NFL: Joe Buck is a Massive Tool | Gus Johnson is Incredible
by Jerod Morris
As Lynyrd Skynyrd once sang, “Oooh, that smell. Can you smell that smell?†I know what I can smell, and for once it isn’t the stench of Grady Sizemore’s female parts since the Cleveland Indians are so waaaaaay far behind the White Sox in the AL Central Standings.
No, that smell is the first wiff of Fall. And Fall means one thing, and one thing only: Football. I could write an entire post about all of the many images, memories, feelings, and pangs of sublime anticipation that rush through every fiber of my being when this glorious time of year rolls around. However, I might crash the server due to the length of the post.
So instead, I will go a different route and highlight one of the few things about football season that I absolutely abhor. There aren’t many, and most of them are so meaningless that they are essentially infinitesimal. But there is one steaming pile of arrogant and monotone nepotism that hangs over the Fall like an unexpected early morning dingleberry carwash. And unfortunately, it hangs over October baseball as well. You all know who I’m talking about:
Joe Buck.
I don’t really want to waste time explaining all of the many reasons why Joe Buck is a tool. We all know them. And everyone has wondered at least once while listening to a Joe Buck broadcast whether he was trying to decide if he’d be having more fun smashing his nuts in a vice or being at the game he was announcing. Joe Buck treats announcing like Joe Sixpack treats his 9-5 warehouse job. Get in, work, get paid, and get out. “Joyless†is probably the most apt word to describe Joe Buck’s announcing style.
Don’t believe me? Listen to Joe Buck’s comments on Colin Cowherd’s radio show. These two megalomaniacal chode ticklers deserve eachother. Awful Announcing (a great blog that is getting added to the Blogroll ASAP) has a great take on this as well.
Case in point, his call of David Tyree’s incredible catch in last year’s Super Bowl. Courtesy of a quick YouTube search, I have the video here for your auditory displeasure:
I mean seriously…was that someone announcing the Super Bowl or reading a phone book? And Troy Aikman isn’t much better. Maybe it’s just because I grew up on Hawk Harrelson homerun calls and Don Fischer going 
apeshit every time Indiana scored a touchdown or made a key basket, but I like a little emotion from my announcers. They don’t have to be obvious homers like Hawk and Fisch, but for goodness sakes you’re at a football game! We’re not reciting Psalms in church here. Give me some emotion!
To provide some perspective, check out another video I found on YouTube when searching for calls of the Patriots-Giants Super Bowl. I don’t know who the hell these guys are…and obviously it was not a real broadcast. But damn, at least they have some emotion!
I’m glad I ended this post on a positive, upbeat note. Remembering that I am going to be force-fed a consistent gag-inducing diet of Joe Buck for the rest of this year was starting to make me a little nauseous.
But enough about Joe Buck the massive tool.
Bring on football! And an announcer who actually seems to be enjoying himself a little bit…
KVB…where did all of the YouTube videos go of Gus Johnson announcing NFL games???
Tags: gus johnson, hawk harrelson, joe buck, NFL
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The worst part about Joe Buck during baseball season is Tim “Mr. Obvious” McCarver. I wish more people would follow Deion Sanders’ lead and dump buckets of ice water on him.
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Gus Johnson is fucking awesome.
That is all.
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Gus Johnson could make a Chess match more interesting than Buck-Futter’s horrible announcing, even in the climax of the Superbowl.
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