Who says Indiana can’t win anything anymore?
Mired in NCAA sanctions and perhaps the worst basketball season in school history, and on the heels of a complete collapse from the football program in 2008, fans of Indiana University have had little to cheer about during the past calendar year.
That all changed this past Saturday night when Miss Indiana Katie Stam became the first Miss America from the Hoosier State in the 88-year history of the pageant.
Her whirlwind weekend did not end Saturday night in Las Vegas, however. We have breaking news here at Midwest Sports Fans that Indiana University head basketball coach Tom Crean immediately called Katie Stam, a communications student at the University of Indianapolis, to offer her a basketball scholarship at IU. Stam, a native of Seymour, immediately accepted the offer.
“We are very excited to be adding Katie Stam to the basketball program here at IU,” said Tom Crean in a statement made up completely out of my own wandering imagination. “One of our goals is to rebuild the proud winning tradition here in Bloomington, and I am confident that having someone on the team who has actually won something will help us do that.”
Crean cited a FoxNews article titled “Indiana Student Crowned Miss America” as his inspiration for offering her a basketball scholarship. When told that the headline was false, and that Stam actually attendeds the University of Indianapolis, Crean appeared undettered — a probable manifestation of his desperation to just get a win…somehow.
Crean and the Hoosiers currently sit at 0-6 in the Big Ten conference after dropping a heartbreaking game to the Minnesota Golden Gophers at home on Sunday. While the difficult season was expected for the Hoosiers, who play 7 freshman, a junior transfer, and a former walk-on among their regulars, it does not mean that it has been any less difficult for IU fans to handle.
“Have I seen her play? No. Will she be eligible to play for us, considering she is a girl? I don’t know. Does she even have any basketball ability? That remains to be seen. But one thing is for sure, unless she he has both of her hands amputated between now and our next game, she should help us cut down on turnovers,” explained Crean.
“I’m sure,” Crean continued, “that Verdell Jones and Daniel Moore will take expection to a girl starting over them, but it will give them a chance to sit and learn a little bit. Heck, Ryan Finkelmeier won’t even play anymore now that we have another guard, but he sprayed his shorts when I told him who his new teammate would be, so at least he’s on board with it.”
Perhaps among the traits that attracted Crean to Katie Stam are the heart, desire, and toughness that she displayed in winning the grueling Miss America competition. Stam fought off a throat infection, laryngitis, and 51 other contestants to be crowned Miss America. She admitted to having trouble sleeping one night last week and even had to take medicine to help her fight the throat infection. Luckily, she got her voice back by Thursday and was able to drop dimes of wisdom like this, which helped her pull out the kind of W that has eluded this year’s Hoosiers:
During the interview portion of the competition she decried the use of performance-enhancing drugs among professional athletes and discussed the definition of glamour. “That beauty that you feel on the inside, it’s that confidence, that radiance inside of you, that’s what glamour is,” Stam said.
In addition, as the picture to the right clearly shows, the other contestants for Miss America (especially Miss Tennessee on the right) would have
rather driven a stake through Stam’s muscular thigh than lost the Miss America crown to her. No doubt, Stam’s perseverence in the face of such competitive pressure is something that Crean feels Stam will add to the Hoosiers this season. Additionally, Hoosier legend Bob Knight would clearly be impressed by Katie Stam’s game face.
“Look, we’re getting desperate here. We all knew this season would be trying, but we keep coming so damn close and just can’t figure out a way to win. Katie Stam may not be able to shoot, she may be female, she may not even go to school at IU, but at least she’s won something. That’s more than we can say about our guys right now, and hopefully the winning attitude she displayed Saturday night will rub off on the team,” explained Crean.”
“Plus,” he continued, “I think Katie Stam and Mario Lopez may end up being a package deal, and what struggling sports team couldn’t use A.C. Slater?”
There is not word yet on when Katie Stam will join the Hoosiers, or if she will even be allowed to. One thing is for sure though: having her in the lineup certainly would not appear to decrease the Hoosiers’ chances of getting one Big Ten win this year, but it would at least give Hoosier fans like me something to smile about while mired in the muck of the Kelvin Sampson aftermath.
Photo Credits:
- Top Photo: Ethan Miller / Getty Images
- Bottom Photo: Isaac Brekken / AP
About Jerod Morris
