Chicago White Sox: Fans Must Deal With Success of Cubs

10 Ways to Beat the Blue Plague

by Craig Gonciarczyk
With the White Sox just getting swept into second place and the Cubs recently securing home field advantage throughout the NL playoffs (thank you Michael Young!), what are White Sox fans to do if the Cubbies are in and the Pale Hose are left on the outside? What indeed.

1. Relive the 2005 season again and again.
Remember that bunker you had for Y2K, with all the canned goods and bottled water? Time to actually use it. Find your copies of the 2005 World Series (both the short hour long one and complete) and Sox Pride and sit back, relax, and strap it down in the bunker. White Sox win all the time!

2. Move out of the city.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, friends. Indiana isn’t that far away.

3. Confuse ‘em.
What’s one sure fire way to take a Cubs fan out of his element? That’s right. You talk about Cubs baseball! Sure, a few Cubs fans (read: few) may have some knowledge about the history of Cubs baseball. Chances are most fans you run into have never heard of Tinkers to Evers to Chance or “3-finger” Mordecai Brown or Merkle’s Boner. By referencing these past instances of Cubbie success that no one was alive to see, you can both befuddle and piss off may a Cubs fan.

4. Do a “Then and Now” list
Every network covering a Cubs postseason game will undoubtedly regress to this once every game.

“You know, Joe, milk was only 2 cents back in 1908, the last time the Cubs won the World Series.”

Along with talking about the Roosevelt administration (the first Roosevelt, Teddy), most graphics will feature one or two undoubtedly interesting things. But they can’t get ALL the interesting tidbits.
That’s where you come in. List it up!

• Commercial radio hadn’t started yet, let alone television broadcasts.
• Richard Warren Sears retires from his company (no doubt anticipating many more Cubbie championships) to Lake Bluff, IL, only to die 6 years later (incidentally the same year Weeghman Park opened).
• The first Mother’s Day is celebrated.
• The Bureau of Investigation (later the FBI) is founded.

And you could go on!

5. Keep referring to them as the Chicago White Stockings.
Similar to number 3, but much more insulting. For a good 20 years, what would become the Chicago Cubs were the Chicago White Stockings. They were actually quite successful, winning the league six out of those 20 years, with Cap Anson leading the way. Of course a good Cubs fans should already know that.

6. Find some bar that’s having an ought-eight’s night.
Cubs’ fans are everywhere already, might as well get sloshed for a buck.

7. Rock that 2003 Marlins championship shirt you have.
Nothing shows you care about Cub-dom like a Florida Marlins 2003 World Series Championship shirt. Or better yet, a 2003 NL Champs one. And if they accuse you of not being a Cubs’ fan, say you’re supporting Derrek Lee.

8. Repeatedly remind people of 1906.
Yes, the Cubs were good during the early part of the 20th century. Really good. Made the World Series with some regularity, and even played in the Fall Classic three years in a row, 1906-1908, with the Cubs defeating the Detroit Tigers in 1907 and 1908. 1906, however, is the one that matters. A record 116 wins (since tied by the 2002 Seattle Mariners) and the highest winning percentage (.763) in history. A team so stacked with pitching that Jack Taylor, with a 1.83 ERA, did not pitch in the Series. But the White Sox, the “Hitless Wonders,” beat the Cubs 4-2, despite having a team batting average of .230 for the year. 1906 must’ve been a good year to be a Sox fan.

9. Reassure Cubs’ fans that not a lot happened over the last 100 years.
Just 2 World Wars. The A-bomb. TV. Cars. Roads. Radio. Collapse of the Russia government (twice!). Silent movies. Then talkies. Another 4 or so wars involving the US. A Great Depression. Commercial flights. Really nothing at all.

10. The White Sox won in 2005.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Or maybe a hundred years.

Tags: chicago, chicago cubs, Chicago White Sox, MLB

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