I generally enjoy living in Indianapolis. The people are fairly nice. There are 3 or 4 attractive girls in the city and I know my way around by now. But, there is one thing I simply cannot enjoy the Indianapolis Colts.
Here is a touchdown and extra points worth of reasons why:
1. Colts Fans: Easily the most fair-weather fans I have ever come across. I remember going to Colts games in the early nineties in which half the stadium consisted of fans for the other team. Also, Colts fans are almost always complete pussies. Here is a story: Eric Metcalf had just broke out for his usual 50 yard plus TD run to open up the first drive of the game against Indy. Of course, I was celebrating my ass off. The Colts fans wife behind me said, “Sit down my husband is trying to enjoy the game and you’re taunting him okay.” That’s cool you don’t like it but why couldn’t the guy stand up for himself? I WAS 12 YEARS OLD!!!
Colts fans will often look at you in disbelief when you tell them there was a team in Indy before 1999. Well, Colts fans, there was and they were absolutely atrocious. But you didn’t care until they started winning. It is pretty hard to find a Colts fan who knows who Jack Trudeau is (and not just because he serves alcohol to minors).
2. The Irsay Family: They gutlessly moved the team in middle of night in 1984, robbing one of the best football cities in the league of their favorite team. Johnny Unitas still referred to himself as a Baltimore Colt until the day he died and even put it in his will. At least when Art Modell moved the Browns he had the decency to let them keep their awesome name and sweet color scheme. This move set the precedent for dickhead owners to pull moves like this.
3. You are a Baltimore fan: As a Browns fan I hate you sure. But, I also feel your pain because I too know the pain of being robbed of my favorite football team. At least the Cleveland franchise moved to a city who had heard of football before. (Did you know that they had to move the first ever Colts game in the dome to 3 p.m. from 1 p.m. because they had to allow for people to get out of church in Indianapolis and a lot of the fans showed up in suits and ties to the game?…WTF!!…Football is church!!!)
4. You are a Cleveland Browns fan: Indy takes the Colts, Baltimore takes the Browns who’s really to blame here? (see number 2)
5. They play inside: Don’t kid yourself Peyton Manning is going to complain and have the roof closed on Lucas Oil stadium every time there is a drop of rain or even a little bit of wind what a crybaby pussy.
6. You are a New England Patriots fan: Is it really a rivalry?….really? The Colts have won 4 of the last 11 meetings between these two clubs. They have only beaten the Patriots once in the playoffs, and that took a miracle comeback. The Patriots have won every other playoff match up. That is, when the Colts could even get far enough in the playoffs to play the Patriots.
New England: 3 Super Bowl Championships; 4 AFC Championships
Indianapolis: 1 Super Bowl Championship; 1 AFC Championship
That’s not a rivalry…that’s an ass-beating.
7. And finally, Female Colts Fans: Nothing says fall in Indianapolis like pink Manning jerseys and jean shorts kill me. I think Russell knows what I’m talking about.
So can anyone think of any other reasons to hate the Colts?