“If the Vikings lose this game I’m never watching them again.”
The above line, spoken by my father, is the first memory I have from watching Minnesota Vikings football.
From what I remember, Warren Moon was the quarterback so I was somewhere around five years old at the time. I also remember that the Vikings did indeed lose that game, yet the next weekend my dad was back on the couch watching the Vikings.
“If you are going to be a Vikings fan, you better get used to it. This happens to them all the time.”
Another quote from my dad. It came on January 17, 1999 after the Atlanta Falcons defeated the Vikings to advance to Super Bowl XXXIII. I was eight years old and experiencing my first season as a diehard Vikings fan. I could not have picked a better team.
I would cut out pictures of Randy Moss, Cris Carter, John Randle and crew and save them in a drawer. I memorized useless stats and repeated them to nausea. I convinced myself that they lost their only game against Tampa Bay because my mom made me leave before the game was over and I couldn’t watch the end.
My dad and his friend literally laughed at me after that game. That’s all they could do: tell me my favorite team in the whole world is doomed and will never win anything as long as I live and then just walk away laughing and shaking their head.
Eight years old is a very young age to realize your team is doomed. Getting a reminder 11 years later doesn’t help. At this point, I’m used to the Vikings losing in crazy and ridiculous ways.
But the past three weeks? Seriously. What the fuck? Just thinking about having to watch this piece of shit team for three hours on Sunday legitimately makes me angry.
During halftime against the Lions my mom asked me if the Vikings would be able to hold on to a 20-point lead and win this time. A 20 POINT LEAD!!!
My answer: probably not.
The worst part is that I was right.
It is one thing to expect a bad thing to happen, but when it actually comes true the exact way you thought it might? Devastating.
I’ve never been so disgusted in a team before in my life.
Minnesota Vikings v Kansas City Chiefs Preview
I strongly considered just writing “Fuck this team”, giving a score prediction, putting it in the Funny section, then turning this in to Jerod for this week’s preview.
There isn’t much to say. There is no explanation to what has happened in the second half over the last three weeks. Not one single player has produced after halftime. Same goes for the coaching staff.
Apparently halftime adjustments are for losers and nerds.Sticking with the same game plan for the whole game is cool. It’s non-mainstream. A semi-hipster approach to the game of football if you will.
I’m waiting for the day when Chris Kluwe comes out to punt with glasses on listening to his iPod and smoking a cigarette then kicks the ball away with his left foot and just walks off the field.
Thankfully this week the Vikings are playing a terrible Kansas City team that has been full of injuries already in this short season. The Chiefs might put up a fight however; they are coming off a strong second half against San Diego and will be playing at home.
Best Case Scenario:
Kansas City forfeits the second half and Jared Allen is able to get away with the double murder of Carl Peterson and Clark Hunt. Vikings win 27-3 after the game is called at halftime due to a suspected gunman in the stadium, only he is never caught. Donovan McNabb doesn’t show up to the game and Joe Webb plays like he did against Philadelphia last year.
Worst Case Scenario:
The second half of the football game is played and the Vikings shit the bed again. Jared Allen actually gets caught and spends the next 40 years in jail. Donovan McNabb shows up and plays. Chiefs win 30-27.
Official Vikings-Chiefs Prediction:
I get drunk and miss the only second half of football the Vikings play this year in which they maintain a lead. Jared Allen has the game of his life, Adrian Peterson touches the ball more than twice in the second half, and the Vikings win 27-17.
- Vikings-Chiefs Spread Pick: Vikings -2
- Vikings-Chiefs Over-Under Pick: Over
Vikings-Chiefs Game Info:
- Vikings-Chiefs Date: Sunday, October 2nd
- Vikings-Chiefs Kickoff Time: 1:00 pm
- Vikings-Chiefs TV: FOX
- Vikings-Chiefs Announcers: Chris Myers and Tim Ryan
- Vikings-Chiefs Point Spread: Vikings -2
- Vikings-Chiefs Over-Under: 39.5