If you’re like me, you love being able to take advantage of the summer months by getting out to some of your favorite golf courses and teeing it up as often as possible.
Unfortunately in the Midwest, Indiana specifically, the heat and the drought have been enough to keep people away from the links, sending them into a sad, depressed state.
So I am going to channel my golf excitement into something productive: a few ideas that won’t help your golf game, but will introduce you to some good excuses for your bad play.
If you’re like me, you’ve never played a bad round of golf, you’ve just had too many “things” come up during your round. Here are seven excuses that will dismiss you from ever playing a bad round again.
Well, at least when you tell your friends.
7. “I had way too much beer”
This is always a valid argument, as you typically enjoy a few refreshing beverages when you are on the course playing with your friends.
While you could use this excuse to explain your bad round, it’s always a good idea to steer clear of this argument. You don’t want your friends to think you can’t handle your booze, especially when they’ve had just as much as you.
Use this only as a last resort.
6. “My GPS isn’t working right”
With technology the way it is today, people commonly break out their golf GPS or distance application on their smart phone to get an idea of exactly how far they stand from the flag.
Personally, I do not have one of these nor do I ever want to own one. I am just fine with the old eyeball test.
If you are one of those people that owns something that gives you the distance to green, be sure to let people know that it must have been broken or giving you the wrong distances to explain a poor round of 18 holes.
It won’t help you explain those 12 times you sliced it into the woods, but every time you leave it short or shoot it past the hole, you’ve got an argument.
5. “I was in a hurry”
This isn’t often a good one to use because it has to be executed. If you want to claim you were in a hurry (which everyone should know is a flat out lie) you will have to skip the 19th hole bar and lunch with your friends to hurry back home, otherwise you’re caught in a lie.
But this excuse can be executed deftly midway through the round, if you’re good.
If you’re already through six holes and things aren’t looking promising, tell your buddies you got a message from your wife, fiance, or girlfriend saying to be home immediately after the round for an urgent situation. When you get to hole 17, tell them you got another message explaining everything was fine and to enjoy the rest of the day.
Now you’ve got an excuse and you don’t have to pass up lunch and a few post-round beverages with friends!
4. “I hit the ball well, my putting was just awful”
This is my most favorite argument, usually because it’s true.
Many times you’ll hear players like me say, “Well, I was hitting the ball great, I just couldn’t putt for the life of me.” While it isn’t untrue, it’s still a facet of the game that should be perfected.
It is fascinating to me, really. Golfers can go out; reach a Par 5 hole in two shots and four-putt their way to a bogey and not many will claim you look terrible. On the flip side, if it takes someone six strokes to reach the green but knocks in a 42-foot putt, they still “aren’t very good.”
This is an argument that should never let you down. Use it often, especially if it’s true.
3. “I’ve never played this course before”
As if playing a new course accounts for your inability to correct your 25-yard “draw” that you play.
However, when hitting it into the water, landing in the sand trap, finding the woods, or putting poorly, this is an excellent excuse. If you’re the new guy to the course, fellow golfers are more willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about your score, unless they actually saw you play the round.
This is an excellent reason for a poor score, but can only be used occasionally. Only use this excuse when you’re actually playing the course for the first time, or, when with a group of friends who have never played with you at a particular course.
2. “It’s my first time playing this season”
Again, another great reason for a bad scorecard, but you must pick-and-choose when you use this argument.
When it’s your first time playing for the year, people expect you to hit a few worm-burners or slice it into the woods a few times, which is why it is great justification for a bad game of golf.
If you have several friends or groups of friends that you can play with, I would suggest doing so. When it is all said-and-done, you could end up using this excuse for your bad round about eight different times, which is fine by me.
Just keep it a secret from your other friends when you’re playing, that way they don’t catch on to the lie.
1. “I don’t have MY clubs today”
This is the best argument in the book, especially if you have access to several sets of golf clubs.
Why? Everyone buys it.
Just because you have several sets of clubs doesn’t mean you have to use them all. You just have to make sure your friends know you have different sets.
When playing poorly, you can always drop in the line, “Oh, that’s why…”
To which your friends should respond, “what?”
The correct answer would be “I left MY clubs at home, this is the set I USED to play with.”
If they question you, deny. Be sure they know that you’re other set of clubs is definitely the one you predominantly use and these “old pieces of junk,” are no good. No matter what clubs you use, you should be fine to use this argument several times, as long as you bring a different bag.
The statement “Darn it, I put the clubs back in the wrong bag after I cleaned them up,” would always be another good comment to throw in if you play with the same people on multiple occasions. While it has to be thought out well, people are always understanding of a bad round if someone doesn’t have their clubs.
So there you have it, the seven best excuses to use for your awful golf game and why you continue to turn in scores of over 100.
Now, get out there, play some golf, and make some great excuses!