Ladies, this handome devil would like a word with you…alone…in the restroom

I think all the women out there would agree that Ben Roethlisberger – who looks more and more like his last name sounds with each passing year – is a svelte, chiseled, Adonis of a studmuffin.

Why else would impressionable young women continue joining him in public restrooms for X-rated games of Straddle the Porcelain? (What, you thought the Georgia case was the only one?)

Seriously, what burgeoning young coed could possibly resist this face.

ben-roethlisberger-douche

Photo credit: The Big Lead

No?

What’s that you say? Big Ben is not Cary Grant reincarnated? He couldn’t win Brad Pitt look-a-like contest? Could have fooled me.

So you’re telling me he gets chicks to skip into the restroom with him because of alcohol and the fact that he’s a famous quarterback? Seriously? That works?

Damn…I should have gone to more football camps when I was younger.

I can pull off the chubby and turdly thing; if only I could throw a football I’d have the three elements of the Tao of Roethlisberger down.

So here’s the lesson guys: you can be despised by your teammates, renowned as a douche, and look like Jeremy Shockey’s jealous uncle…and still get some…as long as you win a couple of Super Bowls and give girls a few shots.

But just remember: no means no, even in public restrooms, and even if it’s a star-struck, tipsy college girl.

I know we all want to Be Like Ben, but try to leave the comparisons at the bathroom door.

Update: This just in – Ben Roethlisberger’s a tool. This also just in – he lost a sponsor today. Also, for the record, I don’t like Ben Roethlisberger or the Steelers, if you couldn’t tell.



About Jerod Morris

I love words. I write for Copyblogger and founded MSF, The Assembly Call, & Primility. I practice yoga, eat well, & strive for balance. I love life. Namaste. Say hi on Twitter, Facebook, & G+.

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