BCS Declares Palin Winner of Presidential Election, Obama Number 3

As I was listening to the Dallas area sports radio station 1310 The Ticket, the hosts of BaD Radio read a mock story on the BCS rankings for World War II. A quick Googling of the title of the report led me to the results of the BCS rankings for World War II, posted on Bleacherreport.com, with a big win for Germany. Inspired, I wondered what would happen if the BCS were applied to other walks of life, specifically the US election. The results may surprise you.

Sarah Palin Wins Presidential Election, Barack Obama Third

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Sarah Palin to be the winner of the 2008 Presidential Election.

“Palin started with some important early victories beginning with her election as Mayor of Wasilla, and followed with decisive conference wins in the election for Governor of Alaska and the nomination for Vice President. Her only losses came against Katie Couric and Tina Fey, however considering her strength of schedule, the computers determined her season worthy of a true number 1.

When asked about the number 3 ranking for Senator Barack Obama, the BCS commissioner stated “Obama really only had 2 major victories. Those victories were over Hillary Clinton in the Primaries and John McCain in the general election. The BCS computers don’t consider head to head victories like humans do. Those victories are still only viewed as a single game with equal weight to other games.”

President-Elect Sarah Palin commented on her massive upset. “It was tough after those two late losses to Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson, but I defeated Romney for the Vice President nod, and he was ranked as the BCS number 2 in preseason.”

Romney, after the high expectations in the preseason, dropped out of the top 10 and ended up narrowly beating Senator Barney Frank to finish at 11. Senator Frank, who was unable to overcome the shattering losses to the Economic Crisis and Papa Bear Bill O’Reilly, was unable to remain in the top 25.

John McCain’s ranking of 5th has also come under question. The BCS commented “John McCain had a major loss to Senator Barack Obama in early November. If the loss had come earlier in the season, say September, McCain maybe could have recovered, however, similar to Texas Tech, McCain just lost too late in the season.

As expected, Senator Joe Biden finished in the number 2 spot, making him the Vice President of the United States.

For those who missed it, here is the replay of the crucial Franks loss to O’Reilly in week 7.

Authors Note- Obviously, none of this is true, but nevertheless, be thankful that the flawed BCS is only used for college football.



Comments

  1. hilarious

  2. M.J. Laughlin says:

    I bet the BCS computers would predict Glass Joe to defeat Mr. Sandman by TKO in Round 2.

    • Squizz Jorgenson says:

      @M.J. Laughlin, Good to see that someone else loved to play Punch Out as a kid. Oh the memories, but the results from that poll had Soda Popinski first, Tyson Second and Mr. Sandman third. Don’t worry though, Glass Joe is going to the Holiday Bowl.

      • @Squizz Jorgenson,

        I think I’d like to see a Squizz-Palin ticket in 2012.

        And seriously, Barney Frank should change his name to Squizz. He looks like a Squizz.

        • Squizz Jorgenson says:

          @JRod, Don’t ever EVER, say that Barney “Brothel in my House but I don’t know about it” Franks should be called Squizz.

          But no Squizz Palin won’t happen 2012, look for Squizz/Jergens 2016

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