According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Rams majority owners Chip Rosenbloom and Lucia Rodriguez are looking for buyers for the team. This is not much of a surprise since they have been open to offers after inheriting the team after their mother and long time owner Georgia Frontiere died in January of 2008. And as the columnist Bernie Miklasz reported, Goldman Sachs (one of the strongest financial companies even during Wall Street’s sour months and best last name ever) is now leading the charge to find the highest bidder.

I checked my checking account this morning and I am a wee bit short of their last Forbes value report ($979 million). But the thing about finding the best offer to buy the 60 percent majority from Rosenbloom and Rodriguez is that keeping the team in St. Louis is no longer a priority. It was priority when Rosenbloom himself first floated the “open to offers” idea to only St. Louis based investors. But G-Sachs nullifies that because “IT’S ALL ABOUT MONEY! GOD DAMN MONEY!” as coach Pete Bell said in Blue Chips.

I have been a fan of the Rams since they were in Los Angeles and now in St. Louis, so I don’t really care if they move cities. As long as they don’t move to a random place that I hate (i.e. Ann Arbor, Chicago’s yuppie North side, Celebration Florida, or any where in Tennessee) while changing the team nickname and colors. I mean how could I even convince myself to still be a fan at that point? If I could get someone at G-Sachs to invest my checking account in the stock market and multiply it by 979 million, I would choose LA (yes, I‘m a double stack and frosty away from an overdraft fee). This also got me thinking what random possibilities are there?

Los Angeles Rams – This is the best-case scenario if you ask me. I know LA isn’t “random” but a Hollywood big wig buying the team majority would be. Imagine Jack Nicholson owning the team and living out of a tinted window luxury box. A sex tape would surely surface on the Internet and on DVD before Week 3 and he could get his return on the investment before week 17. “Viagra Stadium” would also help his investment and help the possibilities of said sex tape. Yes, I would still be a fan if they changed their name to the L.A. 4-Hour Boners. There are some hilarious possibilities of things to give out to the first 10,000 fans at the door, but lets move on.

London Rams – The NFL has leaked interest in putting a team over seas and scheduling the one game a year there has added to this interest. That would definitely open the door to Simon Cowell being owner/head coach. The pro is the funniest post-game tirades since Jim Mora got the boot from Indianapolis. The con is the nightmare that Ryan Seacrest would be saturating himself into NFL Sundays. Never mind, Fox already did that. The con would actually be Amy Winehouse would shag the whole team. This would birth the most herpes infested locker room ever and make the Cleveland Browns staph infection problem look healthy.

North Chicago Lovable Losers – This is the worst-case scenario and I would NOT be a fan. Though Carlos Zambrano could be an awesome Ray Lewis style LB with that “mean streak” everyone talks about. If the team were made up of all Cubs players they would have to forfeit all their games coinciding with baseball season but at least it would be guaranteed they could start their season before October. With an early bye week they would only start 0-3 at the very worst. Playing on Wrigley Field would save the owner money; it would be reason number 4,807 why I would adopt a new favorite NFL team, and one more reason for the yuppies to get hammered drunk on the rooftops.

Las Vegas Rams – The NFL could steal the NBA’s random idea to put a team in Vegas, baby, so why not? How slutty hot would the cheerleaders be? The field goal uprights would save money on stripper poles for them right? So many questions would be answered week one at halftime and depending on your personal interests, the entertainment would never get old. And never get televised for that matter. I could see horse track style betting vendors outside the stadium making it the best place to tailgate in the NFL…EVER. Our very own BetOnline writer could sponsor the stadium as well. Not that Las Vegas needs any help but this would add another great attraction to the city. I myself would like to see the Reno 911! actors serve as stadium security, in character. The over under on them accidentally shooting a fan, player, or themselves during a game would be the second home game. I say under.

Obviously at this point the Rams moving out of St. Louis is a larger possibility than them staying or else a St. Louis investor (Budweiser) would have already made a significant offer. But maybe this will bring them to the table now that there is no longer the stipulation that a buyer needs to keep the team in town. Either way, I like the possible scenarios. Except the North Chicago scenario of course.