Nope, the misery inflicted upon the sports world today was actually worse than what the hypothetical sum of all of the aforementioned catastrophes combined. And you probably already know what I am talking: Jay Mariotti posted his first column at FanHouse.

I discussed this a few days back when Deadspin broke the news that Jay Mariotti had signed up to be a “columnist” at FanHouse. I had a little fun with Photoshop, sent out a bunch of tips so I would have other people to commiserate with, and mentally prepared myself for being part of a blogosphere that new includes Jay Mariotti.

And then I waited for the first vitriolic, back-stabbing, contradictory, and nonsensical article from America’s most hated sportswriter. And, as to be expected, Jay did not disappoint. Check out Deadspin’s summary of the first Jay Mariotti column at FanHouse, and feel free to follow the link they provide to view the column for yourself.

I refuse to link you to the Mariotti column, as it is my goal to never be the linking source for one referral to the new Mariotti blog. Ozzie Guillen and Hawk Harrelson would be proud of me for this; and while I realize that there are many people who view Ozzie and Hawk in the same light as Mariotti, I respectfully and strongly disagree. Perhaps my die-hard love for the Chicago White Sox clouds objective judgment, but that is the last caveat you will get from me. I don’t like Jay Mariotti, I never have, and I know that millions of sports fans across America (including and especially these guys) agree with me and that we all have very sound and rational reasons for our feelings about Jay Mariotti.

I almost feel like I’m wasting my time and your time writing any more about Jay Mariotti’s first column at FanHouse. So I will just leave you with an image that pretty sums up the reputation that Jay Mariotti has earned over his many years of being an incendiary and ridiculous clown of a sports writer.

The image above is a screen capture taken earlier today of the front page of BallHype. Anyone who frequents BallHype, as I do, knows that very rarely do posts get hyped down on BallHype. Typically, if someone dislikes or does not care about a post, it is just ignored. And as you can see from the vast majority of posts listed on the front page today, this trend held true.

Until, of course, you reached the BallHype entry for the first Jay Mariotti column at FanHouse.

Look at the way at the bottom of the image and you will notice an entry with a drop shadow behind it and a frightening picture of a smiling turd beside it. Then look at the stats: 20 hype-ups, and 8 hype-downs. 8! I do not recall ever seeing more than two hype-downs on a single post. Incredibly, I was actually surprised that Mariotti’s post had not received more hype-downs than it did.

Anyway, the weather is cold and gloomy here in Dallas, with near-freezing temperatures and frozen rain in the forecast for the evening. The meteorologists are blaming an “arctic front” or some BS like that. I blame Jay Mariotti.

Thank you for commiserating with me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an article to go hype-down.

(Update: Just checked a few hours after posting this and the BallHype entry about Jay Mariotti’s first FanHouse post is now at 10 hype-downs. Congratulations on your triumphant return to sports writing Jay!)

And apparently Jay Mariotti has already retreated to his mom’s basement in his underwear to write his first post for FanHouse:

(Photo Art by Midwest Sports Fans)

You may remember that back when Jay Mariotti resigned from the Chicago Sun-Times, I joined the chorus of sports fans basically telling Jay not let the door him in the ass on the way out of Chicago. Famed movie critic Roger Ebert actually said this specifically.

Our posts about Jay Mariotti provided me with the accomplishment that I take the most pride in during Midwest Sports Fans’ five months of existence: if you google “Jay Mariotti douche bag”, Midwest Sports Fans is the #1 hit. No matter what else we ever achieve here at MSF, it is quite possible that nothing will top that.

I have to run, but I do plan to add more to this post later. The irony of Jay Mariotti joining FanHouse and becoming a member of the blogging community to which I just recently joined, as well as the dread of Jay Mariotti having a national voice again, simply begs for more exposition.

Until then, take part in the poll and give us your thoughts on Jay Mariotti’s douchebaggery:

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

And I’m back.

In the specific interest of completely piling on Jay Mariotti, let’s take a look at some of the memorable blog posts that have been dedicated to Chicago’s worst ever sports writer.

First off, how about the official announcement from Chicago Sun-Times Editor in Chief Michael Cooke when Mariotti announced his resignation from the Sun-Times. The announcement includes this little gem, proving that Jay Mariotti had endeared himself to his former colleagues about as much as he did to sports fans nationwide:

We wish Jay well and will miss him — not personally, of course — but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days.

Sounds they were really broken up about Jay’s departure.

And how about this amazing 2005 Jay Mariotti Year in Review, written by Eric Zorn of the Chicago Tribune. Here are a few of the highlights, taken verbatim from Mariotti’s column during the White Sox drive to the 2005 World Series title:

April 7th – (The Sox are) Winning Lucky. Groovy as Sox life seems right now, let me assure you that this is no formula for a division title.

April 23rd – Guillen is only confirming what his critics said: He’s too nuts, off the wall and out of control.

May 15th – (The Sox) have the sweetest rotation in the sport ….And while I’m not about to predict they’ll be the first local team in 187 collective seasons to win a World Series, they are built to last deep into September.

June 7th – I can safely say the Sox won’t win a World Series as long as (Jerry Reinsdorf) owns them.

June 24th – Guillen’s feistiness has a magical effect on the Sox.

June 30th – Williams insists the Sox don’t need major roster surgery, but I couldn’t disagree more.

August 17th – You might be under the influence of Hawk Harrelson, but for non-homers who analyze baseball at face value, the Sox are vulnerable because their attack lacks punch.

September 1st – Who is Geoff Blum, anyway?

September 18th – If there is any sense of mercy, the White Sox will be blacked out the rest of the season so a terminally cursed city needn’t witness The Mother of All Collapses.

September 20th – Other cities host the World Series. Chicago hosts Choke Job Theater.

September 27th – Just why are the Sox playing for October when they clearly don ‘ t belong there?

October 4th – I’ve been trying to tell out-of-towners that Guillen has been a terrific manager.

October 21st – They’ve won with the kind of smart, unselfish, high-character, pitching-and-defense charm that defies everything we’ve seen from baseball in recent seasons….The Sox are about pure baseball.

October 27th – What they did, thanks to the feisty leadership of Guillen and foresight of Williams, was write a new blueprint on how baseball might be played in the post-steroids era.

Is your head spinning yet from all of the contradictions? And from all of the horribly erroneous predictions and comments? And seriously, these few excerpts don’t even do the entire post justice. Here is the link again, go read it: Jay Mariotti 2005 Year in Review.

And how about Jay Mariotti on Chicago Bears head coach Lovie Smith? You guessed it. More blowharding and more contradictions. And once again we have Eric Zorn, my new personal hero, to thank for pointing it out:

All I know is, a man named Lovie cannot coach the world-famous Chicago Bears …Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti, Jan. 14, 2004

Lovie Smith, racking up Coach of the Year votes by the week…Sun-Time columnist Jay Mariotti, November 14, 2005

Honestly, I could probably do this all night long and never get bored. I realize that I have made some pretty strong statements and been proven wrong numerous times. However, unlike Dr. Douchebaggery himself, I usually point out my mistakes and take responsibility for them. Jay Mariotti simply stands in defiant opposition of any critics, wafting in the sweet (at least to him) smell of his putrid, gaseous hot air.

So, congratulations to FanHouse for bringing in Jay Mariotti. I’m sure he will draw a lot of traffic simply because of his name and fame, and his willingness to say anything at any time, without any hint of shame when his thoughts, predictions, and diatribes are proven to be horribly wrong or off base.

I wonder how the guys over at Jay the Joke feel about this?