The Greatest Name in NFL Draft History and a List of the All-Time #1 Overall NFL Draft Picks

Yesterday, I attempted a serious discussion about the history of underclassmen QBs who have been picked in the first round of the NFL Draft. Needless to say, the history of such QBs is far more infamous than it is famous; and unfortunately for many NFL fans, a number of teams appear poised to draft Matthew Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freeman (all juniors) in the first round of the 2009 Draft.

With yesterday’s post I feel like I made a pretty significant deposit into the “serious sports talk” bank account that we like to maintain here at Midwest Sports Fans. And that can only mean one thing: it’s time to become a “real” sports fan for a moment and dabble in something juvenile, immature, and sophomoric.

Thus, it gives me great pleasure on this fine Wednesday morning to present you with the greatest name in the history of the NFL Draft:

That’s right. Dickless Riffle. A back out of Albright chosen with the 12th overall pick by the Philadelphia Eagles. (So…do you think when Eagles call T.O. “dickless” that they are really just paying homage to their old time second-round pick? No? Okay, me either.) I defy you to find another name that even comes close to packing the humor, irony, and complete ridiculousness of this one.

It should be noted that I looked for secondary confirmation of the existence of Dickless Riffle. However, all I was able to find was another website that had essentially just copy/pasted the Wikipedia table for the 1938 draft. So I’m trusting Wikipedia that Dickless Riffle is not just someone’s idea of a joke inconspicuously slipped into a random draft chart from the Early Era of the NFL, found only because of freak sports bloggers who research this stuff at 12:30 in the morning.

As you will see below, the genesis for this post was actually something legitimate and informative. We have created a table listing the #1 overall draft pick for every professional football draft since 1936. During the course of going to the Wikipedia page for each individual draft to get all of the information I needed for the table, I stumbled across more than a few interesting names. Without question, Dickless Riffle is the greatest.

How in the hell do you get a name like Dickless? I have to assume that it did not have the same context back then that it does now. Or perhaps his name was Richardfewer and he just wanted to shorten it. Or perhaps his parents really wanted a girl and simply could not accept the fact that little Dickless had man parts, so they gave him a name in hopes that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It would make a great band name, don’t you think? Or a stage name for an effeminate male singer who wears tight pants and hits high notes with ease. I can see the marquee now: Dickless Riffle and the Morsels of Tenderness, like tonight at The Vogue.

And I’ve officially taken this too far.

Anyway, before we jump into the all-time list of #1 overall NFL draft picks, here are a few other names from the Early Era of the NFL that I thought were…entertaining:

• Bill Shakespeare (1936 NFL Draft – Round 1 – Pittsburgh Steelers)
• Dick Crayne (1936 – Round 1 – Brooklyn Dodgers)
• Pepper Constable (1936 – Round 8 – Philadelphia Eagles)
• Dick Plasman (1937 NFL Draft – Round 3 – Chicago Bears)
• Byron “Whizzer” White (1938 NFL Draft – Round 1 – Pittsburgh Pirates) — Is this guy related to Onterrio Smith?
• Kelly Moan (1938 – Round 7 – New York Giants)
• Dick Nardi (1938 – Round 8 – Detroit Lions)
• Dick Johnston (1938 – Round 11 – Washington Redskins) – one letter away from being the polar opposite of Dickless Riffle.
• Bill Daddio (1939 NFL Draft – Round 5 – Chicago Cardinals)
• Dick Farman (1939 – Round 16 – Washington Redskins)
• Dick Favor (1940 NFL Draft – Round 3 – Philadelphia Eagles) – The question becomes what is the difference between a Dick Favor and a Dickless Riffle? They sound like complete opposites to me.
• Cary Cox (1940 – Round 11 – Pittsburgh Steelers) – Umm…once again, the complete opposite of Dickless Riffle. But it would certainly help out with a Dick Favor.
• Earl Fullilove (1941 NFL Draft – Round 19 – Washington Redskins)
• Jack Hunt (1942 NFL Draft – Round 13 – Chicago Bears)
• Dick Wildung (1943 NFL Draft – Round 1 – Green Bay Packers)
• Bob Coutchie (1943 – Round 21 – Brooklyn Dodgers)

Yep, that seems like a good one to end on.

My goodness, who knew that the old school NFL drafts were such a rich source of humor? I had no idea. Anyway, I have to cut myself off there as actual work beckons.

Before I go, here is the all-time list of #1 overall NFL draft picks. My apologies for diverting so far off track from what this post was originally intended to be. But come on — Dickless Riffle? It was just too much ignore.

NFL Draft History: All-Time List of #1 Overall Picks

Year	Team	Player	College
	MODERN ERA
2009	Detroit Lions	???	???
2008	Miami Dolphins	OL - Jake Long	Michigan
2007	Oakland Raiders	QB - JaMarcus Russell	LSU
2006	Houston Texans	DL - Mario Williams	NC State
2005	San Francisco 49ers	QB - Alex Smith	Utah
2004	San Diego Chargers	QB - Eli Manning	Ole Miss
2003	Cincinnati Bengals	QB - Carson Palmer	USC
2002	Houston Texans	QB - David Carr	Fresno State
2001	Atlanta Falcons	QB - Michael Vick	Virginia Tech
2000	Cleveland Browns	DL - Courtney Brown	Penn State
1999	Cleveland Browns	QB - Tim Couch	Kentucky
1998	Indianapolis Colts	QB - Peyton Manning	Tennessee
1997	St. Louis Rams	OL - Orlando Pace	Ohio State
1996	New York Jets	WR - Keyshawn Johnson	USC
1995	Cincinnati Bengals	RB - Ki-Jana Carter	Penn State
1994	Cincinnati Benglals	DL - Dan Wilkinson	Ohio State
1993	New England Patriots	QB - Drew Bledsoe	Washington State
1992	Indianapolis Colts	DL - Steve Emtman	Washington
1991	Dallas Cowboys	DL - Russell Maryland	Miami (FL)
1990	Indianapolis Colts	QB - Jeff George	Illinois
1989	Dallas Cowboys	QB - Troy Aikman	UCLA
1988	Atlanta Falcons	LB - Aundray Bruce	Auburn
1987	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	QB - Vinny Testaverde	Miami (FL)
1986	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	RB - Bo Jackson	Auburn
1985	Buffalo Bills	DL - Bruce Smith	Virginia Tech
1984	New England Patriots	WR - Irving Fryar	Nebraska
1983	Baltimore Colts	QB - John Elway	Stanford
1982	New England Patriots	DL - Kenneth Sims	Texas
1981	New Orleans Saints	RB - George Rogers	South Carolina
1980	Detroit Lions	RB - Billy Sims	Oklahoma
1979	Buffalo Bills	LB - Tom Cousineau	Ohio State
1978	Houston Oilers	RB - Earl Campbell	Texas
1977	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	RB - Ricky Bell	USC
1976	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	DL - Lee Roy Selmon	Oklahoma
1975	Atlanta Falcons	QB - Steve Bartkowski	California
1974	Dallas Cowboys	DL - Ed "Too Tall" Jones	Tennessee State
1973	Houston Oilers	DL - John Matuszak	Tampa
1972	Buffalo Bills	DL - Walt Patulski	Notre Dame
1971	New England Patriots	QB - Jim Plunkett	Stanford
1970	Pittsburgh Steelers	QB - Terry Bradshaw	Louisiana Tech
	COMMON DRAFT
1969	Buffalo Bills	RB - O.J. Simpson	USC
1968	Minnesota Vikings	DL - Ron Yary	USC
1967	Baltimore Colts	DL - Charles "Bubba" Smith	Michigan State
	AFL & NFL ERA
1966	Atlanta Falcons	LB - Tommy Nobis	Texas
1965	New York Giants	RB - Tucker Frederickson	Auburn
1964	San Francisco 49ers	DL - Dave Parks	Texas Tech
1963	Los Angeles Rams	RB - Terry Baker	Oregon State
1962	Washington Redskins	RB - Ernie Davis	Syracuse
1961	Minnesota Vikings	RB - Tommy Mason	Tulane
1960	Los Angeles Rams	RB - Billy Cannon	LSU
	EARLY ERA
1959	Green Bay Packers	QB - Randy Duncan	Iowa
1958	Chicago Cardinals	QB - King Hill	Rice
1957	Green Bay Packers	HB - Paul Hornung	Notre Dame
1956	Pittsburgh Steelers	QB - Gary Glick	Colorado State
1955	Baltimore Colts	QB - George Shaw	Oregon
1954	Cleveland Browns	QB - Bobby Garrett	Stanford
1953	San Francisco 49ers	DL - Harry Babcock	Georgia
1952	Los Angeles Rams	QB - Bill Wade	Vanderbilt
1951	New York Giants	HB - Kyle Rote	SMU
1950	Detroit Lions	DL - Leon Hart	Notre Dame
1949	Philadelphia Eagles	C - Chuck Bednarik	Pennsylvania
1948	Washington Redskins	HB - Harry Gilmer	Alabama
1947	Chicago Bears	Back - Bob Fenimore	Oklahoma
1946	Boston Yanks	QB - Frank Dancewicz	Notre Dame
1945	Chicago Cardinals	HB - Charley Trippi	Georgia
1944	Boston Yanks	QB - Angelo Bertelli	Notre Dame
1943	Detroit Lions	RB - Frank Sinkwich	Georgia
1942	Pittsburgh Steelers	HB - Bill Dudley	Virginia
1941	Chicago Bears	HB - Tom Harmon	Michigan
1940	Chicago Cardinals	TB - George Cafego	Tennessee
1939	Chicago Cardinals	C - Charles "Ki" Aldrich	TCU
1938	Cleveland Rams	Back - Corbett Davis	Indiana
1937	Philadelphia Eagles	Back - Sam Francis	Nebraska
1936	Philadelphia Eagles	HB - Jay Berwanger	Chicago

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