Growing up, I always thought, “Dustin … what a boring name. What were my parents thinking that day?”
It’s almost as if they wanted to name me something original but weren’t sure how to go about it (my apologies to all of the other Dustin’s in the world).
Despite having a name that I loathed as a child, I survived. Mostly because I’ve gotten joy in knowing that other parents have kept the art of naming their child interesting.
Today, names either become more awesome or more terrible. Sometimes you think “Wow, that is an original, beautiful name,” while other times you’re left confused, thinking “why would they do that to their child?”
Perhaps it’s because of my fascination with names, my jealously towards people who I feel have a better name than myself, or maybe it’s because I find nothing else better to do with my time … that I have cooked up a list of the best names in Big Ten football for the 2012 season.
So, here is a list of the players I consider to have the best, most memorable names (or at least better than my name) in the conference for this season.
Ohio State’s Storm Klein makes the list. But how high?
First off, the hon0rable mentions:
- Steve Stephenson – CB – Penn State
- Pierre Youngblood-Ary – WR – Northwestern
- Darqueze Dennard – CB – Michigan State
- Zaire Anderson – LB – Nebraska
And now, the top 10
10) Zepheniah Grimes – LB – Illinois
I am a huge fan of names beginning with the letters “X” or “Z,” especially if it’s a name a bit out of the ordinary. A good way to start the list, if you ask me.
9) Martez Shabazz – DB – Minnesota
When I saw this name, the image of a comic book with a bubble quote with the word “SHABAZZ!” immediately popped into my head.
In my opinion, Minnesota should create their own comic series that has this inserted every time Martez makes a tackle.
8) Peters Drey – G – Purdue
It’s my immaturity, but every time I hear his name I chuckle. It just sounds like a punch line for an inappropriate bar joke.
If he was referred to as Pete or even Peter, he may not have made this awesome list.
7) Adolphus Washington – DL – Ohio State
I can only imagine that any time a member of the Ohio State football team has a question about anything, they ask this guy. He has the name that sounds like he is a wise Greek philosopher or prophet in his spare time.
I would be very disheartened if he wasn’t a very intelligent man.
6) King Frazier – RB – Nebraska
Anybody with the first name “King” makes a best names list….every time.
Even though he isn’t “king” of this list, it’s still a great name. (You see what I did there, right?)
5) Storm Klein – LB – Ohio State
Possibly one of the best names for a defensive players in the history of naming your child something awesome. There are just so many sayings you can use for this guy.
“Can you feel the Storm coming?!”
“You’ve just been hit by a Storm!”
Those are just a few that come to mind.
4) Alex Butterworth – P – Penn State
I bet this guy eats pancakes before every Penn State game.
And yes, my love for french toast, waffles, and pancakes and his relative’s delicious syrup is exactly why he is number four on this list.
Too bad college players aren’t allowed to sign endorsements. I have a feeling the Mrs. Butterworth’s people would have been all over that when the guy is a star punter.
3) Jeff Duckworth – WR – Wisconsin
For all you kids of the 90s, you know exactly why the Badgers wide receiver is on the list.
Perhaps the classic “quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth” from Mighty Ducks coach Gordon Bombay may jog your memory.
If his teammates don’t use this joke on him at least once a week, they are slacking in the locker room.
2) Chi Chi Ariguzo – LB – Northwestern
This is probably my immaturity jumping in again, but I just absolutely love the name Chi Chi.
Even though I’ve never seen him golf, I am a fan of Chi Chi Rodriguez, simply because of his name. This will be the case for this Northwestern linebacker, as well.
I know it can be used as a slang term, but I am just jealous that this guy has a nickname in place of a real name.
1) Fitzgerald Toussaint – RB – Michigan
The reason that the Michigan running back is top dog on this list? He has two out-of-the-ordinary names that come from two separate parts of Europe….which is awesome.
Not only is Toussaint a talented running back, but I would believe that this guy is one of those “see how awesome I am at everything” type of guys, and yet too nice to dislike.
I congratulate Mr. Toussaint and your parents for such an awesome name.
Fitzgerald Touissant, possessor of the Greatest Name in the Big Ten. (Photo courtesy of Michigan athletic department, via The Saline Reporter.)
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Was someone left off of this list that you believe should have made it? Chime in with a comment!
