After reading this tweet and following the link supplied by Jimmy Traina, I had to quickly post this.

Does anyone know what is going on with Sammy Sosa?

As Traina’s tweet wonders, did Sosa get a facelift? Botox? Is he possibly dealing with vitiligo (the disease Michael Jackson suffered from that causes splotches of pigment-less skin)?

I am wondering if any of our readers knows of an explanation for Sosa’s drastically altered appearance.

Update: here is a link to our subsequent post on this topic, exploring a hypothesis that Sammy’s new pale look could be the result of vitiligo-like symptoms caused by steroid use.

This is clearly not a lighting issue or anything of that nature. Sosa looks completely different, and you can see him here and here at the same event in different light.

Despite the fact that I hate the Cubs and never was a Sosa fan, I’m not posting this to poke fun at Sammy. It just completely took me aback when I saw the pictures and I wanted to share. I imagine post people’s reaction will be similar and I’m hoping someone can shed some light on the reasoning or explanation behind it.

I don’t really know what else to say.

Quick update: Just sent this post over to my co-worker and his first reaction was to say, “that’s not Sammy Sosa! It must be photoshopped.” I thought so too at first, expect that the links supplied above show Sosa looking the same in pictures taken by many different photographers.

Here is a bigger version of the thumbnail picture above:

Another quick update. Here is a picture that was just sent to me of Sammy Sosa from May of 2009. He’s obviously a little more plump than we remember him (which is to be suspected), but you can see the obvious difference in his skin pigmentation:

One possible explanation posited by a number of readers: a really bad makeup job. I suppose that is possible, although if you look at this picture in particular, his hand is same color as his face. Why would he get makeup on his hand? Not sure the makeup explanation really flies.

Update 9/9: The Chicago Tribune got ahold of a former Cubs employee who is still in contact with Sosa and says that Sammy is “not trying to be Michael Jackson.” Rather, he is supposedly going through a skin rejuvenation process that “women have…all of the time.”

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* – Sammy Sosa looking white photo credit: PRN / PR Photos via Exposay.com

* – Sammy Sosa in May photo credit: Reuters via DayLife

After what must have felt like an eternity, it finally happened.

After years and years of disappointment and despair, happiness and joy finally reigned down on a forlorn franchise and its fans.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, after nearly a full decade without a World Series championship, New York Yankees fans finally awoke from their unbearable nightmare to fulfill their dreams of World Series euphoria.

I mean, look at the picture of this little boy. He is perhaps seven or eight or nine years old. Do you realize that until last night, this deprived young soul had never experienced a World Series championship?

His parents, his grandparents, his cousins, and any friends born in 2000 or before all had known a world in which the New York Yankees had been champions. This little boy, however, was forced to trudge through the first decade of his life in a purgatory usually reserved only for natives of Cleveland or the North Side of Chicago.

But now the world is right and this little Yankees fan, along with Yankees fans across the country, finally have a temporary reprieve from their suffering.

One fan base that certainly is happy for the Yankees are fans of the Chicago Cubs. In fact, in the aftermath of last night’s 7-3 Game Six victory over the Phillies, I spoke with 100-year old Cubs fan Wrigman Bartley to get his perspective on the Yankees winning again.

“Go f&$k yourself with your stupid questions, you dirty piece of White Sox scum,” he politely responded when I asked him what was going through his mind watching Derek Jeter celebrate his 5th World Series crown. “Those jerks in New York have now won 27 World Series titles and I’ve lived for a cotton-picking century and not experienced one.

“Even you and your pathetic White Sox got one in 2005. It’s unfair, it’s unjust, and it make me want to puke.”

He then immediately fell asleep as it was well past his bed time.

As my dad (a lifetime Yankees fan) texted me last night, “Everything is back to normal. The Yankees are World Series Champs.”

I suppose he is right.

It’s simply a fact of life that men like Wrigman Bartley cannot tell even their great-great-grandkids about the time they saw the Cubs win the World Series. But damnit, if a 9-year old Yankees fan has to suffer the injustice of entering 3rd grade or 4th grade without a World Series, the earth may as well just stop spinning on its axis.

Yes, all is truly now right with the world.

The Yankees are back on top, and it hasn’t even taken 24 hours for the rest of the nation to be sick of it.

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* – Yankees kid photo credit: KenjiBaseball via Flickr

* – Cubs fan photo credit: Katrina Wittkamp/Aurora Select via AARP.org

[Note: For clarity's sake, the Cubs fan pictured above is named Richard Savage, and you can read about him in this AARP profile. There is no "Wrigman Bartley"...I made him up simply for the sake of taking a gratuitous dig at Cubs fans, which any longtime reader of MSF knows is my favorite pastime.  The picture fit perfectly. Just didn't want anyone to be confused or for there to be stories in 48 hours with Richard Savage calling me an idiot blogger living in my mother's basement. Not that such a thing has ever happened before, but you get my drift.]

This is awesome.

Much thanks to YouTube user rairjordan and a big hat tip to the fine folks over at Mouthpiece Sports for this incredible trip down memory lane today. I loved it so much I wanted to share it with you all here at MSF. 

Michael Jordan. The White Sox. The Cubs. Wrigley Field. Harry Caray. Jordan getting two hits and a couple of RBI. (Video after the jump.)

I had completely forgotten about this pre-Interleague play exhibition that Jordan played in with big league club when he took his baseball hiatus.  As the guys at MPS point out in their post, all that is usually discussed when we harken back to Jordan’s baseball days are his paltry average and then how quickly he cut the baseball experiment short to hop back into the arena where he was the greatest in the world.

Michael Jordan provided the city of Chicago, the Midwest, and the nation as a whole with more thrills and exciting moments than perhaps any other athlete ever. There weren’t many on a baseball diamond, but especially for White Sox and Cubs fans, this day certainly qualified.

Something about seeing his name in the same lineup as The Big Hurt, Robin, Officer Ron, and Ozzie is just awesome.

Just surreal.

There are so many reason why the Cubs’ franchise and its management suck, and why they will continue to do so.

Here is one of them, via Bloomberg (with a hat tip to The Big Lead):

Tribune Co., the bankrupt newspaper publisher, is seeking court permission to pay as much as $66 million in bonuses to its managers based on operating cash flow predicted to be the lowest in at least 10 years.

While you’re at it Tribune Co., why not throw a few extra dollars Alfonso Soriano’s way. As long as we’re rewarding subpar performance, seems like he should be at the top of the list.

Let me preface this entire article by saying that I have always been a fan of Lou Piniella, and when the Chicago Cubs hired him as their manager in 2006, I was extremely excited.

That being said the most recent collapse and downfall of the goat franchise of Major League Baseball begs the question: is it time to let Lou go and move on?

With the exception of the 2009 season, Piniella has led the Cubs to Central Division Titles in both 2007 and 2008.

Piniella’s first year as the Cubs skipper brought the team 85 wins with 77 loses, which is not extremely impressive, but was enough to give the Cubs the Central Division title. The Cubs seemed to have a lot of young talent, and pitching pitching to be a strength as Carlos Zambrano continued to emerge as what seemed to be a superstar in the making.

Fortune would, however, not smile upon the Cubs as they would be swept out of the 2007 playoffs by the Arizona Diamondbacks.

The season of 2008 was a very exciting year for the Cubs and their fans as it was the 100^th year anniversary of the Cubs last World Series Championship.

The Cubs would achieve the best record in the National League with a record of 97-64, second best in the MLB to only the Angels. This was “their year.”

Once again, through poor hitting and inconsistent pitching, the Cubs were swept out of the first round, this time against Manny Ramirez and the Los Angeles Dodgers.

In 2009, the Cubs came out to a fast start, taking as much as a 4-game lead in the NL Central just after the All-Star break.

But once again, bad pitching and poor at-bats would become the demise of the Cubbies, this time in the regular season.

The only exciting news to come out of Cubs’ camp in September was the suspension of “Terrel Owens wannabe” Milton Bradley for his remarks against the Cubs and their fans.

As I write this article, I see on ESPN that the St. Louis Cardinals have just secured the NL Central Title with their win tonight, and the Cubs are 8.5 games behind them.

They aren’t even mentioned in the NL Wild Card race.

So what we must ask ourselves is: how successful have the Cubs really been under the direction of Sweet Lou?

Yes, we have two division titles, but not even one appearance in so much as an NLCS, let alone a World Series.

With his original three-year contract coming to a close in just a couple of weeks, but with the Cubs already having picked up his option for 2010, what should the Cubs do? Should they keep or extend Lou, even though the results we have seen over the last three years have fallen short of the goal?

Or, should the Cubs let him go and move on to greener pastures?

Personally, I feel that his time has passed. The fire isn’t in his eyes the way it used to be. The emotion is no longer there.

Yes, the occasional “Lou Rant” shows itself. But seemingly, the days of kicking dirt and spitting and stealing second base are over.

This team needs a face lift. They need pitching, badly. Zambrano is a great #2 or #3 guy, but his inconsistency and poor attitude leads me to believe he is not an Ace.

The good news is, there is a lot of young talent on this Cubs team.  Jake Fox, Tyler Colvin (who has replaced Bradley and done quite well), Jeff Baker, the list goes on.

It’s time for a new look, and a new era.

Lou, I love ya man, but its time for you pack your bags…and while you’re at it, why don’t you take Fukudome, Zambrano, and Bradley with you?

You can follow BigMB on twitter at www.twitter.com/mylesb3269

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* – Lou Piniella sipping champagne photo credit: The Cubs Brickyard

* – Lou Piniella staring photo credit: AP via SI.com

Tempting, but nah. It's my fault for betting against the great Peyton Manning. Gloat away Big MB.]

——————–

Here are my top 5 stories for this week kids. Hope you enjoy!!

1. JRod was WRONG! Colts win to go 2-0.

In what was a great Monday Night Football game, the Colts emerged victorious after poor clock management by the Dolphins was sealed by a last second interception in the end zone by the Colts that secured a 27-23 victory in Miami.

An 80-yard touchdown pass to Dallas Clark from Peyton Manning on the first play of the game would only be outdone by a screen pass that second-year man Pierre Garcon would take to the house to give the Colts their 27-23 lead.

Miami did look very impressive in their Wildcat offense, accumulating over 200 yards on the ground.

I’ll Tell You This: Folks as promised, for those of you who caught last week’s podcast with JRod and myself, I am happy to say:

JROD WAS WRONG!!!!

However, I will also say Indy got lucky this week. Miami dominated on the ground on both sides of the ball, and held the Colts to under 15 minutes of total time of possession.

The Colts have improved to 2-0, but still have much to work on. The run game must improve, and the defense must improve on all fronts if this team wants to become a true Super Bowl contender.

Oh, and I kept my promise from the podcast. Jerod received a call from yours truly, gloating over the Colts victory.

2. J-E-T-S…..Jets, Jets, Jets!!!

The Jets backed up the smack they had talked in the week leading up to their match-up with the mighty Patriots by keeping New England out of the end zone and allowing only 9 points from the NFL “juggernaut”.

After the game Jets’ rookie QB Mark Sanchez offered a respectful handshake to Patriots’ head coach Bill Belichick, but Belichick shrugged Sanchez off.

The Patriots fell to 1-1.

I’ll Tell You This: In all my years of watching football, I have never been a Jets fan, but I found myself rooting for the Jets as if they were my very own Colts.

Belichick once again proved that he has absolutely no sportsmanship. While he is one of the best winners in the NFL, he is obviously one of the worst losers in sports.

Here’s where I complain.

The Patriots should be 0-2, if it were not for that idiot kick returner for Buffalo (who in the best interest of his home not getting vandalized again, will remain unnamed). Had he just taken a knee instead of trying to be the hero, the Bills win the game.

The Patriots have now been exposed. They are not the team to beat this year and they are sore losers. They are overrated.

3. The Cubs Got It Right….Finally!!!

The Chicago Cubs suspended MLB bad-boy Milton Bradley for the remainder of the season this weekend for bad mouthing the organization and its fans.

Bradley was on record with a local Illinois newspaper as saying “You understand why they haven’t won in 100 years here” in reference to being scratched from the lineup.

I’ll Tell You This: Finally, some exciting news for Cubs fans.

Hopefully Bradley has played his last game in a Cubs uniform.

He has been nothing but a trash-talking, embarrassing, overrated, loud mouthed, disappointment to the Cubs and their fans.  His head is so big that one may think that his ego is on steroids.

And to think, the Cubs let Mark DeRosa go for the chance to snag Bradley. Maybe that’s why they haven’t won in 100 years. Who knows. There’s always next year.

4. Thunder and Lighting

The first two weeks of this young NFL season have been the most exciting start to a season that I can remember.

Headlining Week 2 were two outstanding performances by two different running backs.

Although it was in a losing effort, from the get-go Chris Johnson put on a clinic against the young Houston Texans. Johnson had two long TD runs, including a 91-yard run on 3rd and 11, as well as a long touchdown reception.

The thunder came from what may be the dark horse of the NFC, the San Francisco 49ers. Frank Gore busted out back-to-back 80-yard touchdown runs and netted over 200 yards on the ground in the 49ers’ manhandling of division rival Seattle.

I’ll Tell You This: This has already been one hell of a season.

Honorable mentions for big games this week also go to Andre Johnson and Matt Shaub of the Texans, Peyton Manning and Dallas Clark of the Colts, Philip Rivers of the Chargers, and Ray Lewis of the Ravens for his big 4th down play that secured a win for Baltimore.

I hope this continues. This season has already been so fun to watch. It almost makes me want to go out and spend the $300.00 for NFL Sunday Ticket. Almost.

5. The MSF Weekly NFL Podcast

Hosted by MSF writers Jerod Morris and yours truly, Myles Berry, MSF takes a weekly look at the NFL.

The podcast debuted this past Friday in AJ Kaufman’s preview of Monday Night Football and is also available on iTunes.

Features include: The Monday Night Argument, Myles and Jerod’s NFL Locks against the spread, and the general banter that comes when these two butt heads on the mic.

I’ll Tell You This: Make sure you check out this week’s upcoming podcast, in which Jerod will feast on a big helping of crow from the Monday Night game.

[Editor's Note: I will feast on nothing.]

Another exciting week of I’ll Tell You This is in the books kids! Stay tuned for this week’s podcast. We’ll see you next week!

BigMB on Twitter at www.twitter.com/mylesb3269

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* – Milton Bradley photo credit: Fantasy Haven

He also has experience as a blogger, having been a featured columnist at Bleacher Report and a featured blogger for ESPN.com. Oh, and he was in the Marine Corps from 1992-2001, which makes him more of a badass than 99.9% of the people reading this and certainly more of one than the clown doing the editing here.

Ronald will be covering the Cardinals, Brewers, Packers and Badgers. His first post is below. Enjoy.]

——————–

If the Milwaukee Brewers are going to somehow make an improbable run toward the playoffs, the final month of the season is the time to do it.

That run could start tonight when the Brewers visit NL Central leading St. Louis.

The Brewers and Cardinals tangle nine times in the next 33 days, and Milwaukee has six games against the second-place Chicago Cubs.

Follow these links to RazorGator for great deals on all MLB tickets, Brewers-Cardinals tickets and Brewers-Cubs tickets in Milwaukee, Brewers-Cardinals tickets in St. Louis, and Brewers-Cubs tickets in Chicago. Get $15 OFF baseball and/or concerts ticket orders of $200+ using promo code CJSummerDN.

Braden Looper goes tonight against his former team at Busch Stadium. He is second on the squad with 11 wins, trailing Yovani Gallardo’s 12.

The Brewers need Looper and Gallardo to be solid down the stretch. More importantly, Milwaukee needs the rest of the staff to break out of its disappointing season-long funk.

Carlos Villanueva was solid last year, but is 2-10 this season with an ERA over six. Manny Parra and Jeff Suppan both have losing records and ERAs hovering around six.

Most knew that the Brewers starters would struggle this year without Ben Sheets and C.C. Sabathia. But after a strong start, who knew they would simply collapse around mid-May and never recover.

At this point, the playoffs are extremely unlikely, but one can hope. What should also be hoped for is simply finishing the season over .500. As it stands, the Brewers are two games below .500 (64-66) and 12 games behind first-place St. Louis.

The Cardinals, on the other hand, own a 10.5-game lead over Chicago – the largest margin of any division leader in the big leagues. The acquisitions of Matt Holliday, Mark DeRosa and John Smoltz have really worked out well for the Cards. Couple that with consistent starting pitching provided by Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainright and tonight’s starter, Joel Pineiro, and St. Louis has been on fire since the all-star break.

The Brewers aren’t out of it yet, and can make up some serious ground in the month of September. They’d probably have to win at least 10 of those 15 remaining games against St. Louis and Chicago to make the playoffs.

As much as I hate to say it, that just isn’t going to happen.

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Lou Piniella told reporters to blame him for this dismal season, and while you usually do blame the manager for a bad season, you can hardly blame Lou for the Cubs’ problems this season.

The only problem I have with the job Lou has done this year is his inability to build up chemistry between the players. I don’t see any between the Cubs players. They look like a bunch of strangers out on the field. Without good chemistry between players, teams often lack that go-to spirit that is needed to win ballgames. The locker room just doesn’t seem to be a happy and laid-back locker room, which has hurt the Cubs all season long.

After telling reporters that he thought fans were racist, Milton Bradley has be on a tear. While there might be some racist fans, most of the fans are angry at him because he has failed to meet expectations, not because he is black. And fans should be angry with him. He has failed to meet any expectations. And I mean FAILED. He is batting a dismal .167 with runners in scoring position. That is unacceptable in baseball. If you wan to make fans and managers happy, you need to produce with runners on 2nd and 3rd.

Another problem player is Carlos Zambrano. When he said he wasn’t trying his hardest, I was infuriated. The Cubs pay this guy loads of money and he isn’t even trying? That is the worst possible stunt a baseball player can pull. I would axe him in a minute. No wonder his numbers are bad this year. He wasn’t even trying! I am sorry if I sound harsh, but that is unacceptable for any pro athlete to just give it half-assed effort. You can’t do that to a team that is paying you to be their #1 starter. Just a really dumb thing to do.

Despite these issues, while you can say the Cubs are out of the division race, they still have an outside chance at the Wild Card. The Cubs are a manageable 5.5 games behind Colorado, with three other teams (S.F., Atlanta, Florida) ahead of the Cubs as well. This is their only light at the end of the tunnel. The Cubs have one month to get it in gear and win games.

Though it is perhaps unlikely, 5.5 games is still a manageable number to overcome. We’ve seen it done before during the last month of a baseball season. It’s just a question of how much to do they want it?

Carlos Zambrano is the most recent victim of the DL for the Cubs. These things have happened a lot to the Cubs this season, but they have battled to stay close to the top of the NL Central. Aramis Ramirez has also been hurt recently. This time it’s his left shoulder. It is not, however, supposed to be serious, and Ramirez will decide Monday whether he will play the last game of the 4-game series against the Rockies.

As of Saturday the Cubs were only 1 game behind St. Louis, but that could change in a heartbeat. Holliday and Pujols are starting to hit, and if the Cubs don’t do the same thing they could see St. Louis run away with the division.

Both the Cubs pitching and batting have been very inconsistent, but as of late the two are staring to come together. Rookie Randy Wells is still having a tremendous year, and is the best pitcher on the team right now. Derek Lee has started to act like the old D Lee, hitting home runs and driving in runs.

While still not playing like he should, Milton Bradley is hitting better. With an average still under .250, Bradley hasn’t shown a great performance after the All-Star break but he has made some improvement.

The bullpen still remains a mystery. Sometimes they perform well, and other times they just plain suck. Carlos Marmol isn’t showing the same dominance that he had last year.

Kevin Gregg has been decent, but fans still don’t trust him when the Cubs have a slim lead heading into the ninth. No one in the bullpen has become a sleeper. No one has really stood out, and I think that has really hurt the Cubs’ bullpen.

It’s a mystery to me how this team is still very close to making the playoffs. I don’t know if it’s because of the Cards not playing well, the overall mediocrity of the division, or just that the Cubs are playing well when they need to.

The last month and a half will prove what team can play better ball in the closing stages of the season. My pick is St. Louis.

1.St. Louis Cardinals – The division leader for most of the season has just recently been tested by the Chicago Cubs. The acquisition of Matt Holliday has paid off. With Ankiel and Ludwick not performing like last year, Holliday was a must pick-up to add offense to the outfield. The return of Carpenter has also helped the Cardinals stay atop of the the division. Pitching hasn’t been the problem for the Cards since their ERA is 3.71, 3rd in the whole league.

With players like Holliday, Pujols, and Carpenter why didn’t the Cards take more firm control of the division?

The problem is their inconsistent hitting. The Cards are ranked 23rd in hitting, batting a team average of .256. The Card’s hitters are not doing as well as last year, and it is hurting them. Ankiel and Ludwick are having a tough time following up on their breakout season that they both had last year, although Ludwick has been hittin much better since the break.

Overall it has been the consistent pitching that has kept St. Louis afloat and in the race for the division title.

2.Chicago Cubs – The team picked to win the division has been the most up and down this season. There have been points in the season were the Cubs looked totally out of it, and now suddenly they are tied for first along with the Cards. The Cubs are behind the Cards in hitting and pitching, but their offense has started to pick up as of late and that is why you see them on top of their division.

The Cubs season hasn’t been without a lot of criticism of the team and the signings of certain players. Randy Wells, however, has been a revelation as the only consistent pitcher for the Cubs. Wells, a really nice catch, has produced many great starts, and has been a huge part in the Cubs staying in the race. The Cubs just might make the playoffs this year, but they need to watch out for Holliday and Pujols. If those guys start hitting on all cylinders, then the Cubs could be in trouble.

3. Milwaukee Brewers - The Brew Crew are playing at the level most people thought they would play. They have begun to dip a little in the recent weeks, but are still only 4 games out of first, which is still a very reasonable distance considering that they are 1 game below .500.

Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder are having great seasons again but it’s not the offense that is lacking. It’s the pitching. After losing CC to the Yankees, the Brewers are having trouble finding a go-to pitcher. Every one of their pitchers are having decent but not great years. Before the season started people knew the pitching was the weak point so it doesn’t come as a surprise. Look for this team to contend in a few years if they get the pitching help they need.

4. Houston Astros – A huge shocker that this team is were they are at. They have sipped the past 10 games going 3-7, but they are still hanging in there after a terrible Spring Training and start to the year. Having only three big names on the team —  Oswalt, Lee, and Berkman — the Astros are really holding their own. Almost a sleeper this year, the Astros have flown under the radar. Now I am not saying they will win the World Series or even make the playoffs, but they are doing a good job of at least keeping a possible playoff appearance within the realm of possibility.

With a few more months left in the regular season, the Central Division race should be an exciting and close race all the way to the finish. We will have to see which teams are still contending after August, and which have fallen off the playoff wagon.

Get ready to watch some great American baseball!

* – Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday photo credit: SkyNews

There are lots of interesting, Midwest sports specific posts I could be writing right now. Cliff Lee may get traded to Philly and be out of the White Sox hair for the foreseeable future. SportsbyBrooks has a great story about what Mark Buehrle is doing for Dewayne Wise to thank him for saving his perfect game. For crying out loud, this story at least deserves some mention on a site that has previously proclaimed its pride in this, doesn’t it?

But no, rather than expound upon those compelling stories I am about to indulge in what I can only describe as a self-masochistic flight of nightmarish fancy.  Why?  I guess the best explanation I can give is that sometimes as bloggers we don’t write the stories…they just kind of write themselves. (At least that is the excuse I will use to rationalize what you are about to read.)

It all started about a half hour ago when, after eating lunch here at the office, I decided to shirk a few of the day job responsibilities to write a post here at MSF.  And I didn’t feel like simply taking a hot story and adding my own personal second-hand commentary about it.  I wanted to do something stupid, unnecessary, and lame different, original, and unique. And I wanted it to somehow revolve around White Sox savior rookie Gordon Beckham.

I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to want to write about Beckham, although I’m sure it had something to do with the short debate I got into earlier with a few of the Texas Rangers fans who also inhabit our offices. Basically, they said that they wouldn’t trade Elvis Andrus straight up for Beckham. I said they were fools and would, but just wouldn’t admit it, and then uttered a few of my usual derogatory statements about them just being desperate Rangers fans who are drunk with giddiness at finally being able to watch July baseball games that have some meaning.

Of course, I was right on all fronts.

Anyway, I wanted to write about Gordon Beckham, and I remembered seeing a picture of him a few days ago after which a thought flashed into my head that his tightly coiffed blonde hair made him somewhat resemble my childhood hero Zack Morris. So I thought that perhaps doing a tale of the tape between the 1990s badass and the future 2010s badass could make for a compelling blog post. 

And in the initial research for said post is when I stumbled upon one of the most horrific, terrifying, and downright dumbfounding facts that I never knew I didn’t know. Fellow former Saved By The Bell fans, prepare to have your heart stop momentarily and for oxygen to be cut off from your brain for a brief instant when I share with you this frightening thought:

Brian Austin Green was originally cast as the lead character in the pilot for Good Morning Miss Bliss, the original incarnation of Saved By The Bell.  Here is the proof:

In the pilot, the main “student” character was played by Brian Austin Green (of Beverly Hills, 90210 fame), but his character’s name wasn’t Zack Morris. Instead, Green played a super-serious student who always wore business suits. Another student character was played by Jaleel White (of Family Matters fame).

Ostensibly, from the way the above referenced page is written, this fact was contained in the E! True Hollywood story about Saved By The Bell. I don’t watch E!, however, so I was never made aware of this information. 

While it appears as if the original main student character played by Green was nothing close to the Zack Morris character that we all came to know and love, the idea of this guy playing the lead role of the most seminal show about growing up in the 1990s is mind-boggling. I mean, back then Brian Austin Green was a hell of a lot closer to being Screech than he was to being Zack.

And there is always this. That clown couldn’t have even sung backup vocals for the Zack Attack:

[Editor's Note: Couldn't find video of the actual episode where Casey Casem introduces the Zack Attack and you see the actual band playing. However, during his recent appearance on the Jimmy Fallon show, Mark-Paul Gosselaar did an updated version of the song with the roots. Watch it below.]

Anyway, while Green has obviously redeemed himself in recent years by dating Megan Fox, he wouldn’t have had a shot in hell back then with Kelly Kapowski. No way. Furthermore, while Green gets some bonus points for the Fox relationship, he doesn’t exactly have that on lockdown, if you know what I mean. From The New York Daily News:

OK! claims that Megan Fox and on-again, off-again boyfriend Brian Austin Green have worked out a deal. “They’ve agreed to an open relationship where Megan can see other men but Brian can’t date anyone else,” says the mag, and she has six months to decide if she wants to marry him.

What?

Look, she’s attractive, and as dudes sometimes you gotta do what you have to do, and then do a little extra for the really hot ones, but you better believe that Mark-Paul Gosselaar would either have those loose ends sewn up…or be done with it. (Plus, no level of hotness can compensate for significant levels of crazy…and the more I read about Megan Fox, the more she qualifies for crazy.)

Anyway, I think Steve Stifler put it best when he said:

And if someone can direct that quite at you legitimately, then you are not and never were worthy of the lead role in Saved By The Bell.

I shudder to think about what kinds of lessons the impressionable youths of the 90s would have learned from a Brian Austin Green-led Saved By The Bell. Would he have taught us about the importance of environmental conservation and the evils of unbridled greed? Would he have been able to save the Max? And damnit, would Brian Austin F’ing Green have been man enough after being fleeced by the ultra-cool facade of Rod Belding to swallow his pride and admit he was wrong, and that Mr. Belding was definitely the better Belding?

I don’t think so. And a generation of 90s kids would be worse off because of it.

So all I have to say is Halelujah that the original pilot fell flat on its face and was retooled before being rolled out again. I’m not sure I’d want to live in a world in which Zack Morris never existed, and his only incarnation was some business-suit-wearing, white-boy-gangsta-rapping, girlfriend-has-his-bits-in-a-jar hack.

But…somehow…that’s not even the most harrowing What If thought I had today. Quite the contrary actually.  After reading about the original cast of Good Morning Miss Bliss, I wondered to myself if there was anything else that could possibly have made the 1990s more drastically different. My first thought: Frank Thomas not being on the Chicago White Sox.

So I decided to go back to the 1989 draft and see what other players the White Sox could have taken with their 1st round selection that year, the 7th overall, and then where The Big Hurt might have ended up had the White Sox passed on him. And the likely outcome is so much worse than Brian Austin Green starring in Saved By The Bell that I’d rather do this in my office right now than even think about it:

Here are picks 7-15 from the 1989 MLB draft:

• 7 – Frank Thomas, 1B, White Sox
• 8 – Earl Cunningham, OF, Cubs
• 9 – Kyle Abbott, LHP, Angels
• 10 – Charles Johnson, C, Expos
• 11 – Calvin Murray, 3B, Indians
• 12 – Jeff Juden, RHP, Astros
• 13 – Brent Mayne, C, Royals
• 14 – Steve Hosey, OF, Giants
• 15 – Kiki Jones, RHP, Dodgers

I would have to assume that had the White Sox passed on Thomas, they likely would have picked one of the next 10 or so guys. Other than Charles Johnson, who was an All Star as an above-average defensive catcher, there was not another good player picked until 23rd when the Red Sox took Mo Vaughn. 

Now, if I’m being optimistic and said that the White Sox were committed to taking a 1B in 1989, Vaughn was the next 1B selected after Thomas. So perhaps the White Sox would have simply swapped one gargantuan, power-hitting first baseman for another. But still, Vaughn had a relatively short peak and then fell victim to the sharp decline that so many huge power hitters face. He may have been comparable for a few years, but he’s no Frank Thomas.

Even worse, look at what moribund, pathetic franchise was slotted right behind the White Sox in the 1989 draft: the Cubs.

Even though the Cubs drafted Mark Grace in 1985, and he made his MLB debut in May of 1988, isn’t it conceivable that they could have plucked The Big Hurt at #8 anyway? Grace was a high school basketball player, so you would think he had decent athletic ability back then. Maybe they move him to third or to a corner outfield spot, paving the way for Frank Thomas and Ryne Sandberg to own the city of Chicago and all of baseball in the early 90s as one of the greatest 1B-2B combos in MLB history.

The one silver lining to this nightmarish thought is that Ryne Sandberg had the best year of his career in 1990 (40 HRs, 100 RBI, 116 R, .306 BA), the same year that Frank Thomas broke into the Bigs and played in 60 games. So at least Sandberg’s peak would not have overlapped with Thomas’. The Cubs finished 77-85 in 1990.

However, what might have happened in 1991 and 1992?

The Cubs went 77-83 and 78-84 respectively in those two seasons, with Sandberg still playing very well. Although Thomas had not yet reached his peak (which would come between 1993-1997, five of his top six OPS seasons), he still went .318-32-109-104 in 1991 and .323-24-115-108 in 1992. Might that have made the Cubs good enough to compete for the NL East pennant and possibly *gasp* a World Series?

And though Sandberg started to decline in 1993, the Cubs actually improved to 84-78. Can you imagine if they had gotten an MVP season from Frank Thomas on top of that? 

I am breaking out into hives just typing this.

Honestly, none of this is even remotely likely, even if the White Sox had passed on Big Frank. Mark Grace was the 1B of the future and we all know that the Cubs suck too much to have ever stumbled onto such fortuitous serendipity. Plus, maybe Frank would have ended up like the Cubs actual selection in 1989, Earl Cunningham, and never made it to the Majors. (Okay, now that is what is not even remotely likely.)

Regardless, the thought of Frank Thomas having been a star on the North Side is enough to give any White Sox fan a sleepless night or two. As will the next thought, as I tie together the two seemingly disjointed What If scenarios posited above.

Remember Steve Bartman? Of course you do.  What Chicago baseball fan could forget him. Well, according to Wikipedia, the most notorious Chicago baseball fan in history graduated high school in 1995 and was 26 years old at the time of “The Incident.” This means that Bartman was in middle school and his first few years of high school during the heydey of Saved By The Bell. Naturally, we can only assume that Bartman watched Saved By The Bell regularly, because…well…didn’t everyone?

But in a bizarro world as described above, in which the essence of cool (Zack Morris) is replaced by Brian Austin Green and in which Frank Thomas is a Chicago Cub, isn’t possible that Steve Bartman might have become a White Sox fan instead?  Think about it: Bartman obviously reveled in rooting for a losing franchise, and with Frank Thomas on the other side of town it would have been the White Sox, not the Cubs, that were pathetic throughout the 90s.

As Marty McFly once taught us, when you start messing with the Space-Time Continuum, things can get f’d up that you never imagined.

And to take it one terrifying step further, if Steve Bartman were a White Sox fan he probably would have attended Game 2 of the 2005 ALDS between the White Sox and Angels. And maybe he would have had seats behind home plate instead of down the third base line. And maybe when that infamous third strike bounced, and the ump signaled out with his hand, Steve Bartman — unable to control the level of his voice because he was wearing headphones — would have yelled “OUT!” at the top of his lungs. And maybe AJ Pierzynski would have heard him, thought it was the ump, and not hustled to first base. If so, the White Sox would have lost, would have been down 0-2 as they headed out West, and perhaps the South Siders would be the Chicago team still lamenting the fact that they haven’t won a World Series in over a century.

My apologies to any Good Guys who read this post and are unable to remove such a frightening hypothesis from their subconscious. But now do you see why it’s so important why Mark-Paul Gosselaar ending up playing Zack Morris in Saved By The Bell, and — although it’s obvious — why it’s so important that the White Sox drafted Frank Thomas one spot ahead of the Cubs?

So, now that I have outlined my two biggest What If Nightmares from the 1990s — both of which thankfully never happened, but both of which would have fundamentally changed an entire decade of my life had they been a reality — help me determine what would have been worse. I’m leaning towards Big Frank being a Cub…but the influence of Zack Morris should not be overlooked nor understated.

What do you think?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

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* – Gordon Beckham photo credit: AJRoxMyWhiteSox

This isn’t such grim news if you’re the Cubs because you are probably already used to it. One player after another goes on and off the DL for the Cubs. It happens so much it makes Cubs fans wonder if it will ever end.

Being out on the DL hasn’t happened much for Lilly. This is the first since 2005, but it was the same injury: tendinitis to the shoulder. Lily is supposed to miss 4 starts. Cubs fans can expect a return in mid-August if things go well.

The knee has bothered Lily earlier this month as he was scratched from his start against the Nationals July 18th to be given a few extra days of rest.

“There are times throughout the season where you feel a little something here and there, and you keep throwing and it goes away,” Lilly said before the game. “It’s nothing that’s alarming but [Tuesday] in Philly it felt a little unusual — the more I tried to throw the worse it got in between starts.

When asked what he thought of the situation, Lou Piniella responded, “There’s never a positive when a player goes on the DL, but in this case, if we can get his knee and shoulder taken care of at once [it'll be good],” Cubs manager Lou Piniella said. “What we need to do is keep hanging in there.”

It can’t be good news for the Cub’s manager. His pleas to get another bat have pretty much gone unanswered as it doesn’t look like the Cubs are looking to getting anybody before the trade deadline.

“We all felt comfortable we had enough bats when we left [ spring training]. We either haven’t been as healthy as we’d like, or certainly a lot of guys collectively haven’t hit like they can at one time,” said Jim Hendry. “It’s just the nature of every manager — you always want something better than what you have if you lose that particular game.

The surgery for Lilly will take place Monday, and Cubs fans can only hope it will go well. The Cubs have won 6 of their last 8, and could pick up some ground on the Cardinals. The Cubs were blessed with two easy home series during which they play the Reds and the Astros. These are two big series that can help the Cubs gain first place in the Central division.

The new Card Matt Holliday looked sharp as he went 4-5 with a RBI in his debut, a game in which the Cards dominated the Phillies, winning 8-1. This could be potentially bad news for the Cubbies. St. Louis hasn’t run away with the division yet, but could a new player do the trick? Only time will tell.

One thing is certain. The Cubs need to find out ways to win without their lone All Star. It has been a rough season, but the Cubs aren’t out of it yet. While I don’t see the Cubs making the playoffs this year I would like them to surprise me. It would surprise me more if they won a game in the playoffs.

This failure, combined with the Cubs’ well publicized ownership issues, has created a situation in which the Cubs sit only two games out of first place but do not have the ability to add pieces in their quest to overcome the Cardinals for their third straight NL Central crown.

An excerpt from the Goldstein article:

Selected by most to run away with the National League Central, they’ve instead been treading water this year with a record consistently around the .500 mark…Halladay could be the difference for any team in that division, but the dark cloud hanging over the Cubs’ ownership situation and a current owner spending significant time in bankruptcy court likely prevents them from taking on the Toronto ace’s contract.

Still, even if everything were hunky-dory when it came to ownership, the failure of the organization in the middle years of the decade would keep the team out of contention in trade talks anyway, as the Cubs have done little to help themselves through scouting and player development.

Goldstein goes on to chronicle the colossal failures of draft choices like Corey Patterson and Felix Pie, both of whom have been poster boys for the problems the Cubs have had teaching high-potential bats the ability to be patient at the plate.  He also discusses the Cubs’ signing of former Notre Dame pitcher Jeff Samardzija and the ridiculous $10 million contract the 5th round pick was given.  

If you’re a Cubs fan, this article will give you a keen insight into why your team has been tailing off this season with little hope on the horizon.  Then you can stop blaming this, this, or this for your franchise’s failures and simply blame the party responsible: your inept franchise, which is all too happy to count the gate receipts but all too clueless when it comes to developing homegrown talent.

Remember when Milton Bradley said “You can mark it down, I’m gonna be hitting for the rest of the year,” just over a week ago? Well, that has not happened. Since the All Start break Bradley has batted a miserable 2-12 with four strikeouts. But don’t worry Cub’s fans! Lou Pinella said he will personally help Bradley.

You could give this guy all the help in the world, and somehow he will not hit.

At some point you have to admit that a player is having a bad, no, a terrible year. Players don’t always have a great year, but Bradley having a terrible year isn’t the worst part. It’s the money he is getting for putting up bad numbers.

While Cub fans are still not happy about Bradley’s performance so far, they have now something else to be mad about.

The Cubs visited Philadelphia and boy did they get murdered by the hottest team in baseball. The Phillies won the game last night 10-1. The game was a one-sided game the whole way. Raul Ibanez started the mayhem in the first inning with a 2-out, 3-run home run off of Ted Lily (who would go 4 innings giving up 7 earned runs on 8 hits), and the beating never stopped.

This series is a chance for the Cubs to prove they can beat good teams, but most importantly, win games and get back on track towards winning the division for the 3rd straight year. So far the Cubs look like fools, but they have two more games to bounce back form such a beating.

It’s pretty funny and sad that a team that is playing mediocre still has a chance to win the division. As of Monday the Cubs are only 2 games behind the 2006 World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals. The Cubs need a lot of refining, but it doesn’t seem like they are making any moves before the trade deadline comes and goes. Their overspending on players that are not producing may have forced the Cubs into a corner where they can’t make any big move.

Despite their up and down play the season isn’t over, and no team in the Central Division has run away with the division, so the Cubs still have a good chance of defending their title. It may sound easy and right at their fingertips, but it will still be a long second half of the season for the Cubs, their fans, and their staff.

* – Milton Bradley photo credit: Straight Pinkie

The disappointing part is right around the 0:30 mark.

I was a little disappointing in President Obama’s somewhat condescending description of White Sox fans who hate the Cubs and actively root against them, mainly because I fall firmly in this category.  I guess he has to toe the line somewhat and not totally ostracize the larger of the two fan bases in his home city.  Again though, he makes up for it later in the interview by subtlely getting in a few digs anyway.  

I know that deep in his heart of hearts Obama hates the Cubs.  (He even discussed dissolving them as a franchise in this “interview.”) How could he not?  He’s a winner.  If Obama was a Cubs fans, he would have found a way to bartman the election at the last minute and John McCain would be president.

He just needs to work on his pronunciation and throwing ability a little bit.