Apropos of absolutely nothing, I present to you the following animated GIF, which I just happened to spot on Reddit a few minutes ago.
LOLCubs: Bleacher Bum treats fellow fan’s beer like Randy Johnson treats low-flying birds
October 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment
While Sox fans await 10th straight W while Cubs fans enjoy barenaked male backsides
June 25, 2010 By Leave a Comment
This afternoon, the Chicago Cubs leave the friendly confines of the city’s north side to begin a three game series on the south side with the White Sox.
The two two teams met a couple of weekends ago, with the White Sox taking two out of three in Wrigley. Since that series, the White Sox have not lost, stringing together nine straight wins and moving to three games over .500. The Cubs, on the other hand, have continued their century long trend of sucking by going 4-5 to move to eight games under .500.
It is in times like these when Cubs fans resort to their most trusted source of solace: the barenaked naked asses of other men.
Look! Another Cubs fan to point and laugh at!
June 11, 2010 By 8 Comments
Thanks to MSF’s good friend Jimmy Traina and today’s Hot Clicks we stumbled upon a rather ambitiously coiffed Cubs fan, as highlighted by the fine folks at the sublimely named The Friendly Blogfines.
As you know, I could probably type for days and days making derogatory comments about this North Sider, but I think in this case I’ll just let the visual evidence speak for itself.
Behold, one lovable loser and is lovably lame haircut:
Which Chicago Sports Team Will End Its Title Drought Next?
June 10, 2010 By 7 Comments
The winds of unbridled excitement, reminiscent of 2005, are blowing through the city of Chicago today after the Chicago Blackhawks ended a 49-year Stanley Cup drought last night by defeating the Philadelphia Flyers in OT.
As with the White Sox championship back in the Fall of ’05, the Blackhawks winning it all is extra special because of the prodigious cavern of time and seasons in between this title and the franchise’s last.
But that is how things go in Chicago. Teams win a title, then wait a long, long time before winning another. Case in point: the Bulls in ’94 and ’95. They went an entire two years without a 3-peat! It was truly a trying time for Chicagoans.
Okay…so maybe the Bulls are a bad example.
We all know who the big, pathetic elephant in the room is whenever someone mentions the words “Chicago” and “title drought” in the same sentence.
Now that the White Sox and Blackhawks have ended their droughts, the question is: will the Cubs be next? Or will another shorter Chicago sports drought end first?
Chicago Cubs 2010 Preview: What Can Cubs Fans Expect This Year?
March 11, 2010 By 3 Comments
It’s finally baseball season.
Spring training has just begun, and it’s time for another chance for the “lovable losers” to make another run at ending their 100+ year World Series drought. But is this really the year for the Cubs to end that drought?
If you look at the Cubs’ players you see a lot of high class names: Derek Lee, Alfonsio Soriano, Carlos Zambrano, and Aramis Ramirez. The problem is all these guys, with the exception of Ramirez, have not fulfilled the expectations that the fans and general managers originally had for them.
In fact they have been big letdowns, failing to win a playoff game in the last six chances.
So how does it look for this year?
If Given Chance, How Would Cubs Fans Receive a Sammy Sosa Return?
January 21, 2010 By 11 Comments
Throughout the course of the day I engage in or passively read various email and forum conversations with other sports fans of the Midwest variety. A lot of these conversations tend to center around Chicago sports because, well, it’s the biggest market in the MSF realm.
One recent conversation that particularly piqued my interest is the question of how Cubs fans should/would receive Sammy Sosa in the event that he returns to the team or city in a manner similar to how Mark McGwire has returned to the St. Louis Cardinals.
Allow me to present a few of the more compelling arguments that I read on both sides. I will then give my opinion and provide you with an opportunity to give yours.
Kyle Orton In Memoriam Photo Diary — And Will Jay Cutler Be a White Sox Fan or a Cubs Fan?
April 3, 2009 By 9 Comments
Now that Jay Cutler has gone from beautiful, mountainous Denver to the Windy City, and Kyle Orton has done the opposite, there are three very important issues that must be addressed:
- A complete analysis of the football implications of the Orton-Cutler trade from each team’s perspective.
- An analysis of whether Jay Cutler will be a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan.
- A pictorial reminder of the unintentional comedic joy that Kyle Orton takes with him from Chicago to Denver.
Regarding a football analysis of the trade, I am hoping that our buddy Kaner will be logging in at some point today to provide this. I could do it, but it would take time away from the fun I plan on having with #’s 2 and 3. So, if you are thirsting for serious football talk and just want a football-specific analysis on the trade, here are some links for you:
- Cutler might regret Denver exile — (Peter King, SI.com)
- Cutler, Angelo, McDaniels on hot seat — (Gene Wojciechowski, ESPN.com)
- Cutler trade among most notable — (Len Pasquarelli, ESPN.com)
So there you go. Satisfy the “serious” football side of you at those sites.
Now, let’s analyze what is really important in the Cutler-Orton-draft-picks deal consummated between the Chicago Bears and Denver Broncos: now that Jay Cutler is a proud Windy City citizen, will he be a White Sox fan or a Cubs fan?
Reasons Why Jay Cutler Might be a White Sox Fan:
We all know that Jay Cutler is talented. In fact, in some ways he is the NFL equivalent of Alexei Ramirez: he has put up great stats and he has worlds of talent, but no one is really sure just how good he really is. Can 
we believe the numbers? Is it more hype than long-term, sustainable success? I mean, we’re all pretty sure that Alexei Ramirez will be a badass moving forward, but we’re not positive. Same with Jay Cutler. So there is that connection.
Hmm…that’s about all I got, and it was a stretch just to come up with that.
Reasons Why Jay Cutler Might be a Cubs Fan:
Let’s just start with the things that come to right off the top of my head:
- Jay Cutler is a whiny baby who complains, bitches, and moans when things don’t go his way.
- Jay Cutler has exhibited levels of douchebaggery rarely seen from a starting NFL quarterback.
- Jay Cutler’s reputation far exceeds his actual level of production or achievements. Hell, at least Alexei Ramirez made the playoffs in his one season.
All three of these truths are far more descriptive of a Cubs fan and the Cubs organization than a White Sox fan or their organization.
At the end of the day, Jay Cutler has proven that he will act like a petulant child when he does not get his way. Hmm…is there anyone who works at Wrigley Field that makes demonstrative displays when things do not go his way?
Now, I’m sure that all of the Cubs fans and White Sox haters out there will try to compare Ozzie Guillen to Sweet Lou and say that Ozzie acts like a child when he doesn’t get his way. And the differen
ce, of course, is that Ozzie Guillen is a championship-winning badass who did what no one thought possible: bring a World Series to the city of Chicago.
When Lou Piniella and the Cubs do that, we’ll give Sweet Lou and his sychophants the benefit of the doubt. Until then, enjoy it when Jay Cutler shows up in the bleachers and then starts complaining because its too hot, or his beer is warm, or the Cubs are losing, or that it’s Saturday, or that…well, you get the picture.
The point is this: is there anything that defines a Cubs fan more than wanting recognition and deference despite the complete void of substantive accomplishments by them or their team? And by comparison, is there anything that defines Jay Cutler more than the same thing?
Conslusion: Jay Cutler is definitely a Cubs fan.
And when the Cubs get swept in the first round of the playoffs again this year (if they make it), Cutler will be there sitting on his hands not cheering, basically acting like the selfish brat he is, right along with the rest of the most overrated fan base in sports.
Now, let’s move on to the other quarterback in the deal: Kyle Orton.
When Orton was playing at Purdue, no one could have imagined the sheer volume of hilarious Kyle Orton pictures that would one day populate the Internet. As a Midwest farewell to Orton, we will run down a few of the more infamous and unintentionally hilarious picture here, in our Kyle Orton In Memoriam Photo Diary:
No longer will Bears fans be able to see this lovely image on their sidelines:
And, of course, this infamous image that first appeared on Deadpsin is now one that Broncos fans can proudly call their own:
But the real losers in this deal are the fine ladies of Chicago, who will no longer have the pleasure of being grinded upon by their city’s fearlessly bearded and tanked quarterback. Killer shades Orton. At least he didn’t pull a Corey Hart on us:
No, now the ladies of Denver will be the ones with the nightly chance to enjoy Kyle and all of his Ortonness. Broncos fans, I present to you Kyle Orton, the new next John Elway:
And that’s all the time we have for today folks. Good luck to both the Bears and Broncos with their new QBs. When neither team makes the playoffs again next year, we’ll all be wondering why we spent so much time worrying about this trade in the first place.
