Today, Behind the Keyboard is highlighting an individual who is actually not a blogger at all (at least not that I know of, but you never know who is lurking in the dark shadows of their parents’ basement…) but who still has the ability to influence the sports blogosphere on a daily basis. That individual is Hannah Patrick, a Media Analyst with Sports Media Challenge.

If you are an avid viewer of the 10:00 am SportsCenter, you may have noticed a new feature that popped up a few months back called Blog Buzz. The goal of this feature is to highlight the five most important and talked about sports stories, as seen by the sports blogging community. As you will find out from the interview below, Hannah is the point person for submitting the editorial content for the daily Blog Buzz feature. This is actually how she and I were first “introduced” — when she emailed to alert me to MSF’s first appearance on Blog Buzz, back when we wrote about Mike Brown being named NBA Coach of the Year.

Because I am at the office when Blog Buzz runs on ESPN, I have never actually viewed the segment myself. (I did, however, receive many calls from friends who were watching when MSF was on there.) And while I think all sports bloggers like the general idea of Blog Buzz, it was met with some criticism upon its initial launch (for examples, here and here).

One of the main reasons I contacted Hannah about participating in this interview was to give her and Sports Media Challenge an opportunity to discuss their objectives with Blog Buzz as well as to get her unique perspective, as someone in the middle, on where the blogger-mainstream media relationship is headed.

I am sure that many other sports bloggers know Hannah from being contacted about Blog Buzz and her effective use of Twitter to network, as well as the recent Blogs With Balls conference that she attended (and that I wish I had too!). Hopefully this interview will allow you to get to know her even better, as well as understand the objectives behind Blog Buzz and some of the ways that Sports Media Challenge continues to be a pioneer in the merging of sports and online media.

My sincere appreciation goes out to Hannah for her diligence in completing this interview, which we conducted over email. As usual, a few quick background notes first and then we jump right into the interview.

Hannah Patrick Background Info:

• Education/College: East Carolina (Arrrghh!) with degree in Communications
• Current Company and Position: Media Analyst with Sports Media Challenge
• Favorite sport: I grew up loving baseball. But in recent years football has become my favorite.
• Favorite teams: Panthers, Bobcats, Hurricanes, and all ECU Sports
• Favorite athletes: Jake “Day light come and I wanna” Delhomme, keeping it local. We are both originally from Cajun country and ended up in the Carolinas. Plus, he has persevered and accomplished a lot regardless of all the scrutiny around him.
• Twitter: @mhannahp

Hannah Patrick Behind the Keyboard Interview:

Jerod: If you would, provide our readers with a quick background on Sports Media Challenge, how you got involved with them, and what you do as PR coordinator.

Hannah Patrick: Sports Media Challenge is a brand monitoring, marketing, and PR consulting company specializing in sports and entertainment clients. I got involved with SMC through networking while dominating in a kickball league. We were named “Balls of Fury” (pictured left, click for larger view) and were champions in Spring ’08.

As media analyst my responsibilities include monitoring our client’s reputations online. Currently, my responsibilities have shifted to leading SMC’s efforts with SportsCenter’s Blog Buzz, which means I am in charge of the editorial content that is submitted on a daily basis.

Jerod: How did the idea for Blog Buzz come about? Was it initiated by SMC or ESPN? How has the response been from fans, bloggers, and the Worldwide Leader?

Hannah Patrick: SMC used to do a section for the “Sports Business Daily” called Blog Hound. It was based on the same premise, where we submitted to them the top five most popular blog topics on a daily basis. ESPN came to SMC looking for a similar concept, thus Blog Buzz was born.

The response, other than the initial launch, has been mostly positive. We have seen both sides though: bloggers that are totally stoked to see their hard work on SportsCenter and others that just don’t see the value. In the end, our goal is to connect one of the world’s largest sports entities to some of the most intelligent, informed and passionate sports fans and writers.

Jerod: What other Blog Buzz-like initiatives is SMC planning for the future?

Hannah Patrick: In the immediate future we would like to see the segment in other SportsCenter show times, like the 6:00 pm hour for instance. We would also like to start doing an in-depth analysis one day of the week, where we give several different blogger perspectives.

Jerod: Time for a random question. If you had to bet your last $10 on a fight-to-the-death cagematch between me, John Gonzalez, and Ken Rosenthal, who are you picking?

Hannah Patrick: Definitely you. But you are going to need some sort of super power first. Like… the ability to walk through cages.

I polled the office on this question as well. Results were pretty entertaining and are as follows:

• “Ken Rosenthal would win because he is backed by the traditional media and he would squash Jerod with his huge budget.” @ryanstephens
• “Ken Rosenthal because he came on screen like the Hebrew Hammer or the Jewish Juggernaut. But no matter what… Buzz Bissinger would beat all of them.” @jakerosen
• “Kimbo Slice.” @jackieadkins
• “Jerod being a blogger wears underwear like cage fighters. So I am going to go with Jerod.” @matthewgarner
• “I would go with the guy asking you the question.” @brittanylane

[Editor's Note: While I appreciate Matthew Garner's trust in my willingness to wear underwear, Brittany Lane clearly had the right train of thought here considering I'm the one posting the interview...]

Jerod: Shifting gears to Blogs With Balls, what were you overall impressions of the event?

Hannah Patrick: Everyone has said this, but it was awesome to put a face with all of the talented names that I have been working with. For me, it was a great opportunity to talk to people about what they do and don’t like about the segment.

For example, Blog Buzz’s biggest fan, Chris Motram, and I finally got the chance to meet. That might have been my favorite part. Getting to pick his brain about the segment was great. I took some much appreciated notes that we plan on going over with the big guys in Bristol.

To me, that was the spirit of Blogs with Balls. Everyone was just out to learn something new, share information, and shake someone’s hand. I think it was a great success, and I look forward to seeing it evolve into something even greater in the future. The guys at HHR really did an outstanding job.

Jerod: Excuse me for a moment while I kick myself again for not going. What were the three most important things you took away from the event?

Hannah Patrick:

1. Bloggers can be professional without losing the spirit of what they do
2. Sports bloggers are just as eccentric, talented, and entertaining in person.
3. When they say wear comfortable shoes, they mean wear comfortable shoes.

Jerod: I would define your role as somewhere in between bloggers and the mainstream media. Would you agree? If not, to which side do you see yourself falling; and if so, how do you navigate through the sometimes choppy waters of bridging the gap between blogs and the MSM?

Hannah Patrick: I would agree with the statement that my role lies somewhere in between bloggers and the mainstream media. The line between traditional media and social media is being blurred more and more every day and SMC’s and ESPN’s efforts with Blog Buzz are another step in that direction. We have worked to establish a place as the communication arm between the two platforms. Blog Buzz has simply created another intersection between the MSM and bloggers.

Jerod: What is your most memorable personal sports moment?

Hannah Patrick: In 2006, when the Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup. I had just moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone but my roommate. When the Canes won, everyone stood up on the tables and on the bar and sang “God Bless America!” At that moment I felt like I knew everyone in the place. It’s funny how sports can unite a group of people.

Jerod: Coming from a PR perspective, I would love to get your honest thoughts (good or bad) on how the Raul Ibanez controversy was handled and played out publicly. Specifically, if you had been prepping me for the OTL interview, what would your advice have been?

Hannah Patrick: The Ibanez controversy really was an interesting case study about the dichotomy of bloggers vs. traditional media. This brought about a conversation that was inevitably going to surface. Blogs With Balls was a perfect place for the two sides to share their thoughts… and there were many different thoughts.

From a PR standpoint, there are times to take a lower profile until the heat dies down; this was not one of them. We would give you four stars on the way you handled the Ibanez controversy, specifically for three reasons:

1. You were gutsy for jumping on the issue.
2. You should always go into a media appearance with an agenda that is as strong, if not stronger, than the person asking the questions. You should be able to articulate your message easily and repeatedly. You successfully did all of these.
3. You should also craft your message so that people will first listen, then understand, then believe, and finally remember. Which you did!

Jerod: SMC appears to be one of the leaders in assisting athletes in managing and promoting their reputations. How much of your focus is shifting to the online world and what are the specific challenges/opportunities that athletes face when it comes online PR?

Hannah Patrick: The vast majority of our focus is online. We have been working to push our clients towards the social media landscape and we stress to them that social media has to be a single component of an overall media strategy. Many athletes are hesitant about getting involved in various forms of social media because they are afraid that they won’t be able to control their message. But the reality is that whether they are in the space or not, they are being talked about. Buzz Manager enables us to provide our clients to with critical information about “the buzz” on the web.

Jerod: We know that there is lots of hype around Twitter and that it is the new time-waster-du-jour for many people in many different industries. How do you use Twitter from a professional standpoint and what kind of sustained impact do you see it having 6 months, a year, 5 years down the road?

Hannah Patrick: We always tell our clients that whatever you put into Twitter is what you will get out of the experience. It has been compared to a river of conversation. You can step back and watch if flow on by, but at any time you can jump in and take part.

Professionally, Twitter has enabled me to keep my finger on the pulse of what’s going on in the sports blogosphere second by second. I think that will be the heart of Twitter when this initial explosion dies down. The ability to track current topics of conversation will have more of a sustained impact than the other uses of Twitter. I love that Twitter is championing citizen journalism and I don’t foresee that dying down. I think it will play a large role in future elections for sure.

As far as using Twitter as a tool to interact with and follow celebrities, I am more wary about the long term impact due to the high level of involvement that it requires. Other forms of social media, like Facebook, seem more likely to stand the pass of time because it doesn’t require such intense devotion.

Jerod: Time for another random question. You can play a round of golf with any three people relevant in the sports world (including the media, bloggers, etc.) today. Who are they? Why?

Hannah Patrick:

1. Skip Holtz, because I am a Pirate fan.
2. Shaq, because he would crack me up.
3. Jerod Morris, assuming his mom would let him out of the basement.

Jerod: Unfortunately, my mom only lets me out of the basement for dinner, yardwork, and White Sox games; so I’ll have to pass. Finally though, getting back to Blog Buzz and the slow but steady blurring of the lines between blogging and the mainstream media, where do you see it going? Where should it go? And what do you think are things that bloggers and the MSM should keep in mind to make this inevitable transition as successful as possible?

Hannah Patrick: Yes the process has been slow and steady, but I think that Deadspin implementing their new commenting policy will be a huge catalyst in this process. Also, the FTC has become more aware of the blogosphere and is making writers become more accountable.

As long as bloggers recognize that professional organizations are taking notice and giving bloggers a voice, there has to be some sort of give and take. The blogosphere is changing, and that means that those who are looking to make money from it will need to get used to the changes.

**********

Our thanks again to Hannah Patrick for taking part in the Behind the Keyboard series and for supplying me with pictures to use throughout. You can follow her on Twitter at @mhannahp and you can jump over to the Sports Media Challenge website to learn more about Blog Buzz and to keep your finger on the pulse of how sports and online media interact.

If you are interested in being the subject of Behind the Keyboard, follow me on Twitter (@JerodMSF) and shoot me a message. Let’s make it happen.

Apparently, White Sox 1st round draft pick Jared Mitchell did not appreciate me comparing him to former White Sox CF Mike Cameron, calling it a “pathetic” and “cowardly” comparison made by a lazy “42-year old blogger living in his mother’s basement in Wrigleyville.” Mitchell went on to say that if he was white I never would have compared him to Cameron.

Well, duh Jared.

Actually, the truth is that…well, if you actually read this blog, or any blog for that matter, I’m sure you know the truth. A baseball player did call me “pathetic”, “cowardly”, and make false accusations about my age and living arrangements, but it was not Jared Mitchell. In fact, I think Mitchell would have been quite pleased by my post-draft profile of him. At least I hope so.

Of course, I never thought I would be vilified for speculating that Raul Ibanez, like all major leaguers, might using steroids when I originally wanted to disprove speculation that he might be using steroids. So what the hell do I know?

And that is the purpose of this post.

I don’t know a whole hell of a lot, but I feel like did learn a lot this week. This was easily the most bizarre week of my life (and I use the term “bizarre” with the most positive connotations possible) and if I sailed through it without picking up a few useful lessons along the way, I’d consider it pretty lame on my part.

So here we go. In no particular order (expect the last one being the most important), here is a hodge podge of things that I learned and realized during this wild and crazy week.

1 – I have learned that people, including professional writers and journalists, do not like to (or cannot) read. However, this does not stop them from commenting, nor does it stop people from making judgments and forming opinions based on their comments.

2 – I have realized that this can lead to misunderstandings that sometimes explode into completely unnecessary and surprising stories into which the principal players get swept up, even if it soon thereafter ceases being about the specific individuals but rather what the individuals are purported to represent.

3 – I have quite happily learned that such situations can drive a ton of traffic.

4 – I have realized that since Blogs With Balls occurred during the tail end of my 14:59 minutes of fame, and I foolishly did not attend, I quite possibly missed out on a great opportunity to parlay my “fame” into getting some quality ass…whoopings by any Philly fans, mainstream media members, and other bloggers already sick of “Jerod Morris” who happened to be in attendance.

5 – I have also realized that I am 100% comfortable with everything I have written and said, but not 100% comfortable with such broad notoriety. It’s a mind trip that is simultaneously still sinking in as it fades away.

6 – And I’ve further realized that my self-consciousness at the notoriety stems from a feeling of guilt. There are plenty of better and more established blogs than MSF, plenty of better writers than me, and there were even other posts speculating about Raul Ibanez and steroids before I wrote mine.

7 – However, I have learned that asking the question “Why me?” (mind you, without a hint of regret nor complaint) is becoming exceedingly rhetorical.

8 – Although, there is one last thing I’ve learned about the kind of random and viral notoriety that has come my way this week: by starting a blog, publishing regularly, and pouring your heart and soul into genuine and honest posts, you are thereby purchasing a figurative lottery ticket. And sometimes the mainstream media picks your numbers, even though you have the same ticket and odds as everyone else. That’s what happened to me and Midwest Sports Fans this week.

9 – And I’ve learned that I am grateful for it, but that the true relevance of Midwest Sports Fans will be defined by what we write and where we go from here, not the particulars of the Raul Ibanez controversy that got us here.

10 – I just learned that at halftime of Game 5 of the NBA Finals, Stan Van Gundy thinks that the Orlando Magic will win the game.

11 – And I realized that I disagree with him based on what Jeff Van Gundy said about Kobe Bryant playing out of his mind immediately after they returned from the shot inside the Magic locker room.

12 – I learned this week that the passion of Philadelphia fans is everything that it is cracked up to be.

13 – I realized that many Philly fans live up to their oft-discussed reputation for being vulgar and combative.

14 – However, I also realized that stereotyping a fan because he/she is from Philly is a mistake; many are in fact objective, level-headed, and fair while never compromising the passion they have for their team.

15 – Overall, I learned that I respect Philadelphia fans as a whole and that Shay Roddy is right at the top of the list.

16 – I learned that the sports blogosphere is a tight-knit group that will rally around a fellow member whom they feel is being unfairly attacked. My appreciation for this fact goes beyond any words I am capable of writing.

17 – I realized that a divisive canyon still exists between some in the mainstream media and their blogging counterparts.

18 – I also learned that this canyon often manifests itself in the completely unnecessary and arrogant practice perpetrated by many in the mainstream media who will discuss a blog post that is thought- and/or controversy-provoking (and take advantage of it to drive traffic to their sites) yet feel empowered to say things like “…this week a post by a blogger who we will not name, lest we lend him any credence or relevance…”

19 – And I learned that in the same post they will mischaracterize what you say without providing a link so people can read it and decide for themselves.

20 – And I realized that though not many things truly make me angry, the haughty hypocricy of such actions pisses me off to no end.

21 – I also realized that, like Philadelphia fans, stereotyping mainstream media members can also be a mistake. Though much of this week’s debating has revolved around mainstream media members who I and many others believe are unfair to bloggers, there are just as many in the MSM — if not more — who are accepting and inclusive of blogs and blogging.

22 – I learned that Joe Posnanski continues to rock.

23 – I am realizing as I write this that my statements about being careful not to stereotype Philly fans and MSMers seems to fly in the face of my stated belief that it’s okay to stereotype baseball players as possible PED users. And the way I reconcile it is this: it is okay to speculate about baseball players being PED users because such general suspicions already rightfully exist based on historical evidence and anecdotes; but, just as I hope to be wrong about Raul Ibanez, speculating always carries the inherent risk of proving to be misguided and erroneous. That’s why it’s called speculating and not accusing nor claiming. One is open-minded and inquisitive while the other is closed-minded and definitive. It is my personal mission to always be the former and never the latter, whether it’s steroids in baseball, fans from Philadelphia, the mainstream media, or anything else.

24 – However, I learned a long time ago that there are at least two things about which I am and will always be unapologetically closed-minded and definitive: the Cubs suck and Purdue swallows.

25 – I learned that Twitter, for all of its over-hype and potential to be a time drain, is a great way to begin developing real relationships in the blogging community.

26 – However, I realized that in five minutes at Blogs With Balls (had I gone) I could have accomplished the same level of networking as I’ve accomplished in all of the time I’ve spent on Twitter.

27 – I realized that I am grateful for Scott Reister and his Anchor’s Desk column because we needed an opposing viewpoint to the Raul Ibanez story here at MSF and he provided a great one that is based upon his real-world (i.e. non-basement) experience.

28 – I learned that Raul Ibanez thinks I’m 42 years old, that Daulerio thinks I’m a “kid”, and that to the majority of the world who was interested in this story I am just “that pale Midwest blogger.”

29 – And I realized that each of those is infinitely better than being called “the freaky guy on the left.”

30 – I learned that it is always a good idea to write and edit your posts with the expectation that each part could be excerpted by a major news source and that tens of thousands of people could end up reading it.

31 – And I realized that had I done this before publishing the Ibanez post, I would have changed what will forever go down in my mind as the single most inaccurate, erroneous, and ripe-for-criticism brain fart of a phrase I’ve ever written — “…unstated speculation…” — especially in a piece of content that I am, overall, very proud to have had my name attached to.

32 – Yet I learned that there will be no shortage of people who will point mistakes like these out to me.

33 – And I realized that I appreciate it because such constructive criticism, as provided by Rob Neyer for instance, will make me a better writer.

34 – Because I learned that bloggers do not have to immediately become defensive when they are attacked or critiqued by mainstream media members, and that the opposite is also true. Many mainstream media members, though sometimes misguided and often arrogant, do sometimes offers bloggers bits of information that can help us become better at what we do. If we as bloggers forget who the messenger is and parse the message carefully, we can find nuggets of wisdom that can make us better.

35 – I realized that one of those nuggets of wisdom that I found was offered up in perhaps the most scathing critique of me and my article that I stumbled upon this week. I give the writer — I won’t mention his name because I’m reluctant to give him his 15 minutes — credit for being honest in his opinion, no matter how misguided I thought some of it was. Here is the aforementioned nugget: “…be prepared to defend your reputation in any forum.”

36 – I’ve realized this week that as blogs gain more more relevance and exposure, the veil of anonymity and relative invisibility that the majority of blogs once operated within is quickly being pulled back no matter how “new”, “irrelevant”, or “under the rader” you think your site is. And this is a good thing, so long as we write what we genuinely believe and understand that we may very well be called to the matt in a forum fare more public than our own comment section to defend the positions we take.

37 – I’ve learned that if we write just to drive traffic or for any reason other than expressing a genuine opinion — sports or otherwise — such a defense of our position could prove difficult. If we write what we honestly believe, and have genuine and open conversations with our readers consistently, then defending our positions is easy and more traffic will come in the long-term anyway.

37 – I also realized that I do not believe in the “eye-for-an-eye” theory of retribution and that instead of stooping to the level of certain MSMers, who will ride bloggers thoughts and posts for their own benefit without attribution, I will attribute the above nugget of knowledge to Geoff Baker of The Seattle Times in the lengthy piece he wrote about this week’s Raul Ibanez story.

38 – I did, however, realize I absolutely do agree with one more thing Baker said. Actually, it was more of a question, and I believe it’s a question that all bloggers should ask themselves before hitting publish: can you look somebody in the eye? And by somebody, Baker meant the subject of your piece. As bloggers, we do not often have the access to look the subjects of our posts in the eye, but we certainly should be able to believe in our hearts that we would if we could.

39 – I’ve realized that the #1 reason why I absolutely do not regret publishing the now-famous (and in some circles infamous) post about Raul Ibanez is that I would absolutely look him in the eye and defend my post, while also unequivocally being able to tell him that I think he’s clean, hope he’s clean, and count myself among his fans (and admittedly, this week has helped to develop that). In fact, this is still a conversation that I’m hoping to — and trying to — one day have with Ibanez.

40 – And, finally, I have learned that even though incredible confluences of events can occur like what occurred this week, and it can completely turn your life upside down and inside out in ways that you never imagined — in this case, almost all of them good — the most cherished opinions can actually be the opinions of those who do not judge you at all.

And to wrap up this post and this final lesson I feel I’ve learned, I would like to pay tribute to a special individual whose love and support I cherish, and who has never said one thing nor cared about Midwest Sports Fans, Raul Ibanez, Outside the Lines, bloggers versus the mainstream media, or any of the other topics that many of us spent so much time analyzing this week.

If you’ve been following my Twitter feed, you may have an idea of exactly who I am referring to: my dog Rebel.

On Wednesday I fulfilled a life’s dream by appearing on ESPN. And it wasn’t in a crowd shot, it wasn’t in Blog Buzz (though that’s always awesome too!), and it wasn’t through some type of Sports Nation comment. I was asked to come on ESPN to analyze and provide my opinion on an important sports topic. Just typing that sentence is still somewhat unbelievable to me.

Over the next 72 hours, I kind of ceased being just “Jerod Morris”, even to my friends and family, and nearly every conversation I had felt as if it revolved totally around the Raul Ibanez story. And in so many ways — nearly every way — this was great.

Although it was never an explicit goal when I started Midwest Sports Fans, I think all serious bloggers would probably agree that somewhere in the back or even in the front of our minds we all aspire to get caught up in something like what I got caught up in this week. As I said above, for reasons primarily related to happenstance, I just happened to win the lottery and get to have this experience.

But when I drove home Wednesday night, and every night for the balance of the week — always excited but usually exhausted from the whirlwind of attention — I knew that Rebel was waiting for me, ecstatic about my arrival home, and interested in my presence and what I had to say for no other reason than just because it was me. He didn’t have an opinion on the Ibanez post, nor any idea about ESPN, nor any clue that every five minutes a new Google Alert on “Jerod Morris” or “Midwest Sports Fans” was hitting my inbox. He was just there, with his tail wagging and his adoring eyes following my every move as I walked in the door, with one thought on his mind: take me for a walk.

I can’t really put it into words, but when I came home that Wednesday night Rebel put everything into perspective for me, as he often does. And because I know I won’t find the right words to express the feeling, I won’t even try to speculate on the best way to define it. Hence, that point I will leave as unstated speculation.

Unfortunately, when I came home tonight Rebel wasn’t here to greet me. He’s currently at the vet, sedated with an IV in his little leg, awaiting a serious and risky surgery that will take place tomorrow to remove his infected gallbladder. Without the surgery, his infectious energy and perpetual smile likely would not be long for this world. With the surgery his prognosis is good, and the expectation is that everything will go well and he’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. But, as I’m sure anyone who has a dog can relate, it’s still somewhat disconcerting knowing what my boy faces tomorrow and being powerless to do anything more to help him but show up at 8:00 am and sign the papers.

The vet who is taking care of him is fantastic though, and the surgeon is highly recommended, so even though scary and unwanted thoughts pop up I am not finding it difficult to fend them off.

The truth is, in addition to trying to espouse whatever wisdom I feel I’ve gained this week, the real purpose of this blog post has been to distract me from the silence and isolation of my new apartment, which just isn’t the same without its happiest and most spirited tenant. I know that he’ll be okay, that tomorrow’s surgery will be a success, and that he’ll be hopping up on the couch again, and demanding walks again, in no time…but I miss the little guy, even if just for tonight and the next few while he recovers.

While my short and fleeting bout with notoriety and recognition has been exciting, and has been the product of a controversial post that I do not regret writing, there is at least one issue of immediate importance for me that, without hesitation, would make me retroactively delete the Ibanez post before ever hitting “publish”, thus erasing all of its myriad and mostly positive impact before it ever got started: a simple guarantee that tomorrow’s surgery for Rebel will be a success.

Because while this past week taught me a lot, nothing has taught me more than the last 36 hours at the emergency pet clinic. And what I’ve learned is that it’s oftentimes the little things in life, not the big ones, that make it worthwhile, that sustain us in purpose and optimism from day to day, and that provide real fulfillment long-term.

And there’s no more important little thing in my life than my boy Rebel.

Keep on fighting little buddy, and come home soon.

(And I swear, if anyone picks on him for being small I will bust out some of the lessons I learned this week from the Philly commenters and emailers who showed, shall we say, less decorum.

You’ve been warned.)