After the success I had with my first Excruciating Rundown of The Worst Commercials on TV, and considering the fact that companies are still airing horrible commercials, I have decided to do a part 2 of this series.
I was very surprised that it got so many hits. A few days after it was posted, I went to check how many views it had and my reaction was similar to Warren the Ape’s was when he saw Chauncey the Bear’s manhood.
I am now more experienced this time in the department of bad commercials, and I have done more research than in my last post.
I have also been listening to my readers comments and some of their requests. Oddly enough it seems like 60% of those comments were about how hot people thought Flo from Progressive was.
Lets just leave that as that.
Another reader (not saying names but you know who you are) said, “Who voted Brandon Onda a critic of commercials anyways?”
You know who did?
I did, because I write whatever the eff I want . . . that doesn’t get edited out by my editor.
Well now that that’s cleared up, let’s start list #2.
Adidas Mega Dinner Commercial
In the beginning of this commercial we see some teenagers walk into a diner. The camera only focuses on one of the kids and…wait! He looks familiar. Oh yeah, of course; it’s that kid from The Hard Times of RJ Berger.
And he found a hairstyle that is just as lame as his is on the show.
When they sit down a waitress comes by and asks what she can get for them. RJ, trying to sound hip, says he wants “something with style”, and he “wants to shake it up till it pops.”
Wait what did he say? “I want to shake it up till it pops” has to be the lamest thing ever said on a commercial. He ends his conversation by saying he “wants the biggest, baddest, freshest thing you got.”
Really Adidas? I know your trying to sound hip and cool but in reality your Nike’s lame, European, soccer-playing cousin. Plus we never found out what was the “biggest, baddest, freshest thing they got.”
Was it that black and red shoe? Come on, I have defiantly seen bigger, badder, and fresher things then that.
Here is the video, in all it’s lameness:
The only decent thing about the commercial is that B.O.B song “Magic” is featured in it.
This commercial sucks; but don’t worry Adidas, things could be worse: at least you’re not Converse.
Montel Williams’ Money Mutual Commercial
Former talk show host Montel Williams is back and he knows how you can get cash fast. You can do it with a company called Money Mutual.
This commercial sucks because it’s on all the time and it’s one of those get cash fast commercials that has kept on popping up since the recession.
The biggest mistake this commercial makes is they open with a easy joke for the viewer.
It’s not “Hi, I’m Montel Williams.” It’s “Would an extra $1000 dollars come in handy right now?” Isn’t that a meaningless, rhetorical question?
Plus c’mon Montel, your better then this. Plus it just looks weird, like seeing Patrick Ewing in a Magic jersey.
But let’s move on. We have more horrible commercials to get to.
Geico Commercials with Gecko and CEO
I hope they end the Gecko ads soon.
They had to be around for like 7 years now. And while they were alright when they started, they have been around for to long now that I think it’s time to retire the series.
There isn’t much I can say about the ads other than that they are dumb, dried up, and irrelevant just like Paris Hilton.
But I don’t feel like talking about this anymore, here a video and let’s just move on.
Joe Montana’s Shape Ups Commercial
This commercial is a classic example of someone who is just there for the money and doesn’t care how well he performs. Just like what Stephon Marbury did for every team he played for.
I’m not the first person to show my hatred for these commercials either; The Onion wrote a funny piece about it earlier.
Watch…and suffer:
Something seemed familiar about those two commercials, and what I mean is I think we have seen a Hall of Fame quarterback come back to the NFL and been seen practicing with high school kids.
OH MY GOD! I get it now! The Minnesota Vikings were trying to send subliminal messages to Brett Favre to try to convince him to return!
If Joe could play that well in Shape Ups, then Brett could even do better, right?
Both commercials where released before Farve’s returned this season, and I’m pretty sure Rachael Nichols reported that she found a pair of Shape Ups in Brett Favre’s house in Mississippi when she was looking for evidence to see if he would return.
Lets just hope for the Vikings’ sake that Shape Ups helps heal surgically-repaired ankles.
Kia Soul Hamster Commercial
A reader said that this should have made the first list, and he’s correct…because the KIA Soul Hamsters ad has to be the dumbest, most confusing, and most frightening commercial on TV.
Here is the minute long version:
Wow. So many questions, like…
- Why are there hamsters in this commercial?
- Why does this commercial take place in the ‘hood?
- Why are they rapping? Why are other hamsters driving boxes and toasters?
- Why are there hip hop dancing girl hamsters in mini skirts shakin’ their booty?
Also. what the demographic of people there trying to sell this to? People who like hamsters? Just hamsters? Urban hamsters? Rapping Hamsters? People who like putting hamsters in toasters? Or the 0.0000021% of the world’s population that are attracted to booty shakin’ female hamsters?
First off, the Kia Soul is an ugly car and unlike in the commercial no one’s jaw is going to hit the floor when you see in it. I’m talking about people, hamsters might be a different story.
Plus, didn’t seeing the hamster lips move freak you out a bit? It freaked me out and I could barely stop myself from yelling OH CRAP!
Another idiotic part is when the lead rapper says you can either get with this (Kia Soul) get with or that (a toaster that can drive).
Wow that’s tough choice. Oh, but wait! The rapping hamster gives us two more choices! A cardboard box that you have to move with your feet Fred Flintstone style or a washing machine.
Well I guess I’m going to take the Soul, plus I heard it’s the biggest, baddest, freshest, thing they got.
The only thing I liked in this commercial was the stoned out hamster drummer at the 19 second mark.
Well that’s it for Part 2. If there are any commercials that you think missed the list, or if there is any topic you want to request for another list in the future, just leave a comment below.
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Email me at onda2531@gmail.com
