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The Scales of Douche: Tiki Barber, Albert Haynesworth, and Adam Morrison

June 23, 2010 By Jerod Morris 2 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I introduced a new post series called The Scales of Douche. In the first installment, I took Bryce Harper to task for his eye black and ripped golfer Rickie Fowler and Michigan QB Tate Forcier for their websites. (Plus, I also ripped on myself for creating the post in the first place.)

Well, The Scales of Douche received such a good response that just two weeks later I am back with a new edition.

This week, I consider changing the ranking scale from Mariottis to Tikibarbers, poke unnecessary fun at Adam Morrison and his not-so-magic mustache, and rip on a 300+ pound defensive tackle who could lather me with spicy mustard and eat me as a hors d’oeurve if he wanted to.

All right, let’s start calling out some douches.

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Filed Under: Scales of Douche Tagged With: adam morrison, albert haynesworth, douche bags, jay mariotti, tiki barber

7 Memorable Moments of Goofy Whiteness

March 25, 2010 By Jerod Morris 14 Comments

The first quartet of Sweet 16 games will be played tonight. It’s Butler-Syracuse and Kansas State-Xavier in the West Region, and West Virginia-Washington and Kentucky-Cornell facing off in the East Region.

We have previewed each game here at MSF, and each has its own elements that makes it intriguing and provide the expectation of a compelling matchup.

The two matchups that I am most looking forward to are Butler against Syracuse and Cornell against Kentucky. The Bulldogs and the Fighting Andy Bernanrds are the clear underdogs in their respective matchups, and many people including me believe that neither team has been given the national credit that it has deserved throughout the season.

There are variety of reasons for this, including conference affiliation, historical school success, and the media markets in which they reside; but there also may be something else bubbling just below surface, another reason why fans in general look at Butler and Cornell as fighting extreme uphill battles against teams led by the likes of Wesley Johnson and John Wall.

Whiteness.

That’s right, whiteness.

You see, Butler’s top two players are Gordon Hayward and Matt Howard, both very good and underrated players with a complexion just a shade darker than an elephant tusk. Cornell, similarly, is led by the powderiffic inside-outside combo of Ryan Wittman and Jeff Foote.

So in honor of Hayward, Howard, Wittman, Foote, and the other caucasian sensations lining the benches of Butler and Cornell, I present to you the first post in a new series you’ll see pop up periodically here at MSF: Memorable Moments in Goofy Whiteness.

#2 Michigan State Faces Gonzaga in an Early Season Test

November 17, 2009 By J-Dools Leave a Comment

[Editor's note: This post was submitted before the Spartans and Zags took the floor last night. I just didn't have a chance to edit and publish it. But as you can see, our man J-Dools had the game pretty well pegged, so I'm posted this anyway.]

Excitement is building in East Lansing as the Spartans prepare to face their first real challenge of the season against Gonzaga, at 8 p.m. on ESPN.

The Spartans will showcase their talented line up that is gathering more and more comparisons to the 2000 championship team. Coach Tom Izzo is among those making such comparisons.

In an interview with ESPN.com Izzo was asked if he would ever coach someone like Mateen Cleaves again. Izzo answered saying that he may be doing that right now. The player Izzo is talking about is junior point guard Kalin Lucas.

LOTD: With Adam Morrison Now a Laker, Who Has the Best Mustache in L.A.?

February 10, 2009 By Jerod Morris Leave a Comment

I am a sucker for a good mustache post.

Former college basketball superstar and current NBA bust Adam Morrison was recently traded from the Charlotte Bobcats to the Los Angeles Lakers. The Splog over at NationalLampoon.com, and more specifically writer “douchelarue”, is wondering where Adam Morrison will go in the esteemed mustache hierarchy of L.A.

(And for the record, there were so many great mustachioed pictures to choose from for this post, but Jason Lee looks like the spitting image of our very own KVB, so I chose that one.)

Here is a quick excerpt of a couple of the funnier mustache descriptions from douchelarue. Then your LOTD link so you can enjoy the post for yourself:

Magnum P.I. – A mustache so damn awesome that he doesnâ€™t even need a cord for that phone

Burt Reynolds â€“ A stache so cool, it has no problem outrunning Smokey and may keep you from being brutally sodomized by hillbillies

Jason Lee â€“ Earl Hickey â€“ His name is Earl. His mustache is named Suspected Pedophile.

LOTD: Adam Morrison’s Hollywood Mustache Matchup — (Splog by National Lampoon)

And some more link love before I log out from MSF for a little while and get “real” work done. I highly recommend the first two posts if you are not completely sick of the ARod and steroids story yet. Great perspective from Leitch and former commish Fay Vincent:

We’ve got to get past ‘baseball history’ — (Will Leitch, Sporting News)

Ex-commish Fay Vincent: It’s a dirty, sordid, miserable chapter — (Fay Vincent, Sporting News)

Have the Cleveland Cavaliers become crybabies? — (Cleveland Fan)

Spurs success extends beyond Duncan and Popovich — (Hoops Addict)

Indiana High-schooler hits 80-foot buzzer beater — (Total Pro Sports)

Did Ben Roethlisberger really play with broken rips in the Super Bowl? — (ProFootballTalk)

Big 12 coaches: Illegal contact with recruits happens often — (SI.com)

Joshua Cribbs contract saga set to begin — (Orange & Brown Report – requires premium access. It’s worth it.)

New MLB Front Office Manager from 2KSports sucks apparently — (Sharapova’s Thigh)

More great mustaches — (Cleveland Frowns)

A few names that could be among the remaining 103 – NL Edition — (No Guts, No Glory)

Weekly College Basketball Roundup — (Sparty and Friends)