in the Western Conference, and all are within a game or two of each other. The Eastern Conference has a similar story in the Atlantic Division. Four of the five teams in that division are all currently in a playoff spot.

Inner-division games often have a lot more energy and are usually just better games than teams who don’t play as often, so I am predicting a very hard-fought NHL playoffs, which I am looking forward to.

Despite a 66% increase in sponsorship and advertising revenue in 2010, the 2010 Stanley Cup Final having its largest audience ever, NHL merchandise sales up 22%, and a deal with Comcast/NBC to air more games for the next 10 years, why does it still feel like the NHL is receiving the back-burner?

Hockey should be a lot more popular in the United States. It’s fast-paced, only lasts 2.5 hours(and would be shorter if the ice didn’t have to be re-surfaced between periods), has checking, has legal fighting, and features just as many “top plays” as any other sport. The majority of Americans like all of these things.

The answer to why the NHL isn’t as popular or gets as much as coverage is simple: $$$. The NHL just doesn’t bring in as much money as the NBA, MLB, or the NFL does, but I think this is about to change.

Ratings among popular events such as the All-Star Game, the Winter Classic, and the playoffs are all increasing year after year. These are all going up along with, like I stated before, merchandise and sponsorship revenues. If this trend continues(and there’s nothing to say it won’t), the media and other companies might start investing more in the NHL, increasing exposure and hopefully popularity.

So even though the mainstream media basically ignores the NHL, there’s reason to be optimistic. Sooner or later people will begin to realize what they’re missing.

Even if this year’s Super Bowl matchup isn’t as exciting to you as Super Bowls in year’s past, there is still something to look forward to–the party.

Image credit: Matt Ludtke, Getty Images via TheFW.com

Besides the fact that this is one of the biggest events of the year, the Super Bowl party has potential to be the best of the year. In order to reach that level, there are 10 things that every party must have to be totally and completely amazing.

1. Two compelling teams (or a host-provided reason to pay attention)

We are just going to throw this one out this year since the Patriots made it. Irrelevant. But don’t worry friends, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Setting up a pool or squares or something that allows your guests to lose a little money is always a good idea.

2. Great, football-loving friends

You obviously don’t want to watch the game by yourself. We all know that booing Tom Brady is much more fun when you have friends by your side.

Side note: Inviting “friends” that would rather plunge their eyes out with a fork than watch the game is probably not a good idea.

3. Good snacky food

To be more specific: chips and dip. There is nothing more satisfying than a good tortilla chip loaded with salsa after a big TD.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of a good mini-wiener on a stick.

4. Plenty of seating

This is really a must. If you are going to have 20 people over, you better have 20 good seats.

Nobody wants to be stuck in the back corner or squeezed in next to the sweaty super-fan that stinks from all of his jumping-up-and-down cheering. Yuck.

5. At least a 42” high def TV

This could vary slightly, but it’s obvious you want a good size screen to watch Tom Brady eat turf.

6. An awesome halftime show (or host-provided entertainment)

Once again, we are just going to disregard this one for obvious reasons. This could be a time for second half bets…or 52 card pickup. Anything is better than the scary sight we call Madonna.

7. BEER

Okay, let’s be honest. I don’t think many of us could remember a Super Bowl without it.

It consoles us when the wrong team wins, and celebrates with us when the Patriots lose. It is a memory taker, but a party maker.

A keg would not be out of the question.

8. A plunger

This is not the most pleasant item, but you will be thanking your lucky stars that you have one after crazy super-fan spends the whole halftime in the bathroom after too many wieners on a stick.

9. Red Solo cups

It is a new rule that every party must have these. Thank country music.

10. Surround sound

There is nothing more annoying than someone having a side conversation in the middle of the living room while everyone is trying to watch the game. Make sure it goes loud enough to drown out their convo and gives them the hint to go to the kitchen…or go home.

So now that you know what you need to have at your Super Bowl party, be excited!

I know the whole world was depressed after the Packers loss and the Patriots won, but at least now you have something to look forward to.

**********

What other elements of a good Super Bowl party do you consider to be must-haves?

Puppy Bowl Basic Info

• 2012 Puppy Bowl Date: Sunday, February 5th, 2012
• 2012 Puppy Bowl Time: 3:00 ET
• 2012 Puppy Bowl TV: Animal Planet
• Puppy Bowl Official Website: http://animal.discovery.com/tv/puppy-bowl/

Puppy Bowl Preview

This year’s Puppy Bowl, like all previous Puppy Bowls, is more than just a friendly game between puppies. It’s about the coming together feeling that staring at puppies for more than two hours gives to the American public.

Here at MSF we want to promote those feelings anytime we can, giving you, the reader, a chance to better yourselves.

3 Things To Look Forward To Seeing

1. Puppy Cam

This year’s Puppy Bowl has a lot of new and exciting features, including my personal favorite: the Puppy Cam.

For the first time ever, viewers will get to see exactly what the puppy players see, immersing the viewer into the action even more and giving a more personal touch to the Puppy Bowl that was missing from previous Puppy Bowls. It’s a step in the right direction for the Puppy Bowl and one that could totally revolutionize the game.

2. Hamster Pilots

The hamster pilots are back and are poised to give us the best aerial coverage of the game, making sure we don’t miss any of the action while looking cute and harmless.

3. Cheerleaders

Chicken and rooster cheerleaders will be on the sidelines cheering for our puppy friends as they battle it out in Animal Planet Stadium.

I love the change of now having chickens and roosters being the cheerleaders because it adds a layer to the game, giving the viewer plenty of action while not being to distracting. I don’t know how big of an impact the chickens and roosters will have on the game, but it sure will be fun to find out.

3 Potential Puppy Bowl MVPs

Though all the puppies are winners in my book, there are some players that stood out to me and have my vote for potential MVP of Puppy Bowl 2012.

1. Abilene

Abilene is my first pick to win the MVP award this season. Her expertise in scuba diving tells me she’s the best athlete in this competition and has the desire and determination to master a skill.

I expect her to leave everything on the field this year. She never give up even when the going gets tough and she starts feeling fatigued.

2. Calvin

Calvin likes to repair old cars in his spare time, and though that doesn’t make for the most athletic player, it sure does make for the most patient of all the players.

Putting a car back together is like coming up with a plan on how to dismantle the opponents. He knows exactly what goes where, and his strategic background could be the difference maker in this game.

3. Hunter

Hunter plans on going into politics, which tells me he’s a great manipulator, liar, and cheater; all things needed to win in this competitive league.

You may not agree with his tactics, but you can’t deny the results that may come because of the them. He’s sure to be the dirty player in this year’s Puppy Bowl.

Puppy Bowl 2012 Prediction

I am predicting a closely fought game this year.

I think puppies like Abilene and Hunter are going to have a very fast start, but whether or not they can sustain that high level of play throughout the whole match without becoming distracted by the will to sniff everyones’  butts will be the deciding factor in this year’s Puppy Bowl.

It was an idea that originally hatched while driving home from vacation some months back; plenty of miles, plenty of hours, and thence plenty of time for ideas to pop in my head.

I was going down all 32 NFL franchises and thinking off the top of my head who might be the greatest player of each franchise – and I thought that might make for a nice MSF article, or maybe even two articles.

I could only pick one player from the history of each franchise. In other words, there would be a ‘Mr. Dolphin’, a ‘Mr. Charger’, Mr. 49er’, etc., etc.. I thought it would be a piece that would generate a lot of conversation, discussion, and controversy.

With the end of the 2011 NFL season fast approaching, I decided this would be a good time to launch the project. However, after further planning I decided the idea was so good that I needed to expand on it.

Now that it’s the close to the off-season, I decided to do 32 separate articles selection the Greatest Franchise Player for each team.  Several nominees will be brought up for consideration in each piece before announcing my selection. Polls will also accompany each installment so you, the readers, can chime in to see if your selections agree with my own.

Then a new twist was suggested. At the end of my series (around early March), how about a ‘tournament’ involving all 32 selections that culminates with MSF’s selection of the NFL’s ‘Greatest of All-Time’?

That sounded good, but it would also leave a lot of iconic players from NFL history out in the cold. I can only pick one player out of the history of the Oakland Raiders, out of the Chicago Bears, Pittsburgh Steelers, etc., which will eliminate a lot of guys sitting with yellow blazers in Canton.

So here’s what I’ve come up with…

Starting this coming week, and continuing throughout February, I will select my Greatest Franchise Player for each National Football League team. The selection from each franchise earns an ‘automatic bid’ to our expanded 64-player ‘Greatest of All-Time’ tournament, which will run alongside basketball’s March Madness.

The remaining 32 players will be selected as ‘at-large’ participants – or the best 32 players EVER that were snubbed as franchise best-ever players. That’s where I will start to depend on a lot of reader participation, so PLEASE note the NFL greats you believe should be included in our tournament.

In March, our ‘selection committee’ will reveal the brackets for the 64-player NFL GOAT tournament – the handful of players who are considered the very best will earn top-seeds (whether an automatic qualifier or at-large), while the representatives from franchises such as the Houston Texans, Carolina Panthers,  Jacksonville Jaguars, etc., will likely be either #15 or #16 seeds. It will be the exact template you’ve come to know and love with the NCAA basketball tournament.

It will be quite an undertaking, especially considering there are 267 members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame – there will be numerous legends left on the cutting room floor.

When our GOAT Tournament begins, that is when I plan to completely turn the process over to our readers, who will vote on the winner of each matchup. It would be a concept similar to what EA Sports used this past year to determine their cover athlete for Madden ’12.

Finally, the tournament concludes with our own Final Four, our Mount Rushmore of pro football history, and finally the crowning of our GOAT, The Greatest of All-Time.

Forget American Idol – this is a project that I’ve personally looked forward and will sure to be a lot of fun, also a format which to my knowledge no one else has done previously. If you have any ideas to tweak this concept EVEN MORE, please feel free to comment below.

And look for the first articles in the series, beginning with the Arizona Cardinals and Atlanta Falcons, coming up this week.

In the article they tried to pull the ever-so-cliche stunt of trying to look at the positives. It’s the oldest trick in the fanbook. Did your team not win the Super Bowl or not make the playoffs? That’s ok because “There’s always next year” or “Hey, Aaron Rodgers had a great season, so I call the season a success,” or, my personal favorite, “We have a lot of young talent coming in, so I see this team competing for years to come.”

All those statements are signs of repressed acceptance that your favorite team sucks.

Before I continue with my critique of Chris and Amanda’s article, I first want to bring out the fact that Amanda probably isn’t even a Packers fan. She herself admits it in the article.

She calls the Packers as being “overrated” and  “weak.” Some fan she is.

She goes on to say “They [Packers] bounced back from their loss to Kansas City dominating Chicago Bears on Christmas…”  Ok, first off, dominating? Really? Did Jay Cutler even play in that game? The definition of dominating is Jay Cutler. Look it up. So how can the Packers be “dominating” if they don’t have Cutler? Therefore the sentence is illogical and just blatantly wrong.

Chris adds that “There shouldn’t be excuses made for the Packers losing to the Giants.” Well, at least he admits the Packers suck. It seems like he isn’t much of a fan either.

I also don’t like the fact Packer fans go round exclaiming they’re better than other fans because they own stock in their team. According to Wikipedia, the Packers are “are the only non-profit, community-owned major league professional sports team in the United States.” You know what that sounds like? Socialism. Everyone knows being a Socialist is to be un-American, therefore being a Packers fan means you hate America.

Do we really want this un-American team to win? I don’t, and I know you don’t either.

But the main problem with their article is that it forgets who is at the helm of the Chicago Bears’ offense.

Jay Cutler's smile has been known to take woman's virginity.

That’s right, folks. Be prepared for the resurgence of Jay Cutler, arguably the best QB since the NFL started counting interceptions as a stat.

The thought that the Packers are going to resurge next season and steal the NFC North and cheat their way to the Super Bowl again is just as ludicrous as thinking Tim Tebow will complete more than 50% of his passes in his career.

Cutler is not going to allow the Packers to win next season. Mark my words. It’s time for the Cutler era.

With the conference championship games on tap this week, followed by the greatest American sporting spectacle of them all after that, it seems like a good time to take a break from making business WordPress themes and get a quick refresher on the business of football.

There sure is a lot of money being simultaneously generated and spent, by the leagues, teams, and fans alike, a fact that should have been driven home during the lockout.

How much? This much:

Infographic source: IBM

As a devout Christian, Tebow has raised many eyebrows inside and outside the sports world.

People are rooting for him because they like his style of play and because he stands for Conservative principles. (Also, he’s bringing new fans to the sport, though probably not too many, only because so many people are already football fans.)

He has a classic Disneyish story. Detractors, pundits, broadcasters, and all of the above have given their opinion that he won’t make it in the NFL. His college success, two national championships and Heisman trophy award, wouldn’t amount to much in professional football, they’ve said.

First, he was told he was out of position, not fit to be a quarterback. Than he was told his throwing motion was awkward and he ran too much of the time. But now, after a playoff win against the mighty Steelers, he is looking forward to the next Goliath, the New England Patriots.

Most of the Tebow story is about faith, hard work, dedication, and perseverance. So many people can relate to his cause, because these characteristics are necessary in everyday life.

Tebow wouldn’t be Tebow, though, without Christianity. This he admits freely. And, this is where there has been a dividing point for some.

It was hard for the non-religious and atheist types to get on the Tebow bandwagon because religion throws up so many red flags to them. For other religions, like Islam or Judaism, there’s not any other starting quarterback for them to relate to in the NFL, so, these people are left feeling out of the loop.

The controversy of Tebow was his religion, but it may not be any more. It seems his identity has moved past religion and is now accepted by the mainstream media and population as a good-feel story.

His career may parallel this 2011-12 season.

It is highly doubtful that Tebow’s behavior is going to change. He is not going to be in the papers having been stopped for drunk-driving or cursing out a member of the press for their pushiness.

His story is being written now and the only thing that will change it will be his overcoming all the hurdles to win the Super Bowl or not.

Tim Tebow will do many great things in his life, besides playing football. He already is a leader in charitable causes.

He overcame doubters and those willing to knock him for his religious ways.

It’s hard to say how things would have been different if this quarterback from Florida with two championships and a Heisman was a Muslim, Jew, or Buddhist.

There have been famous Muslim and Jewish athletes over time in all the major sports in the U.S., and Tiger Woods is a Buddhist.

Wearing one’s religious beliefs on one’s shirtsleeves is not common in sports, and anybody in Tebow’s position with a different religion could be viewed in a different manner.

He is coming from the plurality and that has helped to propel him. Christianity is the most popular religion in the U.S.

Now, it would seem, he has won over many more fans than just Christian ones.

He is on the best ride ever. Of course, Tebow would tell you that the very best ride is the one to heaven.

Howard Alperin is Managing Editor of AmericanizeSoccer.com

The 2011 season provided great examples for all these scenarios: rookies playing phenomenally from the get go, players making “the jump” in their second or third year, and seasoned veterans finally breaking through.

2011 Top Rookies

The top of the 2011 draft has performed as well, if not better than drafts in recent memories, starting with No. 1 pick Cam Newton. Newton started off with such a bang, with back-to-back 400+ yard games to start the season and really didn’t slow down from there.

Von Miller also helped revitalize the Denver Bronco defense, forming a dynamic tandem with Elvis Dumervil, helping to provide the defensive effort that Tim Tebow needs to stay in the game.

AJ Green and Julio Jones are absolute studs and will be for years to come.  Aldon Smith, the No. 7 pick in the draft, also had a phenomenal season for Jim Harbaugh’s 49ers defense, with 14 sacks, good for fifth in the league.

2011 Breakout Players

Yeah, he’s a rookie too, but DeMarco Murray had a hell of a year until he got hurt. He got his big chance in Week 7 when Felix Jones sat out with an ankle sprain, and Murray responded with 253 yards on 25 carries. He followed up that game with 508 yards in his next five games before breaking his ankle in Week 14.

On the other side of the ball, but staying in the same division, Jason Pierre-Paul had a remarkable year for the New York Giants. He helped revitalize the defensive line for the Giants, giving new life to Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck and adding a fearsome part to one of the toughest D-Lines in the league.

Antonio Brown also proved to be an excellent complement to Mike Wallace, giving Big Ben another vertical threat, adding almost 1,000 yards  from his 2010 receiving total (167 to 1,108).

The players that were the real breakout players in 2011 were both at the wide receiver position, and they will be facing off against each other this weekend. Jordy Nelson showed glimpses of what he could do last season, especially in the Super Bowl where he hauled in 9 passes for 140 yards. In 2011, Nelson busted out to the tune of 1,263 yards and 15 touchdowns, benefitting from often only having single coverage in the Packers’ prolific offense.

Victor Cruz caught some attention last season, hauling in three touchdowns in the Giants’ preseason opener against the Jets, but did not catch a single pass in the regular season, spending most of it on the IR. This season, however, Cruz busted onto the scene with 1,536 receiving yards, which established a New York Giants record.

Cruz was perhaps the breakout star of 2011.

2011 Breakout Veteran

Justin Smith has been one of the best defensive players in the league this season, playing pretty much wherever he was needed on the 49ers defensive line. He’s made the Pro Bowl each of the past two seasons, but his play this season has allowed his excellent teammates, such as Patrick Willis, Navarro Bowman, and Aldon Smith to thrive, forming the best front seven in the league. Smith also got in on the action, chipping in 7.5 sacks on his own.

Potential 2012 Breakout Players

So who will be similar players that will break out in 2012? It’s impossible to say just yet, especially not knowing who could be where. But there are a couple of candidates that stand out as possibilities heading forward.

Desmond Bishop: Little bit of a homer pick here, but I’ve been very impressed with the way he’s played all season. I think he was deserving of Pro Bowl consideration, with 115 tackles on the season and five sacks, which was best among inside linebackers this season. I think the Packers are going to put some focus on the defense this off-season, and Bishop will be a big part of that, which will pay off next season.

Kendall Hunter: Hunter has been a great complement to Frank Gore all season, and with a full off-season, I think Jim Harbaugh will find ways to get him very involved in the offense. It will be necessary for Alex Smith to pass to his backs out of the backfield, and there’s no doubt that Hunter’s 14 receptions from this season will go up. More carries for him means less for Gore, which benefits San Francisco in both cases. I don’t think the 49ers are a one-year fluke, and Hunter should help them win the NFC West again next season.

Royster and Helu could give Washington the running game to compete in the NFC East next season.

Evan Royster/Roy Helu: It’s well known what Mike Shanahan can do with running backs, and the Royster/Helu really came on toward the end of the season.

Royster, the rookie out of Penn State totaled 401 yards over the last four weeks of the season and is a big back, standing 6-foot-1, 212 pounds, that could develop into the Redskins’ every down back.

Helu is not small either, at 6-foot, 220 pounds, but has shown abilities in the passing game, catching 49 balls this season.

It’s not inconceivable that the two could combine for 2,000 total yards, and that figure has a better chance of coming true if Washington shores up its offensive line and finds the quarterback it needs.

Jermaine Gresham: Having a freakishly athletic tight end is common among almost every single playoff team in 2011, and that includes the Cincinnati Bengals. Gresham stands 6-foot-5, 260 pounds, and has had two consistent years in the league so far.

With Andy Dalton that much more comfortable under center next season and teams keying in on AJ Green, expect Gresham to see much more work over the middle, and I wouldn’t be shocked if Gresham came close to doubling the 596 yards and 6 touchdowns he had this season.

Demaryius Thomas: By now you’ve seen the 80-yard touchdown catch that he gets no credit for, despite the fact that he had to outrun three Steelers defenders, stiff-arming them along the way. Thomas is a thick 6-foot-3, 225-pound wideout who will make the jump to a bona fide number one wideout next season.

Tim Tebow’s not going anywhere, and the throws that Tebow can make play into Thomas’s strengths. They’ll have the off-season to work on rapport and timing, and with Eric Decker as a talented number two receiver, teams won’t be able to focus as much on Thomas as they’d like. Demaryius finished the regular season with 551 yards on just 32 receptions, and if Tebow progresses at all, it’s easy to see those numbers doubling in 2012.

JJ Watt: The other hero of the wild-card round, JJ Watt could see a monster breakout season in 2012. He was known for his non-stop motor that helped raise his draft stock coming out of Wisconsin, and has shown the same amount of effort as a pro. He’s just a rookie who gathered 5.5 sacks this season, and with Mario Williams back for the Texans next season, Watt is primed for an even better 2012.

Watt played huge in the Texans' first playoff win last week.

It boils down to this:

Some smart NFL franchise that values winning and player development should hire Marty Schottenheimer, who is one of the most underrated coaches, in any sport, of my lifetime.

We hear often, and correctly, that winning football games in the National Football League is hard. When there is a movie called Any Given Sunday based on the well-known and legitimate sentiment that margins between winning and losing in the NFL are razor thin, extra value should be placed on a coach who can win consistently, at a high level, and in multiple places.

Allow me to introduce you to Marty Schottenheimer.

All He Does Is Win (In The Regular Season Anyway)

I have been very encouraged by recent reports that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are looking to hire Marty. If I ran the Jacksonville Jaguars, I’d have cut the Mularkey and strongly considered Marty as well. If I were the Dolphins or the Raiders or the Rams any other team looking for a coach, I’d take a good, long, hard look at Marty too.

Why? I think DJ Khaled’s famous line (tweaked a bit) says it best: all he does is win.

Before I present Marty’s downright ridiculous regular season coaching record, let’s get the negative out of the way right now: he sucks in the playoffs.

When you’ve coached in 18 playoff games and only won five of them, it’s fair to say that you suck in the playoffs.

I’m about to laud Marty for an incredible record of regular season statistics he has compiled; it’s only fair to point out areas where his coaching record does not impress. Any way you slice it, dice it, toss it, turn it, Marty hasn’t been able to get it done in the playoffs with myriad opportunities.

But think about that last phrase as it relates to the playoffs: myriad opportunities.

Unless you are among the handful of great-to-excellent coaches currently in the NFL – Belichick, Reid, McCarthy, Tomlin, Payton, just to name a few – you probably are not getting myriad opportunities at the playoffs. And make no mistake: it is a huge accomplishment to make the playoffs in the NFL. If just winning a game is “hard” think about the difficulty level of winning enough games to reach the playoffs. Now consider doing that 13 times.

Does 5-13 suck in the playoffs? Yes. It sucks bad. But that number 13 is impressive when it represents the 13 teams you’ve led to the playoffs in 20+ seasons as an NFL coach.

How many other coaches in NFL history have made the playoffs in 65% of their seasons?

A couple other fun notes I bet you didn’t realize:

• Marty finished with 9 wins in three of the years he missed the playoffs; so he had nine or more wins in 16 of his 20 full seasons coaching in the NFL
• Only one time – once – did a Marty-coached team finish with fewer than seven wins over a 16-game schedule.
• Since being fired by San Diego after going 14-2 but losing in the Divisional Round in 2006, Marty hasn’t been able to land another NFL head coaching gig.

And it’s this last note that shows just foolish NFL franchises can be.

I’ve alluded to it, but now it’s time to bring out the ultimate trump card in any sports debate. Winning.

Here is Marty’s regular season record and winning percentage in his four NFL head coaching stops:

• Cleveland (’84-’88): 44-27, .620
• Kansas City (’89-’98): 101-58-1, .635
• Washington (’01): 8-8
• San Diego (’02-’06): 47-33, .588
• Total: 200-126-1, .613

Marty Schottenheimer has won 200 regular season NFL games against only 126 losses and one tie. It’s a remarkable record that gets far too little respect. Yes, the playoff failures are a blotch on his resume, but what he’s done in 18 games doesn’t discount what he’s done in the 327 other ones he’s coached.

Also consider this:

• The Cleveland Browns were 1-7 when he took over in the middle of the ’84 season. They proceeded to go 4-4 the rest of that season, then 44-27 under Marty in the ensuing years; and we all know what happened in the AFC Championship Games against Denver…
• The Chiefs were 8-22 in the two seasons prior to Marty taking over.
• The Redskins were 8-8 the year before Marty took over, but maintaining mediocrity in Washington is impressive given this context: it came under Daniel Snyder, and the Redskins have had only three .500 or better seasons since.
• The San Diego Chargers were 6-26 in the two seasons prior to Marty taking over.

There is no substitute for winning in sports. None. It’s not the be all, end all in any debate, nor should it be the only consideration when hiring a coach; but it damn sure better be a huge part of the discussion. Marty may not have won a championship yet*, and he may never win one, but he would be a great head coaching choice for a lot of teams.

* – For the record, Marty is coming off a UFL championship this past season. Maybe he’s gotten the professional football playoff monkey off of his back? Hmm…

NFL’s Losers Should Consider Winning Schottenheimer

You know who else’s playoff record is spotty over the last decade? The Miami Dolphins. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Oakland Raiders. The Jacksonville Jaguars. The St. Louis Rams. You’re telling me that going one-and-done in the playoffs, the general expectation for a Marty-coached team, wouldn’t be a vast improvement over what these franchises are currently doing? I sure think it would be.

As they say, just make it to the dance then anything can happen. Don’t poo-poo a man’s ability to guide teams into the NFL’s second season. Just because other coaches have gotten hot at the right times doesn’t mean they are necessarily better overall football coaches than others who haven’t.

A few caveats: Marty is old (68) and I grant that he’s not a potential home run hire like a Sean Payton or a Mike Tomlin or even a Jim Harbaugh. Marty is a guy who may only coach for a few years, and he’s well known for being a stern disciplinarian. Players are sure not to like that at first, but who cares? These guys are being paid millions to win football games, not to have a coach warm the toilet seat for them before they sit down.

Tampa Bay imploded this year with a lot of young talent and a players’ coach. Maybe they need a little Martyball, a little Hamburger Drill in their lives to maximize their potential.

If some NFL team is smart, it will pair Marty with a young, talented roster and let him maximize that team’s growth through accountability and discipline. Will he win you a Super Bowl? Maybe not. Will he make you competitive and get you to the playoffs? His track record certainly suggests so.

And if you’re a fan of the Dolphins, the Raiders, the Bucs, or any other fledgling franchise just looking for something to believe in, doesn’t annual competitiveness and probable playoff spots sound good right about now? It better. Otherwise your expectations are bit out of whack with reality.

Conclusion: Brief Memo To NFL GMs

Someone, anyone, hire the most underrated football in history. Marty’s earned it. Hell, he even won a professional football championship just to prove to you that he is capable of doing the one thing everyone always criticizes him for.

And we know one thing: if Marty does ever get that elusive Super Bowl title, no one will ever look more like a boss taking the Gatorade bath.

**********

Cutler’s whole NFL career is pure dominance, whether it be the baby-face looks on the sideline, the shining moments when Cutler throws it to the other team, or the carefully placed hand-offs to the running back…Cutler has and does it all.

A lot of you are probably thinking “Boy, I wonder if Cutler is still relevant as a QB in the NFL when players like T.J. Yates, Tim Tebow, Cam Newton, and Andy Dalton are demonstrating to us their potential to be star QBs?” Well, that’s a pretty stupid question to ask, and it obviously shows your ignorance and lack of intelligence because there is no better QB than Jay Cutler.

Let me show you why.

Cutler’s Natural Ability to Throw to Both Teams

I don’t what to hear how good Aaron Rodgers is or how skillful and talented Drew Brees is. (I heard he broke some stupid record. I’ll believe it when I see it.) Rodgers and Brees are very selfish with the ball; and I don’t about you, but my mom didn’t raise me to be a selfish person, and it seems like Cutler’s mom didn’t either.

This is what’s called sharing, and it’s the right thing to do.

I could watch that all day.

Cutler’s Dominance of the English Language

A writer (yes, Jay Cutler is a writer) uses repetition to hammer home a meaning or feeling the writer wants the reader or listener to understand. It’s true that Cutler uses the phrase “you know” 57 times in the video below, but in that crazy amount of usage, there has to be a meaning. I just haven’t figured it out yet.

Jay’s ways are above my intelligence and most definitely above any Packers fans’.

Jay Cutler=Hall of Fame QB and literary genius.

Cutler’s Dominance of the Offseason Workouts

I also hear a lot about how Cutler doesn’t put forth much, if any, effort into his game. That’s a complete lie. According to Wikipedia, Jay Cutler is also a bodybuilder and has won Mr. Olympia four times. I have no idea what the hell that means, but it sounds pretty awesome, and hard to accomplish when you have to juggle football on top of lifting weights in competitions.

All Rodgers does outside of football is star in stupid, unfunny, and intelligence-insulting commercials.

Getting huge > Being unfunny

Update: Thanks to Twitter, this post caught the attention of Gatorade president Sarah Robb O’Hagan (@SarahRobbOh). She enjoyed our rundown of the funniest Gatorade baths ever, and she also sent me the wall mural from Gatorade’s headquarters with some of their favorite Gatorade baths of all-time. It’s very cool. You’ll see it at the end of the post.

The Gatorade bath is a tradition like few others in sports.

After most monumental wins in football – specifically Super Bowls, national championship games, especially important and/or meaningful bowl games, or season-ending victories over hated rivals – such a celebration can be expected. The tradition began with the New York Giants in the mid-1980s and continues into today with no signs of slowing down.

While the sentimental among us enjoy the Gatorade bath because it symbolizes the triumph of a team of men on the field of athletic battle and the ultimate moment of shared jubilation and respect between coach and player, I enjoy Gatorade baths for a far different reason.

Pictures and videos of them can be laugh-lout-loud hilarious.

So here is my personal ode to the Gatorade bath, with the 28 funniest Gatorade baths of all-time, presented in no particular order other than saving the best ones for last.

Bob Stoops

Image source: AP Photo/LM Otero via Boston.com

Urban Meyer

Image source: SBNation

Nick Saban

Zombie Ken Whisenhunt

Image source: Revenge of the Birds

Kirk Ferentz

Image credit: AP Photo/Lynne Sladky via Boston.com

Jim Tressel

Image credit: Photo by Harry How/Getty Images via The Part Time Jock

Image source: Eleven Warriors

Gary Patterson

Joe Gibbs

Image source: Here

Tony Dungy

Image source: Stock Lemon Blog

Bill Parcells

Image credit: Peter Read Miller/SI via Hot Clicks

Greg Schiano

Image source: Today’s ACC Headlines

Image credit: Dill/AP via NY Daily News

Steve Spurrier

Image source: Eric Campos via GoGamecocks.com

Dave Doeren

Image credit: Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE via Chicago Tribune

Some Confused Ohio Bobcats

Mike McCarthy

Image source: Here

Cito Gaston

Image source: The National Post

Bill Curry

Image source: MTV.com

Rick Stockstill

Image credit: Chris Graythen/Getty Images via Boston.com

Frank Beamer

Image credit: Phil Coale/AP via Statesman.com

Image source: Boston.com

Eric Mangini

Les Miles

Image source: Here

Image credit: A. Messerschmidt/Getty Images via MTV.com

Image source: SECTalk.com

And I saved the best image last…

Marty Schottenheimer…like a boss

But no Gatorade shower can or will ever be quite as funny as the one in this video, all things considered.

Guy Morriss

Update: Actually, I was mistaken. I’m not quite sure how I forgot about one of my favorite Gatorade bath pictures of all time, but I did. Thankfully, loyal Tweeters like @jimkanicki are here to remind me of the error of my ways. For goodness sakes, this pic is the background of Spencer Hall’s Twitter page!

Here is the great Howard Schnellenberger (the man who laid the foundation at The U, for those too young to remember) being doused by his team at Florida Atlantic.

Random thought: I suppose I should change the number in the title to 29 considering that there are technically now 29 images and videos with the addition of the Schellenberger picture, but since one of the pics is an elephant peeing on Les Miles, we won’t count that as a Gatorade bath.

Update: And here is the picture of the mural at Gatorade HQ sent to me by Sarah Robb O’Hagan: