Jay Cutler Dominates: A Modest Proposal For A ‘Jay Cutler Show’

My morning routine consists of waking up, going to my calendar and counting down the days until Jay Cutler returns to kick some Green Bay Packer ass, ironing my Cutler jersey, turning on ESPN, and, before I leave, giving thanks to a shrine of Mike Ditka.

When I was watching ESPN First Take this morning all I heard was Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless yelling at each other over how awesome Tim Tebow was. My first thought was “I wish I could yell about sports and get paid for it.”

Then I wondered, if there’s a show about how awesome Tebow is, like First Take, why isn’t there one for how awesome Jay Cutler is?

I mean, how does a player who has never won anything get more airtime than a player who has also never won anything?

I don’t think that that’s very fair, and I think it’s time for a change.

I am proposing, starting instantly, an hour long TV show solely dedicated to screaming, ranting, and raving about the awesomeness of Jay Cutler. ESPN does this for Lebron, Tebow, and Tiger Woods. Two of those guys have just as many championships as Cutler, so I see no reason why Cutler isn’t as deserving as those guys.

The anchor, of course, would be me, and it would be like every other sports show on TV. We’d watch every touchdown pass thrown by Cutler to Dane Sanzenbacher, every hand-off to Matt Forte that leads to a touchdown, and invite fans on to add their opinions…only to berate them with insults and derogatory statements.

I’ve already gotten permission and support from Cutty himself.*  The worship of Cutler is growing every day. Let’s show the world we can scream and yell about our favorite player too.

*I’ve tweeted to him several times asking for support…and he’s never answered; everyone knows that no response is practically a yes. 

About Tyler Juranovich

Tyler Juranovich is an Indiana native, a Ball State student, and a senior writer for MSF, where he's been writing about Chicago sports since 2009. His favorite teams are the Chicago Blackhawks and Bears. He's also a lover of reading, music, and movies. Follow him on Twitter (@tylerjuranovich) or email him at tyler.juranovich@gmail.com


  1. Kevin Grace1985 says:

    Nobody cares about Jay Cutler. He is uninteresting. The Bears not going to kick Packers ass. Rodgers just won the MVP. Packers are going to kick Bears ass. The difference from Tebow/Tiger/James to Cutler is that Tebow/Tiger/Lebron are interesting. Correction on the article: Tiger has won 14 Majors. Get your facts straight

    • #cuttydoesit says:

      he said 2/3 havent won championships btw. tiger=1, lebron+tebow=2, therefore 2 have same number of championships as cutler. also, this article is satire. learn to humor.

      ps   speaking of satire. i like that your name has 1985 in it and yet you dont support the bears kicking green bay ass.

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