Monday Night Football Drinking Game: Week 1

Football is back.

Wait, I don’t think I conveyed my enthusiasm adequately there. Let’s try this again…

FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!! FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

That’s more like it!

I, similarly to many folks, like few things more than watching football and drinking ice cold adult beverages. In celebration of those two bastions of American freedom, I have devised a few helpful tips to maximize your good times during this season’s Monday Night Football games.

Why Monday and not Sunday? Because if you treat Monday like a weekend day, it sort of feels like you only have a 4-day work week. Any time I can trick my brain into thinking it is closer to partying, I do.

I’ve created a drinking game to be played during Monday night’s NFL doubleheader (Bengals vs. Ravens and Chargers vs. Raiders), and I promise if you stick with me you’ll have a blast no matter how the actual game turns out.

[Disclaimer: The suggestions and drinking game in this post are meant to be fun and liven up your football viewing experience. It is extremely important, however, that you drink responsibly. Know your personal limits, don't drive after drinking, and of course, only imbibe if you are of legal drinking age. Take care of yourselves and enjoy.]

Getting Started

To prepare, you’ll need to do the following things:

Find a fun environment to watch the games.

A house with a great TV setup and ample seating for guests is ideal, but a local bar with a fun atmosphere will work too (just remember to have a designated driver).

 

Secure plenty of beverages of your choice.

I always opt for really trashy beers of the sort you’ll see advertised during the game, but feel free to get creative. Just make sure that you have enough. You don’t want to have to make a drink run during a crucial part of the game.

Stock up on snacks.

You can also have guests bring along snacks to help make a diverse spread. As the drinks flow, you and your guests are sure to need to balance things out with some quality food.

Invite people who want to have fun.

This is the most important part. If you don’t have good company to share the evening with, what fun is a drinking game?

Make the necessary arrangements with work.

If you intend to get really wild on Monday night, it is wise to not let it interfere with your job. For the truly committed NFL partiers, see if you can arrive a little later. You don’t want to be miserable for an entire work day just because some of my absurd drinking game rules came through.

Have plenty of headache medicine, water or Gatorade, and energy drinks available for the morning.

This is standard protocol for hangover defense.

Again, respect your limitations.

It is great to get wild and party hard, but make sure you don’t overdo it. This is especially important this week, as we have double the action to watch.

Monday Night Football Drinking Game Part 1: Bengals vs. Ravens

[Click here to see Steve's Ravens-Bengals MNF preview.]

Take one drink each time one of the following things happen:

• The NFL is referred to as “The National Football League”
• Jon Gruden uses the phrase “This guy…”
• Any mention of Art Modell
• Stephen Strasburg is mentioned
• The Reds or Nationals are mentioned
• Chad Ochocinco is mentioned (this should probably be two drinks, actually)
• Any Bengal not named A.J. Green records a reception
• Anytime Ray Lewis’ leadership is discussed
• The announcers criticize the NFL’s replacement referees
• Carson Palmer is mentioned, despite not playing in the game
• Tim Tebow is mentioned, despite not playing in the game nor ever playing for any of the teams involved in this week’s MNF
• Bernard Pollard knocks a Bengals player out of the game
• Billy Cundiff’s missed field goal from the 2011 AFC Championship game is shown
• Each time Ray Rice makes a reception
• Every time a kickoff results in a touchback
• Peyton Manning is mentioned
• Any personal foul penalty is committed
• Ray Lewis’ involvement in a murder trial in 2000 is mentioned (just kidding, the media never mentions that when talking about Ray Lewis)
• Any time one of Andy Dalton’s nicknames – The Red Rifle, Roadhouse, Shawshank, or 007 – is used
• Haloti Ngata makes a sack or tackle for loss
• A Bengals lineman gets an offensive holding penalty

Monday Night Football Drinking Game Part 2: Chargers vs. Raiders

Take one drink each time each of the following things happen:

• The NFL is referred to as “The National Football League”
• Any mention of Al Davis
• Any mention or on-screen appearance of LaDainian Tomlinson
• Any time Philip Rivers taunts Raiders players or fans
• Reggie McKenzie is shown on screen
• Carson Palmer throws an interception or misses a receiver by more than 5 yards
• A Raiders offensive lineman commits a false start penalty
• Robert Meachem records a reception of less than 20 yards
• Tim Tebow or Peyton Manning are mentioned, despite neither of them playing in the game or ever playing for either team in this game
• The announcers criticize the NFL’s replacement referees
• Chris Berman makes a pop culture reference that is more than 30 years old
• Chris Berman refers to a player by a nickname he created himself
• Chris Berman says “THHHEEEEEEE RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAIIIIIIDDDEEEERRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!!! in that awful way he always does
• Seriously, just drink a ton because Chris Berman is unbearable and announcing a NFL game
• Norv Turner’s face is shown in a closeup (warning: vomit alert)
• The Chargers record a sack (double if the defender isn’t touched by the Raiders on his way to the quarterback)
• Any personal foul penalty is committed
• Sebastian Janikowski’s bare gut is exposed
• Shane Lechler makes a punt of 50+ yards
• Antonio Gates records a reception
• The speed of Darrius Heyward-Bey, Jacoby Ford or Denarius Moore are mentioned
• Terrelle Pryor is on the field for an offensive play
• Norv Turner or A.J. Smith’s job security is discussed

The Outcome

If you follow this set of drinking rules, I think you will have a great time and become sufficiently inebriated. With two games, the chances of getting really drunk are well within reach.

Postgame Breathalyzer Prediction: .18 (so for goodness sakes use a D.D. or crash on your buddy’s couch.)

I will be watching the games and taking note of how many drinks come out of this game, so check back next week for the next drinking game and a recap of the results of this one.

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Follow me on Twitter @keithmullett

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Image credits: bengalbombsquad.com, doin-work.com, dimensionsinfo.com

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