We know that the Chicago Bulls have been running on fumes for their entire playoff run, what with their lineup decimated by injuries and all.
That said, the futility the Bulls displayed during a disastrous Game 4 was stupefying. Of course, a large helping of credit goes to the Miami Heat, whose defense was stifling, but this was no ordinary stinkbomb by a bad offensive team.
As if those rudimentary numbers don’t paint a bleak enough picture for how awful the Bulls were at putting the ball in the basket, consider the following comparisons (some of which are entirely irrelevant, but in times as dark as these one must try to find some levity). Some numbers:
9: The number of Chicago Cubs players with a batting average higher than the Bulls’ field goal percentage from Game 4. Consider the fact that the Cubs are the worst team in the National League Central, and are already nine games out of first place through roughly six weeks of the season.
6: The number of times Golden State’s Stephen Curry has scored nine or more points in a third quarter during the playoffs.
1: The number of baskets reserve point guard Marquis Teague scored in the opposing team’s basket.
0: The number of baskets reserve point guard Marquis Teague scored in his own team’s basket.
12: The number of shots taken by Nate Robinson, as well as the number of combined shots taken by Miami Heat players Ray Allen, Chris Andersen, Norris Cole, Rashard Lewis, and James Jones.
8: The difference between how many shots Allen, Andersen, Cole, Lewis, and Jones made and how many Nate Robinson made (hint for those of you who don’t see where this is going: Nate made zero).
11: The number of points scored by Richard Hamilton, who hadn’t played a minute in the series until Game 4, despite being one of eight healthy players on the roster.
11.8 percent/10.1 percent: The Bulls’ three-point percentage and the shooting average of the Chicago Blackhawks in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, which HOW IS THIS EVEN CLOSE? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HARDER IT IS TO SCORE A PLAYOFF GOAL IN HOCKEY THAN IT IS TO MAKE A THREE IN THE NBA?
160: The number of consecutive minutes Bulls forward Jimmy Butler played until being mercifully pulled with 2:10 to go in the fourth quarter of this blowout. How he is still upright I’ll never know.
+12: The offensive rebounding differential the Bulls enjoyed in Game 4. Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah combining on 4-of-20 shooting didn’t make the advantage on the offensive glass a factor in the score.
7: The number of Chicago turnovers in the third quarter of Game 4. I’m guessing.
0: The total number of technical fouls called in the game. At least this lopsided affair didn’t feature ejections and leathery old Miami widows flipping the bird at departing players.
.000000001: Percentage chance I give Chicago of reeling off three-straight wins to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals.