Breaking News: New White Sox Pitcher Bartolo Colon is Not a Model, Nor a Jockey

Welcome to your Chicago White Sox Spring Training update for February 17, 2009. I made my daily stop at ChiSox.com earlier this morning and was met with the always intriguing voice of manager Ozzie Guillen as the autoplay video started atop the sidebar. Guillen took some time yesterday to talk with reporters about the first workout of the White Sox Spring Traning in Glendale, Arizona.

As usual, Ozzie was his irreverent and comical self.

(Quick aside: I grew up with Bob Knight and obviously am a huge Ozzie Guillen fan. Has any other sports fan ever had the pleasure of following two funnier coaches than these two guys? Certainly there are few coaches who are looser cannons than these two. Either way, Knight and Guillen are endlessly interesting and always entertaining, both in good moods and in bad.)

You can view the video for yourself at ChiSox.com or at this link for when they move it off the homepage (I think — but you may have to install something from Microsoft, and as a newly reformed Mac user, I can absolutely not endorse installing anything from Microsoft; so do so at your own risk). Here is the exchange that particularly caught my ear:

Reporter: Is there anybody besides Colon and Conteras that are on a limited schedule?

Ozzie: We have a couple minor league kids. I don’t know their name – I never will. But no, everybody else is ready to go.

…

Reporter: Do you care about Colon’s weight, how big he is?

Ozzie: Colon was like 350 pounds when he won the Cy Young. I just worried about, you know what I mean – No. He’s not a model. When you’re a model you have to be –- he’s not a jockey, you know what I mean? Colon is like that, he’s always gonna be like that. It surprised me he showed up in better shape than what I thought. He’s in better shape than what I thought. Hopefully we get him ready to go, ready quick enough, and that’s another guy we got to put attention to.

Naturally, Ozzie’s hilarious line about Bartolo Colon not being jockey got me thinking about what it would be like if Bartolo Colon was a jockey. My first thought was: poor horse. My second thought was: this sounds like a job for Photoshop.

And here you go:

As expected, Bartolo’s horse looks like it’s about to buckle under the massive load it is carrying and fall over. And while it would be difficult to find a horse that could carry Bartolo’s tremendous weight, his ability to fire fastballs while riding, to injure the other horses, could help to subdue any down-the-stretch comebacks from competitors. My money’s on Ozzie in this one.

Anyway, now that we have that ridiculousness out of the way, some other interesting links for all of the White Sox fans out there (or for deathly scared fans of other AL Central teams who want to learn more about the 2008 and 2009 AL Central champs).

Ozzie Guillen calls for 1-year suspension for first-time PED offenders — (Chicago Tribune)

Bobby Jenks dismisses allegations in book — (Chicago Tribune)

White Sox invite President Obama to new Spring Training facility in Glendale — (Chicago Sun-Times)

New Spring Training facility leaves Sox players in awe — (Chicago Sun-Times)

Carlos Quentin works to harness frustration — (Chisox.com)

Economy hits White Sox sponsorships — (South Side Sox)

Sample of upcoming White Sox book — (Sox Machine)

White Sox Spring Training 09 Preview — (Spring Training 09 by Tremendous Upside Potential)

Tags: bartolo colon, Chicago White Sox, ozzie guillen, spring training 09

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