I think all the women out there would agree that Ben Roethlisberger – who looks more and more like his last name sounds with each passing year – is a svelte, chiseled, Adonis of a studmuffin.
Why else would impressionable young women continue joining him in public restrooms for X-rated games of Straddle the Porcelain? (What, you thought the Georgia case was the only one?)
Seriously, what burgeoning young coed could possibly resist this face.
Photo credit: The Big Lead
No?
What’s that you say? Big Ben is not Cary Grant reincarnated? He couldn’t win Brad Pitt look-a-like contest? Could have fooled me.
So you’re telling me he gets chicks to skip into the restroom with him because of alcohol and the fact that he’s a famous quarterback? Seriously? That works?
Damn…I should have gone to more football camps when I was younger.
I can pull off the chubby and turdly thing; if only I could throw a football I’d have the three elements of the Tao of Roethlisberger down.
So here’s the lesson guys: you can be despised by your teammates, renowned as a douche, and look like Jeremy Shockey’s jealous uncle…and still get some…as long as you win a couple of Super Bowls and give girls a few shots.
But just remember: no means no, even in public restrooms, and even if it’s a star-struck, tipsy college girl.
I know we all want to Be Like Ben, but try to leave the comparisons at the bathroom door.
Update: This just in – Ben Roethlisberger’s a tool. This also just in – he lost a sponsor today. Also, for the record, I don’t like Ben Roethlisberger or the Steelers, if you couldn’t tell.
About Jerod Morris
