On ESPN, Ed Werder just reported that Chad Ochocino, who has done very little in two playoff games this year – even being inactive for one of them, will be active for Super Bowl 46 and is expected to have opportunities to make plays.

Chad Ochocinco will be active for Super Bowl 46 and have the opportunity to make plays...which hasn't done much of this year.

This comes on the heels of the Patriots’ surprising release of Tiquan Underwood last night. Werder says that no one on the Patriots is upset with the decision, noting their trust in Bill Belichick to fulfill his ultimate responsibility to put the team in the best position to win. Belichick wanted more defensive line depth, and Underwood was expected to be inactive anyway, so the move was made.

So…adjust your point spread, over/under, and prop betting strategy accordingly.

Amidst the greatness of the MLB playoffs, the ending of the NBA lockout, the NFL season, college basketball and now the Super Bowl, the NHL has been wrongly overlooked this season, a season that is, arguably, one of the best since the lockout year in 2004.

While the NFL had what I thought was a very below-average season, the NHL has been the complete opposite. Of course teams like Detroit, Vancouver, Boston, Pittsburgh, and Philadelphia are all playing well, but teams, such as Nashville, St. Louis, Ottawa, New Jersey, and even Winnipeg, are becoming more and more competitive, creating a sense of insecurity among many of the top teams.

Chicago Blackhawks' Patrick Kane stole the All-Star skills contest with his "SuperKane" costume.

Take the Central Division in the Western Conference as an example. Four of the five teams in the division are in the top six places in the Western Conference, and all are within a game or two of each other. The Eastern Conference has a similar story in the Atlantic Division. Four of the five teams in that division are all currently in a playoff spot.

Inner-division games often have a lot more energy and are usually just better games than teams who don’t play as often, so I am predicting a very hard-fought NHL playoffs, which I am looking forward to.

Despite a 66% increase in sponsorship and advertising revenue in 2010, the 2010 Stanley Cup Final having its largest audience ever, NHL merchandise sales up 22%, and a deal with Comcast/NBC to air more games for the next 10 years, why does it still feel like the NHL is receiving the back-burner?

Hockey should be a lot more popular in the United States. It’s fast-paced, only lasts 2.5 hours(and would be shorter if the ice didn’t have to be re-surfaced between periods), has checking, has legal fighting, and features just as many “top plays” as any other sport. The majority of Americans like all of these things.

The answer to why the NHL isn’t as popular or gets as much as coverage is simple: $$$. The NHL just doesn’t bring in as much money as the NBA, MLB, or the NFL does, but I think this is about to change.

Ratings among popular events such as the All-Star Game, the Winter Classic, and the playoffs are all increasing year after year. These are all going up along with, like I stated before, merchandise and sponsorship revenues. If this trend continues(and there’s nothing to say it won’t), the media and other companies might start investing more in the NHL, increasing exposure and hopefully popularity.

So even though the mainstream media basically ignores the NHL, there’s reason to be optimistic. Sooner or later people will begin to realize what they’re missing.

His band The Twin Cats was chosen as the house band for ESPN’s show SportsNation, hosted by Colin Cowherd and the wonderful Michelle Beadle. One of the band members just posted this video from yesterday’s taping. It features Herman Edwards losing himself in the midst of The Twin Cats’ face-melting funk, and then pulling Beadle onto the dance floor with him.

(Note: Nick is the bearded wonder playing the sax.)

Tune in to the show later today, or if you’re in Indianapolis head down for a taping. The Twin Cats will be there. Tell ‘em MSF sent you.

His style is different than other personalities in that he references his followers as ‘clones’ and what they have to say as ‘takes.’  He antagonizes his listeners and encourages them to compete against each other, personality vs. personality or fan vs. fan.

His radio show is heard on more than 200 stations, including Armed Forces Radio.  He dominates the airwaves of the U.S. and Canada and is streamed to all corners of the world via the internet.

Oh, by the way, Jim Rome hates Soccer.  And he is not bashful about giving his opinions on the matter.

His rants often don’t make a lot of sense.  Obviously, his characterization of Soccer is badly mistaken and rooted in old jockish traditions where football, basketball, baseball, and hockey reign supreme.  He doesn’t get Soccer.  He is completely twisted in his evaluation and ‘the beautiful game’ doesn’t mean anything to him, while he freely admits its popularity around the world.

What makes Rome such a fascinating figure in American sports media is his opinions carry weight and his brand is bigger than any one media company, even ESPN.  This was proven when he was hired back on to do a TV show for them after being fired years earlier for being too much of an instigator on a previous show.  Only a few people are able to be bigger than sports media companies in the U.S.  Arguably, Rome is the biggest.

Most importantly, what makes Rome fascinating is his ability to admit an oversight on his part.  Maybe its because he has become so popular and he simply calls it as he sees it, not worrying what others may think.  Through the years (and he has been doing it for 20+ years now), he has declared errors in his thought process and mistakes in judgment.  What’s so interesting about this positive characteristic in Jim Rome is, he has gone back on his opinions on different sports, said he looks at them in a different way and then talks great about them.

He openly did this about face for NASCAR, MMA (UFC) and horse racing.  His support in the past and present for NASCAR and UFC has driven business for them.  In many instances, he brings guests onto his shows to talk specifically about high points of these sports, including promoting events and matches.  Single-handedly, Jim Rome has helped NASCAR and MMA rise above the U.S. consumer sports fray and has been one of the main reasons these sports have been profitable above expectations.

Besides his unabashed, undaunted support for the big 4, football, basketball, baseball, and hockey, Rome has helped non-mainstream sports get needed attention, brought them respectability in the U.S. sports world and pushed them closer to mainstream.

How can Soccer convince Rome to come over to its side?  How does Soccer turn him from a basher to a supporter?

His negative attitude definitely hurts Soccer because he gives so many other U.S. sports fans reasons to not give the sport a chance.  To ignore him would not be the responsible thing to do on the part of MLS.  He may be able to use his influence in the future to turn those fans to supporters of Soccer.

Rome is flexible enough for a transformation on Soccer.  His track record proves this.

It starts with relationships and it’s all about approach.  MLS must take the proper steps to get Jim Rome involved with its game.  MLS should be aggressive and not think its beneath them to recruit someone to their side who has so much power over U.S. sports fans.  For starters, invite him to Home Depot Center (as he resides in L.A.), wine him and dine him, and hope for a great match.

Howard Alperin is Managing Editor of AmericanizeSoccer.com

When I woke this morning, still beaming from last night’s win, I flipped on the TV and immediately saw Willis’ face as he described to Jeffry Chadiha on a segment of ESPN’s great show E:60 the harrowing details of growing up with his brothers and sisters in an abusive house with his drug-addicted father.

I’d never seen the entire segment, so I sat and watched it and. I definitely teared up a bit at certain points hearing what Willis went through, and the incredible character and maturity it took to overcome it.

You can’t not root for Willis. Watch if you haven’t see this and you’ll see why.

NFL players get a bad rap for not always being the most upstanding of citizens or role models. It’s a deserved rap in many ways, because so many NFL players have not represented their league, their families, and themselves with dignity on and off the field.

Not Patrick Willis.

This is one of the most remarkable men in the NFL, and with leaders like Willis it’s no surprise that the 49ers have persevered through so many coaches and so many losses during his tenure to come out on the other side in the NFC Championship Game.

Image credit: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images via B/R

Not only will we get to see the many stars the league has to feature, but it’s going to be the first time in a long while. You can bet that the players are just as excited as the fans, and it’s time to get back to the sport we all know and love.

Photo source: Bull City State of Mind

So while you’re enjoying the turkey, cranberry sauce, or even fruitcake (for those of you with horrible taste), don’t forget to have the tele on to witness ‘Bron throwing one down or to watch CP3 make his season debut in Lob City. And just to make sure you don’t miss a beat, below I have the complete TV schedule alongside my preview for each of the games!

Also be sure to follow me on twitter for the latest in all things NBA!

Without further ado, here is my official analysis & TV schedule for your NBA Christmas!

NBA Christmas Day TV Schedule:

Christmas Day Games: Previews & Analysis

Game 1: Boston Celtics @ New York Knicks

Once again the matchup of Boston v New York comes to life in the world of sports, and once again on an NBA Christmas!

What makes it so much different this time around? Two teams going in opposite directions.

The Boston Celtics come into this game with a lot of negatives in their path, one being the loss of one of their younger players in Jeff Green for the entire season and another being the clear fact that this is the last shot that Boston’s trio of Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen have at a title. While Rajon Rondo will still be the same great point guard we know and love, and Boston will continue to display great team defense, does the ‘Big Three’ have enough in the tank to play 66 games in 123 days?

It’ll certainly show against the Knicks, who have three of their best players in the prime of their career: Carmelo Anthony, Amar’e Stoudemire, and Tyson Chandler.

The Knicks are coming into this game with something to prove to the world: we are ready to compete for an NBA Championship. Heck, even head coach Mike D’Antoni believes it. So who’s to say they can’t?

The scoring is always going to be there from Melo & Amar’e, and now with solid defenders like newly acquired Chandler and rookie Iman Shumpert, the Knicks’ chances are better than ever.

A defensive appetizer for your Christmas day!

Game 2: Miami Heat @ Dallas Mavericks

Every premier event has it’s main event. Well ladies and gentlemen, main events don’t get any bigger than this, especially on Christmas day!

A rematch of the 2011 NBA Finals on the first day of the 11-12 regular season, what more is there to say?

Image source: AP via SI.com

For the Heat, this game means everything. It’s a chance to prove to the world that they yet again have the will to fight against adversity; it’s a chance at redemption against a Dallas team that took them out in 6; and it’s a chance to begin a season many are calling historic with a victory.

The Heat are back at their title chasing, and this time they have a very strong season under their belt. The signing of Shane Battier gives LeBron & Wade some extra help on the wing and a great presence in the locker room. Chris Bosh is back with some added weight, and the rest of the Heat roster is ready to rally around the ‘Big Three’ once again. Is this the year we finally witness this Heat team win a ring?

They hope so.

For the Dallas Mavericks this is all about proving to the world that the Heat didn’t lose the NBA Championship, but rather that Dallas won it on the back of all-time great Dirk Nowitzki and the great supporting cast. The only difference now is Dallas has a new look. Losing Tyson Chandler, Caron Butler, and JJ Barea is going to hurt this team, but by adding Lamar Odom, Vince Carter, and Delonte West, Dallas now seems to have a much stronger hold out on the wing, especially defensively.

For both teams this will be a statement game, and the start at another run for a title. Let the festivities begin.

Game 3: Chicago Bulls @ Los Angeles Lakers

Two teams that have much to prove to the world, the Chicago Bulls and LA Lakers, both faced ugly playoff exits last year after very strong seasons. So can they begin their campaigns for title chases this year with a victory?

For the Bulls, it’s very evident that they still have the bad taste in their mouth from the Eastern Conference Finals loss against Miami. So now it’s up to D.Rose and company to come back hitting the ground running, and it should be much easier this time around as they finally got what they were looking for in Richard Hamilton: a seasoned 2-guard, capable of creating his own shot, spacing the floor, and helping Rose out on the wing. Not only did they acquire a solid addition, but they’re coming back with a healthier Carlos Boozer, an improved Joakim Noah and Luol Deng, and now have the hurt of a big ECF loss to drive them.

This might be enough to propel them into another Eastern Conference Finals.

But standing in their way on Christmas are the Los Angeles Lakers.

Now, much negativity can be said about this Lakers team; they’re all dazed from the way things went this past off-season, they won’t be able to adapt to Mike Brown’s new system, or Kobe Bryant isn’t healthy enough. While all of these can be factors throughout the season, let me remind you that this roster is still very good. Kobe Bryant will always bring 25-7-7. I don’t care what bone in his body is broken, this man can hoop. Pau Gasol is still one of the top power forwards in the league, and I expect Andrew Bynum to come out very strong. He’s gained weight, worked at the post-game this past off-season, and is straight up sick of hearing the ‘injury-gossip.’ What a treat for Kobe & co. to have the opportunity to shut the haters up on Christmas.

So expect a great matchup between two championship contenders.

Game 4: Orlando Magic @ Oklahoma City Thunder

Another great treat from the wonderful David Stern (cough). Two of the league’s most exciting, and talented stars go head to head. Dwight Howard and Kevin Durant are always must-watch-TV, especially at the start of a season. But unfortunately both stars don’t have teams playing at the same level.

For the Orlando Magic, this past off-season has been disrupted by numerous trade rumors for their big man, Dwight, and the rumors will continue until No.12 is eventually traded. While Dwight continues to say how much he loves the city and community of Orlando, it’s becoming quite evident that the players he is surrounded by won’t give him another chance at a championship anytime soon.

So enjoy Dwight in a Magic uni while you can, because it won’t last much longer.

As for the Thunder, expect them to come out surging against a morale-low Magic squad. Kevin Durant continues to get better, scary I know, and is accompanied with one of the more ‘together’ rosters in the league. Russell Westbrook has been working on his outside game this off-season, as has James Harden, while Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka have worked on their post-game. Let’s not also forget that this is a Thunder team that fought all of the way to a Western Conference Final, and the fact that they are coming back even better?

Scary. NBA Finals scary if you ask me.

Game 5: Los Angeles Clippers @ Golden State Warriors

To end your NBA Christmas, Stern and his little Elves dished out a game that they thought would be a bit more low-key than the rest. Little did they know that after they had made this schedule, the league’s best point guard in the league would team up with Blake Griffin and the Clippers.

Image credit: Mel Blackmon/CBS via CBSLocal.com

The Clippers literally went from a potential lottery team to a possible NBA title contender. Now don’t have a heart attack, the key word here is possible.

The trade that shipped off Chris Kaman, Eric Gordon and numerous draft pick  landed the Clips CP3. In separate signings, LA was able to acquire swingman Caron Butler and ‘Mr.Big Shot’ Chauncey Billups to accompany Chris Paul at the 2-guard. On paper this Clippers team looks solid: the league’s best point guard, and I believe the the best power forward in Blake Griffin, and a solid supporting cast consisting of DeAndre Jordon, Chauncey, Caron, Eric Bledsode, etc.

But as we’ve seen in the past, on paper doesn’t always turn into rings.

On the other side of this game are the Golden State Warriors. While they now have newly appointed head coach Mark Jackson, they still have more work to do. Stephen Curry and Monta Ellis should put in some good work against CP3, but the main issue lies down on the block and on the bench. Golden State attempted to land Nene, Tyson Chandler, and even Marc Gasol. But to come up empty-handed, leaves the Warriors with nearly the same roster as last season.

Expect the Clippers to start the season having a field day in Golden State.

Thanks for reading, and happy holidays NBA nerds!

This Sunday, ESPN’s Outside the Lines did a piece on another long-time fantasy sports franchise that ran into trouble in 2011 and ultimately shut down.

I found the 8 ½ minute piece fascinating, and in my mind it beats OTL’s breaking lead story from last week. (I’m fine with Major League Baseball’s drug-testing program – but the first I want to hear about a violation is from MLB itself, not from a media outlet digging out a story and breaking the code of confidentiality.)

But back to this week’s OTL piece, which focused on the high-stakes operation that was known as the World Championship of Fantasy Football.

“Fantasy Flop” at World Championship of Fantasy Football

Those who have played fantasy sports in the past and purchase the preseason magazines annually have no doubt heard of them. They’re the ones in which the overall winner gets the oversized check from Suzy Kolber at the Super Bowl.  Obviously, very few fantasy football magazines went to print this year due to the lockout, so I personally did not know what was going on with WCOFF or any other fantasy sports business – but until recently WCOFF was guilty of nothing more than having a WFL-like logo, which perhaps should had been a clue of impending doom right there.

The story begins with the plight of a Wyoming man named Tony Windis, who won the $300,000 grand prize for the 2010 football season following the same blueprint of many others who won fantasy football titles last year: drafting Adrian Peterson and then picking up Michael Vick off the waiver wire. Windis says he received $150,000 of his winnings, and is still awaiting the remaining amount.

The piece then focuses on several others who had invested in WCOFF over the years, including self-described ‘professional gambler’ Chad Schroeder, who invested $50,000 annually, won WCOFF’s 2010 baseball contest, and was owed over $250,000 of his winnings. Also featured was Ian Ritchie, who had played in the contest since 2003, and Scott Atkins, who now runs the Fantasy Players Association.

It is noted in the segment that the landscape of the company changed in 2007 when WCOFF’s original owners sold out to Gridiron Fantasy Sports, an arm of a company known as 360 Sports Marketing.

Ashby had huge corporate plans for his acquired franchise. WCOFF’s Draft in Las Vegas spared little expense, involving 100 women hired as cocktail waitresses clad in referee’s outfits, and also flying in two former NBA players as celebrity contestants. Ashby also started a weekly TV show which aired on Versus and had visions of televised fantasy football drafts becoming the new poker, with his contestants becoming television celebrities – while taunting the contests involving ‘the best of the best’.

By 2009, WCOFF was no longer timely in processing  payoffs, and this September it closed up shop. It is said that the operation had gotten to the point that they were waiting for the income from baseball sign-ups in the spring before paying off football winners. WCOFF then took out a loan this year (claiming they were working on sponsors), but it was still not able to pay all of the winners.

ESPN quoted Dustin Ashby (right) as saying ‘the economy got us’ and ‘we made some bad bets’ (figuratively, literally, or both??), adding that the company had lost $4 million.

The segment closes with news of a lawsuit being applied for by the ‘winners’, with a frustrated Tony Windis saying on camera ‘I just want what I want. I don’t want to hurt anybody, I don’t want any extra, I just want to get paid’. Ashby also was hit by a lawsuit a couple weeks back by the Missouri Attorney General.

There is another angle to the Dustin Ashby story. He was also a golf coach at the University of Missouri-St. Louis. While in that capacity he utilized one of his volunteer assistants, and three of his student-athletes, with the WCOFF operation on a contract basis.

Not surprisingly, something known as the NCAA did not take a very good view of this. The UMSL golf program has now been placed on two years probation for ‘major violations regarding sports wagering and unethical conduct’ and for Ashby not disclosing the involvement of his staff and student-athletes. The NCAA, which has long prohibited sports wagering by student-athletes/coaches, officially expanded the rules to include fantasy sports in 2007.

Dustin Ashby is also seen often on television on various golf programs, and St. Louis sportswriter Jeff Gordon was a featured contributor to the WCOFF website, as he had been for CDM Inc. (also based in St. Louis area) in the past.

At one point it was thought that Gridiron raked in upwards to $3 million per year, while awarding $1.6 to $1.8 million in prize money. This may have been based on WCOFF acquiring the maximum 1,200 contestants for its football contest. It can be imagined that attracting less than the 1,200 number ($1,750 buy-in) cut into the revenue stream, as well as the added administrative expenses with the Las Vegas event in recent years.

Who knows how the mismanagement (making other investments that may have tanked, etc.) got Gridiron into deep red ink, but the damage to the fantasy sports industry as a whole is far-reaching. There are many other businesses in fantasy sports that have been well-run in the years, but then again WCOFF had a clean rep until very recently, and this is not the first company to encounter ‘accounting issues’ and not make payouts in a timely manner. The result is more potential customers who may ultimately decide to sit on the sidelines, or join close-knit leagues at home with co-workers/family or other people that they know on a face-to-face business.

And the fantasy sports industry worked had to keep the hobby alive, successfully winning in court in the early-2000’s proving that fantasy sports differ from other ‘investments’ known as gambling – and again just a few years ago as professional sports leagues attempted to copyright the use of players names and player statistics. It would not take much for another bill to come forward in the future and for those decisions to eventually be reversed in some fashion.

It is frustrating enough to lose in fantasy sports based on events that happen in the field of play. It’s quite another to win but not get paid. This is something that might end up boding very bad for the fantasy sports industry.

Upon taking an innocent stroll down the Reddit front page tonight I happened upon a headline that read “Look who I found in my mom’s old high school yearbook.” Naturally curious, though not noting at the time that the post was from r/sports, I clicked on the link, which was posted by user SuperJezus (who I have yet to confirm nor deny is Tim Tebow).

And who do I find at said link but everyone’s favorite sports curmudgeon Anthony “Tony” Kornheiser.

Here is the pic:

Image source: Imgur

A number of things stand out at first glance:

First, Kornheiser was once young. This can sometimes be hard to imagine. Now we have a picture confirming it.

Second, Kornheiser once had a full head of dark hair. This too can sometimes be hard to imagine. But, again, now we have a picture confirming it.

Third, it looks like “T.K.” knew what he wanted from the beginning. He wanted to be a lawyer or a journalist. Seeing as how he parlayed a successful journalism career into arguing sports on the radio and now on TV, I’d say he succeeded.

Fourth, Kornheiser hated math and swimming then, and he surely hates them now.

Fifth, he knew early on that he “likes to make others laugh.” While this has worked out well in his newspaper, radio, and PTI gigs, it didn’t go over so well on Monday Night Football. (Dennis Miller would probably tell him not to worry about it too much.)

Sixth, he likes victory parades. That’s just…awesome, though I wonder if he still shares that feeling.

I’ve always been a huge fan of Kornheiser, so stumbling upon this picture was a particularly fun moment of serendipity for me. I believe it also now trumps this glorious picture as the youngest picture of Kornheiser on record:

Image source: Dandy Koufax

Now hopefully one day an elementary school photo of Kornheiser will appear. Until then, his high school yearbook will have to do.

As he says: “You’re only young once, but if you play it smart, once is enough!” I’d say Tony Kornheiser played it very smart. He traded youth and hair for a gig almost any of sportsblogging folk, and probably most sports fan, would kill for.

Well done Mr. Tony. You da man.

**********

Update: Our buddy SuperJezus – he’s not Tebow, I checked, but he does appear to be on Twitter (@jessedgoldberg) – just emailed me a couple more photos of Kornheiser. Enjoy.

You know, in that last picture, he does somewhat resemble Tony Reali, no?

Here is the video so you can listen for yourself:

When I first listened to it, with my ear keyed to hear an N-bomb, I didn’t. It sounded to me like he said “neither”. So I listened again, and I noticed that the context clues suggest this is the only word that makes sense.

As the shot goes in, Verrett says “Time…distance…neither one a problem!” Substitute the N-word in there, and the sentence doesn’t even make sense in context.

Why do I care to post this? Because I’ve made plenty of mistakes before here at MSF, so I know they happen in the blogging game, where we all want to get compelling posts out quickly. But this is the kind of story that could embarrass a really good anchor like Verrett if it gains too much traction. I have a forum to speak my peace on it, so I wanted to do so.

To Larry Brown’s credit, he already updated his post including my comments, thus giving his readers a more balanced view of the video. Hat tip to Larry, a great sports blogger, for doing the right and fair thing.

I suppose I could be wrong. Maybe Verrett really didn’t say “neither”. You’d have to ask him. But given the context clues and the forum in which he was speaking, I’m definitely going to give him the benefit of the doubt absence clear evidence to the contrary.

I’m too old to stay up for the whole thing, but for those of you wishing to check it out, I can offer you two things: 1) a link to the complete schedule of the games and commentators and 2) my thoughts and predictions for each contest.

Washington State at #23 Gonzaga – 12:00 AM EST (ESPN)

The Zags had to come back from a second-half deficit to beat Eastern Washington in their opener.  Gonzaga’s big men were the difference with Robert Sacre and Elias Harris combining for 38 points and 18 rebounds, and both should give the Cougars fits inside.

Gonzaga still needs someone to emerge at the point (see 11 assists and 17 turnovers in the opener), while the backcourt duo of Reggie Moore and Faisal Aden forms the strength of Wazzu. Both players are a little banged up already, so it’s difficult to predict how effective they might be.  The Cougars are picked to finish toward the bottom of the Pac-12, and it’s going to take time for them to find their stride without Klay Thompson around to pace the offense.

• Gonzaga-Washington State Pick: Gonzaga

Northern Iowa at Saint Mary’s – 2:00 AM EST (ESPN)

Both teams come in 1-0, and Northern Iowa’s win at Old Dominion was an impressive way to get their season started.  In fact, the MVC had a few solid performances over the weekend, with Missouri State winning by 23 at Nevada and Evansville knocking off Butler in OT.  The Panthers hit nearly 40 percent from deep but got to the free throw line just seven times.

Meanwhile, the Gaels beat Fresno Pacific by 40, led by a career-high 25 from Rob Jones.  Eight players scored at least six points, and the team tallied 25 assists on 35 made field goals.  Jones will likely lead the team in scoring, but the player to watch is Matthew Dellavedova, one of the nation’s most underrated guards. 

• Northern Iowa-Saint Mary’s Pick: Saint Mary’s

Cal State Northridge at Hawaii – 4:00 AM EST (ESPN)

Cal State Northridge lost their opener to USC and is expected to finish toward the bottom of the Big West, while Hawaii is breaking in a number of new players but is a potential sleeper team in the WAC.  The Rainbow Warriors have a solid frontcourt tandem with Vander Joaquim and Josten Thomas, but guard Zane Johnson should lead them in scoring after averaging nearly 16 points last year and knocking down over 40 percent from deep. 

• Cal State Northride-Hawaii Pick: Hawaii

Drexel at Rider – 6:00 AM EST (ESPN)

The Dragons are one of the preseason favorites to win the Colonial, while Rider got blown out by Robert Morris in their opener before surprisingly testing Pitt in their second contest.  But when the game starts at 6:00 AM, you can throw out the records.

It’s hard to believe this will be Bruiser Flint’s 11th year at the helm for Drexel, and it’s easily one of his most talented teams.  Forward Samme Givens averaged a double-double last season and is a monster on the offensive glass despite his 6-foot-5 frame.  Look for Givens, guard Chris Fouch, and a tenacious Drexel defense to be the difference here.

It’s also worth noting that Andy Katz and Doug Gottlieb will be calling this game.  Here’s hoping Katz makes it through the marathon in a bit better shape than he did a couple years ago, when it looked and sounded like he had been drug behind a truck for its duration. 

• Drexel-Rider Pick: Drexel

Morehead State at College of Charleston – 8:00 AM EST (ESPN)

No offense to this year’s squads, but this game is a year too late now that Kenneth Faried and Andrew Goudelock are gone.  Morehead State got blown out by NC State on Sunday, which means a quick turnaround for this early morning tilt.  Charleston beat Holy Cross by nine in their opener and placed four guys in double figures, led by 18 points from Antwaine Wiggins and a double-double from Trent Wiedeman.

One guy to watch here is freshman Adjehi Baru, who posted 11 points and eight boards in his debut, but 17 turnovers compared to nine assists is a potential red flag.  Perhaps most importantly this is a rare opportunity to inject some Stephen Bardo into your morning routine.  I’ll let you decide whether that is a good thing or not. 

• Morehead State-College of Charleston Pick: College of Charleston

Kent State at West Virginia – 10:00 AM EST (ESPN)

West Virginia held off a tough Oral Roberts team in their opener, but they were thoroughly outrebounded and had 21 turnovers in the process.  Kevin Jones got his senior year off to a good start with 20 points and eight boards, and the Mountaineers got some nice contributions from their freshmen with Aaron Brown, Gary Browne, and Jabarie Hinds combining for 28 points, 12 assists, seven rebounds, and six steals.

Kent State watched rival Akron knock off Mississippi State in the opening week but has yet to play a game of their own.  The Zips bring back four starters from a team that won 25 games last season, led by MAC Player of the Year Justin Greene.  They also boast the reigning Defensive POY and Sixth Man and add Juco All-American Chris Evans to the mix.  The Flashes have players who can pressure the ball and give West Virginia fits on the glass, which makes this my upset special.

Bill Raftery is calling this one, so it’s a great chance for some “early onions!”

• Kent State-West Virginia Pick: Kent State

Belmont at #9 Memphis – 12:00 PM EST (ESPN)

The Bruins nearly pulled off a road win at Duke, but in the process they showed why so many people (including yours truly) are high on them this year.  Their second road trip is a shorter one and gives them another shot to pick up a signature win.

This will be Memphis’ first game of the season, and it will be interesting to see the strides their heralded sophomore class made in the offseason as well as highly-touted freshman Adonis Thomas.  Among a number of matchups to watch here is a point guard showdown between Belmont’s Kerron Johnson and Memphis’ Joe Jackson and a battle inside featuring BU’s Mick Hedgepeth and Scott Saunders and Memphis soph Tarik Black.

Belmont clearly isn’t intimidated to play major programs away from home, and just to show I am firmly on the bandwagon, they’re upset number two.

In other good news, it’s way too early for Jimmy Dykes to pull out any kind of Jimmy’s Jet graphic while calling the game.  Thank God. 

• Belmont-Memphis Pick: Belmont

San Diego State at #12 Baylor – 2:00 PM EST (ESPN)

The Aztecs are in rebuilding mode after losing a ton from last year’s Top Five squad, but they are off to a 3-0 start.  They are led by guards Chase Tapley and Jamaal Franklin, who scored a career-high 31 points off the bench on Sunday.

Baylor is without top returnee Perry Jones as he serves a suspension for improper benefits, but freshman Quincy Miller has stepped up in his absence with 17 points in each of his first two games.  The Bears are absolutely loaded up front, while they are continuing to sort out their backcourt rotation before they get into the meat of their schedule.  Expect at least a couple highlight reel dunks from athletic forward Quincy Acy. 

• San Diego State-Baylor Pick: Baylor

Rhode Island at Texas – 4:00 PM EST (ESPN)

The Rams lost their opener in an overtime shootout with George Mason and are picked to finish in the lower half of the Atlantic 10.  Guard Jamal Wilson went off for 38 points in 41 minutes after scoring just 172 points over his first three seasons at URI, but what will he do for an encore?

The Longhorns blew out Boston in their first game, led by 28 points and eight assists from J’Covan Brown, one of the team’s only returning players.  A couple Texas freshmen to watch are point guard Myck Kabongo, who had seven dimes in his debut, and backcourt mate Julien Lewis, who poured in 18 points in the season-opening victory. 

• Rhode Island-Texas Pick: Texas

Florida International/George Mason at Virginia Tech – 6:00 PM EST (ESPNU)

GMU will be the likely opponent in this matchup and should provide a great test for the Hokies as part of the preseason NIT.  The Patriots have a terrific player in Ryan Pearson, who totaled 28 points and 12 boards in the opener, as well as guards Vertrail Vaughns and Sherrod Wright, both of whom scored 17 points.

Virginia Tech beat ETSU by 11 in their first game, although they played without top guard Errick Green, who sat out with an Achilles injury.  He said he hoped to miss only one game, and the Hokies will need him in this one.  Freshman Dorian Finney-Smith had an impressive debut for the VT with 10 points, 16 rebounds, five assists, and four blocks, so keep an eye on him.  Injuries have limited depth on a team that lost a lot from last season, and Va Tech shot poorly in the opener.  This should be one of the better games of the day.

• FIU/George Mason-Virginia Tech Pick: George Mason

#6 Duke vs. Michigan State – 7:00 PM EST (ESPN)

After facing North Carolina and Duke in their first two games, Michigan State might be looking for a new approach to scheduling.

It’s hard to know how many conclusions can be drawn from Sparty’s opener given the uniqueness of the venue, but I was certainly impressed with their effort on the glass, a staple of some of Tom Izzo’s best teams over the years.  While Draymond Green grabbed 18 rebounds, he also missed 13 shots and had five turnovers, so the Spartans need more from him offensively.  The same can be said of their backcourt tandem of Keith Appling and Brandon Wood, who combined for just 12 points and one assist.

Duke got quite a scare from Belmont before boatracing Presbyterian, which enabled Coach K to tie Bob Knight for the most all-time wins.  Through two games, the signs point toward Mason Plumlee becoming a reliable contributor, and freshman phenom Austin Rivers is already leading the team in scoring.  Seth Curry has been decent at the point, and Ryan Kelly has turned in a couple double-digit scoring efforts.  I’m still not sold on Duke from a defensive standpoint on the outside, but I’m also not sure Michigan State will be able to take full advantage of that.

I think the Spartans can keep it close with toughness and rebounding, but I just don’t see enough reliable scorers from them at this stage of the season. 

• Duke-Michigan State Pick: Duke

Albany/Brown at Syracuse – 7:00 PM EST (ESPN3)

In the interest of space, I’m going to breeze through some of these ESPN3 tilts.  The Orange played nine guys at least 16 minutes in the opener and should win handily over either opponent.  I’m interested to see if soph Dion Waiters can keep up his hot streak after pouring in 14 in the opener.

• Albany/Brown-Syracuse Pick: Syracuse

Rutgers at Miami (FL) – 7:00 PM EST (ESPN3)

I love the intensity of Rutgers coach Mike Rice, but they are relying heavily on younger players, particularly in the backcourt.  The Hurricanes are essentially the exact opposite with a number of talented guards but virtually no one inside thanks in large part to injury.  Consequently, I think Rutgers soph Gilvydas Biruta could give them some trouble inside, but the veteran backcourt of Miami should be the difference. 

• Rutgers-Miami Pick: Miami (FL)

LaSalle at Villanova – 7:00 PM EST (ESPN3)

After going off for 27 points in the opener, I want to see what guard Dominic Cheek does for an encore.  Look for another big game from big man Mouphtaou Yarou as Nova rolls.

• LaSalle-Villanova Pick: Villanova

#10 Florida at #3 Ohio State – 8:00 PM EST (ESPN2)

These two teams won by a combined 71 points in their openers, but there were a few things to take away from those blowouts.

Florida’s quartet of guards was as advertised, scoring 62 points (including 11 made three-pointers) with 12 assists and just one turnover.  Patric Young logged a double-double inside to complement their strong outside game, but he will obviously have his hands full with Jared Sullinger.

Sullinger picked up right where he left off with 19 points, nine rebounds, and three blocks.  He made 10 free throws and even knocked down a three-pointer.  William Buford, Aaron Craft, and DeShaun Thomas were solid as expected, but Lenzelle Smith also played well.  He posted eight points, seven rebounds, and two steals in just 20 minutes, so I am interested to see if he can replicate that against tougher competition.

This should be one of the day’s most competitive games and your first chance to catch Dan Dakich on the mic this season. 

• Florida-Ohio State Pick: Ohio State

Arkansas-Pine Bluff at Oklahoma State – 8:00 PM EST (ESPN3)

Let’s be honest, with the other games here you probably aren’t tuning in to this one.  But if you do, be sure to check out Oklahoma State’s LeBryan Nash, who scored 13 points in his debut and should be one of the nation’s top freshmen. 

• Arkansas-Pine Bluff-Oklahoma State Pick: Oklahoma State

#2 Kentucky vs. #13 Kansas – 9:00 PM EST (ESPN)

This will be the first chance to get a look at this year’s crop of Kentucky freshmen on national TV.

The Cats beat Marist by 50 in their first game, and first-year phenom Anthony Davis got his college career off to an impressive start with 23 points, 10 rebounds, and five blocks.  The other three UK freshmen all scored at least 14 points, and soph Doron Lamb dished out eight assists.  I didn’t even mention preseason SEC Player of the Year Terrence Jones, who along with Davis will be charged with defending Kansas forward Thomas Robinson, who posted a double-double in KU’s opener.

The Jayhawks assisted on 30 of 41 made baskets, and deft passing will be critical if Kansas wants to bridge the talent and depth gap between these teams.  I’ll also be watching the leadership of Tyshawn Taylor and whether Travis Releford can continue his emergence after spending his first few seasons on the bench.

Brace yourself for Dickie V in this one, although is anyone else surprised he isn’t calling the game in which Coach K can earn his record-breaking win? 

• Kentucky-Kansas Pick: Kentucky

Austin Peay at #24 California – 10:00 PM EST (ESPN2)

The Governors come in 0-1 after losing by nine to Middle Tennessee State.  The guy to watch for them is TyShwan Edmondson who went for 20 points in the opener and averaged over 17 points a year ago.

The Bears feature a terrific backcourt duo in Allen Crabbe and Jorge Gutierrez.  Through two games, Crabbe has 45 points and has drained 9-of-17 from deep.  He’s one of the nation’s best emerging scorers, and he may well battle it out with Gutierrez for Pac-12 Player of the Year honors.  Gutierrez is one of my favorite players to watch and does a little of everything for this team, as evidenced by his 26 points, 13 rebounds, and 13 assists in the two Cal victories.  The combination of Crabbe and Gutierrez might be enough in this game, but the Bears really need other players to step up and be consistent contributors if they intend to challenge for the Pac-12 title.

Dave Flemming and Shawn Farnham will be calling their second game of the marathon after having called the Northern Iowa-Saint Mary’s tilt earlier in the day. 

• Austin Peay-California Pick: Cal

Colorado State/SMU at Stanford – 11:00 PM EST (ESPNU)

The Cardinal blew out Central Arkansas in their opener and should win handily over Fresno State on Monday.  Freshman Chasson Randle got his career off to a good start with 15 points, six rebounds, and four assists, while fellow guard Aaron Bright hit four out of five from deep.  Stanford also has Josh Owens inside, which should be enough to get past either potential opponent.  If SMU can beat Colorado State though, Owens may have his hands full inside with Robert Nyakundi.

• Colorado State/SMU-Stanford Pick: Stanford

Enjoy the games everyone.  College hoops is officially back!

**********

Follow me on Twitter (@andybottoms) for more thoughts on college hoops, and check out the latest edition of the Bottoms Line podcast.

This week, they discuss several recent news items and early impressions of St. John’s, Mississippi State, and Arizona. They also look ahead to the next few days of games, including ESPN’s 24-hour marathon.

Click play on the player below to listen:

How to subscribe to The Bottoms Line College Basketball Podcast:

• Subscribe to the the Midwest Sports Fans Podcast on iTunes
• Join the The Bottoms Line College Basketball Email Digest to get an email whenever a new post or podcast is posted
• Follow the The Bottoms Line on Twitter or via RSS to get updates as soon as new articles and podcasts are posted.
• Download this podcast in mp3 format for later: Right-click this link, then hit “save link as”
• For all MSF podcast subscriptions options, click here.

Then I saw the front page of ESPN.com, and the spectacular juxtaposition of images jarred me to the point of one more post.

I’ll just let the screenshot below speak for itself before I comment:

I’m sure you don’t need me to explicate the connection, but I’ll do it anyway: Joe Paterno, once considered the most immortal of college football immortals, waving goodbye to throngs of supporters on the night of his firing…with an ad for the movie Immortals running directly above him.

Surely this was not at all intentional and is rather just a randomly appropriate (or I suppose ironic) juxtaposition, but the reality that it hits home is truly jarring.

Has there ever been a figure in the history of sports whose job, reputation, and respect were more secure than Joe Paterno’s? Ever? I can’t think of one. We’re all humans, and none of us are immortal, but JoePa really was as close to being immortal as any of us can ever imagine.

And now?

Now he’s just another fired football coach, dealing with a feeling – the feeling of being fired – that 99.9% of his peers have to deal with at some point during their careers.

Yet, of course, the feeling for Paterno, and for the rest of us, is 99.9% different than it would be for any other coach.

Because he was a college football immortal.

Was.

**********

Wow. What a day.

What a gawdamn day.

Bill Gates, an extremely under-the-radar die-hard basketball fan, approaches you with an idea.

The NBA lockout will not be resolved this year.  Mr. Gates has decided to fund a rogue basketball league for the next six months.  Here are the rules:

• There will be 25 teams.
• Every player in the world is up for grabs.
• You are presented with the #1 pick.
• We are using the exact same game rules as the NBA (example: no hand-checking, so quick guards maintain their ridiculous advantage).
• The draft will follow the incredibly boring old-school non-snake style…so you get the 1st pick…and the 26th pick…and the 51st pick…etc.  Does this make it extremely unfair for the guy picking 25th?  Sure.  Who cares.  Just think about yourself in this scenario.
• Salaries don’t matter…Bill Gates will pay all 1st round picks $20 million dollars, all 2nd round picks $5 million dollars, 3rd round picks $3 million dollars…and so on.
• The league will last for four months exactly.  Come June, the NBA lockout will be resolved, and even though they lost a season, they will be ready to come back in 2012.
• The GM of the winning team gets $50 million dollars and the opportunity to become the new GM of the Portland Trail Blazers – the team that Bill Gates just stole from Paul Allen in a move that has the entire business world in a frenzy.

Who do you pick?

The reason for all of these rules is simple.

• It doesn’t matter which NBA player has the most future potential.
• It doesn’t matter which NBA players have championship rings under their belts.
• It doesn’t matter who each NBA player currently plays with.
• Nothing matters but this:  Who is the best player, right now, in the NBA.

ESPN has spent the last several weeks counting down every player in the NBA, from 500 (sorry Lavoy Allen) all the way to #1 (the controversial LeBron James).

Of course, this has sparked much debating, arguing, and name-calling.

• LeBron has never won anything…there is no way he could be #1!
• Kobe Bryant at #7?  Ridiculous!
• How is the defending MVP only #8?
• Blake Griffin at #10??? Already???
• Why isn’t Roy Hibbert in the top 5?!?!?

But let’s put our biases aside.  Let’s forget about the past and the future.  Who is #1…right now?

Below is ESPN’s Top 25.  I will be posting my top 25, with reasoning, later today.  But let’s start the debate now.  Tell me who YOU think is #1…and WHY.  Feel free to comment below, or hit me up on twitter @The_Dr_Twitch.

1. LeBron James
2. Dwight Howard
3. Dwyane Wade
4. Chris Paul
5. Dirk Nowitzki
6. Kevin Durant
7. Kobe Bryant
8. Derrick Rose
9. Deron Williams
10. Blake Griffin
11. Pau Gasol
12. Carmelo Anthony
13. Amare Stoudemire
14. Steve Nash
15. Russell Westbrook
16. Kevin Love
17. Rajon Rondo
18. Manu Ginobili
19. Tim Duncan
20. Zach Randolph
21. Paul Pierce
22. Kevin Garnett
23. LaMarcus Aldridge
24. Chris Bosh
25. Al Horford

 **********

Despite the fact that no one really cares (or should care) what a musician thinks about anything other than the songs he is playing, ESPN decided that Williams’ controversial comments about Barack Obama and Hitler (I still don’t exactly what they were) were just too much for a Worldwide Leader to bear.

Whatever.

The truth of the matter is that ever since Monday Night Football went to ESPN, big Hank and his song have lost almost all of their relevancy.

It used to be that MNF started with a Hank-ignited bang right at 8:00 on ABC, followed by a few minutes of succinct stage-setting, and then BAM!..the game started. Now that Monday Night Football is on ESPN, the pregame show starts pretty much right after Mike & Mike in Morning ends and goes all the way up until kickoff. The theme song occurs sometime in between Chris Berman trotting out a tired, decades-old nickname and Jon Gruden’s first “This guy!” of the evening, but frankly I can’t even remember the last time I saw it.

Despite this reality, a lot of time and keyboard strokes have been wasted discussing the opinions of a musician that nobody (should) care about who sings a song that a steadily decreasing number of people care about or even watch. But it’s been force-fed to us like it is the most exigent of sports stories since it involves ESPN. Well, I think I speak for all of my rowdy friends here at MSF when I say: it’s not. So enough’s enough.

Of course, now the ultimate irony has occurred: my agitation at being force-fed this lame-o Hank/ESPN  story has led me to force-feed it to you. Bah! The cycle continues! If this were The Neverending Story, The Nothing would be closing in on and we’d all be doomed. (Luckily it’s just Midwest Sports Fans, my name is neither Bastien nor Atreyu, and no flying, talking dogs are anywhere in sight; so we’re safe. Whew.)

To make amends to being a part of the problem and further talking about this stupid story, I’m going to spend the rest of the post making sure that you at least get some value and entertainment for your troubles. And I’m going to do this by being solution-oriented.

I’ve decided to expound on some thoughts I tweeted out earlier today and describe a number of options ESPN could choose to replace Hank Williams Jr. for the MNF theme song.

ESPN won’t choose any of these ideas of course – because they are unique, interesting, and, dare I say, good – but I guarantee that all of them will be better than the result of the inevitable: ESPN ultimately accepting Satan’s suggestion of having Nickelback (with guest vocalist Scott Stapp) re-do the opening song, with DJ Steve Porter auto-tuning it with spliced-in clips of Frank Caliendo.

…

My apologies for putting that frightening thought into everyone’s head.

Without further ado, here are my ideas, listed in reverse order of how I’d personally rank them.

4. The QuarterbackStreet Boys

Other than doing a hip-hop MNF opening, can you think of any genre of music that is more of the antithesis to Hank Williams Jr. than boy band bubblegum pop? I can’t. And ESPN may not realize it yet, but they’re sitting on an NSync-like musical goldmine right in their own booth.

I give you, The QuarterbackStreet Boys: Ron, Jon, Mikey T, and Ronny J.

Original MSF Photoshop creation

Now, obviously there are a few issues that would need to be ironed out:

1. ESPN would have to figure out the logistics of having Old Ron Jaworski and Young Ron Jaworski in the same musical group at the same time. Could be a bit tricky.
2. There is no way Jon Gruden would would play second-fiddle in this foursome. If you think he’d allow himself to be the JC Chasez to Mike Tirico’s Justin Timberlake, you’re kidding yourself; but there is Mikey T holding the football front and center next to a clearly perturbed Gruden.
3. As for Tirico, he would have to get over himself. Despite getting top billing, just look at this face there in the promo picture. He’s not amused. But if ESPN just plays this right, and informs Tirico of all the tail he could effortlessly pull (without harassment!) being in a boy band, I’m sure he’d get on board.

Clearly having The QuarterbackStreet Boys perform a new pop version of “Are You Ready For Some Football?” would be the ideal. Not one person would dispute this. However, because of the potential issues I just pointed out, it’s probably the most unlikely to happen, hence why it’s listed first.

Too bad.

3. Weird Al Yankovic

Credit for the Weird Al suggestion goes to Travis Miller at Hammer and Rails, who even started a Twitter campaign to make this happen. I could definitely see this being entertaining. Weird Al is, of course, well known for making some of the greatest parody songs of all time. With classics like “Eat It” and “Like a Surgeon” to his credit, surely he could come up with something clever for Monday Night Football.

This one is so obviously outstanding it needs no further explanation. Moving on.

2. “This Is Monday Night Football”

Imagine something with me for a moment:

A 30-second intro with the titles “This Is Monday Night Football” where we are taken behind the scenes at ESPN as the final mad-dash preparations are being made for the MNF broadcast. We see shots of producers, interns running up and down the halls, just general chaos; and maybe even an athlete or two bashing in a computer for no good reason.

Then, out of nowhere, like a beacon of hope and guidance in the midst of the pre-show maelstrom, Charley Steiner appears with a tie wrapped around his head. Holding a lamp, he stares into the camera and emphatically says, “Follow me! Follow me to…FOOTBALL!”

And then BAM…the two helmets collide and we are taken to the booth where The QuarterbackStreet Boys do a little diddy and then preview the game. It’s perfect, right? (I suppose I probably shouldn’t mix and match these ideas together, seeing as how none of them will be chosen individually, but what hell.)

By the way, if the scene described here sounds familiar, it should. The best “This Is ESPN” commercial ever:

But each of the three ideas above pales in comparison to this one…

1. The Lonely Island

In fact, as far as I’m concerned ESPN can forget about each of the other three ideas in this post if they adopt this one. And unlike the QuarterbackStreet Boys, I’m not at all kidding when I propose it.

ESPN should seriously do this.

As I mentioned above, the MNF intro song is essentially irrelevant anymore, so removing Hank Williams Jr. really doesn’t make that big of a deal at all in the grand scheme of things. I saw a tweet pass through my feed earlier today that something to the effect of, “No one will choose to not tune in to watch MNF because the Hank Williams Jr. song isn’t featured anymore.” And that’s correct.

But this opening does give ESPN a chance to do something unique and clever that might get people to tune in to MNF who might not otherwise tune in, or at least to get people who would already be tuning in to tune in earlier. Even if it achieves neither of those objectives, it at least gives ESPN a chance to entertain people more than listening to the same song week after week ever did.

Which is why the WWL should choose the always entertaining Lonely Island to do the intro song. Think of the possibilities if they just spoof the songs they’ve already created:

It could start this week with a new version of “Threw It On The Ground” for the Bears-Lions matchup on Monday night. Seeing as how Ndamukong Suh will likely be throwing Jay Cutler on the ground all night, and Cutler (54.2% completion rate this year) will be throwing it on the ground instead of to his receivers, this would work out perfectly.

Here is the original song for the seven of you who haven’t already laughed hysterically at it.

Another easy one that is coming up soon would be “Vick in a Box” for the November 7th game between the Bears and Eagles, a spoof of the classic “Dick in a Box”.

And if anyone doesn’t like that idea for the Bears-Eagles game, another option would be “I Just Got Sacked”, a parody of “I Just Had Sex” (featuring Akon). Any game featuring Jay Cutler, Michael Vick, and the sieve-like O-lines of the Bears and Eagles is going to feature a lot of sacks. So this one would work out very well.

“Captain Matt Cassel” (still featuring Michael Bolton) would work well for the November 21st game between the Chiefs and Patriots, a spoof of “Jack Sparrow” (featuring Michael Bolton).

The Week 10 Monday nighter features the moribund Vikings against the spectacular Packers. This was once an epic game – as recently as last year – but it could feature a winless team against an undefeated team this time around. So it seems like the perfect time to pile on the Vikings and lampoon one of the most infamous incidents in franchise history.

When you listen the following Lonely Island song, I think you’ll know what incident I’m referring to…

Yes, “I’m On a Love Boat” would be quite entertaining.

Moving on now, if ESPN just wants a general song rather than a new one each week, how about just making the lyrics to “Jizz In My Pants” more football-appropriate and showing a few clips of Gruden and Jaws watching film of Tony Romo’s Week 3 performance against the Redskins.

Alternatively, if ESPN wants to stay away from the references to jizz – a reasonable decision considering their affiliation with Disney – they could always change it to “Jacquizz In My Pants” for the Week 16 game between the Falcons and Saints and rewrite the song to be about how diminutive Falcons RB Jacquizz Rodgers literally would fit in someone’s pants.

I could go on and on doing this for every Lonely Island song, but you get the idea. I mean, do I even need to explain the multitudes of parody ideas, just from the title alone, of the song that put Lonely Island on the pop culture map? I didn’t think so.

And then there’s this one…

(Thanks to Drew for tweeting that out after I’d already published this. How in the world could I forget that one?)

###

The ball is now in your court ESPN. What’s it going to be?

Nickelback with guest vocals by Scott Stapp auto-tuned by DJ Steve Porter and featuring clips of Frank Caliendo?

Or one of the four sublime choices above?

Don’t let us down. We’re still ready for some football, but it’d be nice to have something to look forward to again before it starts.

So I found ESPN.com’s treatment of Sabathia tonight to be particularly unnecessary.

This was on the front page of the WWL’s website tonight while ALDS Game 3 – Sabathia versus Verlander – was going on:

Image source: Imgur via Reddit

Having the headline “Gut Check Time” beneath of picture of CC Sabathia that conspicuously displays the big man’s gut? I see what you did there ESPN…and it’s not cool.

Here on the Interwebs, we call that trolling.

Unfortunately for Sabathia and the Yanks, CC did not pass the on-field gut check. He pitched 5.1 innings, walking six, and giving up four earned runs. As I type this, the Yankees are down 5-4 to the Tigers and Verlander. Now is the real gut check time. We’ll see how it ends.