Memo to Morons: Stop F’ing with The Mullet

Why on God’s green Earth would anyone mess with Jared Allen?

Seriously?

The guy 6’6, 270 pounds of insane behemoth with the strength of a right tackle and more speed than most fullbacks. And I did mention he’s probably insane?

Well, thanks to @thebiglead, always a good source of morning Twitter tips, we now have confirmation that some idiot at a bar decided it would be a good idea to mess with Jaren Allen’s girl.

All I have to say to this clearly clueless moron (and to Vikings fans): you’re lucky…very lucky…because this could have ended badly.

Video: Jared Allen Verbally Attacks (Probably) Deserving Moron


You have to love how the video starts out:

I’ll break your f–king neck homeboy!

I have a feeling that many a left tackle has heard the same thing on a Sunday afternoon?

Keep in mind that the stakes are pretty high here, as they are any time Jared Allen walks into a bar.

jared-allen-bar-videoAllen, who has already been in trouble with the NFL on numerous occasions for alcohol-related offenses, is clearly at some type of watering hole where we can safely assume there are adult beverages served and consumed. From the video, it is impossible to tell if Allen had been drinking. And don’t think that a little bit of rage means he’s drunk…unless you think he’s drunk every Sunday.

Clearly Allen is agitated about something that was said to his girlfriend, and assuming there wasn’t some type of misunderstanding, can you really blame him for taking the (probably) drunk and (probably) idiotic guy to task?

He’s Jared F–king Allen. If you’re dumb enough to mess with him or his girlfriend, the best you should hope for is a little verbal assault.

Or maybe someone said something bad about Brett Favre. Jared Allen might be wearing the Wranglers Favre got him. I’m sure he’d defend the old man’s honor too.

Unfortunately, we do not get to see how this episode ended, which I’m sure resulted in a more mellow and mature Allen than in years past walking away steamed but at least not putting his 2010 season in jeopardy.

Vikings fans – and the douche bag who said something about his girl – can now exhale.



About Jerod Morris

I love words. I write for Copyblogger and founded MSF, The Assembly Call, & Primility. I practice yoga, eat well, & strive for balance. I love life. Namaste. Say hi on Twitter, Facebook, & G+.

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  2. [...] Jared Allen is a giant of a giant douchebag with a mullet.  And he’s a supreme redneck.  That means being Mormon and messing with his mullet is a supremely bad idea, and this guy is lucky to have not his maker today.  Which I believe in that religion is Darth Vader or Papa Smurf.  <midwestsportsfans> [...]

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  5. [...] cheater registry? • Could she be any sexier? • Homer tokes it up • 15 smoking hotties • Awesome Jared Allen bar fight • 6 Beer pong teams you’ll play This entry was posted on Friday, April 23rd, 2010 [...]

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