Jay Cutler Dominates: Are You Suffering From Jay Cutler Deficiency Disorder? I Am…

These past four weeks have been absolutely terrible if you’re an avid Jay Cutler fan like myself.

Not only has the “great one” been sidelined with a very serious and dangerous thumb injury that could have cost Cutler his life (or at least his ability to give his fiancee Kristen Cavallari thumbs up or thumbs down on potential outfits), but the Bears, while still remaining the greatest team in the NFL, have dropped four straight and will most likely miss the playoffs.

This had me feeling really blue for the past few weeks, and after the Bears’ loss to the Seahwawks last Sunday, I went to the doctors’ office to see what was wrong. The doctor said it was quite clear what I had: Jay Cutler Deficiency Disorder.

The doctor said “The lack of Jay Cutler’s presence on the field has put you into a what is called a ‘Cutty come back’ depression. I’ve seen a lot of cases like yours in the past few weeks. People come here and think the world is over. Most recover, but some never forgive Cutler for putting them through this.”

Symptoms include:

  • Constantly asking why Cutler had to get hurt.
  • Continued feelings of hopelessness.
  • Blaming Caleb Hanie for everything that goes wrong.
  • Random outbursts of curse words directed at the TV.
  • Threatening to never watch “those idiots” again.

I said “Thanks doc, but is there anything you could give me to make me feel better in the meantime?”

He then proceeded to hand me a videotape and told me to watch it whenever I started feeling really blue again. I drove home and immediately put in the tape. It was this seasons’ collection of every Jay Cutler pass, from the  touchdown passes to Dane Sanzenbacher, to the domination of the Green Packers (those losers finally lost a game!), to the telling of Mike Martz to “F**k off.”

It was great. I had finally gotten my fix of Cutler that I had been void of for so long. Then I realized: as long as Jay Cutler dominates, there’s a reason to wake up every morning.



About Tyler Juranovich

Tyler Juranovich is an Indiana native, a Ball State student, and a senior writer for MSF, where he's been writing about Chicago sports since 2009. His favorite teams are the Chicago Blackhawks and Bears. He's also a lover of reading, music, and movies. Follow him on Twitter (@tylerjuranovich) or email him at tyler.juranovich@gmail.com


  1. My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from
    PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.

    But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress
    on numerous websites for about a year and am
    anxious about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about blogengine.net.
    Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it?
    Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

  2. You ought to take part in a contest for one of the finest sites online. I’m going to highly recommend this site!

  3. I just want to mention I am all new to blogging and site-building and absolutely enjoyed your web-site. Almost certainly I’m likely to bookmark your site . You surely have fantastic stories. With thanks for revealing your website page.

  4. What’s up friends, pleasant post and fastidious urging commented at this place, I am truly enjoying by these.

  5. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your blog. You have some really good posts and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an e-mail if interested. Regards!

  6. whoah this blog is wonderful i love studying your posts. Stay up the good paintings! You know, a lot of people are searching around for this information, you could aid them greatly.

  7. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

Speak Your Mind