After admiring and defending Tiger from all the “playa haters” for years, after last week he’s officially out.

(I haven’t told him yet – I’ll probably hold a press conference next week)

His dismissal as my favorite golfer wasn’t due to the running around on his wife, or any of the cheating, lying, any of that.  I imagine he has women throwing themselves at him all the time and I’m not going to sit here and judge him.  I’m the guy who never thought he even owed the public an apology.

My decision came down to the BS he shoveled last Friday in his press conference, accompanied by his pompous expectation we would all just eat it up.  It was what he was ACTUALLY saying, if you listened closely to the press conference, and his God Complex that closed the door on Tiger for me.

What I got out of his press conference was the fact he can afford to have someone else write his ‘apologies’ and that he’s willing to try and use smoke and mirrors to fool us.  I think he has a future in politics.

It is insulting and infuriating when someone, anyone, pees down your back and then insists it’s raining. They are calling you stupid. (Buddhism?  Really?  A super bad case of Sexual Addiction that takes, like, three months to cure?  Really?)  Has anyone checked to make sure this facility doesn’t have a golf course AND a strip club on the property?

Last but not least, what I gathered during his press conference is – he’s mad at all of us for him getting caught. When he lashed out at the paparazzi for trying to get pictures of Elin and the kids I thought: dude! – YOU BROUGHT THIS ON THEM.

I call it the ‘blame game’.  And you can’t be my favorite golfer, nor garner any of my support, if you’re a blamer.

It’s like when Sergio Garcia strikes every single putt he hits over 18 holes. He mutters, swears, and gives dirty looks to the ground, his caddy and the gallery.  Sergio!  You can’t putt. Everyone knows it but you.  Quit.  Just STOP pounding down imaginary spike marks EVERY SINGLE TIME.

El Blamo is out of the running for my new fav golfer before it begins.  He was out before he needed 3 months of therapy for that ‘super bad addiction’ he had to his grips 3 or 4 years ago.  I hope Tiger has those same doctors, because that grip-regrip thing was just disturbing.

Before I get too far into it, let me give you some of the criteria and Tiger-like attributes that can help a candidate vying to be my favorite golfer.

• First, power.  I like the fact that Tiger SMASHED the golf ball.  Obviously a plus.
• Second – Tiger was/is crafty.  He has all the shots.  We’ve all seen the massive hooks and slices from impossible lies in the woods.  (ha – see what I did there?)  You get my point – the new guy’s gotta be an imaginative shot maker.
• Next – Normal size.  The PGA tour is filled with these hobbit and troll types.  Barely larger than their golf bag – midgets.  I can give to your charities, and help you up to get a drink from the drinking fountain – can’t support you otherwise.
• Lastly, QUIRKS.  There are good quirks and bad quirks.  An example would be ‘faking us all out like you’re gonna putt but you’re gonna step back and look at it again’ – a la Jim Furyk.  Bad quirk.

Getting right into my new fave golfer search, the obvious choice for Tiger’s replacement would seem to be Phil Mickelson.  He is the number two/three golfer in the world, and the heir apparent to Tiger’s throne.  I do like the fact that he’s a known gambler, both on and off the golf course.  (Most of the the straight laced, country club types are off the list too, btw.)

You’re not going to catch Phil laying up, and rumor has it, not afraid to roll the bones in Vegas.  Both definite pluses.

The trouble is, I wouldn’t feel like I’d done my due diligence stopping at number two/three.  I am going to have to pass on Phil as my favorite golfer for three key reasons:

1. His 25 pound golf shoes make him walk around..like he’s got 25 pound golf shoes on

2. The six inch vertical he displayed after sinking the putt to win the 2006 Masters – weak.  What’s the old saying?  “It’s better to appear athletic than spaz out on the 18^th at Augusta and remove all doubt”?

And more recently, #3.  His new ‘Garth Brooks Eyes’.  This ‘big-eyed, looking-around-in-wonderment-while-tipping-the-cap’ is just weird.  (I realize now that keys number one and two from above may be the same thing, but nonetheless the search for Tiger’s replacement continues.)

You’ve got Steve Stricker playing very well as of late.  I’m trying top get confirmation if he and Sean O’Hair are actually robots.  They definitely neck and neck in the running for ‘Worlds Boringest Robot Golfer’.

Padraig Harrington and Kenny Perry..?  Kenny was a real strong contestant had he not choked away the 2009 Masters, costing me $1200.  Padraig?  I heard his caddy got his paramedic certification in the off season due to his propensity to choke.

Going down the list, you come to Vijay Singh next.  And ‘next!’ it is – who can support anyone who fades the golf ball?  That’s LPGA stuff.  Hit it like you’ve got a pair.  Turn it over man.  VJ is also a hardcore egomaniacal blamer.  He can’t even line up his own putts, then blames his caddy when every one doesn’t fall.  And a new putter every week Veej?  Hint:  It’s not the arrow – it’s the Indian.  Next!!

Dallas’ own Justin Leonard?  Not just no, but HELL NO on this one.  I think Corey Pavin hits it further. Leonard fades it, wears hats that have bills shorter than his nose, AND is a blamer.  How many strikes is that?

Zach Johnson, Tim Clark, Rory Sabbatini?  These three finish close to the top in the “Midgets I can Stand” category.  Rory pounds the ball and he did tell Ben Crane he’s a “slow ass” at one point – because he is.  Tim Clark beat Tiger in the match play last year, and is pretty crafty.  Zach, of course, won the Master a few years back.

Alright, sifting through all the BS and cutting to the chase, I’ve cut it down to three golfers, three golfers on the PGA Tour who aren’t pompous assholes.  No blamers in this group.  These guys are calm, business-like competitors.  They don’t have a thug on their bag, or, for that matter, have caddies that low five when their guy high fives (Stevey).  They don’t weirdly stop their swing when someone takes a photo.  (You’re already fired Tiger, but – Pet peeve!  We regularly play at a course under DFW Airport.  747’s take off every 30 seconds, and not a single takeoff has ever affected my downswing.)

So here ya go : Lucas Glover, Chad Campbell, and the brand new David Duval are my new 1-2-3.  They can all smash it, they’re crafty, and I think they all chew tobacco.  A definite plus.  All are also very good putters, and take it easy on their caddies.

Campbell did cost me $1000 in last year’s Masters debacle, but he handled it the way he handles dropping a 60-foot eagle putt – calmly.  Duval cuts the ball, I know, but he also snowboards, so it evens out.

At the end of the search? I’m putting my money on Lucas Glover.  He has a simple swing, hits a big slinging hook and it didn’t take him 20 tries to win a major.

Sorry Tiger – tune in to my press conference to see yourself get fired.

I know it took me a good 5-6 days to find your replacement.  I guess you could say my taste in golfers is.. particular.  You should look that word up before heading back out on to the Tour.

It comes after ‘Partnership” and right before “Paternity Suit.”

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* – Tiger Woods photo credit: AP photo via Brisbane Times

* – Lucas Glover photo credit: AP Photo/Mike Groll via Penn Live

About the Author

Morgan Ryan is a special contributor to Midwest Sports Fans. A former All-American college football player at Montana State, Ryan currently lives in Texas and is an Account Executive with some of the top insurance professionals in Dallas. He also contributes as a writer to their blog, which features information and articles about commercial and personal insurance. Morgan is also, as you might have surmised, an avid golfer.

Here are the particulars for this weekend’s Wyndham Championship:

 

• Wyndham Championship Dates: Thursday, August 20 through Sunday, August 23
• Wyndham Championship Location: Greensboro, NC
• Wyndham Championship Course: Sedgefield Country Club
• Wyndham Championship Thursday-Friday TV Schedule: The Golf Channel
• Wyndham Championship Saturday-Sunday Weekend TV Schedule: CBS

 

Wyndham Championship Odds and Prediction 

Tim Clark is a co-favorite with US Open champion Lucas Glover at +1600, and he’s finished T-6 at Sedgefield Country Club in two of the last three years. Clark’s consistency is what makes him one of the more attractive sports picks of the weekend: he’s made the cut in 15 of his 17 starts in 2009, he’s seventh in driving accuracy, and 34^th in putting. You also need to shoot a low score to win this event, as six of the last seven winners have posed a score of -18 or better. Clark is fourth on the PGA Tour in scoring average.

Glover should push Clark for a Sunday duel, and the US Open champion is coming off an impressive top-five at the PGA Championship at Hazeltine. Glover is having a brilliant season, leading the Tour in total driving, he’s fifth in driving, 15^th in sand saves and 23^rd in putting. He finished a respectable T-20 in last year’s Wyndham Championship, and a win would give him some momentum heading into the FedEx Cup playoffs.

A good longshot bet for your gambling software is John Senden, who comes in at +3300, and he would be a much smarter wager than Sergio Garcia at +1800. Senden hasn’t shot over par in eight straight rounds at this event, and even though he’s missed the cut in three of his last four starts, his irons will give him a chance this week as he leads the Tour in greens-in-regulation.

However, Clark is the pick when doing your online betting this weekend. He’s been called the best player on the Tour who has never won, which tells you about the level of competition in the PGA. With a weak field, there’s no better place for him to break his duck. Go with Tim Clark when making your sports bet online. 

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* – Tim Clark photo credit: The Sybil Speaks

Golf betting

John Deere Betting Odds – Thursday, July 9

48-year-old Kenny Perry is the defending champion in this event, having beaten Jay Williamson and Brad Adomonis in a playoff last year, and he’s also the betting favorite at +900. Perry is coming off a victory at the Travelers Championship, his second of the year, and when his putter gets hot, it’ll get even easier to make him one of your sports picks.

42-year-old David Toms is right behind him with golf odds of +1400, and the 2001 PGA champion has been on fire this year with seven top-10s in 16 events, and he’s finished second in two of his last three starts. Accuracy is huge for Toms: he leads the Tour in driving accuracy, and he’s sixth in greens-in-regulation.

Steve Stricker is another 42-year-old who seems to have hit their stride later than most, and he shares +1400 golf odds with Toms. You could argue that Stricker has been the most consistent player of the year. In the 12 events where he has reached the weekend, Stricker’s low finish is a 27th-place result at the Memorial, and he finished in the top 10 in half of those events, including a win at Colonial.

Keep an eye on Lucas Glover with your handicapping software, as the 2009 US Open champion has John Deere odds of +1800 this week. Glover hasn’t slowed down since winning at Bethpage Black, as he came in 11th at the Travelers Championship the following week, and then he finished fifth at the AT&T National, which is hosted (and was eventually won) by Tiger Woods. He’s just a 29-year-old pup when you compare him to the aforementioned trio of Perry, Toms and Stricker, but he’s got some confidence thanks to his first major, and even though he missed the cut here last year, he finished 11th in 2007. Watch out for Lucas Glover’s John Deere odds this week.